Dinner Date
by castlefan6
Summary: This is my AU version to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice.
1. Chapter 1

Dinner Date

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice._

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 1**

**Previously Courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com**

**INT - TWELFTH PRECINCT WORKROOM**

_**DEMMING has fashioned together a date situation. They have Chinese takeout, but he's lit a candle for ambiance. BECKETT can't hide her smile.**_

**"This food's amazing. Where did you get it from?"**

**"Hung's China Sea." Demming replies**

**"Oh, get out. Hung's doesn't deliver."**

**"Well, he delivers to me. **

_**(She gives him a look) **_**Mr. Hung had this medal- a 15th-century Chinese medal, Ming Dynasty. It was passed down through the generations, right? Well, last year it was stolen along with some cash and some kitchen appliances and whatnot. The only thing that mattered to Mr. Hung was the medal. So, I got it back for him. And because I delivered, now so does he."**

**"Really? Hmm. Well, then maybe I should get you to figure out why our victim was carrying a backpack full of cash."**

**"Well, maybe you should. You know, I got some guys on the street. If you want, I can put out feelers, see if anybody knows anything."**

**"Yeah, sure."**

_**RYAN and ESPOSITO open the door.**_

**"Excuse me, Detectives. "Espo says**

**"Hey, guys." Kate replies trying to hide her annoyance**

**"Wow. Nice candle. "**

_**She smirks at them.**_

**"Come on in. What'd you find?" Clearly showing her irritation**

**ESPOSITO  
Well, we checked the sign-in log at that building where Jennifer Wong dropped off Wolf.**

**BECKETT  
Mm-hmm.**

****************************************************************************/**

Realizing they were messing up a private moment, Ryan pulls his partner back, "this will wait Beckett, Sorry to bother you."

Tom and Kate resume their small talk with the flirty banter going back and forth all through dinner, till about 30 minutes later, just as they were about to kiss, the door flies open again with a breathless Castle exclaiming "**I know who the Killer is**" all excited.

"And who might that be Nancy Drew?" Tom says clearly annoyed by the writer's presence.

"Yeah Castle who's the killer, and don't say some Spy or I'll personally throw you out this window", usually said with humor but there was venom in her voice tonight.

Rick goes through the scenarios as he has written the murder stories out for each of the possible suspects, and as he explains that it's the half-brother, Tom sneers and begins to laugh.

"You base your conclusion the victim was murdered by his own family by your writing your play stories?" Tom laughs

"It's far fetched to say the least Castle, what was the motive if the brother killed him?" Kate spews not happy that her dinner was once again interrupted.

"I didn't get that far in the process, I wanted to share the news like we used to do, but I'm sorry to interrupt you. I didn't know you were on a Dinner Date." Rick says quietly as he begins to back out the door and leave the two for their hanky panky, even as much as it was killing him to do so.

"Put it on the board Castle as possible, I don't think you're right, but we can check it out once the solid leads go cold"

"You've got to be kidding Kate? I'd bet a year's salary that this is just a plot of a book Nancy Drew has been thinking about writing" Tom jeers

Rick was used to the barbs from the Robbery Detective, it had become the norm over the last several weeks, what he wasn't expecting was the reaction from Kate,

She laughed, loud, long and sincerely. "Maybe you're right Tom, but like I said once the solid leads are gone, we can check it, but it does sound more like Castles book than a viable suspect."

Rick backed out, slowly and quietly closing the door. He knows neither were aware he left, and the way they were looking at each other, doubted if either cared if he was alive or dead. They seemed to only have eyes for each other.

He had walked about 10 blocks before he realized, that this had to stop, for his own mental health, if nothing more. He had his share of heartaches, but this situation of hot one day, thrown in the trash the next, type of treatment was new to him. He hadn't felt such rejection since his youth in boarding schools, always the new kid, always the oddball who never fit in.

The pattern repeated over and over till he met Damian Westlake and learned how to write, truly write like a published author would. Suddenly it didn't matter what others said about him, especially after his first best seller and all the perks, girls included, that came with his new status. Suddenly the oddball no one wanted to associate with, was the envy of all the popular kids, male and female.

The pain he felt as a youth was just as real years later, even as popular as he was, he wasn't insulated from hurt, especially from matters of the heart. Demming's words rang in his head, over and over, but what hurt the most was the laugh, that distinctive and usually lovely sound of Kate Beckett's laughter. Each replay seemed more painful than the last.

He looked up and found himself at the entrance of the park, a place he often visited as a youth, the loner who spent most of his childhood alone. As he walked, he thought what actions would be the appropriate ones.

His intentions were not to hurt anyone, but it had become clear to him that he truly was just someone Beckett tolerated because of orders. His connections got him into the station, but that didn't mean it could help him crack the armor that the Detective seemed to have surrounded any sense of a heart she had. She had feelings for the Robbery Detective, so the gentlemanly thing to do was step away and allow them to be happy.

He had considered the offer of taking over a certain British Spy series in the last few weeks, but had felt he was needed here, that he truly was making a difference in his home city. Now, he knows that perhaps it was just the opposite, maybe he did get in the way and cost the team valuable time. He had been told repeatedly by Beckett, Esposito, and most recently Demming that he wasn't a cop, that he didn't understand, and things were different from their side of the badge.

He recalled the discussion he had with Alexis when the overtures of the offer first surfaced, he would need to spend at least 6 months, perhaps longer in England, but could take as many trips home as he wanted, as long as he was current with the deadlines for the book.

Alexis was excited, and now that she was a Senior, he barely saw his little girl anymore anyway. She came out and told him that it was time for him to find someone and make himself happy, plus there was nothing stopping her from coming over to England, it would earn her extra credit and also let her see the culture before she had to make a final decision between Stanford and Oxford Universities.

Rick thought long and hard, was there anything else keeping him here in New York, and if he were being honest, he had to say **NO**. Anything that needed attention could be done so remotely, his property management team could look after the loft, even if he had to hire a Senior Sitter for Martha, to keep her from going completely crazy with power.

Alexis would be here, and as she said, it was just an 8-10-hour flight to reach him, shorter in time than some stops on his book tours. He had sandbagged Gina, the next Heat book was complete, well it would need revisions, but it was done and the final Heat Book was over 60% complete, now that he knew which direction to take the characters he could knock it out in less than a week.

He would start his lawyers negotiating the end of his contract with Black Pawn. He was free contractually to write for anyone under any name but Richard Castle until his contract was completed at Black Pawn, so using the phantom author name Ian Fleming suited him just fine for the first three books the contract provided for.

He had to admit, it was a hell of a lot of money and perks they were offering, so why not? He could write and recover from a broken heart at the same time. He would talk to Alexis when he got home, but unless something big could block it, this was his course of action. He had to admit it felt better to at least have a plan, and he wasn't running away from Beckett, he was running to an opportunity of a life time, now if his heart would only believe it.

He made his way home, stopping to buy a special pizza, Alexis's favorite, from her favorite pizza shop, to open the conversation with. As he opened the Loft door, his daughter was coming out of the kitchen,

"Hey Dad, we were starting to get worried, I called Detective Beckett said you left hours ago, something on your mind, you look like you've been through one of those mental wrestling tournaments again"

"Well actually there is, remember the offer for that particular British Agent, I've been thinking I would like to do it after all. I know we talked about it before, but I want to make sure you're still OK with it.

"Of course, Dad, provided it's what YOU want to do, what changed your mind, I mean you thought you were needed here"

"Well apparently my opinion was just that, an opinion, Beckett has teamed up with Demming from Robbery, both professionally and personally so it seems I really am a third wheel for sure."

"I'm sorry Daddy, I know you care for her, but really do you want to keep getting your heart broken by someone I really doubt knows how to love anyone. I'm sorry that sounds rude coming from a High School Senior, but, really Dad, I see you hurting, it's time, **Move On**, please."

"You're right Pumpkin, as usual, and I can't do that being here, I'll get sucked right back into her web the minute she needs me. Enough, time to think of me, I'll make the arrangements if you're sure. You know you can't tell anyone where I am or what I'm doing, even your Grams, I'm afraid of too much liquor will sink my ship.

Only you and Paula will know so I am trusting you both. I can't give out my cell number to anyone, not even Gina, so if she needs to get in touch with me, have her call the burner cell and leave a message. I can't think of anything she would need to discuss that wouldn't involve Paula anyway."

"Daddy, what about your friends at the 12th, I mean there's more than Beckett there, is there any message you want me to tell them?"

"Well, I plan on letting Roy know first by phone, then a special delivered letter, and also sending gift cards to them all, thanking them for their help. As far as Espo or Ryan, no, they're Kate's friends, not mine. Roy will know all he needs to know when I'm finished with the letter."

"How about Uncle Bob, are you going to tell him, or should I just play that you're on a fact-finding mission for your next series of books, and play dumb from there?"

"As much as I hate to lie, I think that's a good plan Pumpkin, thank you. Let me know when you want to come over for your first visit, hopefully your Grams will be on tour, and you won't have to explain to her where you're going."

"Got that covered already Daddy, I told her we may take a field trip to Europe, but if we go, it had to be on the Down Low because other students would revolt and cause problems. I told her I would leave her a note a date I would be home, not to worry and you had already approved it."

"Thanks Sweetie, well I have some work to do, letters to write and I need to call Paula and my legal team. Interrupt me if you need me but looks like I will be locked away for the night. If you're home and your Grams comes home, do your best to keep her away from the office, I know she listens in when she can try to find out the scoop."

"I will Daddy, and Dad, I know this is going to be hard but like you said, you'll never get over her as long as you are here, she's got you under her spell. I'm proud of you Daddy, it'll be OK, you'll see."

"Thanks Baby, now get some rest, I love you."

TBC

A/N Dates, Ages, and some events have been manipulated to fit this story and thanks to JC, for the prompt,

While Beckett and Demming were eating Chinese takeout at Beckett's desk as in the show, Castle comes rushing in. Castle knew who the killer is. Unfortunately, Castle was not expecting to see Beckett and Demming having a "dinner date". Nonetheless, Castle explains who the killer is while he was agonizingly feeling pain within him. The following early morning Castle calls Roy Montgomery at the precinct and says something came up and he will no longer be able to come to the precinct. For Roy to just tell the boys and Beckett.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **This is my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice._

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 2**

**Previously**

"_You're right Pumpkin, as usual, and I can't do that being here, I'll get sucked right back into her web the minute she needs me. Enough, time to think of me, I'll make the arrangements if you're sure. You know you can't tell anyone where I am or what I'm doing, even your Grams, I'm afraid of too much liquor will sink my ship. _

_Only you and Paula will know so I am trusting you both. I can't give out my cell number to anyone, not even Gina, so if she needs to get in touch with me, have her call the burner cell and leave a message. I can't think of anything she would need to discuss that wouldn't involve Paula anyway."_

_*************************************************************************************/_

**Castle's Office**

**Latter Same Day**

Rick opened his laptop, and quickly came up with a check list to insure he didn't miss a step in the process. First thing was to contact Paula and make sure the offer was still valid, everything else depended upon that.

He pulled up his office phone, hit speaker, and dialed Paula's number. After three rings, she answered, "Paula Haas here, how can I help you?"

"Hey Paula, it's Rick, when was the last time you spoke to the agents managing the next three books of that Certain British Agent? I was wondering if the offer was still open, or did I miss the window?"

"Ricky, you must have ESP or something, I just got a telegram increasing the offer by 20% for the initial offer, and adding a 40% bonus if the books hits the NY Times Best Seller, I was going to call you, since this is serious money now Ricky, far more than you've ever gotten from Black Pawn."

"Paula, Call them, don't telex or wire them, Call them then follow up with my acceptance. I have to get Clive working on the Black Pawn Contract to void it after this book, as our clause reads."

"You're serious Ricky? I mean I know you had your heart stuck here in New York, but if you're serious, I'll be on the phone as soon as we hang up. Ricky, you know that this will have to be done as a Ghost Writer under Ian Fleming name, right?"

"Yeah Paula, and I need you to keep this whole deal quiet, things are going to get sticky, maybe ugly and the less you know the better. You and Alexis are the only ones who know the truth, so **PLEASE** keep it as confidential as you always do"

"What are you going to do about the last Heat Novel Ricky? I mean it's not impossible to write two is it?"

"Between us, it's done, needs revisions but the frame is there, plus I have a bonus book if my Attorneys need it, I'll give them a two book buyout clause, I need to get the wheels in motion as soon as possible. I want to be in England before Memorial Day here."

"I can make that happen Ricky, I may need to make a trip there myself, do you mind if I tag along your first flight, you know how I feel about you, but it's up to you"

Paula braced herself for the typical response but was shocked when Rick responded,

"It'd be nice to have a friendly face, especially one as pretty as yours the first week or so I'm there, not promising anything Paula, and you know how I feel, but yeah, make the arrangements for both of us and let me know OK?"

"I'll call you later Ricky, gotta run to make some arrangements, Bye,"

Next on the list were the lawyers, Rick held a conference call with his General Counsel, as well as his publishing attorney, and the plan was put into place. They would notify Black Pawn that he was exercising his buyout clause, and if a release could be secured within three weeks, Rick would agree to a two book buy out, rather than the one if he gave 60 days' notice.

He thought for a few minutes, then muttered to himself, "Oh what the Hell"

He pulled his cell phone out and dialed his ex-wife and publisher Gina Cowell.

"Gina Cowell's office, Melanie speaking, how can I help you?"

"This is Rick Castle; can you see if I can talk to Gina please?"

"Sure thing Rick, can you hold please?"

"Hi Rick, Please don't tell me you're going to be late with the next chapters, I've had a hell of a day, and this would just send it over the top"

"OK I won't tell you that. How close are you to wrapping up your day?"

"About an Hour or so, why? What do you have in mind?"

"Well there's a lot of moving parts and things are happening at such a pace, I want to be sure you get the entire story, from the horse's ass, or mouth,"

He hears her giggle, then "Rick, are you, Alexis, and Martha OK? Don't lie to me please"

"Oh we're fine, I just thought I would like to meet you for a drink, dinner if you're up to it and talk, you know like we used to do before life got in the way"

"Rick, you're scaring me, please tell me the truth, are you OK?"

"I swear Gina, I just want to do something the right way for a change with you, are you free for dinner, I have a table at LeCirc I can meet you at, if that's OK?"

"OK Rick, I'll see you in an hour, and you better be telling me the truth, I still care about you all, even if you don't believe me." As the phone disconnects.

Rick takes a deep sigh, he may regret meeting with Gina, but she had shared his life, his dreams, his future for a while, and being truthful it wasn't her that broke them, it was him.

Next on the list was the call and letter to Roy, well he was gone for the day by now, and chicken shit as it was, a voice mail would have to do. He dialed Roy's private direct office number and got the standard greeting, "You've reached Captain Roy Montgomery, 12th precinct, leave a message with a call back number at the beep,"

"Roy, I had hoped to reach you before you left for the day, I'm sorry to have to do this via voice mail. Things have come up, I won't be returning to the precinct anymore, so please tell those I worked with I appreciate all they did to help me. I'll follow up with a written letter for your files and to satisfy HR requirements, also there will be a number of gift cards for everyone with some special gifts for those I worked close with. Unfortunately, this is it, my cell has been disconnected, I'm off for a new mission. Thank you for everything Cap, take care of yourself and stay safe, it's been an honor Sir."

Rick opens a new Word Document and types with a frenzy,

"Dear Captain Montgomery,

Once again, I apologize for the cowardly departure, I wish I could explain but conditions prevent that. Please know I truly appreciate what you and your entire team did over the last two years to tolerate, assist, and finally to some degree accept me as your token pain in the ass. As I said in the voice mail, I can't talk to you, my phones are disconnected and my family doesn't even know where I am or what I'm doing, sorry but it has to stay this way.

There were a lot of good times, some memories I'll cherish the rest of my life, others well I'll just say some days I wish I had never embarked on this journey, or ever written Nikki Heat. You can tell everyone the series will be ending soon, watch the news for the exact date as we complete the negotiations. I'm sorry it was such a burden on everyone, especially Detective Beckett, it was not my intention to make her life difficult. Royalties for the last book will be donated to the Widows and Orphans fund to attempt to make up for the hardship I have caused.

The old saying there is no gain without pain, well evaluating it now, the pain was far too much, the sacrifices far too great, and the loss of time with those I love to spend time with those I considered friends, only to find I was nothing more than a requirement they were forced to accept. For the hardship I placed on them, I apologize. There is a separate shipment of gift cards for the entire precinct, as well as some special gifts for those who suffered the most.

I know we closed a lot of cases, I used to think I had some role in that, but lately I have been reminded constantly that I'm not a cop, not by one but by multiple sources. I finally took heed and listened, I'm not a cop so perhaps they were right, the closures were in spite of not because of anything I did to assist.

I wish you and the entire precinct the very best of luck, and hope you'll stay safe each day, Please contact Ms. Paula Haas at the numbers below if there are any issues or you need to contact me for anything, expect delays of up to a few days,

Thanks for Everything,

Castle

_PS. When Beckett admits she has hit the wall with her case, have her look into the step-brother, I told her and got jeered out of the office by her and Demming but I'd bet you a case of your favorite spirits he is the man. Good Luck_

He quickly addressed the envelope called the front desk and asked Eduardo to insure the courier service picked the letter up for delivery Monday to Roy Montgomery, signature required by him only upon receipt.

Checking the task list, he was almost complete, now he had to grab a quick shower and meet Gina at LeCirc in an hour. It was funny how little things would jog your mind, as he showered, he wondered how would the water pressure be in England, how was the housing, and would he really be happy there all alone. Well too late now, he had already gone too far to back out now.

Just as he finished dressing his phone pinged with an incoming text, it was from Paula, his new phone would be hand delivered tomorrow, one of the perks of being rich.

"Ricky, It's a GO for that certain BA, working on our itinerary now, Gina called me worried guess you two are having dinner, please watch yourself, you know how I feel about you, Not saying anything else, but remember we have a lot at stake,

Talk to you soon,

PH"

Of course, Gina would call Paula, but not for the reasons Paula thought, Rick knew Gina still loved him, Alexis and even Martha. He also knew that the failure of the marriage rested in his lap, no others. Gina at least deserved to know as much as he could tell her, she would be a nervous wreck regardless but hopefully this would help reassure her.

Rick arrived at LeCirc 10 minutes early, and Gina had already been seated, and was working on her first Mai Tai, guess she really did have a bad day today. As he walked toward her, he realized just how beautiful a woman she was. More than beauty, she was stunning. She spotted him from across their private room, and almost ran to him pulling him into a hug.

"Rick, level with me, I even swallowed my pride and called Paula, what the hell is going on, and are you sure you are well? **PLEASE**, if you loved me for even one second, please tell me the truth," as tears spilled from her eyes.

Rick takes her into his arms, and consoles her, neither spot the paparazzi at the entrance of their private entrance, and by the time he gets her to the table and consoled there are plenty of shots, including one where she is kissing him on the cheek and getting mostly lip.

"Gina, I swear to you, I am fine, Alexis and Mother are fine. I wanted to meet with you first to say I'm sorry, I never realized how badly I hurt you, and for that I ask you to forgive me. Next, Legal will be talking to you, and I di*"

"Rick, I don't give a damn about the books, Nikki Heat, real or fictional, legal told me you were severing your contract but no other details. I want you to know it was never about the books, it was always about you, and I'm sorry I've been such a bitch about your new love, I know I've made it harder for you, and I'm truly sorry."

"Hey, hang on, now You never made it harder, and you've never been a bitch, nag, yes bitch no" as her tears stop, and a smile crosses her face. "Second, there is no new love, Beckett is hooked up with a real cop from Robbery, so the story has found it's natural ending, see how that worked out, and you didn't bother it. It's me who has done things to drive you crazy, I'm sorry to make you call two or three times before I send the chapters, tha*"

"Unnecessary to talk to me, yeah, Alexis told me you had chapters done but held them back to make me call you, all you had to do was pick up the phone if you wanted to talk. I forgave you a long time, I can't say I stopped loving you because I didn't, and I won't apologize for it."

"When did you talk to Alexis? I mean you have every right too, she's your step daughter, and I*"

"Rick, you raised that young lady right, she picked up on one of my calls to you that I was very depressed, so she called me a few times, then invited me to lunch, well one lunch became a standing date and my shrink told me she helped me tremendously"

"Oh Gina, I feel like an Ass, I never knew, Alexis never said a word, I'm so sorry, I have hurt you again," Gina looks as tears pool in Rick's eyes, and she can't take his hurt.

"Hey, stop that, You weren't responsible for that, well not all of it Rick. I was pretty set in my ways so to say either of us were flexible would be overstating things. I'm sorry too Rick. I won't ask what you're doing, but please let me know you're OK, even through Paula, I will call her to find out your condition if I have to,"

"Alexis can update you, I'll give her the green light when I get home, and no I'm not angry she's seeing you, in fact just the opposite, I'm extremely proud of her. She loves you, and took the divorce very hard but I guess she couldn't talk about it with me, some Cool Dad I turned out to be eh?"

"Richard Castle stop that this minute, you may be a lot of things, one of those is the best damn father I have ever seen, your daughter loves you so much, how could I keep from loving her too. No piece of paper can break that Rick, and I'm thankful she reached out, she really called at a bad time, I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't had her to look forward to seeing each week."

"Well Gina, PLEASE know this has nothing to do with you, I need to go another route to, well I need to I*"

"Rick you can say it, you need to get Kate out of your heart, I wish you well. I love you still, God knows I tried to hate you, to dislike you, and finally not to feel so damn in love with you like some high school girl every time I see you.

I fume every time I see you with another woman, and before you ask, the women you are with for Black Pawn are controlled, either bribed or threatened if they touch you. I know how you must hurt, if as you say she has someone who has connected with her like God knows you tried."

"Yeah, I guess I really made an Ass out of myself sometimes, sometimes I wonder what the hell happened to my pride, I mean, what the hell does she have on me?"

"You're not the only one thinking that Rick, I tried to please you in every way, I really did, I mean I'm glad we weren't together when you met her, I don't think I could have taken being rejected for her"

"Hey, Gina, you know me, you know how I feel about cheating, and I promise you, I never did nor would I ever cheat on you, I know how badly that hurts first hand"

"Oh Rick, I'm so sorry, I forgot about Meredith, Please forgive me"

"Nothing to forgive Gina, as he kisses her gently, it was a long time ago, the hurt is gone, sometimes the anger flares back up then I have to remember, she gave me the greatest gift I could ever have, my pumpkin."

"Rick if you would let Alexis just let me know if you're happy or if there's anything I can do, God I'm gonna miss you so much and you haven't even left yet." As the tears pour out once again. Once again Rick consoles her, and the Paparazzi has moved to a better spot, this time capturing the kiss, even if it was brief, it was heartfelt between the two ex-spouses.

"I'll miss you too Gina, when I can I'll try to call you, it'll be a while I'm sure but I'll provide a burner cell to you via Alexis so when I call, it'll be between just us, there's a lot at stake for more than me in this.

For the record, I love you too, I just wish we had fallen deeper in love with each other, but I take responsibility for the marriage failing, that's on me. Please, it's late but I am sorry for all the hurt I caused you, please believe me."

"Rick, you don't have to tell me anything, but from the sound of your voice, and knowing you like I do, I take it you will be gone soon, am I right?"

All Rick could do was hang his head and nod,

"Can you do me one favor, please, can you spend the night with me, no monkey business as you call it, I just would love to be held by you once more, I understand if y*"

The kiss this time was more than accidental, it was intentional and answered Gina's question. They had their meals boxed to go, as Rick called the Car Service to take them home.

"The loft or your place? Where would you like to go?"

"Can we go to the Loft, one last time, the last time I was there I didn't leave on such good terms and I'm sorry."

As they enter the loft, the Paparazzi gets his last shots of the night, as Rick assists Gina out of the limo, kisses her on the cheek and walks toward the elevator with his arm around her, she responds by laying her head on his shoulder and wraps her arm around him as well.

Rick spots him but it's too late, "Gina, hate to tell you but we'll be in the paper tomorrow, I'm sorry"

"I'm not, Not in the least, but you better call Paula, she'll think I staged it in my plan to get you back," she smiles,

"I'll call her when we get upstairs," as they pause, this time the kiss is jointly initiated and neither seem to care about pictures, press or anyone else,

TBC

A/N Had a few reviews saying the story wasn't for them, Thanks for trying it, as I said it was a request, and I'm doing my best to make it what she wants. I will say this, be careful assuming you know how the story is going to play out, and as for the characters, I will remind you, this is AU, keep you hate for them in Canon please.


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner Date

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice._

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 3**

**Previously**

_Rick spots him but it's too late, "Gina, hate to tell you but we'll be in the paper tomorrow, I'm sorry"_

"_I'm not, Not in the least, but you better call Paula, she'll think I staged it in my plan to get you back," she smiles, _

"_I'll call her when we get upstairs," as they pause, this time the kiss is jointly initiated and neither seem to care about pictures, press or anyone else, _

_******************************************************************************************/_

A/N Lots of Guests, no surprise there, knocking the tie in with Gina, first, it's my story, you want one your way, write it, second, it was a request from a reader, trying to write to honor her request, also Gina **Was his wife**, and news for some of you, she will always be a part of his life, good bad or indifferent, No one is hooking up with anyone, I love how the peanut gallery has gotten this story all complete and even I don't know where it's going completely. Also no one is bashing Kate, see the reviews, AU is ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, forget what you saw on TV, if it's not in my story, it didn't happen.

**Castles Loft**

**An Hour Later**

Gina is still wrapped around Rick with her head on his shoulder as they enter the loft and fall onto the sofa. Finally, after a long cry, Rick comforting her when he can, Gina composes herself enough to whisper,

"You better call Paula Rick, she's gonna blame me no matter what but better to have it in the open tonight."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll call from here unless it would upset you, then I can go to the office,"

"Rick, can you call from here, please? I don't care what she thinks, I just want to be around you as much as I can, sounds like a desperate old housewife I know, but can we spend this time together, please? You don't even have to kiss me, just hold me OK?"

"Sure Gina, I understand and you're not old, or desperate. You're just as lovely as you were the day we married, maybe more so now that I can appreciate what beauty is."

"You always know what to say don't you, why is our timing so bad Rick, it just doesn't seem fair?"

"I know Gina, but let me call Paula, get that over with and then we can talk all night while I hold you if you wish,"

He pulls his cell out and hits a speed dial button, "Hey Paula, I'm with Gina, and some creep was hiding and got some shots, What, Hell NO, let them run, I just wanted to give you the heads up. Be on the lookout for the usual, anything to do with her private life, or my family, Paula, I didn't call to hear your input or your I told you take care of it like I pay you to do, and stay out of my personal business, understand, Good" as he disconnects the call.

"Sorry about that Gina, she's got some idea that you'd do anything to get back with me"

Gina looked up at him through tears, "She's not wrong Rick, but I didn't do this tonight, I would admit it if I set a trap for you"

"I know, it was me who invited you remember?"

"Yeah I remember, you scared the hell out of me, I thought you were dying, or something was wrong with Alexis, I mean how many times have you ever called me at work to invite me to dinner, even when we were married?"

Rick holds his head low for a moment, then looks out the window, "You're right Gina, I was worse to you than Meredith was to me, at least with her it was a clean I'm outta here but with us, I gave you just enough to keep you hanging on, hoping, wishing, praying I would change, I'm sorry, more sorry than I can express, now I can see how badly I really did hurt you, God, Please forgive me."

"Rick, Rick, **RICK**, Look at me, I forgave you a long time ago, how about forgiving yourself, you didn't do it to be hurtful, I know that now." As she gently takes his face and turns toward her. She gently pulls him to her with his head on her shoulder, as she kisses his temple gently. "Oh Rick, you can't fix the world sweetie, and no one is perfect, stop being so hard on yourself, please?"

They sit there for a while, well Alexis covered them with the throw when she came in, and found the two sitting on the couch, head to head gently breathing, as they were lost in sleep. It might be the last good nights sleep Gina would get for quite a while, She couldn't tell her Dad that Gina was still crazy about him, not without letting it out she was still seeing her Step Mother for weekly lunches.

Gina woke feeling the comfortable arm around her she had missed for so long. She listened to his breathing, remembering the days when they would lie in bed for hours, just making love and falling asleep together, how did it go so bad, so fast. She thought she had to wake him, he would be all stiff in the position he was in, when she heard his voice quietly say,

"Yeah, I really missed this too, I'm so sorry Gina I know I keep saying it but what a fool I was, am. "

"Hey, we talked about this, right, forgive yourself Rick, I'm not hurt anymore, just lonesome for the old days. The big difference now is I want your happiness over mine, so if Kate makes you happy, go for it and I'll step aside." As tears fill her eyes.

"Gina, there's no Kate, how can you continue to love someone who doesn't acknowledge you're even alive some days, I mean*"

"It's hard, I know, but how much do you love her Rick? Enough to change your whole life going to someplace God knows where just so you can get away. What about those that do love you Rick, what about Alexis, me, your Mother? I don't understand it, but if this is what you need, just know, I love you, and I'll be here when you come back, if that's what you want."

"Gina, I can't make any promises, and I won't ask you to put your life on hold any longer for me, you're young, beautiful and you have needs, and you need someone to love you as much as you give love. That might be me some day, but I don't know. I wish I did, God how I wish I knew how this was going to work out, but I won't hurt you anymore if I can help it."

Gina got a sad look on her face as tears filled her eyes, "I understand, and if this is what you feel you have to do, I support you, I haven't a fucking clue what it is I am supporting, but if you need it, I support it"

Rick leaned over and kissed her forehead, "Thanks Gina, that means a lot, I'll tell you when I can, I promise"

A thump is heard at the front door, as Rick glances at the clock, 5:30 AM, the morning paper. "Want me to get it Rick, I'm sure you're dying to see what they printed this time, but honestly, it doesn't matter to me, not one bit."

Gina is back with the paper as Rick starts a pot of coffee, and heats a tea pot for Gina, he still has her special blend of tea she loves so much. She recognizes the package immediately,

"So how old is the tea, since our divorce or did you just happen to go to the specialty shop on 5th Ave, the only place in the city that carries the brand, just because?"

"OK you got me, I happened to order it last week, I was going to send it to your office, then this came up, and I figured you deserved an opportunity to discuss it face to face. I know I have failed in many ways, but I didn't want to take the coward's way out when it came to you."

Gina has opened the paper to the entertainment section of the paper and there they are a full page devoted to how Rick Castle is reuniting with his ex-wife number 2. It took almost a quarter of a page before Gina was mentioned by name, but the shots were all rather good for a Paparazzi. Rick noticed her mood change and thought he had said or done something,

"Gina, did I screw up and hurt your feelings with something I said, I mean I*"

"No Rick, it's not you, no matter how hard I try, I will always be labeled the Gold Digger, the Ex, or Blood Sucking Ex, it took the paper almost half a page to even mention my name, then they spelled it wrong to boot"

Rick looked at her, then started laughing, softly, then louder and louder, "you know what you sound like don't you"

Gina pauses then laughs "Oh My God, I do don't I, God I hated that fucking doll you got Alexis, all it did was laugh like some moron all day" now both were laughing so hard they didn't hear Alexis come down the stairs to get ready for school.

"Hey Dad, Gina, what's so funny,"

"Good morning Pumpkin, just a memory of a fight we had, it was so stupid, and now we can laugh about it, but just in case take a quick peek at these pictures, in case your friends say anything"

"I'm sorry Alexis, it was my fault, I mea*"

"What my Dad can't kiss my Step Mom, what's the big deal, and whose business is it any way, but I hope you gave Paula a heads up, she's going to go nuts" Alexis smiles

"You're not upset Alexis?" Gina asked,

"About what, Dad kissing you, DUH, you were married, and I think you did more than that once upon a time" she giggled,

Gina threw a pillow at her as she continued to laugh,

"Hey I got to get to school, as she came around kissed Rick then pulled Gina in for a hug, and a kiss on the cheek, whispering, "We'll get through this, we just have to let him get her out of his system"

"I know Sweetie, Thank You,"

**Becketts Apartment**

**Same Morning**

Kate was up early even though she had the weekend off, she couldn't sleep. Something seemed off to her, but she just couldn't put her finger on it. She had showered and started the coffee when she heard the thud of the paper hit the door, giving the pervert who delivered them enough time to leave her floor, she opened the door carefully and grabbed the paper returning quickly to her apartment.

Locked and secure she now felt comfortable, she spread the paper on the table as she grabbed her first cup of coffee and returned. Skipping ahead to the Entertainment Section, she froze, there he was, and who was he with, it was, NO, GINA, What the Fuck did he think he was doing?

She continued reading under the byline that read Could it be 2nd times the Charm with Richard Castle and his ex-wife number two, Gina Castle Cowell? Sources who saw the couple out last evening would bet money there is more going on than discussions about books or alimony checks. From the pictures here, we would have to agree. Paula Haas, Publicist for Mr. Castle returned a No Comment when asked if there were any truth to the rumors that a reconciliation was in the works.

She also gave the same response to the question about if there had been any romantic link between NYPD Homicide Detective and Muse for Mr. Castle's Nikki Heat Series Katherine Beckett and Mr. Castle. Based on our observation I think it's safe to say the Detective is a muse, nothing more since there has never been a sighting of the two anywhere but other than a professional setting.

Kate turned the TV on, if anyone had the scoop it would be TMZ, those vultures always seemed to know. As she turned the volume up, she heard the announcer say,

Ms. Haas became quite upset when a reporter posed the question if there was any truth to the rumor that Mr. Castle would be ending the Nikki Heat Series early, forgoing the last 4 books on his contract with Black Pawn. "Where the hell do you get your information, Mr. Castle will tell you when the Heat Series is ending, currently there is no further comment"

"Ms. Haas, that's not a denial, so is it a possibility" shouted another reporter, then Paula's No Comment sounded as she went out of sight.

Kate dropped her coffee cup, Ending the Heat Series? Why? Just when she was getting used to having the pain in the ass around, he was going to bail on her and leave her with, with what, she thought, Demming? A Castle substitute because she didn't have the courage to tell him the truth. This can't be happening, it just can't what the hell was he thinking.

She suddenly couldn't stay in the apartment, grabbing her phone, badge and gun, she quickly changed into her running gear and headed out. She needed to clear her head, and running was always her best option. As she ran, she kept thinking why would Rick want to end the Heat Books? Then a question came from within "Why Not Kate, what support have you given him, especially of late."

He had to know she didn't mean half the things she said, she was just, what, OH GOD, she let Tom and Espo tee off on Castle, even when he came to her with a possible solution to a case where they had gotten no where with, despite Tom's claims that he had it almost solved. The more she ran, the clearer picture she got, not the one from her end dishing it out, but from Rick's Point of View, and it wasn't pretty.

**Paula Haas Office**

**11:45 AM Saturday**

Paula had worked out two different itineraries for Rick to approve, one had them leaving New York tomorrow at 2:00 PM with a direct flight to London arriving at 10:15 PM. The seats were first class for both options. Option 2 was leaving Tuesday at 10:35 AM arriving London at 6:45 PM, if he wanted to leave any later it would be at least a week before anything opened up in First Class. She hated to call, especially knowing that Gina was probably still with him, but she could only hold the tickets for 2 hours before she would lose the option,

She dialed his new cell, and on the second ring, she heard him answer, "Hi Paula, glad you're trying out the new cell before we leave, what's up so early for you."

"First, it's not early Ricky, second, glad the phones arrived and were what you wanted, and last, when do you want to blow this popcorn stand? We have two options, tomorrow at 2:00 or wait till Tuesday at 10:35 AM, I just have to confirm within the hour so we can keep first class status."

Without a second or hesitation Rick said firmly, "Book tomorrow's flights and send me the itinerary. As of now NO ONE gets the new Cell Phone unless I authorize it, all communication to go through Alexis, she knows who to channel it too. **ABSOLUTELY No Contact with ANYONE at the 12****th**** precinct,** send the gifts tomorrow before we leave for Monday delivery.

"Got it Rick, I'll see you tomorrow, I assume you are taking the car service, so I'll see you there."

"Paula, we'll swing by and pick you up at noon, it's an international flight, so we need to clear customs,"

"Thanks Rick, see you tomorrow, and the line goes dead as Paula is left to wonder what the hell is going on with Gina. Turns out, she wasn't the only one.

Kate always ran in the opposite direction from the route to Rick's loft, that is till today, when she ran towards it. She began to kick herself as her suspicions were confirmed as she ducked into a doorway. Rick and Gina were getting into a limo, her still wearing the clothes she was photographed in last night, he with an overnight bag. She was going to have to talk to Rick when he came to the station Monday, she needed to apologize.


	4. Chapter 4

Dinner Date

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

A/N One final comment about Guest Reviews, had one tell me they weren't reading anymore because I was rude, and others had a right to their opinions, TRUE, as long as it was respectful, no problem but to the Trolls, I make no apologies, post all the Guest Reviews you wish, if respectable they will be posted, personal attacks are deleted.

**Chapter 4**

**Previously**

_Kate always ran in the opposite direction from the route to Rick's loft, that is till today, when she ran towards it. She began to kick herself as her suspicions were confirmed as she ducked into a doorway. Rick and Gina were getting into a limo, her still wearing the clothes she was photographed in last night, he with an overnight bag. She was going to have to talk to Rick when he came to the station Monday, she needed to apologize._

**Sunday 1:00 AM**

**Gina's Town House**

Rick had seen Gina to her door, and had gone in for one night cap, just one, that was 14 hours ago, and now he had to go home to prepare for his move.

"Gina, please do me a favor, if you can?"

"You know I will Rick, what is it?"

"I know Alexis is almost 17, and very mature, but can you check in on her, frequently, I mean if i*"

Gina kisses him quickly and sweetly, "Rick, she's my daughter too you know, of course, I had already planned on it but now that I have your blessing, I may even spend some nights in the loft, just in case." She winked but Rick shuddered just thinking about his little girl and boys, something he had avoided at all costs.

"Thanks, I know she'd have a fit if she knew it was me suggesting it, but now that I know how close you two are, it just makes sense. One other thing, before I leave, I want to make sure it's OK with you to list you as her Guardian and Medical Power of Attorney. God forbid anything happen, but better prepared than sorry."

"Rick, could I ask you who has been her POA till now, was it Kate? Not that it matters, and of course I will take that as my responsibility, I do love her, she's the only daughter I'll have the way things are going."

Rick hangs his head, giving Gina the confirmation, she needed. "I'm sorry Gina, once again I hurt you, but I thought that you wouldn't want anything to do with me, or any of us, the way I treated you, so I didn't ask. That was a mistake, and I'm sorry, truly sorry I should have realized your motherhood didn't stop with the marriage."

Gina pulls him into her into a hug, "OH, you big dumb lug, you'll never know just how much I do love you, and your family, now go, you'll be dead on your feet tomorrow, well later today, but before you go,"

She pulls him into a kiss that curls his toes and made leaving this beautiful woman even harder.

"Maybe you will remember me some nights, I know I will remember this day for a long time, Call me when you can, and know, I mean really know, I love you Richard Castle, so come back safe to us please." Tears pool in her eyes as she gently closes her door,

"Good night Gina, thank you, and I do love you too, just let it work out, I'll call you when I can, Bye"

Then all she heard was the silence till the elevator bell signaled he had gotten on, and now was on his way out of her life, again.

**Castle's Loft**

**7:00 AM Sunday**

Rick had tried to sleep when he got home from Gina's but her perfume filled his nostrils, he hadn't realized just how much he did care for his ex-wife, and if he was being honest, keeping her in his thoughts had pushed any regrets of leaving a certain detective and her new love. He tossed, turned, and finally got out of bed, and opened his laptop.

Searching the directory he found what he was looking for, it was the pictures of him and Gina when the days were happy, maybe it wasn't too late, but it wouldn't be fair to him or her now, she would be a shadow, a fill in for someone else and he wouldn't do that to her.

He was deep in his thoughts when he heard a soft knock on his door,

"Come in Alexis, I'm awake"

"Hi Daddy, couldn't sleep?"

"No not really, just thinking about a lot of things, reliving some things I wish I had done differently, and worried a little about my little girl"

"Well, stop that now, I know you told Gina to watch over me, we had already worked that out Dad, If I ever had a problem I was going to go to her, not Detective Beckett, but I'm glad you've made it official."

"Hey, how do you find out about these things so fast, you're the kid, I'm the parent"

"So, it appears to the outside, and you're not the only one who knows a guy, or girl, or a few of each" she wrinkled her nose as she smiled, melting her Dad's heart

"Are you sure you're OK Sweetie, I mean I still have a few hours, to*"

"Daddy, for once do something for you, I'm fine, and Grams called last night half in the bag from some party, their European tour had been extended another 4 months, so they were having a party."

"Well that's one worry off my mind, she can't destroy the loft when she's on tour" as they both laugh

"Seriously Daddy, I want you to go there, open your heart and try to enjoy the time. Gina and I will be spending a lot of time together, and really its good for her to have someone, she does have severe depression and I worry about her sometimes. I mean she's all alone after work, and without*"

"Pumpkin, I'm so very proud of what you did, I'm just sorry I had treated her so badly that you couldn't come to me, that wasn't the example I wanted to set for you. No matter what happens, it's always better to take the high road, even when it hurts."

"Like you're doing with Detective Beckett Daddy? Are you taking the high road stepping aside so her happiness isn't interfered with by your love for her? Dad, I'm not a kid, and I'm not blind, I know when you hurt, and I hurt knowing there's nothing I can do to stop it. I even asked Gina once, and she told me, that it was something in life we all have to go through, it sucks but it's life."

"She's pretty smart you know, as well as beautiful, you could do a lot worse for a role model."

"Dad, she had to be special for you to marry her, I'm just sorry it had to end the way it did, both of you love each other, but for a while I didn't want to come home, it was like a war zone."

"I'm sorry Baby, that's my fault, no one else so I will have to make it up to you both when I get back"

"Speaking of you better get ready, the car will be here in a few hours and you need to finish packing. Before you ask Daddy, I have all the numbers, I know Paula will be with you the first 7-10 days, Be Careful, she loves you too you know."

"Thanks Baby Bird, I have to get in gear," as he kisses his little girl, and holds her a few seconds longer.

**London England**

**3:45 AM Local Time Day (Monday)**

**10:45 PM Sunday New York Time**

The car had picked Paula up and the flight had been a pleasant one, well as pleasant as it could be for a flight that long. Everything was going smoothly till a flight attendant noticed Rick from other flights they had been on, and paid special attention to him, much to Paula's chagrin.

**Flashback to Flight**

"Rick, Rick Rogers, my goodness how long has it been since I've seen you? You look great"

"Jacinda, is that you, Gosh you look lovely, and yeah it's been awhile. Last time I saw you was," Rick pauses to think

"We had dinner at LeCirc in New York and spent an evening dancing, best layover I have had in a long time, and it was Aril 4th last year."

"Yes I remember the dinner and dancing, has it been that long, Gosh, time truly is marching on for us all" Paula pokes him,

"Oh, Jacinda this is my publicist and personal manager Paula Haas, Paula this is Jacinda I've flown on her flights several times and she's always gone out of her wat to make me comfortable"

"I see, dinner and dancing come with the peanuts now Jacinda?" Paula asked, and then quickly apologized on a look from Rick.

"Well I'll check on you in a bit Rick," as she put down 5 bottles Ricks brand of Single Malt whiskey, and a glass of ice.

Paula sits looking like WTH, till the junior flight attendant came by and asked her what she could get her,

"Paula, let's get one thing straight right now, lose the attitude when you are with me, I don't give a damn how you run your business outside of my presence, but I won't have this attitude when any woman approaches me, it's none of your damn business so it stops now, or your ass will be on a commercial flight home within the hour, understood?"

"I'm sorry Rick, and yes I understand, it won't happen again."

The remainder of the flight was uneventful, Paula feigned sleep when Jacinda came by, bent down showing a lot more cleavage than necessary, and her legs practically open for the taking. She and Rick had a pleasant conversation and to Paula's surprise Rick declined her offer of "Hooking Up" on her three-day layover. Perhaps he was making the move to cleanse himself of old feelings as well as a hell of an offer to write one of his childhood heroes.

**FLASH FORWARD Present Time**

**Baggage Claim**

Rick was surprised when he looked up going down the escalator to see a sign that read J Rook/PH held by a limo driver.

"They didn't want anyone to know you were in town so we are using Rook and my initials to get us out of the airport, then at the hotel you will be given a corporate AMEX to use for all your expenses and living allowance so no one can trace your financials, it's a corporate account so there's now way your friends at the precinct can trace you."

"I'm impressed Paula, that's very smart"

"Well I didn't think of it, Lord Barrow the managing editor of Fox Run Publishing who now owns the rights to your hero, did. We meet with him on Tuesday at 10:00 AM Local time, they wanted to give us some time to get over the jet lag."

They were out of the Limo and in the VIP section of The Athenaeum Hotel, a Five Star hotel and resort checking into adjoining suites. The management had been courteous enough to send up an evening meal, along with wine, that was shared by both Paula and Rick.

Rick had been very careful to insure that he was visiting Paula's suite, so he could make his exit before anything happened, he had far too many balls in the air to add more confusion a physical tryst with his manager would bring. He bid her a good night and returned to his room to outline his upcoming days and text Alexis. He could tell she was disappointed, but not surprised as he left, she kissed his cheek.

"See you in the Morning Rick, Sleep Well"

"Good Night Paula, Good job getting us here so quickly, have a good night as well,"


	5. Chapter 5

Dinner Date

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 5**

**Previously**

"_Pumpkin, I'm so very proud of what you did, I'm just sorry I had treated her so badly that you couldn't come to me, that wasn't the example I wanted to set for you. No matter what happens, it's always better to take the high road, even when it hurts."_

"_Like you're doing with Detective Beckett Daddy? Are you taking the high road stepping aside so her happiness isn't interfered with by your love for her? Dad, I'm not a kid, and I'm not blind, I know when you hurt, and I hurt knowing there's nothing I can do to stop it. I even asked Gina once, and she told me, that it was something in life we all have to go through, it sucks but it's life."_

****************************************************************************/

**Monday 6:15 AM Local Time**

**12****th**** Precinct New York**

Roy Montgomery was truly a creature of habit, and today was no exception. He arrived at the precinct promptly at 6:00 AM, dropped his briefcase in his office, booted his computer, and headed to the break room for his first, and usually the most enjoyable cup of coffee of the day. It was before anyone had an opportunity to bug the hell out of him or his day went to total shit.

As he returned to his office enjoying the first sips of the rich coffee that Castle had gifted the Homicide Division with, if he only knew how much better he had made his mornings. As he sat down and logged into the system, he noticed his private line was blinking with a voice mail, nothing that couldn't wait till after his first cup of java he thought.

A few minutes later, having his coffee in him, he picked up the receiver, entered his pin and began to listen_**: **__**"Roy, I had hoped to reach you before you left for the day, I'm sorry to have to do this via voice mail. Things have come up, I won't be returning to the precinct anymore, so please tell those I worked with I appreciate all they did to help me. I'll follow up with a written letter for your files and to satisfy HR requirements, also there will be a number of gift cards for everyone with some special gifts for those I worked close with. Unfortunately, this is it, my cell has been disconnected, I'm off for a new mission. Thank you for everything Cap, take care of yourself and stay safe, it's been an honor Sir."**_

Roy almost spits out the last sip of coffee he had just taken. Castle, Leaving, What The Hell was going on, he had heard some of the exchanges last week with Espo, Demming and Beckett, he had it on his calendar to caution Kate, but now this?

He strode quickly to the breakroom, making two cups of coffee and transferring them into his large travel mug, then walked quickly back to his office. Beckett had just arrived and greeted him, he barely heard her as he walked into his office and slammed the door.

The boys had just walked in witnessed, and heard, the door slam,

"Kate, what's up with the Captain?" Ryan asked

"Beats me, I just got here, I said good morning and he walked right past me and into his office, you saw, or at least heard the last part so I don't know what's got him so pissed, but I pity the fools who did."

Kate started towards the office but stopped in her tracks with one glare from her Captain as he raised the hand, signifying don't come any closer. He was angrier than she had ever seen him, whatever happened was something big.

Roy had re-listened to the voice mail several times, trying to pick up something, anything from Rick's tone, but as usual, it was professional, too professional almost like his soul had been ripped from him, and now he was performing on auto pilot. Whatever had caused him to leave the precinct was more than just a disagreement or a simple session of being ragged on by the Espo and company.

Kate was keeping busy and had advised the boys to keep their mouths shut and heads low at work. Suddenly the Captains door flew open as he looked at the area leading from the elevator to see Tom Demming come striding up with a partner from Robbery.

"Demming, do you or your partner have any business on this floor? Is there ANY reason you should be here rather than on your floor? Roy spit the words out, venom spewing.

"Sir, no sir we were just getting a cup of coffee and I was going to touch base with Detective Beckett on a case we're working." Kate just rolled her eyes, waiting for it to come, and come it did.

"Well Detective the last time I checked your division had it's own coffee machine, and as far as touching base with Beckett, that case is now cold, thanks to you. What Moron told you the line cook killed the chef? Did you check the timeline, it doesn't even fit and now we are facing a false arrest because of you. Did Beckett authorize you to issue the arrest? "

"Sir no Sir, I took the initiative on my own."

"**Then you are an idiot, we follow procedure in my house Detective**, meaning the LEAD detective is the only one authorized to take the action your initiative just cost us for. I don't want to see you on the Homicide floor again, or you'll be back at the 54th IF they'll have you, otherwise you can order your patrolmen uniforms now, now get the hell off my floor and stay unless you are called" Demming made short work of exiting and Roy once again returned to his office slamming the door even harder this time.

Kate blushed, she knew that Demming had taken those liberties because she had not kept him in check, mesmerized by his good looks, and charm she had broken several of her own as well as Roy's rules for the Homicide Division.

All she heard was "Holy Shit" and "Yeah, you got that right Bro, Cap is severely pissed", as she remained quiet, God she really did need to apologize to Castle just as soon as he got in, he was due any minute now.

The Elevator dinged and Kate turned, hoping with all her being it would be her writer, but, off came a delivery man with three boxes, and a courier walking their way.

"Excuse me Detective, can you point me to Captain Montgomery's office, please?"

"It's right there" as she pointed at the office where Roy is still fuming, pacing back and forth talking on his cell phone to someone,

"Now is not a good time, maybe I should sign for them and deliver them to the Captain"

"That's kind of you mam, but I can't it requires his signature, so good or bad we will need to see Captain Montgomery"

Kate leads the way, gently knocks and see's Roy look up and say angrily **"What?"**

"Sir, there is something here that requires your signature Sir, I'm very sorry for the interruption, I tried to sign but they claim it requires yours alone"

"Very Well, Dismissed Detective" in the same acid tone, as he motions the men inside his office, closing the door behind them.

"Wow, is the Captain pissed at you or the world Kate?" Espo asked acting innocent.

"Think about it Espo, and get your Vaseline ready, I got a feeling we're in for a royal ass chewing soon, as soon as he cools down enough to keep us from reporting him to HR.

"What? What the heck are you talking about Kate"

"You think it was any coincidence that the Captain almost took Demming's head off, and told him the case we're working is cold? Do you remember last Friday how rough you were, well we all were on Castle? I'm betting the Captain heard some of it and got blowback, so get ready, an Ass Chewing, and well deserved is coming for sure."

"Kate, so we razzed him a little, I mean there was no harm?"

"Really Espo, where is Castle today? Have you tried to call him? I have, see what you get when you try."

Espo dials Rick's cell number and receives the same automate message that Kate had received a few minutes earlier, the caller had changed phone numbers to a new restricted phone.

"You know how he is Kate, he worries some fan gets his number from his fan site and he changes his number, it's happened before"

"Yeah Once, when he was hacked and Alexis was threatened, so don't make light of it Javi, he doesn't over react like you're trying to make out."

At that time Roy's office door opens and the delivery men leave, apparently glad to be escaping with their lives. Roy locks his door and lowers the blinds so no one in the bullpen can see what's going on. His hands are shaking when he see's Rick's letter laying on his desk, and a note on each of the cartons, "Don't open till you read the letter"

Roy takes out his flask, adds a healthy shot to the remainder of his coffee, now cold, but what the hell booze is booze as he picks up the letter. NO time like the present as he opens it and sits back in his chair to read;

"_Dear Captain Montgomery,_

_Once again, I apologize for the cowardly departure, I wish I could explain but conditions prevent that. Please know I truly appreciate what you and your entire team did over the last two years to tolerate, assist, and finally to some degree accept me as your token pain in the ass. As I said in the voice mail, I can't talk to you, my phones are disconnected and my family doesn't even know where I am or what I'm doing, sorry but it has to stay this way._

_There were a lot of good times, some memories I'll cherish the rest of my life, others well I'll just say some days I wish I had never embarked on this journey, or ever written Nikki Heat. You can tell everyone the series will be ending soon, watch the news for the exact date as we complete the negotiations. I'm sorry it was such a burden on everyone, especially Detective Beckett, it was not my intention to make her life difficult. Royalties for the last book will be donated to the Widows and Orphans fund to attempt to make up for the hardship I have caused._

_The old saying there is no gain without pain, well evaluating it now, the pain was far too much, the sacrifices far too great, and the loss of time with those I love to spend time with those I considered friends, to find I was nothing more than a requirement they were forced to accept. For the hardship I placed on them, I apologize. There is a separate shipment of gift cards for the entire precinct, as well as some special gifts for those who suffered the most._

_I know we closed a lot of cases, I used to think I had some role in that, but lately I have been reminded constantly that I'm not a cop, not by one but by multiple sources. I finally took heed and listened, I'm not a cop so perhaps they were right, the closures were in spite of not because of anything I did to assist._

_I wish you and the entire precinct the very best of luck, and hope you'll stay safe each day, Please contact Ms. Paula Haas at the numbers below if there are any issues or you need to contact me for anything, expect delays of up to a few days,_

_Thanks for Everything,_

_Castle_

_PS. When Beckett admits she has hit the wall with her case, have her look into the step-brother, I told her and got jeered out of the office by her and Demming but I'd bet you a case of your favorite spirits he is the man. Good Luck_

Roy reads the letter completely twice to be sure he understood exactly what Rick was conveying, then pulled out his cell phone hitting the speed dial for Castle, he received the same automated message about the number being changed to an unpublished number by request of the subscriber. He then tried his land line, and heard that the number had been blocked by request of the subscriber, to hang up and discontinue trying to contact the party.

He sat in his chair for a moment, contemplating his next move, Anger would do nothing beneficial, although it did feel good to go off on that smug SOB Demming this morning, Beckett must be blind to take him over Rick, none of my business he thought.

Finally, he had discovered the reason Rick left, underappreciated was one thing, to be made fun of after his success as a consultant was not acceptable. Putting what he had heard last week to what Rick had vaguely described gave him his answer. Now he needed to cool off before he would face the wrath of his superiors.

He stepped out of his Office Door, leaving the blinds lowered, and locked it behind him. He said nothing to anyone as he headed for the roof, to think and plan his next course of action. His face had the look of someone spoiling for a fight, and no one came close to him, although Kate observed him from her desk, this was so out of character for her mentor, always so cool, calm, and under control.

As he climbed the stairs he thought how Rick must have felt so betrayed, after putting many nights and weekends and paying the price with his real job, just to make a difference, Truth was he was a damn fine detective, better than Espo or Ryan and without the training they had been afforded. He had failed to recognize his talent, that was on him, but others had cast the killing blow with their remarks he thought as he stared out across the New York skyline.

He's so lost in his thoughts he doesn't hear someone approach him, waiting patiently for him to turn around to speak to him. Finally, Kate coughs, and makes a noise to get his attention that worked as he turned around to look at her with such a look she had never seen before. This look wasn't anger, was it pity? God don't let it be that.

"Sir you seem very upset today, I was wondering if I can do anything to help. I'm not prying Sir, but you are never this angry, no matter how bad we screw up."

"You want to help Detective? Get your crew and Karpowski's in my office in 30 minutes for a meeting and tell Espo if he values his shield to keep his mouth shut or he'll be joining his buddy Demming in the Patrol Units."

"Sir, you were serious about that this morning?"

He glares at her and no further words are needed, as she quickly said "Sir, Yes Sir" and turned and left


	6. Chapter 6

Dinner Date

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 6**

**Previously**

"_Sir you seem very upset today, I was wondering if I can do anything to help. I'm not prying Sir, but you are never this angry, no matter how bad we screw up."_

"_You want to help Detective? Get your crew and Karnowski's in my office in 30 minutes for a meeting and tell Espo if he values his shield to keep his mouth shut or he'll be joining his buddy Demming in the Patrol Units."_

"_Sir, you were serious about that this morning?"_

_He glares at her and no further words are needed, as she quickly said "Sir, Yes Sir" and turned and left_

***********************************************************************************/

**Montgomery's Office**

**30 Minutes Later**

Roy had printed copies of Rick's letter off, one for each of his Team Leads and their teams. He needed to correct something that had cost him not only a good consultant, but possibly a personal friend. He hadn't even considered what Mr. Mayor was going to say, or yell, when he got news that Castle had resigned. It was part of the HR Chain that he needed to follow, the mayor had to sign off, and Roy was not looking forward to that call.

The cartons had been discreetly covered with drop cloths and as Roy made his way back into his office, he caught Espo trying to sneak a peek,

"You in a hurry for your transfer back to Patrol Officer Esposito? Where does it say look here on that cover sheet?"

"No Sir, I mean it doesn't Sir, I beg the Captains Pardon Sir"

"Just so you know Espo, you're a hair away from rejoining your buddy Demming back as a Patrol Officer, his transfer takes effect tomorrow, Care to join him?"

"Sir no Sir" Espo is blushing from embarrassment, the brash cocky Hispanic detective has been broken, at least for this meeting.

"Take one copy and pass it along, don't read the letter yet, I want you all to hear something first." Captain Montgomery is back to his cool calm demeanor, but his eyes tell the room, he's on the verge of losing it.

"I don't want to hear a word till I open the floor for discussion, is that clear?" to which he receives a chorus of "Sir yes Sir"

He leans over and presses play on a small cassette that he has recorded the voice mail from Rick, knowing full well he will need to explain this to the Commissioner as well as the Mayor soon. Out comes the smooth baritone voice of Rick,

"_**Roy, I had hoped to reach you before you left for the day, I'm sorry to have to do this via voice mail. Things have come up, I won't be returning to the precinct anymore, so please tell those I worked with I appreciate all they did to help me. I'll follow up with a written letter for your files and to satisfy HR requirements, also there will be a number of gift cards for everyone with some special gifts for those I worked close with. Unfortunately, this is it, my cell has been disconnected, I'm off for a new mission. Thank you for everything Cap, take care of yourself and stay safe, it's been an honor Sir."**_

"Sir, is this for real a visibly shaken Beckett asks Is Rick really gone?"

"You heard the voice mail Detective, what does it mean to you? Yes, he's gone, I tried to reach him via his cell, number has been changed to an unlisted number, and his land line has blocked all calls from the 12th as well as our personal cell phones.

The question is WHY? I'm sure I'm going to have to explain this to the Commissioner as well as Mr. Mayor and it won't be pleasant. So open for thoughts, I have my own but would love to hear yours?"

Complete silence fills Roy's office, Espo is looking downward, and trying to burry an invisible stone with his foot,

"No one has any ideas of why? I think you do, but are afraid to speak, the damage is done, the ship has sailed so if you have anything to say now is the time"

Kate thinks she is going to be sick and pass out, God he's gone, he really did it, Oh Fuck what have I done now?

"OK to refresh some memories, turn the letter over, as Rick's Voice Mail said he was true to his word, this is his official letter of resignation, and note, the Mayor will be copied on it once HR Processes it."

They turn the letter over and begin reading,

"_**Dear Captain Montgomery,**_

_**Once again, I apologize for the cowardly departure, I wish I could explain but conditions prevent that. Please know I truly appreciate what you and your entire team did over the last two years to tolerate, assist, and finally to some degree accept me as your token pain in the ass. As I said in the voice mail, I can't talk to you, my phones are disconnected and my family doesn't even know where I am or what I'm doing, sorry but it has to stay this way.**_

_**There were a lot of good times, some memories I'll cherish the rest of my life, others well I'll just say some days I wish I had never embarked on this journey, or ever written Nikki Heat. You can tell everyone the series will be ending soon, watch the news for the exact date as we complete the negotiations. I'm sorry it was such a burden on everyone, especially Detective Beckett, it was not my intention to make her life difficult. Royalties for the last book will be donated to the Widows and Orphans fund to attempt to make up for the hardship I have caused.**_

_**The old saying there is no gain without pain, well evaluating it now, the pain was far too much, the sacrifices far too great, and the loss of time with those I love to spend time with those I considered friends, to find I was nothing more than a requirement they were forced to accept. For the hardship I placed on them, I apologize. There is a separate shipment of gift cards for the entire precinct, as well as some special gifts for those who suffered the most.**_

_**I know we closed a lot of cases, I used to think I had some role in that, but lately I have been reminded constantly that I'm not a cop, not by one but by multiple sources. I finally took heed and listened, I'm not a cop so perhaps they were right, the closures were in spite of not because of anything I did to assist.**_

_**I wish you and the entire precinct the very best of luck, and hope you'll stay safe each day, Please contact Ms. Paula Haas at the numbers below if there are any issues or you need to contact me for anything, expect delays of up to a few days,**_

_**Thanks for Everything,**_

_**Castle**_

_**PS. When Beckett admits she has hit the wall with her case, have her look into the step-brother, I told her and got jeered out of the office by her and Demming but I'd bet you a case of your favorite spirits he is the man. Good Luck**_

"Lets review shall we, **WHERE **did Castle get the idea, he was the token Pain in the Ass? Care to answer this Detectives Beckett, Esposito?" Silence

"Yeah, just as I thought" the Captain continues.

"So Detective Beckett, you got rid of your pest without having to shoot him after all, and the Widows and Orphans fund stand to gain an additional One Million Dollars, yes folks that's six zeroes, from the man many took for granted as the rich playboy without any feelings.

**I failed**, I should have reprimanded some of who I thought were my finest officers last week for allowing verbal hazing to occur, from a Detective that was transferred here to avoid Sexual Harassment charges at the 54th, who will be reporting back to patrol officer tomorrow, another Detective that is hanging on to his shield by the skin of his teeth, and if I get a whiff of anything going south will be joining his friend in a patrol car IF he remains a Cop, and a lead Detective I never thought would put her personal life ahead of the job."

Silence fills the room as Espo and Kate both flush red with being called out, not by name but everyone knew who the Captain was talking about.

"The Heat Series will be ending with the publication of two more books, one set to be released next month, the final one within three months of that. The final book is the one that the Nine-Year-Old on a Sugar Rush has donated not a part but the entire royalties to the widows and orphans fund. The conservative estimate is the one million, although once his fans discover it's the end of Heat, it could double."

Captain Montgomery pauses, looks down then up, then back down again before he begins again,

"Perhaps the toughest part of Rick's letter was his feeling that he didn't have friends, although he has went out of his way to make life better for everyone in this room, is this how you treat your friends, I know I failed him, I'll let you decide how you fared.

I'll remind you the man is a multi-millionaire, he didn't have to be out in the middle of the night, or freezing cold, or risking his life more than once for his partner, but he did. When he said that the loss of time at home to be with those required to act friendly towards him says a great deal about us as people, not only cops but people in general. If you feel good about this, tell me how because I am ashamed of myself, this department, and particularly several individuals who I lost all respect for.

"I heard, especially last week more often than I care to remember "You're not a Cop, I waited for the lead to take control, I waited, but it never came and I allowed my friendship with the lead to stop me from hauling her ass on the carpet and making things right. Now, it's too late, for her and I and this is the point I will have the most difficulty explaining to the upper brass, he wasn't a cop, but he was a better detective that over half of you in this room, especially you Esposito.

We ALL know the closures are up because of his contributions, but how many in here have ever said Thank You to the man, I don't mean for driving his car, or basketball tickets, but just thanks for a good job? Anyone? Yeah, I thought not, I am ashamed of that for myself as well."

"Detective Beckett, where are you with the Chef Murder? Any more progress or are you still banking on Demming solving it for you?"

"Sir, we're not banking on anyone solving it for us but we're following the clues as Detective Demming laid out, and so far, we've come up empty."

"Well you can close the case, Detective Harwell and his team executed a search on the brother's home after noticing some irregular financials, and found a pair of cracked shoes from the Dry Ice, a duffel bag of cash equal to the amount the chef had on him, and oh by the way, he knew that his fiancé was pregnant with his half brother's child, something Castle gave your team almost two weeks ago. Do we need to keep another team in backup to take the difficult cases from your team now that Castle is gone Detective Beckett?"

"No Sir, you don't"

"We'll see Detective, this case really disappointed me in you, professionally as well as personally."

"Karpowski"

"Sir?"

"I'm going to get a coffee, please open the boxes from Rick to pass out his parting gifts, Esposito, take a seat in the far corner, and don't move is that clear?"

Roy walked out of his office shaking his head in disgust, headed to the break room, when he returned, Roz was ready.

"Sir, this first one is for you", as she hands a small box to the Captain, containing a new flask, a bottle of $1,000 Scotch, and a gift certificate for the Fishing Arena.

The next box was for Kate, a $1000 Gift Certificate to Barnes and Noble for the books of her choice, not valid for any by Richard Castle, the boys received season tickets to the Knicks, and on and on. Every officer in the precinct received something even Demming received a gift certificate to Starbucks. That's just the way Rick was.

"I don't have to tell you all we have a lot of work to do on us as a team, but even more so as people, today was not a good day, we lost a valuable asset more valuable than anyone knows, but I can't blame him. God Speed Rick wherever you are" as Captain raised his new flask to the sky, then barked

"Dismissed"

The group of detectives stumbled from the Captains office almost as if they were in shock. Kate was close to a panic attack, and Espo was reeling from the dress down he had received then the follow ups by the Captain, now he knew how Castle must have felt. They needed to talk to him, to talk him into coming back to the station. Since none of their phones could get through to him, they decided to visit him in person and apologize for what had happened.

"Kate, do you think this is such a good idea" Kevin who of the three was the closest to Castle,

"No, I don't but what choice do we have, I mean if he wanted to get in touch with one of us, would he stop at the conventional methods?"

"We can think of a thousand What If's, the truth is we need to talk to him to see what we can do, the worse he can do is ask us to leave.

"How do we get past the front desk" Espo asked

"God Damn it Espo, do we have to tell you every fucking thing on how to do your job, maybe Roy was right, maybe you do belong back with Demming" Kate spewed at him

"Beckett, that was a bit harsh, we understand you're upset about Rick but don't take it out on us, we're trying to help you" Ryan shouted back

Esposito sits quietly, not saying a word, he had about enough of being the whipping boy, especially after his voice mail this morning from Demming accusing him of throwing him under the bus, and blaming him for his demotion back to patrol, on Midnight shift making it even worse,

"I'm sorry Javi, I guess I'm trying to blame anyone and everyone for me fucking up royally. Roy was right, it was my job to insure a safe work environment for everyone and I failed"

No response from Esposito, till they pulled into the curb by Rick's building. "We're here"

Kate wasn't about to come this far to be stopped by Eduardo or anyone else at the desk. She had her shield out, showing it as she walked right by and shouted Police Business, and started up the stairs. She had rethought her strategy by the time they reached the fourth floor, she had provided the desk time to advise Rick they were on their way up. Too late to second guess now, as they approached the door to the loft. She gave a quick knock after hearing voices as she placed her ear to the door. After a few seconds, the door flew open, but the person on the other side was not Rick, in fact it was a person she never expected.


	7. Chapter 7

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 7**

**Previously**

_Kate wasn't about to come this far to be stopped by Eduardo or anyone else at the desk. She had her shield out, showing it as she walked right by and shouted Police Business, and started up the stairs. She had rethought her strategy by the time they reached the fourth floor, she had provided the desk time to advise Rick they were on their way up. Too late to second guess now, as they approached the door to the loft. She gave a quick knock after hearing voices as she placed her ear to the door. After a few seconds, the door flew open, but the person on the other side was not Rick, in fact it was a person she never expected._

**********************************************************************************/

**Castle's Loft**

**Same Day**

As the door opened wide, both stood with their mouths open in utter shock. Kate recovered and said,

"We're here to talk to Rick, Gina can you please let him know we're here,"

"Well Detective, I'd love to, but you see, he's not here, actually I don't know where he is"

"Come on Gina, cut the crap, I've had a really long day and I'm in no mood for games, would you please let him know we are here to speak to him, or do I have to arrest you for obstruction of Police Business." Kate had already come this far, she figured what would one more exaggeration hurt.

"Well in the first place Detective, there is **NO OFFICIAL POLICE Business**, you're here because Rick left you, your boyfriend, and all your cop friends a nice letter of resignation. If you threaten me again, Detective, I can make life very miserable for you, more than it is already."

"That sounds like you are threatening a Police Officer in line of their official duty, Ms. Cowell, I hate to have to do this but turn around and place your fingers on your head" Javi has gone too far now,

Alexis appears from behind the door, with her cell phone in her hand, "Yes Uncle Bob, they're still here, no that wasn't Ryan, that was the Hispanic Cocky Detective Esposito threatening Gina with arrest, after Detective Beckett did it first, Yes Uncle Bob, both threatened her with arrest, so far Ryan has kept his mouth shut. Yes, Uncle Bob, I'm putting the call on speaker now, Why don't you three come in, Uncle Bob wants to talk to you," Alexis purrs at the three cops who by now have their mouths open.

They step in, and Alexis directs them all the way to the kitchen, "I think you may want to sit down for this, especially you Esposito and Detective Beckett"

"They're all yours Uncle Bob, you're on Speaker."

"This is Mayor Bob Weldon, identify yourselves by name and badge number and speak slowly, this is being recorded for a disciplinary hearing to be held."

Ryan almost faints, and the cocky Espo turns pale,

"Your honor, this is Detective Kate Beckett, I think there's been a misunderstanding Sir"

"Oh, you can count on it, I know there's a misunderstanding Detective, your badge number please for the record,"

"Four One Three One Nine, is my badge number Sir, can I have a moment to explain Sir,"

"Sure Detective, you'll be notified of your disciplinary hearing through proper channels,

Now who else on your team is present?"

"Sir this is Detective Kevin Ryan, Badge Number Four Two Three Four Four"

"Sir, this is Detective Javier Esposito, Badge Number Four One Zero Seven Seven"

"Detective Beckett, I suggest you and your team members return to your precinct and prepare for the next step, and by the way my next call is to the Commissioner who will then call Captain Montgomery, have a nice evening now" The Mayor spewed as he was angry, very angry and was going to get his revenge somehow as the line went dead.

"When I told you I didn't know where he is, that was the truth, I didn't appreciate the power play and threats, that's clearly abuse of power Detective Beckett, and for you Detective Esposito, you are guilty of attempted false imprisonment. It's too bad Rick wasn't here to get you a good lawyer, you're going to need one, now get the hell out of this loft and don't come back unless you have a subpoena or are invited by Rick"

Kate starts toward the door, followed by Esposito and Ryan, when she turns to Alexis, "that was recorded illegally, and you know it Alexis"

"You know for the youngest woman to make Detective, you're pretty stupid sometimes, I was recording a song from a streaming service when you tried to arrest my invited guest, I just captured it over the song, guess we'll have to see which carries more weight with Uncle Bob, your Bullshit story, or my explanation, Now Get Out!"

As they pile back into the car, Kevin asked, "How long do you think before all hell breaks loose?"

"I'd say about twenty minutes, just time to get to my apartment and brace for it, so if you have any bright ideas, now would be the time to offer them up. What the hell were you thinking Javi, telling Gina to interlace her fingers on top of her head, My God you'll be lucky to keep your job, much less your gold shield."

As they walk into Kate's apartment, she has just put on a pot of coffee when her phone rings, she places it on speaker and answers "Beckett",

Detective Beckett, are the other members of your team with you, I know the call is on Speaker" Montgomery asked

"Yes Sir, they are both here, we just arrived"

"Be in my office tomorrow at 0900 Hours, notify your Union Reps to be present, have all NYPD issued gear with you, and be prepared to defend yourselves against some very serious charges raised by Mr. Mayor himself. Esposito, you drive and leave your car at the Motor Pool, Don't forget ANY NYPD issued materials" the line goes dead without another word from Roy.

They sit in silence for a few minutes until Espo opened up, "Great, just Great. He told me to leave my car at the Motor Pool, that means I am gone, no sense even trying to fight it, he's going to fire me on the spot tomorrow. If Castle hadn't fucked us over this would have never happened"

He doesn't know what hit him, Kate has slapped him out of his chair before she even had time to think, "Don't you dare blame Rick for any of this shit, if you hadn't been such a macho asshole with Demming and tonight, you wouldn't be facing getting fired.

I fucked up, I led you there, but you have got to learn when a bluff has to stop, it's not always the macho guy that wins. Tonight, a teenager kicked all our asses, and her recording will stand, with that explanation and the Mayor on the other end, no one is going to question it. Get ready for some time off, or possible termination"

"Wow, I never thought we would spiral out of control like this, I have to go home and tell Ginny that I may be out of a job, or best case short a month or more of pay and benefits. I wasn't going to say anything till she got further along but the timing sucks, she's pregnant and requiring medicine, expensive medicine to carry the baby."

"Kevin, go along with my story, you didn't do anything tonight, or when Demming was popping it to Castle, I'll testify to that, won't we Javi, you don't deserve to get punished for what Javi and I fucked up."

"Javi, I asked you a question" Kate's eyes bore right though Javi

"Sure Kev, I'll swear to it too, just keep your mouth shut, let Kate lead the charge hopefully you get a reprimand without any suspension,"

"Meet back here tomorrow at 6:00 AM, not a minute later, we need to notify union reps and get representation present or we're all toast. Now get out of here, Good Night"

**The Athenaeum Hotel**

**London England 10:00 PM Monday Night Local Time**

**NYC Time 5:00 PM **

Rick was relaxing in his suite when the feeling came on him something was wrong at home. He had nothing to base it on, after all it had been a great day of getting acclimated to his new home city. Lord Barrow had assigned Rick a personal assistant, Katherine, of all names, a lovely young lady in her mid-twenties, quite a looker with a full bosom and small waist, someone he would be interested in if his heart wasn't in a state of Armageddon.

Paula wasn't pleased but was smart enough to keep her mouth closed after her ass chewing about Jacinda. She had guided them both around the city, pointing out not only the historical highlights, but also to Rick to make notes for his daily living, where to visit, where to stay away from for various reasons. It took a lot of restraint when Paula learned that it was Katherine who was staying in the suite adjoining Rick's on the other side, as Lord Barrow said she was at his call when he needed anything, he just wanted Rick to focus on the books.

Rick continued to wrestle with the thought that things weren't right at home, so he pulled out his new cell and dialed Alexis.

"Hey Dad, is everything OK over there, I thought you weren't going to call until Wednesday, did you miss us that much?" she tried to laugh, but Rick knew her tells and knew she was hiding something.

"Never mind about me, and everything is just fine, What's going on there, I know your tells and you're trying to hide something. Is everything OK with you and Gina, you're not sick, are you?"

"Daddy, I'm going to put you on speaker so Gina can hear and offer her input, and I hate it when you can read me."

"Hi Rick, sorry to worry you, nothing here that our girl and I can't control, so stop worrying, please."

"OK, sounds like something happened, but you two handled it, so can you fill me in, please and before you do, Thanks for taking care of it, whatever it is that you are about to tell me" his smile can be heard through his voice.

"Well Rick, this one's on me, so don't be upset with Alexis, she defended me, and did a hell of a job. Please let me tell you the entire story then you can tell me to go or whatever you wish, OK? Please?"

"I'm not going to ask you to go Gina, I wasn't there something came up, you and Alexis took care of each other, that's exactly what I asked you to do."

"OK but try to remember that when I get through with this, and again it wasn't Alexis fault she protected me and really stepped up as an adult."

Gina explained what had happened, and it was true, Alexis was trying to stream a song that she thought Gina may like when the 12th precinct stormed the door and threatened to arrest her. She could tell that Rick had went from amused to thoroughly pissed in a minute, she just wasn't sure who he was pissed at, her or Beckett.

When she told him that Esposito actually was about to put her in cuffs, he made a noise like he wanted to interrupt, but held back, and when she told him Mayor Weldon had heard the entire exchange, she heard him sigh in relief. She ended by saying she finally told Beckett to leave the loft, not to come back without a warrant or permission from him"

"Did she leave peacefully Gina, or was anything else said, and please tell me everything"

"Well Kate did tell Alexis that the recording was illegal, and she knew it, but our Girl one upped her telling her she was streaming a song, when they started the abuse of power and false arrest, and she called her Uncle Bob. She completed by asking Kate, which story do you think is going to stand up, mine or your Bullshit trumped us story, especially to Uncle Bob then she threw the three of them out verbally.

Rick before you get angry with Alexis, she was only defending me, I'm sorry but we were just having a girls night, laughing having a good time when the three stooges showed up, so please don't be angry with her."

"I'm not angry with her Gina, or you, in fact I'm glad you were there with her and did what you did. They did abuse their power, and Esposito, that asshole was really going to put you in cuffs? Stupid egotistical bastard, I'll be sure he is taken care of, no one treats women I love like that"

Gina's breath hitched when Rick said women he loved,

"What, that surprise you Gina, the part that I said I love my women, or the part where I took your side over Beckett?"

"Well Rick, total honesty?"

"Of Course, Gina, Always"

"Both Rick, but the biggest one was you sided with me over the Detective, that's never happened before, I'm sorry that's blunt and I should keep my mouth shut"

"No, No you shouldn't and you're right, I always did stick up for her even when she was wrong, I am sorry Gina, Please forgive me for that, and I'm glad you didn't hit her, you handled the situation perfectly as did Alexis."

"I wanted to smack Esposito Daddy, I wanted to hit him so bad when he told Gina to turn around and put her hands on her head, I'm glad I didn't but I wanted to, and that's not me."

"I know pumpkin, I'm glad you used your head and called Uncle Bob, I have a feeling, what happens next is going to hurt them all more that any licks you could have hit them with, just one question, Did Ryan do anything or was he just following the leads?"

"Detective Ryan didn't say a word Daddy, he looked like he really hated being here, and his face was ready to kill Esposito when he pulled his stunt"

"OK Thanks Baby, that's what I needed, I want to call Bob, I don't want them all to get the same punishment when Espo was the biggest Asshole, I'll take care of it"

"You would have been so proud of our girl Rick, she really stepped up and I know she loves me for sure now"

"Well, I love you both, it's late here, I'm going to call Bob before he leaves his office so he will know what actions to take against who, again, I love my Girls now have a good night and I'll call soon,"

"Bye Daddy, We love you too, "

"That goes double for me Rick, I love you so be careful, talk to you soon, Good Night"

A/N Badge Numbers courtesy of www dot imdb dot com /title /tt1219024 /trivia

Beckett's badge number is 41319. Esposito's badge number is 41077. Ryan's badge number is 42344.


	8. Chapter 8

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 8**

**Previously**

"_I wanted to smack Esposito Daddy, I wanted to hit him so bad when he told Gina to turn around and put her hands on her head, I'm glad I didn't but I wanted to, and that's not me."_

"_I know pumpkin, I'm glad you used your head and called Uncle Bob, I have a feeling, what happens next is going to hurt them all more that any licks you could have hit them with, just one question, Did Ryan do anything or was he just following the leads?"_

"_Detective Ryan didn't say a word Daddy, he looked like he really hated being here, and his face was ready to kill Esposito when he pulled his stunt"_

"_OK Thanks Baby, that's what I needed, I want to call Bob, I don't want them all to get the same punishment when Espo was the biggest Asshole, I'll take care of it"_

****************************************************************************/

**The Athenaeum Hotel**

**London England 10:30 PM Monday Night Local Time**

**NYC Time 5:30 PM **

Rick was reviewing what had transpired and what role each player had in the Cluster that just happened at the Loft. Beckett must have tried to reach him on his cell and land line, and then figured she would just show up. That would have been fine, provided she hadn't tried the power play on Gina, and Esposito, that Asshole had gotten far too big for his britches, time to take him down a few pegs, in fact, the only one he wanted unscathed was Ryan.

Rick hit speed dial for Mayor Weldon, and his secretary Marge answered on the second ring,

"Hi Margie, Rick Castle, is the big guy in and can I speak to him please?"

"Hi Rick, I'll check, why have you been a stranger, we miss you around here, and something is going on with him, he's ready to beat the hell out of someone. He actually went to the gym about an hour ago, and sources tell me a poor speed bag got the hell beat out of it, so be careful, putting you through now"

"Thanks Margie, appreciate the heads up, I'll look you up as soon as I can"

"Hey Rick, What's Up as if I didn't know"

"Hey Bob, heard you had a little excitement a little while ago, Alexis told me when I called her."

"You called her? You mean you really are off grid for research like rumors have it?"

"I take it Margie screens your emails, and apparently you didn't get mine,"

"Hang on Rick, I'm behind, I'm checking now, Damn technology, what the hell ever happened to people picking up the damn phone and talking. OH, here it is, Margie even has it marked important, give me a second to read it, be right back"

Rick is mentally counting until he hears,

"Jesus Fucking Christ, you never thought this was important enough to call me about, What the hell is the matter with you, I thought we were friends"

"Bob cool your jets, I take it you don't check voice mails either, check them and listen, then come back on line"

A few minutes later Rick hears the commotion on the other end,

"I'm sorry Rick, it's just that when things like this happen you need to bug me till I'm aware of it"

"Bull Shit Bob, check your emails, voice mails and don't bust my balls about communication, if you need a lesson on how to work the buttons on the phone, call Alexis, I'm sure she's tutoring some grade school kids that could show you how."

"I apologize Rick, you're right, so where are you and what the Hell happened between you and Detective Beckett, who by the way we need to talk about the incident tonight"

"Where I am Bob is a secret, it's not New York and I'm already on my next project. As for Beckett, what's to say she's shacking up with some Robbery Detective Demming, no story there"

"Well that makes the events of this evening a little easier to understand. First, Demming was busted down to Patrol Officer, he's pulling night shift working the East Docks now, and Roy is looking for anything to fire his ass. Apparently, he lied on his transfer papers, he was up on Sexual Harassment charges at the 54, so Roy is not cutting him any slack."

"Well that's interesting, but can't say I give two shits one way or the other"

"Well, I'm sure Alexis filled you in on what happened at the loft tonight, apparently the Hispanic detective actually told Gina to turn around and interlock her fingers before Alexis busted it up.

They were trying to talk you into coming back to the 12th, and when they couldn't reach you by phone, they went to the Loft. When Gina told them, she didn't know where you were, Beckett threatened to arrest her for interfering with a Police Investigation. Gina never backed down, told her there was no Official Police Business you were needed on, she was there because of your letter to her, her boyfriend, and all the cops at the 12th. That's when Esposito got all macho and I stepped in when Alexis put it on Speaker.

"Well Bob that matches exactly the story I got from Alexis and Gina when I talked to them earlier, so what do you think you're going to tell the Commissioner to do? I want to remind you that Detective Ryan was there following Beckett as his Lead Detective and didn't abuse or threaten anyone. His punishment should be far less than the other two."

"Well Boyle wanted me to talk to you and come up with a recommendation, he is ready to sack the Hispanic Macho Asshole, and for Beckett, she went from super star to shooting star that has burned out in the eyes of the brass, she's got a long way to come back from. What are your thoughts Rick, you know the whole operation better than anyone. And what about Montgomery, this happened on his watch, he has to bear some responsibility."

"Well, Roy is guilty of trusting his leads, if that is a crime then I guess all of us would need to plead Guilty, no need for him to get anymore than a note in his file, and warning he needs to develop tighter controls.

As for Ryan, of all of the players, he is the one I feel sorry for. Poor Bastard damned if he did, damned if he didn't I would recommend he receive the same type of note in his file, nothing to hold him back from pay or advancement, just to be more assertive to the superiors and don't follow anyone blindly. He needs to know that he has the support of the brass when he speaks out, and that he won't be crushed or face blowback from Esposito or Beckett. This could be tied into Roy's note to insure it happens as part of his action plan.

Next Esposito, Oh as much as I would love to see that cocky smile wiped off his face as he is demoted to Patrol Officer, I think a reduction in rank and pay, to Jr. Detective, reporting to Ann Hastings, who he tormented unmercifully while he was her TO when she went through probation as a Detective. Suspension of 90 days, with reduction to actual 60 days no benefits or pay, and a six-month probation period without any opportunities for raises, including cost of living while working **FOR** Ann would serve the purpose for him.

If you fire him he will just wind up on another city's payroll and become their problem, if he won't take the corrective action let him know you will Blackball him to every city on the Eastern Sea Board. By making him report to Ann, while he serves six months' probation it will give him plenty of time to think when the paybacks come and believe me Ann hasn't forgotten.

"Oh Ricky, I love it, never knew you had this side in you" Mayor said with a smile

"Well no one fucked with my family before, they can do what they wish to me, when it comes to my women, they need to know I will do anything to protect them"

"Well that leaves us to the big one, what do we do about Beckett? I mean I thought a reduction to regular detective and have her report to Karpowski, Let Ryan take over as lead Detective for the B Team and he can choose two from the other teams."

"Well that would kick her in the teeth for her pride, but I don't think it would address the real cause of why she does what she does, I would add mandatory counseling with Doctor Burke, she's hiding behind her work and as a person, the real Beckett has so much to offer, but this latest version needs help. Warning though Bob, she'll fight that, so you need to have Roy on board as well as the Union or she'll slide out of anything that makes her face her past."

"That's good to know Ricky, and you're spot on with your assessments, I agree all we do is pass a bad cop on to another city the way Esposito is today, a big dose of humble pie, and some time to think about it will hopefully turn him around, if not then I'll fire the Son of a Bitch myself.

Ryan may be a bit timid, but if he can work without Esposito's shadow, I think he'll make a good leader, he at least knows what's right and wrong and deserves the opportunity.

You know Beckett better than anyone, but I agree there is a reason she hits the self-destruct button every so often, we need to get to the root cause if she's going to grow with the department."

"Agreed, so what's the next step do you need to discuss this with Commissioner Boyle?"

"Discuss? Hell no, I'm going to call him and tell him this is what's going on, if he resists a letter goes in his file as well, again it happened on his watch as well."

"So, he didn't ask for your input, you just suckered me into telling you what to do, right Bob?"

"I'm sorry Ricky, but we both know Boyle only knows one method, knock them down, drag the bodies out, and start over again. I knew I would get a far better plan from you, but if you thought your action would impact their livelihood you might not be so forthcoming. Sorry I twisted it, but think of it this way, you definitely saved Esposito's job and possibly Beckett's as well."

"You're a Bastard, you know that don't you, no wonder I'm your only friend,"

"As I am yours buddy" as they both start to laugh.

"Are you good with this Rick, if you are, it'll be in play tomorrow"

"Yeah, I'm good, there's some pain but not enough to kill a career unless they're too stupid to grab the branch and hang on, if that happens, they don't belong on the force anyway."

"Listen to you, sounding more like a Cop everyday"

"No, not anymore Bob, the Heat Series is ending, I'll let you know the exact date but I promised Roy the royalties from the final book for the Widows and Orphans fund, so at least someone will benefit,"

"You sure Rick, I mean if you change your mind, the doors always open, it doesn't have to be at the 12th"

"Yeah I'm sure Bob, well time to get back to my Project, we'll talk when I get back to an area close, take care, and Thanks Bob"

"You Bet, stay safe Rick"


	9. Chapter 9

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 9**

**Previously**

"_Listen to you, sounding more like a Cop everyday"_

"_No, not anymore Bob, the Heat Series is ending, I'll let you know the exact date but I promised Roy the royalties from the final book for the Widows and Orphans fund, so at least someone will benefit,"_

"_You sure Rick, I mean if you change your mind, doors always open, it doesn't have to be at the 12__th__"_

***************************************************************************/

**The Athenaeum Hotel**

**London England 11:45 PM Monday Night Local Time**

**NYC Time 6:45 PM **

Rick is deep in thought about the events and his conversations tonight when he hears a timid knock on his door. He opened the door to find Katherine standing there in casual slacks and a top that really accented her figure, she was stunning.

"Pardon the interruption Mr. Castle, I couldn't help but hear voices for the last hour or so, and I thought your internal clock might possibly still be on US Time, and you might be a tad bit hungry. I'm just about to go down to the restaurant and wanted to know if you would like to accompany me, or if I could bring you back something. I realize it's just about dinner hour for you back in the states."

"Thank You Katherine, that's very considerate, I'll accept with one condition"

"Yes Sir, what is your condition?"

"We leave the Mr. Castle and the Sir to only when we are in front of the boss, all the other times I'm just Rick, OK?"

"Sure Rick, and can you call me Cricket? I know it doesn't fit with my real name, but when I was small I guess I made sounds like a cricket chirping when I tried to cry, my Grandpa, God rest his soul, gave the name to me and it stuck. I only let my friends call me it, so I'd be honored if you would"

"Wow, thanks Cricket, that's an honor to have you as my friend, shall we go to the restaurant?"

"Shall we ask Miss Paula if she would like to come? It's the polite thing to do, but"

"No, let's use this time to get to know each other, we are going to be working together for quite a while, I hope, as long as I can deliver the books"

She smiles, "I don't have one worry that you won't Rick, your work is absolutely brilliant"

He smiles back, a genuine smile for the first time in a long time. "I'm glad one of us is so confident, if I get sacked you might wind up working with a dodgy old uncle type" as she bursts into laughter, such a sweet and honest laugh it makes him smile even more.

"Are you making fun of me Rick, who uses the word dodgy in the states?" she laughs even harder now.

"I'm sorry the word just came to me, guess I'll be picking up slang from the UK as well, you'll need to keep me honest, so I don't embarrass us in public gatherings"

"Now that I can do, Lord Barrow didn't exactly have a good feeling about assigning me to you, but I guess he is short of Assistants."

"Why would he hesitate Cricket, something in my past that bothered him, or should I ask?"

"Well Rick, we do get the US Papers on the Island as well, and page six has not been so kind to you over the years. I guess he was afraid that we would fall into some sex scandal or something, I mean my God, you are hot, all my girlfriends want to know every detail, even the married ones."

Rick blushes, and Cricket noticed, "Oh Rick, I'm sorry, sometimes I just open my mouth and out comes what I'm thinking, I mean what would you ever see in a twit like me?"

"Cricket, stop that, don't do that again, you are a beautiful young lady who could get any man in this restaurant and I blushed because many of those stories you read were setup by my ex-wife and publisher to keep me in the news.

I'm not, nor have I ever been a guy women chased, you have me so overrated and you don't give yourself enough credit for the beautiful woman you are. To answer your last question, I find you beautiful, fun and intelligent, someone I like being around, so that's what I see in you"

It was Cricket's turn to blush. "Really Rick, you find me attractive, you're not just saying that are you?"

"No, I assure you, if my broken heart were not in such a sad condition, I would probably ask you out, even if you would say no"

"I would never say no Rick, when you are ready, Ask me, the answer will be yes" she looks down shyly.

"That's really sweet Cricket, but I'm here trying to get over someone who hurt me terribly, it wouldn't be fair to anyone to start something that would only end up hurting you"

"I know about Detective Beckett Rick, and I'll just say it again, when you are ready Ask Me, I promise you I know what I'm getting myself into, but take your time, we have months to work together."

"You're really beautiful Cricket, inside and out, let's take it slow, it's not no, it's just not yet, OK?"

She smiled a big smile, "That I can live with, Thanks Rick"

They enjoyed the remainder of the evening and made plans to meet for breakfast at 8:00 AM before meeting Lord Baron. It had been a good night, a very good night.

As they came to their doors, Cricket stood on her toes and gently kissed him on the cheek, "Good Night Rick, tonight was lovely, see you in the morning" as her door closed softly.

**Wednesday 6:15 AM Local Time**

**12****th**** Precinct New York**

Roy Montgomery arrived as per his routine, today was going to be a bad day, in fact it was going to be a horrible day. The Commissioner and Mr. Mayor were due at 7:30 AM to go over the discipline that Roy would have to administer to his A team, well they had been his A team until recently. As he walked through the bull pen to get his coffee, he noticed someone at Becketts desk, looking closer it was the Detective snoozing. He made his way and completed making his coffee, on the way back he checked on Becketts condition, no change so he kicked her chair and yelled,

"Sleep in your own damn place, if you're here work do it, if you can't then get the hell out of here"

Beckett jumped out of her seat, "Yes Sir, I was just resting my eyes as I prepared for our meeting Sir"

"Our meeting is at 9:00 AM What the hell are you doing here this early?"

"Sir, I was hoping to speak to you, off the record, so to speak, before the formal hearing,"

"Beckett, get your Union Rep here, there's nothing for us to discuss until after I get my ass handed to me, possibly my shield, by the Commissioner and Mayor, and for both our sakes it would be wise if you weren't seen till you are called, now get out of the precinct, and Detective, use the back stairs to exit."

**12****th**** Precinct**

**7:25 AM**

The mayor, his body guards, and the police commissioner marched directly into the large conference room, LT was stationed outside to keep anyone that had any ideas of lurking away. The entire bull pen noticed the demeanor of the men as they entered the room, and it did not bode well for their three fellow officers.

Coffee and pastries were brought in, and the catering staff rushed out as the shades were lowered, and doors locked. A huge Do Not Disturb, Meeting in Progress sign was hung on the outside door.

Commissioner Boyle began the meeting, "This is a formal hearing to determine both guilt as well as punishment of three officers as presented in the formal complaint, filed by the honorable Robert Weldon, Mayor. Opening statements will be heard and may be on or off the official record. Any questions before we proceed?"

"Good, the first statement will be read into evidence will be the formal charges against Senior Detective Katherine Beckett, Detectives First Class Javier Esposito, and Kevin Ryan.

The complaint states that Detective Beckett threatened arrest, clearly a violation of Police Power when she did not receive the answer as to the location of one Richard Castle from Ms. Gina Cowell, a guest of Alexis Castle minor child of Richard Castle at the family residence.

In subsequent conversation, Ms. Cowell was actually instructed to turn, face the wall and interlock her fingers above her head, as recorded by Mayor Weldon. Once again, the only provocation was the response to Detective Beckett's original question for location of Mr. Castle, this is more serious as Ms. Cowell is threatening a law suit against the city of New York for false arrest and imprisonment, UNLESS she is satisfied with the punishment for both Detectives Beckett and Esposito.

Also present but no charges filed against were Detective Ryan, Is this a clear and accurate account of the incident to the best of your memory your honor Mr. Mayor.

"Thank you, Commissioner Boyle, and yes, it is an accurate synopsis, for the **OFFICIAL** record please refer to the actual recording of the event, entered into evidence as Exhibit A. For the sake of those not present or connected when the incident occurred, we will now play the audio tape."

Roy holds his head as he hears Beckett, threaten Gina with arrest, then even louder and in a harsh tone, Esposito instructs her to turn around and interlock her fingers, then Alexis Castle comes on the tape, speaking to Uncle Bob, who in fact is Mr. Mayor, Bob Weldon. They couldn't have fucked it up any better with a script, director and editor, they were screwed and now Roy began to worry about his own career.

The three Union Reps for Beckett, Esposito, and Ryan are looking pale, knowing they don't have a leg to stand on, three cops could be fired for cause, one just for being there and not attempting to stop the other two, but they would remain quiet and beg for mercy once the part of the hearing for the Detectives begins.

Commissioner Boyle stands once again, "Any objections from the reps for Exhibit A in evidence,"

Each of the Reps simply shake their head no, "Let the record show a nonverbal response of no objection has been entered into this hearing"

"Captain Montgomery, when were you made aware of this incident?" Boyle asks

"When you called me immediately after speaking to Mr. Mayor, perhaps 20 minutes after the incident occurred." Roy answered loud and clear

"Captain do you assume any responsibility for this action?" Boyle continued

"It happened on my watch by people under my command, so yes sir I am accountable for their actions" again, loud clear and emotionless answer from Roy

"Thank you, Captain, I share your opinion, probably not to the degree you are beating yourself up for right now. His honor and I have spoken at length about the proper punishments for all involved, you included, and we think we have reached a fair, equitable plan.

We would like to present our recommendations, knowing it will be your responsibility to carry out any corrective action agreed upon by management, and union representation, Is there any objections from Union, No, Any objection Captain?"

Roy responded again loud and clear, "No Objections Sir"

Once again Boyle stands and speaks;

"In regards to Detective Ryan, it is unfortunate his only offense was not speaking up or reporting the incident, we have taken into consideration, there was almost no time for him to report, so it is the recommendation that Detective First Class Ryan receive a note of incident reporting in his file, but sustain no loss of time or wages. It is further advised Detective Ryan assume the role of Lead Detective, forming a new B Team for homicide by pulling two seasoned Detectives from within the 12th precinct."

"In regards to Detective First Class Esposito, it is our recommendation a unpaid suspension of 90 days be imposed, with 30 days suspended, reduction in rank and pay from Detective First Class to Junior Detective once his 60 day suspension is served, and he is to return on a 6 month probationary period, not eligible for merit or cost of living increases until his probationary period is over. It is further recommended Detective Esposito, now Jr. Detective Esposito be reassigned and report to Detective Ann Hasting for his 6-month probation, final assignment to be determined after this time."

"Finally, in regard to Lead Detective Katherine Beckett, it is our recommendation for an unpaid 60-day suspension, with 30 days suspended, reduction in rank and pay from Lead Detective to Detective First Class, reporting to Lead Detective Rosalyn Karpowski. During Detective Beckett's suspension she is further required to undergo counseling sessions with the NYPD Psychologist, Dr. Carter Burke for no less than 10 sessions. Failure to complete, cooperate, or provide the requirements of Dr. Burke will serve as grounds for immediate termination, loss of benefits, and no course of appeal."

"Captain Montgomery, If these recommendations are accepted, we fully expect you to formalize your plan to prevent this from ever happening again, as well as providing a mentor to Detective Ryan, who, based on performance shall retain the title of Lead Detective once all suspensions have been served, contingent upon his reviews.

A performance note will be entered into your personal file as well Captain, with no further incidents it will be expunged in three calendar years.

Does the Captain understand these recommendations as stated?"

"Sir yes Sir" Roy answers

"Is there any portion of these recommendations that either the Union Representation or Captain Montgomery wish to challenge, if not do each of you accept these as the final recommendations for discipline for this incident?"

"Recommendations accepted as stated Sir" Roy responds

"Union Representation also accepts recommendations as stated Sir, we will inform our members in the presence of Captain Montgomery at our meeting at 0900 this morning, thank you sir"

"Any final comments, Mr. Mayor?"

"Just one, I don't know what the hell happened to this precinct, but I want it back the way it was, one more incident and neither Commissioner Boyle nor I will be so lenient"

Boyle states, "This concludes the hearing for this incident, pending any appeals by Union Representation after meeting with their members, but I can tell you, they got a break, they better grab it.

This hearing is dismissed"

Now for the hard part Roy thinks, as he turns to the Union Reps

"You don't breathe a word till we are in my office in 20 minutes, is that clear?

"Yes Sir"

See you in twenty!


	10. Chapter 10

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 10**

**Previously**

"_Captain Montgomery, If these recommendations are accepted, we fully expect you to formalize your plan to prevent this from ever happening again, as well as providing a mentor to Detective Ryan, who, based on performance shall retain the title of Lead Detective once all suspensions have been served, contingent upon his reviews._

_A performance note will be entered into your personal file as well Captain, with no further incidents it will be expunged in three calendar years._

_Does the Captain understand these recommendations as stated?"_

"_Sir yes Sir" Roy answers_

****************************************************************************************/

**Montgomery's Office**

**9:00 AM Same Day **

Roy has insured the meeting will not be disturbed, he has stationed both LT and Sgt. Hankins, both resemble football players who could squash you with little or no effort outside his office door. Inside the office are Beckett, Espo, Ryan and their three chosen Union Reps. The mood was somber, as was expected. Roy allowed the fear and anticipation to build a moment longer as he prepared his coffee, looked out the window for a second, then returned to his seat.

"I'm breaking with protocol slightly this morning, rather than just going straight to the findings and their recommended actions, I'm going allow each of you 5 minutes to plead your case, if you have nothing to say you may give your 5 minutes to one of your team mates, but it will be 5 minutes, Understood?"

A chorus of "Sir yes Sirs" were returned.

"Would anyone like to lead off? Beckett you wanted to talk earlier, what's on your mind"

"Sir, we, I mean Esposito and I want to take responsibility for what happened at the Castle residence, Detective Ryan was an unwilling participant, he only went to back his partner and his lead and we ask for leniency for him Sir"

Kate turns and shoots Javi a look that said say something or I'll make you sorry,

"Detective Esposito, you have anything to offer to this" Roy asked?

"Sir yes Sir, like Detective Beckett stated, Detective Ryan wasn't part of the strong arm or threats, he warned us to back off, but we didn't heed his warnings, so it is unfair to punish him Sir"

"Well thank you for that, we'll take that in consideration. I think everyone in this room understands that we are facing serious charges, and when I say we, I mean ME included, so I admire your devotion to your team mate in your presence, but that isn't the only innocent member you have damaged. You have tarnished my record, as well as cast shadows on every member of this precinct. The punishments are not light, BUT your Union Representatives agreed you all caught a huge break. The mayor closed, with the statement that what ever the hell happened to this precinct, he wants it back and back soon, so we have work to do."

"You can elect to hear your punishment with only your Union Representative present, or you may sign these waivers of privacy information and we can tell each of you in this setting your fate. What's it going to be?"

Kate reached over took a pen and signed the waiver, Keven immediately followed suit followed by a reluctant Esposito.

"This isn't an all or none Esposito, you can elect to hear yours privately if you wish?"

"Sir no Sir, I was just zoned out for a few minutes, begging your pardon Sir"

"Union Reps you are dismissed, with thanks for your service, any questions the Detectives have will be addressed to you, is that clear?"

"Yes Sir" as they file out of Roy's office.

"OK now that we have the formalities out of the way, I want to ask you all, **WHAT THE FUCK** where you thinking? You didn't think that anyone else wanted to talk to Rick, what's next, taking his daughter captive? What you did was beyond stupid, I don't even think Rookies would act as badly."

All three sit there, knowing it's best to keep their mouths shut, especially since Roy had already alluded to his punishment.

"Your Union Rep has your copy of the formal outcome, this is your opportunity to discuss with your CO, and head off any issues that could cost you your career, if you are listening carefully."

"Once we start, no one leaves the room until all actions have been spelled out, is that clear?"

"Yes Sir"

"OK, here we go, we'll start with you Ryan, since you've had people pleading your case. It is the recommendation that Detective First Class Ryan receive a note of incident reporting in his file but sustain no loss of time or wages. It is further advised Detective Ryan assume the role of Lead Detective, forming a new B Team for homicide by pulling two seasoned Detectives from within the 12th precinct."

Ryan turns white, then pink then white, obviously shocked he avoided any suspension and instead will be the acting lead detective.

Esposito's face tells it all, he's pissed that Kevin is getting a break out of a bad situation, he is yet to hear what waits for him, if he thinks he's pissed now, he hasn't seen anything.

"Esposito, you're next and unfortunately, even by looking at your face you know you weren't as lucky, it is our recommendation an unpaid suspension of 90 days be imposed, with 30 days suspended, reduction in rank and pay from Detective First Class to Junior Detective once his 60 day suspension is served, and he is to return on a 6 month probationary period, not eligible for merit or cost of living increases until his probationary period is over. It is further recommended Detective Esposito, now Jr. Detective Esposito be reassigned and report to Detective Ann Hasting for his 6-month probation, final assignment to be determined after this time."

"Esposito place your gun, shield, ID and Medical ID Cards on my desk, your suspension starts immediately. I would advise you not to make matters worse, the Mayor has already contacted every Police Department with more than 5 officers on the Eastern Coast to offer his support of you if you know what I mean. You have made a very serious enemy and you need to work not only on your police skills but people skills in general."

"Beckett, that leaves you, are you ready?"

"Yes Sir, as ready as I'll ever be"

"Beckett it is our recommendation for an unpaid 60-day suspension, with 30 days suspended, reduction in rank and pay from Lead Detective to Detective First Class, reporting to Lead Detective Rosalyn Karpowski. During Detective Beckett's suspension she is further required to undergo counseling sessions with the NYPD Psychologist, Dr. Carter Burke for no less than 10 sessions. Failure to complete, cooperate, or provide the requirements of Dr. Burke will serve as grounds for immediate termination, loss of benefits, and no course of appeal."

"What, Counseling, I'm forced to see a shrink because I threatened a citizen, Roy, this isn't fair, I'm going to fight this."

"Kate take a few minutes to talk with your Union Rep, if you appeal and lose, you are OUT totally, no coming back from being fired under those grounds. In the meantime, place your gun, shield, ID and Medical ID Cards on my desk, your suspension starts immediately as well."

"Any Questions for me?"

Kate looked at him knowing this was very hard for him, "Just one Sir, what did we cost you Sir?"

"Nothing I can't over come Detective, but thanks for asking. Ryan, you're the only one still on the clock, take the rest of the day off, go home talk to your wife, and get some sleep, come back tomorrow, and we'll start the transition to Lead Detective. Now All of you out of my office, now I have a ton of paperwork to do thanks to this"

They all walk out, and Kate can tell Javi is not taking this well,

"Guys, let's get a drink, and talk about this, I mean we still have our jobs, sure it's bad but it could be worse."

"It could be worse? How Kate, I'm demoted to Jr. Detective and our partner gets your job, doesn't that piss you off at all?"

"Javi he didn't get my job, he got the Lead Detective job, one he didn't ask for, so check yourself, he's been loyal, even willing to go down with us even though he didn't do anything at all, so you're way out of line"

"Javi you can work your way back up quickly, you know that" Ryan tries,

"How Kevin, working for Ann, she's been spoiling for me since I was her TO, and now she's got her chance, Fuck the drink, I'm going home" as he throws some stuff from his desk to his backpack and storms out of the precinct.

Kate just looks at him as he leaves then turns to Kevin, "Let's get that drink"

"Sorry Kate, I gotta get home to Ginny, she's had a rough time with this I have to tell her what's going on" and he's out and down the stairs.

Kate picked her cell phone and dialed a number,

"Hey, I need a friend right now, got time to meet me for a drink?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

A/N Guest who keeps leaving long reviews asking about why this or why that and complaining because I delete them, you want to alter the story to how you want it, that's not feedback, so if you would log in I would be happy to discuss plot points with you, BUT I have my story plotted, one that is meeting the requestors expectations, so NO I won't incorporate your ideas because they are orders not suggestions, and don't flow with the entire story.

**Chapter 10**

**Previously**

"_Javi he didn't get my job, he got the Lead Detective job, one he didn't ask for, so check yourself, he's been loyal, even willing to go down with us even though he didn't do anything at all, so you're way out of line"_

"_Javi you can work your way back up quickly, you know that" Ryan tries,_

"_How Kevin, working for Ann, she's been spoiling for me since I was her TO, and now she's got her chance, Fuck the drink, I'm going home" as he throws some stuff from his desk to his backpack and storms out of the precinct._

_Kate just looks at him as he leaves then turns to Kevin, "Let's get that drink"_

"_Sorry Kate, I gotta get home to Ginny, she's had a rough time with this I have to tell her what's going on" and he's out and down the stairs._

_Kate picked her cell phone and dialed a number,_

"_Hey, I need a friend right now, got time to meet me for a drink?"_

***********************************************************************/

**The Athenaeum Hotel**

**London England 7:45 AM Wednesday**

**NYC Time 2:45 AM **

Rick had sent Paula a text last evening that they were meeting for breakfast in the hotel restaurant at 8:00 AM the next morning, then departing for the office to meet Lord Barrow at 9:30 AM. Precisely at 7:45 AM a knock came on Rick's door, and when he opened there stood a smiling Katherine, AKA Cricket, although he would need to be formal for most of the day today.

"Good Morning Rick, sleep well I hope, I slept like a tree"

"Log"

"Excuse me Rick,"

"You mean you slept like a log, not a tree" as they both burst into laughter.

Ricks phone pinged with an incoming text from Paula telling him to go ahead with breakfast, she had a matter to take care of and would catch up before they left for the office.

"Guess it's just us for breakfast Katherine, have to start calling you that now, or I'll forget, I just feel so relaxed around you, and I hardly know you at all"

"Well, let's go to breakfast and you can find out more about the mysterious Katherine Mr. Castle", as she extended her arm to hook his and they walked toward the elevator.

Rick was surprised just how much at ease Cricket, AKA Katherine, God, I don't even know her last name he thought, made him feel in such a short time. She was attractive, yet not flashy, choosing a more moderate wardrobe and letting men's imaginations fill in the blanks.

"A shilling for your thoughts, Mr. Castle" and once again the wrong word snapped Rick out of his day dreams with a huge smile,

"Katherine, it's a penny for your thoughts dear, as he busts on in laughter."

"Don't laugh at me, you're the one who started this, bringing up a dodgy old uncle type" by the time they had reached the restaurant both were laughing and enjoying each other's company more than Rick had in a long while.

They chatted over breakfast over any and everything except work, Katherine said Lord Barrow would come soon enough and all he did was talk work. Rick was surprised, and very impressed with the young lady sitting next to him.

She had graduated with an advanced degree in English Literature and Management from Oxford, and had managed a smaller publishing house in Wales, but was forced to take this position when National economics forced the closure of her publishing house. She mentioned briefly in passing that she left not only her old job, but also an ex-husband behind and it was worth the decrease in pay for a fresh start. She anticipated the question in the room, well you're wondering where my ex is, he's doing porridge, and almost took me with him."

"I'm sorry Katherine, you said your ex is doing porridge, what does that mean to a Yank?"

She smiled sadly, "He's doing time in prison for forgery, one of the reasons the company had to fold"

"Oh, I'm sorry Cricket, I should have minded my own business, I didn't mean to upset you"

"No Problem, it's been 4 years now, so I'm over the embarrassment, it was nothing on me, yet I felt so ashamed, probably why I changed my name back to my maiden name"

"Speaking of young lady, you realize I have no clue what your full name is,"

It's Spencer, and yes, we are very very distant relatives of the most famous Spencer family, but they wouldn't know us if they saw us" she laughed.

Rick looked up to see Paula dressed in a smart business suit coming to their table, ever the gentleman he stood and assisted her with her chair.

"Good Morning Miss Paula, I hope you slept well" Katherine said politely,

"Thank You, I slept well, I was just awakened by that idiot Conrad on the West Coast of the states pitching a fit about one of his signings,"

Rick started laughing, "I warned you Paula, he puts the PRIM in Prima Donna"

Katherine listened politely, but look confused with the terminology

"Rick means he's a pompous Ass darling he's usually not this polite, you've already had a positive influence on him" as they chuckle

"Well should we go, Lord Barrow is a stickler for time, and it's best to be there waiting on him, rather than be late" Katherine said when she had allowed Paula time to finish her coffee.

"Thanks Katherine good to know" Rick smiled as they headed for the car and trip to the office, only ten minutes away, BUT the start of a whole new life for an awkward kid, who had never fit in, as a child, and even now as a rich, successful author. It was time for a change for sure.

**Outside Montgomery's Office**

**10:30 AM EST Same Day (Wednesday) **

**3:30 PM London Time**

"Hey, I need a friend right now, got time to meet me for a drink?"

"You do know it's 10:30 AM don't you Becks, I mean I'm at home if you want to come by, I don't have to be at the restaurant till 4:00 PM this afternoon, sounds like you need to talk and I'm here" Maddie replied.

"Great, I'll be over in about 25 minutes, need anything?"

"No Becks, just come sounds like you are about to trip over your lower lip it's drooping so low, just get over here, everything will be OK, See you soon"

Twenty Minutes later Kate is climbing out of a cab wondering where she's going to start to explain what a mess of her life she's made. Maddie to her credit acted like the friend she sorely needed, she was in the lobby scouring every cab that stopped, and finally when she saw her pulled her into a hug.

"No matter how bad you think things are, it'll work out, you know who told me that? Yep you, so let's get to my apartment and you can tell me how I can help" Maddie almost pulls her toward the elevator.

"Oh Maddie, I don't know this time, I mean I didn't burn bridges, I bombed then entire fucking city, God I don't know how I'm going to come back from this, and to make matters worse, others are suffering as much or more than I"

"OK, take your shoes off, get comfortable, I'll be right back," as she shuffles to the kitchen and adds the booze to the two cups of coffee sitting on the warmer.

"It's not your Vodka, but girl you need to be sober, this should help calm you a bit"

"Thanks Maddie, you know you're right, I do need to be sober, drinking isn't going to fix this. This will take the edge off as we talk,"

"OK why don't you start at the beginning, tell me what happened to make you think you bombed the city, I didn't hear anything" she tried to get a smile to no avail.

Over the next hour and half Kate poured out the entire story to Maddie between tears and as she got further into the story Maddie sat the bottle of Vodka in front of both of them. She told of the part where she was in love with Castle, but wanted to keep from getting hurt, along came Demming, cute, good looking on the outside, a bit of a boar once you got alone with him, but she used him to make Castle jealous, or at least that was the plan. She shared the stairs, the awful treatment, the mocking of him, only to find out the Detective lied and now was busted down to a patrol officer. She threw away a chance with someone who cared for her for a fucking Badge Bunny Magnet.

It backfired big time, Castle left, leaving her no way to get in touch with him to say she was sorry, and to finally confess he was the love of her life. Then she fucked it up for her team, earned her and one team member a lengthy suspension, demotion, and now she was reporting to the Detective she broke in, she had to repeat some work at the academy so by the time she joined the force, Kate had already established herself as a leader and now she had to report to her.

The biggest slap was she was required to visit the Department Shrink, for 10 visits, and if they felt she wasn't cooperating they would fire her without any course of appeal. She did get a call that Gina agreed to drop the lawsuit as long as she and Javi served their ENTIRE suspensions, there went the small hope that they would have their suspensions reduced, especially now that the legal department was involved.

She knew that Esposito was past furious, what he had planned who only knew, but it would be a long, long time if ever she, Kevin and he could get back to close to what they had been. She had to accept responsibility for that, it was here job, just as it was to protect Castle, but she failed. Worse, she participated, and now she had no way of telling him how sorry she was.

"Kate, I know you aren't going to want to hear this, BUT, the only thing you can do now is keep you head low, work on the things they have assigned you, and pray. You can't force things to happen any sooner than they are meant to happen, and now everything is out of your control. Serve your suspension, Hell we'll go shopping and catch up, and when you go to your shrink Becks, DON'T LIE to him, be honest even if it hurts. If you don't you could end up loosing everything you worked for."

"Maddie, I know, and seriously, the only thing I really care about now, is Rick. I need to face him, and apologize, if he'll listen. I'll prove I love him if he gives me a chance"

"Becks, based on what you told me, his ex-wife spending time in his house with his kid, I think that ship has sailed for you, I mean I may be wrong, but don't get your hopes up only to have them smashed.

You have to live with what you did, just like I did with Brent Edwards. It cost me 15 years of your friendship, and if I could I would do it all over, but with a different action, Becks, you held hurt towards me for that long and we were almost sisters. I'm just saying this is something that isn't going to fix itself over night, or possibly at all."

That last comment brought out the waterworks from Kate, with her crying harder than she had since her Mother died with Maddie holding her, knowing the hurt her friend was feeling, but helpless to change anything. God, Karma truly was a Bitch, and today it had just knocked her best friend into a deep depression, hopefully the doctor could help, if Becks let him, that was a big IF. Time would tell.


	12. Chapter 12

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 12**

**Previously**

"_Kate, I know you aren't going to want to hear this, **BUT**, the only thing you can do now is keep you head low, work on the things they have assigned you, and pray. You can't force things to happen any sooner than they are meant to happen, and now everything is out of your control. Serve your suspension, Hell we'll go shopping and catch up, and when you go to your shrink Becks, **DON'T LIE** to him, be honest even if it hurts. If you don't you could end up loosing everything you worked for."_

*******************************************************************************/

**Harper Collins Publishing Company**

**London England**

**Lord Barrow's Office**

Katherine had been correct in her estimate of time, they were greeted, and shown seats in Lord Barrow's office before 9:20 AM Local Time. A smile was exchanged between Rick and Katherine when Paula complained about being so early, just at the Lord Barrow entered from behind her.

"Good Morning All, and Ms. Haas, I shall see you any day you are early, show up late, and you will have to reschedule, so it was wise you got here early for our initial meeting."

Paula blushed knowing she had just stepped in it big time, "I'm sorry Lord, it's just that in New York, we tend to arrive right on time, or a few minutes late"

"Precisely Ms. Haas, and tell me how many delays have your clients had in publication releases? More than a handful if I am correct, I have NEVER had one, and I don't plan on starting now."

"Of course, Lord Barrow," at least Paula was learning when to shut up

"Mr. Castle I trust Katherine has insured you have had a good first day here in the U.K., she is here for you to concentrate on the books and let her take on the other responsibilities."

"I've had a wonderful first day, including a guided personal tour and Katherine has been very professional and offered many ideas which will help me acclimate to the new surroundings."

"Great, I'd like for you to tell me how you prefer to be addressed, I've heard several different names, some I won't repeat in front of the ladies" he actually made a joke.

"Well Lord Barrow, I answer to a variety of names, but I like to be called Rick or just Castle from those who know me well, and sir, how should I address you. I know the title Lord isn't something that is part of your birth name."

"I like you Rick, very open and direct, you may call me Harold, which is my Birth Name, and I answer to it, and as you say many others as well. I suspect we will be working closely, and perhaps disagreeing in some situations if you are the writer, I think you are. My vision since we have touched on it, is for you to take a general topic, or scenario, have you submit a draft of what the story would look like, once approved, it's off to the races I think as you say in the States"

"That's more latitude than I expected Harold, I am used to having creative license and I think the end result will be much better if that stays. I am feeling much more confident now that I have your vision, thank you for clearing that up."

"Of course Rick, Katherine will be moving to the Apartment next door, we have arranged a furnished two bedroom loft, about 4 blocks from here, not that you will be required to come to the office every day, But there are resources available should you need them. Katherine will be your guide to that, is that acceptable to you?"

"Yes Harold, it actually sounds fantastic and fits the mold I work to in New York"

"You're fortunate Rick, Katherine did her homework of what your likes, dislikes, and patterns are so you could adjust quickly, some assistants aren't so diligent, and the writer pays the price."

"Thank You Sir, I felt fortunate when I met her, and I'm sure we will develop a wonderful working relationship"

Paula is sitting quietly but Rick knows what she's thinking, and silently hoping she can contain the jealousy, at least till the meeting is over.

"Ms. Haas, Legal needs your signature on some contracts so if you would follow Ms. Devonshire to that department, I think we can call this first meeting a success. I'd like to review with Rick some general themes we are hoping for the next book to be based upon."

"Surely, I understand these are the contracts that Rick's legal team have approved, and are just for counter signature by a representative on sight as required by your policy Correct?" Paula asked in a very business-like tone.

"Yes Ms. Haas, that is correct," a young lady said with a heavy cockney accent, "Please follow me" and then Paula was gone.

"Now that we have taken care of that Rick, I'll be frank, I understand Ms. Haas is your manager and Publicist, but while under contract to us, we will take over those responsibilities, in fact Katherine will be handling the press releases and arrangements for other management duties, so I just want to be clear who has the responsibility once she returns to the US."

"Totally Understood Harold, and that's exactly the clause we added to the work agreement to the contract"

Harold smiles, "so that was your work, I'm impressed often we find writers who can barely spell contract, it's our experience a good kick off meeting such as this helps prevent long term problems"

"Agreed, can we look at the "Idea Board you mentioned Harold, I'd like to get the creative juices flowing sooner than later"

"Certainly, and again once the story concept is agreed upon, there is a general time table, Katherine has, to which we work to as close as possible. I am lenient till the final concept is approved, then I expect the schedule of chapter or percentage of completion you submit meet our agreed schedule. Rick, I know about writer's block, we added or as you would say fudged a little extra so if you have a day you just can't write, Don't. Go out, do something relaxing, just come back ready to work,"

Rick smiled, "Let me ask you Harold, how many books have you written, if you can tell me, no one who hasn't done it would come up with a writer's schedule like this. Thank You very much"

"Well I can't disclose that, but Sir Ian had to be trained by someone, let's leave it at that," and smiled.

Lord Barrow turned on the projection screen and there neatly cataloged was the complete history of all the books, the story concept, the writers proposal, and the final title, all of his favorite boyhood books were there. Rick was mesmerized and could not take his eyes off the screen, much to Lord Barrow and Katherine's delight. This confirmed they had found the writer with the passion required to meet the standards of such a National Treasure to all of Great Britain.

"Rick, Why don't you and Katherine work on this and choose your concept, by Monday at 9:00 AM? Would that work for you?"

"Yes, it would Lord Barrow, what about weekends for Katherine, I mean I don't expect her to be on call 24/7 as we say in the states."

"Oh, but I am Mr. Castle, I work when you work, I rest when you do, so we can work out a schedule once we meet the movers at the apartment in a little more than one hour."

"Movers? I don't have any of my possessions here Katherine?"

"I know, but I duplicated everything I could, from your towels to your desk, I hope you find it satisfactory Mr. Castle"

"Lord Barrow, you better keep this young lady a secret or some of the companies in the states will try to steal her, she's as you say Brilliant" as Rick and Katherine smile,

"Enough, off with you both, and Rick, here is my card should you need anything that Katherine can't handle or if she is not available, I answer my mobile 24/7 as you say, Good Day Sir"

"Good Day Lord Barrow it was a fantastic first meeting"

Rick pulled out his phone that had vibrated a few times while he was meeting with Harold, it was Paula as he thought, she had sent three texts trying to get him to leave, finally the last text read "meet you back at the hotel, I'm out of here"

Rick was glad, in one way, that left the remainder of the day with just him and Katherine who had called a driver and now was piling into the back headed to their new home site. This gig was better than he thought it could be

**New York **

**12****th**** Precinct**

**8:00 AM Next Morning Local Time**

Kevin Ryan felt awful, in fact he felt worse than awful. Had he taken advantage of a bad situation from his friends? He's deep in his thoughts as Captain Montgomery returns to his office.

"Sorry about that Ryan, I had to sign off on the paperwork. Look Kevin, I've been were you are at now, get the thoughts out of your head that you used your partners **NOW**. The only reason you aren't with them is because you had the sense to protest when you knew they were doing wrong. It's OK to feel bad for them, it was tough as their CO to dish out the punishments but they both screwed up, I think Beckett realized it now, but Esposito, I have doubts. He seems to still think the world is screwing him rather than stepping up, surprising for a Veteran, usually they are the first to own their own screw ups.

One reason that the team is split is to give you choice of your two detectives you want to work with. Hastings and Karpowski are out, both have special roles coming up, but others are available."

"Sir, I think I would like Dennis Harwell, he broke the case based on the leads Castle left for the murder at The Q Restaurant. "

"Excellent choice Keven, I think he'll work well with you, you do know that you can pull from anyone who has passed the promotion exam even if they're not in the grade yet don't you?"

"No Sir, I didn't do we have a list of those candidates"

"Here it is, but this is strictly confidential, so it doesn't leave this room, Clear?"

"Yes Sir"

As soon as Kevin looks at the paper there's a name that jumps out at him and he's made his decision.

"Sir, I'd like LT, I think he'd make a good balance between Harwell and my experience, and frankly sir, it's time he got a shot."

"Glad to see you feel like I do, Consider it done, now for your first act as Lead, go tell him, or bring him into my office so I can coach you through it."

"Yes Sir"

A few minutes later Kevin returned with a worried looking LT,

"Sir, Did I do something wrong"

Roy looked over his glasses, "Why don't you ask your lead, Detective LT"

"Sir?"

"As of today, you are out of uniform and in plain clothes, your lead detective is Kevin Ryan, and you have three months to prove his and my judgment is right or wrong, Congratulations Detective "

"Is this for real, I mean I am thankful, but I passed the test for the fourth time, and I thought nothing would come of it like always. I promise you Captain, I won't fail you or Detective Ryan, and I'm grateful for the opportunity. Sir is this till Detectives Beckett and Esposito return or is it permanent"

"If you're asking me if you can pack up your uniforms for good, Yes, provided you get through the next three months. Beckett will not be leading a team and Esposito will be on special assignment when he returns."

"Yes Sir" as LT's smile lights the room and he almost lifts Ryan off the ground with his firm handshake, "I'll make you proud Kevin, I promise"

Kevin just smiled, perhaps for the first time in days.

**Beckett's Apartment**

**4:00 PM**

**Same Day**

Kate was officially bored, well she had been bored since about 6:00 AM when she finally gave up on sleep and rose to face her day. She took out a small calendar and marked off the days until she could return to work, not that it would be a financial burden, it just pissed her off that she had acted so poorly.

She had already called and scheduled her first three appointments with Doctor Burke for later this week, he had actually given her homework to do before their first meeting. Homework? What the hell was she back in school again. Her assignment was to start a journal and record the events that triggered her moods, upset, anger etc. This was going to be fun she thought, but what the hell, he doesn't know Castle, and remembering Maddie's warning about being truthful, she decided she'd better not risk putting just anything down in black and white that could haunt her.

She was flipping through channels on the radio station tired of the talk and sports shows, till she finally heard a song. As she poured herself a glass of wine across the kitchen, she heard the distinctive woman's voice sing a beautiful song. The voice drew her in but as she listened to the lyrics, it hit her like a punch in the stomach,

_**Didn't mean to miss you but I do  
Didn't want to want you but I do  
Didn't mean to think about you  
Thought I could live without you  
Didn't mean to love you but I do  
Didn't mean to let you know  
Didn't mean to tell you so  
Didn't mean to come back to you  
Didn't mean to love you  
But I do  
Didn't mean to call you but I did  
Thought I could keep my feelings hid  
Meant to love you now and then  
Looks like it's now again  
Didn't mean to love you but i did  
Didn't mean to let you know  
Didn't mean to tell you so  
Didn't mean to come back to you  
Didn't mean to love you but I do  
Didn't mean to love you  
But I do  
Yes I do**_

_**Songwriters: MERLE HAGGARD / RED LANE**_

She listened intently then grabbed a pencil jotting down the title, I didn't mean to love you but I do, as she finished writing the words, it hit her, that was what she was feeling. She downloaded the female version by Teea Goans and played it over and over as she tried to think. She loved him, egotistical jackass, nine-year-old on a sugar rush, and all the other things she tried to hide with. The truth was, Katherine Beckett was in love with a man, this man Richard Castle, for the first time in a very long time.

God was she ready to confess this to a stranger, even if he were a doctor? After thinking, crying, thinking some more, and crying till the tears wouldn't come anymore she decided to tell the doctor. In fact, she researched song and fond it was actually written by a male country singer who had a pretty rough life, as well as love life looked something like hers except, she never got to the marrying part like he did.

She closed the journal and her thoughts went to every scenario, If Only, if she hadn't tried to get cute, if she hadn't allowed all the razing, if she said Thank You, just once for all he did, sure she did for coffees and meals but it was almost like the How are you today question you get from coworkers. They don't give a damn, and really hope you don't start telling them.

Just as she was putting the journal away, her phone rang from a strange number.

"This is Beckett"

"Detective, this is Alexis Castle, you're on speaker phone with Gina, and we just wanted to say we're sorry, about how we acted and about your punishment, but you really did screw up. I spoke to my Dad, and he wasn't happy about what you did, but he did say I should have taken the high road and asked you to leave without saying the other bad things. For that I apologize.

Gina speaks up,

"Detective, I had a talk with Rick, and I'm dropping the suit, I'm sorry you got the suspension as well, but like you I don't respond well to empty threats. Rick made Alexis and I both promise to call, for what it's worth, and apologize for any inappropriate language and actions on our part"

Kate was quiet for a minute, her mind spinning, he made them call to apologize, then he didn't hate her, or not as much as she thought.

"Can you answer a question for me please, and before I forget it, Thank you both for the call, I can't say as I blame you for anything, it was me and my team who acted totally unprofessional, and for that I apologize.

"You wanted to ask a question Detective" Alexis prodded

"Yes, you spoke to your father, is he well, I mean is he*"

"Kate, Gina here, if you want to know if he's in love with you still, the answer would be yes, but he's away to purge you out of his life and his system. Even Rick has his limits on how much he will allow his heart to break.

Have a good evening Detective, and again, we're sorry and good luck" as the line goes dead.

She grabbed the journal and recorded the call, at the end she put in block bold letters, **CASTLE LEFT TO PURGE HIMSELF OF ME**, as the tears began to fall once again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 13**

**Previously**

"_Can you answer me a question please, and before I forget it, Thank you both for the call, I can't say as I blame you for anything, it was me and my team who acted totally unprofessional, and for that I apologize._

"_You wanted to ask a question Detective" Alexis prodded_

"_Yes, you spoke to your father, is he well, I mean is he*"_

"_Kate, Gina here, if you want to know if he's in love with you still, the answer would be yes, but he's away to purge you out of his life and his system. Even Rick has his limits on how much he will allow his heart to break._

_Have a good evening Detective, and again, we're sorry and good luck" as the line goes dead._

_She grabbed the journal and recorded the call, at the end she put in block bold letters, __**CASTLE LEFT TO PURGE HIMSELF OF ME**__, as the tears began to fall once again. _

**************************************************************************/

**GREYBROOK HOUSE **

**London England **

**Thursday 2:00 PM Local Time**

Rick could hardly believe himself when the car pulled up in front of a very sophisticated building that resembled more of a palace, he noticed Katherine with a huge smile on her face,

"Face it Rick, You're Gobsmacked, I got you, this is home, or will be if you approve. We just have to go over a few details with the selling agent." Her smile could light up the city, she had out done herself finding him the very best of the best.

"WOW, Katherine, is this where they are leasing our apartments?"

"No Silly, that would be a waste of money, they purchased them this morning with my approval, I hope I didn't over step Rick, but if you check it out, and don't like it we can find something else"

"Cricket, are you crazy, what's not to love, my God they didn't spare any expense did they" as he picks up the brochure and reads quickly

_**A five-bedroom duplex Penthouse of 4,599 sq. ft on fourth and fifth floors with two roof terraces featuring 360-degree roof-top views of central London. Exquisite Master Bedroom with In-Suite Bathroom and Walk-In Dressing Room. There are a further four Double Bedrooms, all with In-Suites. The apartment also benefits from a separate Staff Flat of 748 sq. ft and lift access to all floors. Greybrook House is a grade II listed, Art Deco building designed by Sir John Burnett and Partners. Redeveloped to an exceptionally high standard, the interior of Greybrook House reflects the Art Deco theme found on the exterior of the building and at Claridge's opposite. The interior architecture and interior design has been expertly crafted by the renowned Fenton Whelan Design team.**_

"We can take the tour and if you're sure I'll call the movers to bring the furniture and your personals."

Rick can't help but notice how huge his space his, there is a separate apartment, not large, but laid out and looked exquisite,"

"What this Cricket?"

"Oh, this is my flat, or Apartment if you're using American terms"

"Cricket, why is my flat seven times larger than yours? I mean I see 9 Bedrooms altogether, even if my family came to visit, that would be 3 Bedrooms Max, why so big?"

"You have to have an Office with different views Silly, that way if you're not in the mood in one room perhaps the other office will spark you" she laughed her deep laugh.

"Do you like it Rick, is there anything you don't like?"

"Just one thing that bothers me" Rick watches as Cricket's face is full of concern,

"That is what Rick?"

"Why your apartment is so small, my God look at all the room, and I don't want to sound like a pretentious Ass, but I'll get lonely and lost in that big place all to myself."

"The only time you'll be by yourself is when you request it, even bedtime Rick, **When** and if you say the time is right, till then I will sleep in my flat, but sleep is about all I'll do there"

Rick blushes, "Cricket, I am flat*"

"I know Rick, I said when or if you're ready OK? No pressure, as she tiptoes up and kisses his cheek innocently."

"OK, order the trucks to come then Cricket, let's get Gobsmacked together" as she starts to laugh at his use of the slang.

"OK, We'll have to let Paula know this will be our last night at the hotel, I think she is going to have a hissy when she knows he arrangements, is that OK with You, Rick?"

"Cricket, Paula cares about me, but it's always been one way and she knows it, there is a lady in New York, I want you to meet someday, my ex-wife and publisher of the Rick Castle brand"

"Do you still love Gina Rick? I mean she was your wife for almost three years, and it would be natural to have feelings for her."

"God, and I thought I did a ton of research, how much more do you know about me, Cricket? To answer your question, Gina is staying with my Daughter, and yes she has told me she loves me, even through the Detective saga, so to be honest, yes I love her, I'm just not in love with her, and there's the problem."

"So you're in love with Kate, who doesn't know you exist half the time, Gina is still madly in love with you, Paula would screw you in the Palace Garden given the chance she's so smitten, and then there's me, who thinks you are one of the most wonderful men I have ever met.

I would take even a one-night stand if it were all that was offered, No wonder you are terrified. I understand Rick, I really do, it's just I want you to know that being with you isn't like work, it's like we're on a date without the sex, until you are ready to add that, again, when **you're** ready."

Cricket had managed to do what so many other woman could never do, leave Rick totally speechless, and blushing like a teenager.

**Dr. Carter Burke's Office**

**New York, the Following Monday**

**8:00 AM Local Time**

Kate had been up since 3:30 AM pacing back and forth, even after an extended run she didn't feel any less stressed. She had continued to run in the direction of Rick's Loft, hoping by chance that she might get a sneak peak at him, slipping in and out, she refused to accept that he had left Alexis and his Mother to go God knows where. She had pushed her daily 3 mile run to extend to 5 miles and still felt like a cat on a hot tin roof.

Finally, she showered and dressed, reviewing her homework assignment from Dr. Burke, hoping that this type of activity would not be ongoing, she was very private, and by putting down on paper her deepest thoughts, she was forced to at least admit she had the feelings, even if she did repress them and fail to work to correct. She found herself outside the locked office door of the doctor at 7:15 AM.

Finally, after what seemed a life time, a middle-aged woman made her way towards the doctors office with keys in her hand,

"Good Morning, the Doctor isn't expected for another half hour, so you must be early for your appointment. Let me get opened up, and then I'll show you to his waiting area where you can have a cup of coffee or tea, I'll be right back."

A few minutes later the door behind Kate opened to reveal the same woman,

"Good Morning, you must be Katherine Beckett, I'm Dorothy Wills, Doctor Burke's Office Manager for the last 15 years. Come in and make yourself comfortable while we wait for Doctor, please."

"Good Morning Dorothy, it's a pleasure to meet you, I am Katherine Beckett, I think we have spoken on the phone a few times."

"Yes Dear, that was me, I made your appointments and set up all the required paperwork for Doctor to complete for the NYPD. Take a seat, it shouldn't be long now."

About 15 minutes later a very tall and well built African American Male with graying temples appeared through the back door that Kate had entered, and said immediately

"Good Morning, you must be Katherine, give me a few moments to get setup and grab my coffee and we can start our session."

Less than five minutes later, the door opened,

"Good Morning again Katherine, shall I call you that or is there a name you prefer, I'm Doctor Carter Burke", as he extended his large hand.

"Good Morning Doctor, I go by Kate, the only one who calls me Katherine is my Dad when he's angry and Castle's mother."

"Very Well, Good Morning Kate, can you tell me in a few words why **YOU** think you are here, I have the official mandate from NYPD, but I'd like to know in your words why, or if you feel like you even belong here"

BAM, right off the bat, a curve ball was thrown, just like Maddie told her, be careful of the questions that seem innocent, but have a zinger attached at the end.

"Well, I failed to control the people who reported to me, I even failed at providing a safe work environment for one individual who has left the department, and left me no ties to apologize or to ask forgiveness,"

"Is the individual you mention who left, a Mr. Castle, an unpaid Consultant working with you?"

"Yes, it's Rick Castle, but he was so much more than just an unpaid consultant, he's a best-selling author, who thought outside the box, not typical thinking for cops that helped solve a number of cases."

"Your tone inflects you felt something for Mr. Castle, Kate, may I ask if this developed into anything more than a work relationship, if you're willing to share?"

Kate spends the next twenty minutes bringing the Doctor up to speed with her version of how the arrangement came to be, the incidents she was guilty of, and to her credit she was honest in her appraisals of her actions. Doctor Burke would ask a clarifying question from time to time, but largely took notes, a lot of notes. Finally, as her voice cracked, and she fought the tears back, she expressed her regrets, not only because of the hurt caused, but also because she did feel love, a lot of love for him and missed him terribly.

"Kate one observation, I have heard you speak of Mr. Castle and how much regret you have, but didn't your team get disassembled and one other detective get an extensive suspension and punishment, what are your feelings about that?"

"Doctor Burke, if I understood the homework correctly, I was to note those feelings down, and what I would do if I had a chance to repeat the incident. The second part was knowing there are no do overs in life, how do I plan on making it right with each one now"

Doctor Burks's eyes sparkled, "It sounds like you took this assignment to heart Kate, a very good sign, may I see your homework please?"

Kate reluctantly handed the ledger to him, and waited as he reviewed the entries, stopping again to make notes on his pad from time to time.

"Very Good Kate, I think you were honest with your thoughts, we can work on some techniques for redemption in future sessions, the first rule being you must own what you did, and from these entries, you are accepting responsibility. Just one question, do you feel that Mr. Castle left to be wherever he is because of you and you alone or were there other factors. Also, the song you noted is indeed a beautiful song, it's actually from my youth so I know it well, the question, is that how you feel now?

Kate bowed her head, tears falling gently, "Yes, I didn't realize just how much I counted on, leaned on, depended upon and how my heart felt knowing now he's gone, so yes, it hurts more today than yesterday that I may never see him again, or get the opportunity to tell him how I feel"

"Well I see our time is up, I would like for you to continue the journal entries, and be as brave as you were this week, it speeds your recovery Kate, the more open you are the sooner we can deal with root issues for behavior, I'll see you Thursday"

Kate left the office, completely drained, but feeling some better, she had at least gotten the words out, she loved Castle, now the hard part, how to let him know.


	14. Chapter 14

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 14**

**Previously**

"_So you're in love with Kate, who doesn't know you exist half the time, Gina is still madly in love with you, Paula would screw you in the Palace Garden given the chance she's so smitten, and then there's me, who thinks you are one of the most wonderful men I have ever met. _

_I would take even a one-night stand if it were all that was offered, No wonder you are terrified. I understand Rick, I really do, it's just I want you to know that being with you isn't like work, it's like we're on a date without the sex, until you are ready to add that, again, when you're ready."_

_Cricket had managed to do what so many other woman could never do, leave Rick totally speechless, and blushing like a teenager._

*********************************************************************************/

**GREYBROOK HOUSE **

**London England **

**2:00 PM Local Time Following Monday**

Paula indeed had not been happy when she was informed that Rick and Katherine were moving effective the next day, Saturday to a fancy apartment the publishing house had purchased. It wasn't lost on her that the young lady would essentially be living with Rick, even though she had her own apartment. Paula had hoped to have at least one night alone with Rick before she had to return to New York, but even at Dinner, Katherine was always at his side, almost as if they were attached at the hip.

**FLASHBACK FRIDAY EVENING **

Rick sensed the hurt feelings and surprised her by accompanying her to the airport Friday evening. She didn't know if she should be grateful or consider it an act of pity, but that feeling was quickly cleared as Rick began talking to her on the ride.

"Paula, I know that you are hurt, and believe me, I would never deliberately do anything to hurt you for anything in the world, you've been with me through some tough times, as well as the good ones. Please remember, you helped negotiate the contracts, and now, I'm a Ghost, Rick Castle is on hold till I complete this contract, then I can resurface. Just like you need to control things with Gina and Black Pawn, Katherine is in a tough spot with Lord Barrow, I mean if I mess this up, she could lose her job.

In essence our professional relationship is on hold till I complete the writing per this contract, which doesn't mean the personal one is done. You need to sit back and think what your plans are, I may never return to the states, I don't know, I have no idea of what I want or who I want it with at this point.

I've told Gina, you and Katherine the same thing, I'm being honest, Paula I love you and I'm very thankful for everything but there will never be an us, physical or emotional no matter how hot you are and how much lower cut your tops get. That's not what I'm looking for, and you shouldn't lower yourself to get any man. You need someone who loves you for you, and you'll never find him while you pine and hope for something that won't ever be."

She looks up at him, and tears come to her eyes, as he slides his arm around her,

"Hey, Gerald in copyright has the hots so bad for you, you'll be his Angel in the Morning if you just give him a little sign"

"I love you, you're a big lug that takes a while to understand things, but your heart is bigger than Texas, always trying to do the right thing. Thanks Rick, I guess I needed to hear it direct, and you're right, I do need to get out and be happy, hell that's what we're trying to do here for you" as they both laugh

"I guess it hadn't dawned on me that you're right, it's not business as usual, and you do have a different dynamic to please, I'm sorry, Rick, whatever happens, Gina, Katherine or as much as it hurts that damn cop, I just want you to be happy, but Ricky, you can't be until you take care of yourself. Write well, enjoy England and if you're in the mood, Katherine has made no qualms about it, she's waiting on you. I love you, now let me get out and get through customs. I'll call you next week, unless something needs attention before then, Good Bye Rick, Enjoy England" as she kissed him sweetly and innocently on the lips then was out of the car, heading toward customs and her flight home."

Rick returned home, glad he had invested the time, Paula was a sweet woman deep down, and she was fiercely loyal to him. As he walked through the door, Katherine was waiting with a robe, slippers and three fingers of his favorite single malt whiskey.

"Come join me in front of the fireplace Rick, it takes the chill out of the air, and I hope I didn't overstep with this" motioning to the slippers in his hands.

"Cricket, this is exactly what I needed, thank you so much"

"I take it that you and Paula had a talk and it bothered you, you're such a sweet man, it's time to think about you."

"Well, I think she's finally understood that since I'm not working on Richard Castle, her role is gone, filled by you, it stung her a bit, but she opened up and she's fine now. I told her she needed to get her life in order and find her own happiness, not keep waiting for something that wasn't ever gonna happen."

Rick feels his face turned gently towards Katherine, "What ever you need, Rick, any time, any place and I'm here. I know you want everyone to be happy, but believe me, right now working with you is the happiest I have been in a very long time." As she kissed him sweetly and gently, "no pressure just know I'm here for you for everything,"

"I think I better go to my room Cricket, right now, I may do something that isn't fair to you, or so many others, and I won't lead you on, please understand this is tough for a man who would love to take you to my room and ravish you all night, but I need it to be the right time, I'm sorry"

"Thanks Rick, just knowing you have a desire for me is enough for now, Good Night, see you in the morning,"

**FLASH FORWARD **

Rick and Katherine have worked all morning going over the possible story concepts, and trying to insure that an American could write something that the British audience would embrace as if Sir Ian had still written it, a couple of thoughts Rick thought he could pull off, but failed upon cross examination from Katherine.

She proved to be as valuable as she was sweet, as Rick became frustrated, she simply slid another idea under his nose, almost a challenge. If he concentrated on showing her, his frustration wouldn't derail the book before it got started.

She spotted a story where Bond was suffering from a loss of someone so close to him, yet he needed to put his feeling aside to protect the Kingdom, not a stretch to get Rick connected, and she would help him with the details that were relevant to the UK.

As soon as he saw it, he knew he had been setup, he simply pulled her in for a hug, and asked, "How Long have you hid this one from me?"

"Excuse me Mr. Castle, I don't have any idea of what you speak of", then she lost it, even she couldn't keep straight face and started laughing.

"So, what's next do I email Lord Barrow the idea selection and await approval?"

"Actually Rick, I have the email drafted it you want to look it over I'll send it out and L. B. will so happy that your first milestone is ahead of schedule. I'll go over the remaining tasks and deliveries after dinner or tomorrow depending on what plans you have."

"Katherine, I mean you have to have a social life we worked the entire weekend settling in, getting the computer and boosters setup, and you were here till after midnight, hardly resting at all. Isn't there someone you would like to spend some time with?"

"Actually yes, and before you say no, it's not a trick, or my way to seduce you, but I would love to go out with you, enjoy a lovely evening and then just listen to some music, dancing optional if you feel like it. Like you said we have worked a ton of hours, and we're ahead of schedule so if you're up to it,"

Rick smiled, "let me make a call first, by now Gina should be at the loft and Alexis home or on her way to Violin lessons," he stepped a few steps away, and Katherine left to give him more privacy, whispering,

"I'll be back in a jiff, got to change my clothes" as she headed for the lift that was in the middle of the great room to take her to her apartment."

Rick called his little girl, truth be told he was missing her more than anyone or anything else but knew she would soon be gone to start her life, just as it should be.

"Hi Daddy, how's the new book going, and how is England, miss me at all?" all in one breath,

"To answer your questions pumpkin, Great, and even more spectacular than I thought, finally More than you'll ever know," as he relaxed and smiled into the phone.

"Well, I'm glad Dad, you sound so much better, Paula called us and told us that the new deal was better than it looked even on paper. She didn't reveal where you where, so she is learning Dad, she sounded different too. Maybe the trip was good for her as well."

"I think it was Pumpkin, we got a chance to talk, and now that this deal is in place, she or Gina don't have the pressures as they usually do. By the way, where is Gina, not that it's a state secret, but if she doesn't know something she can't get in trouble at Black Pawn."

"She's at work, something about a budget meeting revisions, and called me to let me know so I could grab dinner if she wasn't home at her regular time, you forget Daddy it's almost 8:00 there, but I just got home from school, it's only three PM here"

I'll probably get it right by the time this contract is over" as they both laugh.

"So, what's your plans tonight Dad, after all it's a school night and I expect you home before my bedtime," she laughed, as Rick looked out the window longingly,

"I wish I could be there Pumpkin, I mean this is great but, I do miss my little girl, and don't say it, I know you're almost grown but let me have that image tonight, OK baby?"

"Sure Dad, and if we're honest, I go into your office, just to sit in your chair for a few minutes, I miss you too Daddy, BUT you need to get well, and you have three books to write, tough job all by yourself."

"Well Daughter, I would send you some pictures, I've taken a ton, but those will have to wait till it's know where I am and what I'm doing, not sure how long we can keep it under cover, but the longer the better.

Just so you know I don't have to do it all by myself, I have a wonderful assistant named Katherine, don't say anything, they're nothing alike except both beautiful. She's sweet and always looks out for me, I think even Gina would love her. She's smart, dedicated, and*"

"And I bet she's a Beauty as well, Dad you're there to write and get over one heartbreak, not break a young woman's heart in the process."

"I know Sweetie, and I was very honest with her, I didn't need to be, she had already researched me thoroughly and knew of the skeletons in my closet, and to answer your question, Cricket, that's he nickname, and I are going out to dinner, we worked all weekend with takeout and fast food so time to sit down to relax for an evening."

"Well Daddy, I want you to have a good time, but be sure you tell Cricket all about Detective Beckett, it wouldn't be fair to her to lead her on, I mean that's never been you Daddy, and that's one thing I'm so proud of you for. Gina and I did call Kate and apologize as you wished, and Gina dropped the lawsuit, so once she goes back, she just has to work her way back up, at least she didn't get fired."

"Like I said pumpkin, The High Road won't get you thrown in a gutter, so always take it, even if it is painful. Well I have to get ready for dinner, I love you, tell Gina I called and thanks for being her, she's very special to me, even more now that she's filling the role of your Mom."

"OK Dad, Gina has been great, I'll tell her, she doesn't ask much, she said she's giving you the space she should have given you when you two were married, whatever that means but none of my business, Call me later in the week, and Daddy you are 5 hours AHEAD of New York time," as she laughed,

"OK, I'll get you for that, Love you Pumpkin, I'll call you later this week, "

"Bye Dad Love you too, and tell Cricket to take care of you, while I'm not around" then the line goes dead.

"She sounds like a wonderful young lady Rick, sorry but I couldn't help overhearing some of your conversation as she saw him turn from looking out the window.

"Oh, she is, she practically raised herself, me along with her, and if I wanted the conversation to be private, I've got offices with doors on them" he smiled back

"I'm glad she knows me as Cricket, and that I do work hard to make sure your every need is met, something tells me you're used to having pretty woman take care of you" she laughed.

"I'm hurt my dear, I do not require them to do all they do, but to be honest, you're right, I have been blessed with some wonderful women in my life, now that includes you as well."

A slight blush comes over her as she replied, "I'm sure they did a lot more than I do, but thank you Rick, it means a great deal to me. I love how Alexis lectured you about not hurting me, you're a fantastic father to have your daughter thinking of other's feelings, especially when she's never met them, and as close as she has become to her step mother."

"OK I thought you were hungry and wanted to dance, where to My Lady," as he bowed to her, his method of ending a conversation that was deeply personal to him.

"We have reservations at the Ministry of Sound, for 9:30 PM, I hope that's OK, they have four different clubs and restaurants so whatever your fancy is when we get there"

"Wait, that's always sold out, how did you get reservations?"

"To quote someone very close to me, "I know a Bloke"

Rick howls with laughter, as Cricket looks on, "What?"

"Sweetie, it's I know a guy, not Bloke, but that made my week, come on let's go see what this bloke's done for you"

She punches him slightly on the arm as he assists her into her wrap, then wraps his arm around her as they leave the residence, yeah this is going to be a good night for sure.


	15. Chapter 15

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candle light. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you, I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

A/N Once again all reviews are appreciated, many are loving this story, others want me to get them back together at once which is **NOT** going to happen, so if that's your expectation, you will be disappointed. Also please be respectful to not only me but other readers with your comments, we all have the right to like what we do, Thx Tim

**Chapter 15**

**Previously**

"_She sounds like a wonderful young lady Rick, sorry but I couldn't help overhearing some of your conversation" as she saw him turn from looking out the window._

"_Oh, she is, she practically raised herself, me along with her, and if I wanted the conversation to be private, I've got offices with doors on them" he smiled back_

"_I'm glad she knows me as Cricket, and that I do work hard to make sure your every need is met, something tells me you're used to having pretty woman take care of you" she laughed._

***********************************************************************************/

**ONE MONTH LATER**

**NYPD 12****th**** Precinct**

**Monday 7:00 AM**

Kate was nervous, more nervous than she had been on her first day as a Rookie, as a Detective, or at anytime she had ever walked into the precinct. Her suspension had been served, she never knew how long thirty days could seem. She had completed her visits to Doctor Burke that were required but decided to remain in therapy, the kind gentleman was her anchor now, she could call when she thought she was about to go off the rails. He cleared her for duty and smiled when she had asked about continuing their visits, even reserving an early time slot for her at 7:00 AM if she needed it or wanted to keep it quiet.

She greeted Desk Sargent Hawkins with a wave as he waved her through to the elevators, she waited, again what seemed a lifetime, but in reality only a minute elapsed before she was walking off the elevator towards Roy Montgomery's office with her official paperwork in hand. She was interrupted from her thoughts by the sign of a smiling Irish Detective who stepped into her pathway, and started to speak, very shyly, almost like he was afraid of her response.

"Hey Kate, it's good to see you, the place hasn't been the same. I know I've said it before but I'm really sorry for the hardships you and Javi had to go through."

Kate stopped, collected her thoughts as she stared at Detective Ryan, whose smile began to dim, till finally she stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. "Good to see you to Kev, how's Ginny doing? I've missed your ugly mug, but thanks for calling to check on me, I appreciated it."

His smile lights up half the room, "She's doing better, still on bed rest but she's a lot stronger now, thanks for asking Kate"

"Sure, Where's Roy?" as she noticed his office dark and still closed.

"He took a few days' vacation, he left word with me and Roz to just process your paperwork to get you back on the payroll and benefits, and give it to the HR Admin. He'll be back Wednesday and only he can re-issue your shield and gun, so it's paperwork for two days, I'm sorry Kate."

"No Problem Kev, probably good to start slow, Have you heard from Espo? "

The look on his face gives his answer away, but he says politely, "I haven't and I'm probably the last one who will, I called him when I called you, he hung on me after calling me a few names in English and Spanish, but hey it is what it is"

"He'll come around Kev, eventually"

"Really Kate, I don't think so, but he has his life to live and I have mine so I'll still help him where I can but unless he changes his attitude Ann is going to recommend end of probation quickly, and he will be terminated."

Kate shuddered as she recalled how her actions or not acting put all of them in this situation.

"Well it'll work out, have you heard anything from Castle or his family since I've been gone?"

"Funny you ask Kate, I called his land line from a payphone, finally got in touch with Little Castle, she wasn't alone as another woman's voice was in the background, it wasn't Miss Rogers, but definitely a woman. She wouldn't tell me anything other than he wasn't available, and to stop calling the residence, all 12th precinct personnel were blocked and if she had to, she would call her Uncle Bob."

"It was probably Gina staying over, Martha's tour got extended I read in the entertainment section. Whatever happened, Rick is done, I mean totally done with us all. I take responsibility for that, I'm sorry Kevin, I know he was a great friend to you and Ginny."

"You know Kate, even when he had cut ties, he heard about Ginny's problem and the expensive medication we had to buy, Rick sent a Hospital Bed, and paid for all her medications till the baby is born, all the card said was Good Luck Lead Detective, Proud of you, Rick.

He may be hurt, angry, maybe even disappointed but I don't think he hates us, I mean how did he know my situation, not many people did here."

"I don't know Kev, it still makes me feel like crap when I think back how I, Espo and Tom treated him the last days he was here. That's one thing I wish I could just say I'm sorry to him, and let him know just how sorry I really am, hopefully someday I will"

"I wouldn't bet on it Kate, I know someone ran phone and financials on him and it's like he disappeared, nothing, no transactions no calls no texts, it sounds like he doesn't want to hear from us or anyone."

Kevin could tell that this really upset Kate more than she tried to let on, so he quickly changed the subject.

"Kate why don't you take your old desk, Roz will be in soon and she can direct what she wants done but that will get you back in the game. I had IT restore your login and privileges to most of the screens you had access to, some you know are for Leads, and they took that permissions away, sorry."

"Thanks Kev, this helps a lot to work back into the groove, tell Ginny hi and we'll have to get together when she's able"

**Same Time Frame**

**GREYBROOK HOUSE **

**London England **

**Monday 12:00 Noon**

Rick had made tremendous progress on his first book about that certain British Agent, over the past month, due much to Cricket's help. She not only provided input but also served as his sounding board when he was frustrated or hit a block. Usually after a glass of wine, and sitting with her for a conversation, a light bulb turned on.

He had chosen the Title **No Time to Mourn**, had it approved immediately which according to Cricket, never happened with L. B., and was almost three- and one-half weeks ahead of his schedule that had been approved. Lord Barrow was more than pleased, and had suggested Rick and Katherine take a week or so off, to avoid burn out, and if Rick wished he could fly to New York to see his family. A very welcome opportunity indeed.

Rick had taken to including Cricket in his calls to Alexis, which most often also included Gina, and SKYPE had become a tool that relieved some of the sting of being away. Cricket and Alexis hit it off immediately, and to Gina's credit if she were jealous, she did a good job hiding it and was welcoming to her.

Gina even kidded Rick on a few occasions about his accent, he had begun to pick up some phrasing that the Brits used, unconsciously. Bloody, Jolly and Gobsmacked had slipped into his descriptions more and more, and when he announced that he was coming home to visit for 10 days, but it had to be kept secret from everyone. She had figured out where he was and what he was doing, he had wanted to write a book about this character since before she met him, and it was only fitting he was getting his opportunity now while he cleared his head from New York distractions.

Alexis went bonkers as Cricket would say when she knew she would see her Dad next week, and Gina was also very pleased planning on spending time with the man she just couldn't stop loving. Her plans were dashed when Cricket said **they** would be arriving on British Airway Flight number 447 at JFK next Tuesday.

"So you're coming with Rick as well Cricket, I'll let the Car Service know to pick up Ms. Spencer party of two, to keep your cover Rick, but please, do something more than sunglasses and a damn baseball cap" as they all laughed.

"I hope that's OK Gina, I have a girlfriend I'm going to try to reconnect while I'm there, and I can stay at a hotel if your family would rather have alone time,"

"Don't be ridiculous Cricket, you're not staying in a hotel, anyone who has taken care of my Dad and gotten him this happy is family, so you're staying here, that's final."

"Cricket, please use the time off to do whatever you wish, but we won't think of you staying anywhere but with us, besides that's how we can get the true story of what's going on, just us girls talking" as the three women giggle.

Cricket looked over to Rick off camera, and he smiled and nodded yes,

"Well Thank you for making me feel so welcome, please tell me when you would like some private time, and I'll bugger off,"

"Trust me Cricket, you'll probably bugger off to escape from us long before we would tell you to," Alexis said as they laughed again.

"Well, we have to get some scheduled items complete so we can go, so we'll see you all next week, Tuesday, 11:10 AM EST, Flight 447 British Airways, I'll email the confirmation to you so you can add it to your calendar Gina, if that's OK.

"That's perfect Cricket, can't wait to see you both, I love you Rick, take care and don't be a pain on the flight like you can be sometimes", she laughed, but the I love you was serious and everyone on the call knew it.

Bye Cricket, Bye Daddy, I can't wait, I love you" then the screen went blank, Rick knew that Alexis hung up quick because she didn't want her Dad to see her cry.

"Did I do something wrong Rick, I mean Alexis cut the call quickly"

"No Cricket, it wasn't you, Alexis doesn't want to me to see her cry, so she ended the call before I could see her tears."

"She's a remarkable young lady Rick, but if staying at your residence is going to put a damper in yours or Gina's plans, I really can stay at the hotel, it's fine."

"Cricket, if you want to get me in trouble with my daughter, try staying at the hotel, she'd have a car there for you and the drivers WOULD bring you back" he smiled

"As for Gina and me, you know the story, it's the same I told you, my broken heart is not ready to pick up and move on, it's far too soon. Gina and I talked, I think she's worried that I am with a young and attractive woman, her mind immediately goes to Page Six Rick, an image she created to sell books that was never me to begin with."

"Rick, are you sure, I mean I care deeply for you, but you and she have history, if you can salvage the time you spent together, you sh*"

"Cricket, you ever hear the saying an Ex is an Ex for a reason? There's history there, but unfortunately not all good, and mostly my fault, so I'm trusting time instead of hormones to lead to the right direction"

"You just don't know how special you are do you?" she leans in and tiptoes to kiss his cheek, "Now back to work or we can't go"

"Yes Master, at your service" he laughs, the deep baritone sounds that soothes Crickets soul knowing he his happy, that is his tell that he can't fake. She can't wait till next Monday since the flight will be a Red Eye but give them one more actual day in New York. This was the first of many trips she hoped with this wonderful talented man across the desk from her,


	16. Chapter 16

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 16**

**Previously**

"_Did I do something wrong Rick; I mean Alexis cut the call quickly"_

"_No Cricket, it wasn't you, Alexis doesn't want to me to see her cry, so she ended the call before I could see her tears."_

"_She's a remarkable young lady Rick, but if staying at your residence is going to put a damper in yours or Gina's plans, I really can stay at the hotel, it's fine."_

"_Cricket, if you want to get me in trouble with my daughter, try staying at the hotel, she'd have a car there for you and the drivers __**WOULD**__ bring you back" he smiled_

"_As for Gina and me, you know the story, it's the same as I told you, my broken heart is not ready to pick up and move on, it's far too soon. Gina and I talked, I think she's worried that I am with a young and attractive woman, her mind immediately goes to Page Six Rick, an image she created to sell books that was never me to begin with."_

*****************************************************************************************/

**NYPD 12****th**** Precinct**

**Wednesday AM 7:45 AM**

**Captain Montgomery's Office**

Kate had fell back into the routine very quickly, now remembering why the boys complained about the paperwork so much. Roz and she had gone out to lunch Monday and cleared the air and set expectations from both, since it was a very awkward situation, one that both felt uncomfortable with.

Kate assured Roz to tone her back if old habits cropped up, she promised to be more of a follower, not the one issuing the orders as much as she could, but if she needed a smack, she totally understood. It might even feel good to be a worker rather than a leader, letting someone else catch the Hell from above.

The lunch seemed to take the pressure off, and the ladies were working well together by the time Captain returned from his mini vacation. The first order of business for Kate was to retrieve her permanent ID and Shield, along with her gun, she had to be buzzed in as a Visitor since Monday and it was annoying. She arrived early to see the Captain, but he didn't arrive till after 7:00 AM and had a line waiting to see him by then.

Finally, he barked, "OK Beckett, get in here, I don't have all day."

"Good to see you back Detective, I've heard and read the reports from Doctor Burke, looks like you've made some progress there. Roz complimented how gracious you have been so thank you for not making a bad situation worse. You know you'll have to re qualify before you get your piece back", as he continued to look down at the paperwork.

Kate pulled the target, and signature out from behind her back along with the form signed by the Sargent at the Shooting Range verifying she had indeed re-qualified with great scores.

"Sir, here is my re qualification certification as well as target, may I have my gun back now along with my shield, and ID, I'll have Roz talk to IT to reactivate it"

Roy looked up through sad eyes as he pulled out her gun, and shield leaving one behind a reminder that Javi still needed to return to make the team whole, well not team but at least three friends, were they even friends anymore, had she destroyed that as well?

"Here you are Detective, your ID was never inactivated so it should work right away, any questions?" Giving her an opening to ask anything but she wouldn't bite, if he wanted to talk, he would have to initiate it. Part of Doctor Burke's therapy sessions was to own YOUR actions not those of others, that's their responsibility.

"No Questions Sir, may I be dismissed Sir?"

Her formality and non-emotion struck Roy, here was a woman he had went to bat for countless times now acting like it was part of a movie script, no emotion, no relief, just the words.

"Dismissed Detective, welcome back"

"Right Sir, Thank You" and she was out of his office, now she, his mentee was just another employee, no more, no less and the hurt of a relationship lost saddened him.

Kate had felt bad not speaking to her Captain as she used to, but those days were over. He was her boss's boss and would be treated like any ranking officer, with respect and dignity, but the days of him knowing personal details about her were dead and gone.

They died just like her chance with Castle, all that remained were the memories, and following her therapy you can't live in the past, learn from it and move on. It had hurt her tremendously when she was suspended, not the time, or loss in rank, but the loss of personal relationships, with the Captain, Kev, Javi, hell Lanie had only called her twice, both calls brief during her time off. Without Maddie she would have had no one, so as the good Doctor had said, learn and move on, that's exactly what she was doing.

**Tuesday 11:00 AM**

**JFK Airport**

**International Terminal**

Rick and Cricket had boarded the flight at 10:00 AM Local Time at Heathrow, and here it was barely after 11:00 AM on the same day in the states. The flight had been great, Jacinda wasn't working, to Rick's relief, he didn't want to introduce anyone else into the complex equation he was dealing with the ladies. Cricket had managed a few hours of sleep, her head falling on Rick's shoulder and her hand grasping his from takeoff, apparently, she didn't enjoy flying.

Rick had let his beard grow out, donned his sunglasses and a new hat, Cricket had misplaced his Yankees Cap, conveniently before the flight, his hair was longer and dressing in clothes that had been purchased in the UK, abandoning his sport coat and expensive slacks for a more comfortable and modern look in dress jeans and loafers, helped disguise the author in his home city's airport. He didn't look like the same man who had boarded a plane six weeks ago, not sure where his life was taking him.

He had missed Alexis terribly, and if he was telling the truth, he missed Gina as well. His thoughts of Beckett had grown less and less each day he spent with Cricket, and once he had gotten past the first few nights, his dreams and sleepless nights started to get fewer. There were times he had to admit, that out of no where she would pop into his thoughts, and he had to really watch, he slipped once and called Cricket, Kate, thank God her name was Katherine, so she didn't think too much about it, or so she said.

True to her word, Gina had arranged a town car, driver waiting on Ms. Spencer and Guest at the bottom of baggage claim. As soon as Rick saw the driver, he knew it was Alonzo, so this would be his first test of his disguise.

"Good Morning I'm Ms. Spencer and this is my guest" Cricket announced as came near the driver.

"Good Morning Mam, I will get the luggage, Good Morning Sir, we are parked right outside, and your destination is approximately 25 minutes. There is cold water, and other refreshments in the mini bar, please help yourself." He looked at Rick, but if he caught on, he didn't say a word, it was a glance not a stare so perhaps the disguise was working.

Cricket raised the screen providing privacy as they traveled to the Loft, mesmerized by the City, Bridges and as they departed the airport the number of cars that were almost gridlocked, even at this hour of the morning. "Is it always like this, so crowded on the motorway?"

"It's called a freeway or Interstate, and yes, sometimes even worse. One reason most people living in New York rely on public transportation, it's just not worth trying to drive here" as he smiled at Cricket, as she almost slipped and called him Richard. They had agreed he would answer to Edgar while they were in public, something simple for them to remember.

"I heard about the traffic but to be honest I thought my friend was exaggerating, but I don't think I could deal with this every day, my word,"

Just as she finished her statement, the limo pulled into the underground parking garage where limos, cabs, and rides for hire dropped off at. The driver was out of the car, opening the door and assisting Cricket out of the car as Rick exited on the opposite side. The luggage was gathered, and Rick fought off the temptation to tip the driver with his palming technique, rather he handed a US $50 dollar bill to the driver, who thanked him and was off on his way.

"Well we're here, how are you doing Cricket? No need to be nervous, I'll warn you Alexis will be all over you with hugs, she's just that way"

"And you're worried I will get hurt by something Gina says or does, It's OK Rick, I understand she still loves you, and I'm sure will be charming, no worries, I won't hold anything against her, I promise"

"OK then we'll use the elevators over there, that way we don't have to risk Eduardo blowing my cover"

A few minutes later they had arrived at the floor, and as Cricket started to exit, Rick stopped her, "Just a sec, I want to thank you, I mean really thank you, you've done so much and if **ANYTHING** makes you uncomfortable, please promise me you'll tell me OK?"

Cricket looks at him, smiles and says "Let me see, a woman who is practically living with you, spending over 80 hours a week working hand in hand, travelling with you, and staying in your home with your daughter and ex-wife who is still over the moon in love with you, what could possibly go wrong in this scenario Rick" as she laughs and makes him laugh as well,

"Look I know women, and territories and I'll be good, and I promise I won't do anything to provoke it, but I'll tell you if I get upset, OK? Now you happy? Because if you are, I need to use the restroom so let's go already" again laughing,

Rick used his Key Fob, walked through the door quietly, as Gina sat on the couch reading what looked like a manuscript, and Alexis was lying on the couch beside her. What struck Rick was Gina was stroking Alexis hair gently as she read, and the younger woman was practically asleep.

"Guess no one cares Dad's home" he boomed out and Alexis fell over her feet running to get to him and Cricket. Hugging and kissing her Dad on the cheek as the other arm reached for Cricket,

"Why didn't you call us, we were going to have lunch all delivered and setup?" Gina asked as she walked over and kissed Rick sweetly and hugged him tight for a few extra moments.

"Hi and welcome Cricket, I'm Gina, I hope you had a good trip" as she pulled her in for a hug, followed by Alexis, and wound up being a group hug.

"I'm sorry Cricket, forgive my bad manners, Welcome, I'm sure you'll want to use the rest room , just follow me" as she took one hand and guided her to the downstairs guest bath.

Gina took that opportunity to kiss Rick in the manner she wanted to, deep, long, passionate and some tongue, "God I missed you, I'm so glad you're home even for a little while."

Alexis called and had the lunch caterers there in just a few minutes as they sat, Cricket with a water, Gina with a Mai Tai, and Rick a cup of his favorite coffee, he had missed so badly. Alexis was talking a mile a minute,

"Dad, why did you grow your beard, and that hat is boss, I know you didn't pick it out, I almost didn't recognize you so good job on the disguise for him Cricket"

"Hey, don't I get credit, I mean I did*"

"Did what Rick, grow the beard, I trimmed it to keep you from looking like one of those reality show contestants, I purchased your travel outfit, figuring no one would ever expect Richard Castle in penny loafers, and jeans"

"You did a great job Cricket, I know his outfit, how did you get him out of that damn baseball cap" Gina smiled, and it was a sincere smile, reducing some of the initial tension.

"Truthfully, Gina, I hid it last week, I knew he wouldn't give it up so it's someplace he'll never think to look,"

"And where prey tell is that Miss Spencer?" Rick feigned anger,

"Where you never look, the Laundry Room" as everyone laughed including Rick,

It was good to be home, Alexis was in his lap, just like she did when she was young and he came home from book tours, Gina was more than cordial, and from what he could see Cricket was fitting right in with the other women in his life, a huge relief since he loved them all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 17**

**Previously**

"_You did a great job Cricket, I know his outfit, how did you get him out of that damn baseball cap" Gina smiled, and it was a sincere smile, reducing some of the initial tension._

"_Truthfully, Gina, I hid it last week, I knew he wouldn't give it up so it's someplace he'll never think to look,"_

"_And where prey tell is that Miss Spencer?" Rick feigned anger,_

"_Where you never look, the Laundry Room" as everyone laughed including Rick,_

_It was good to be home, Alexis was in his lap, just like she did when she was young and he came home from book tours, Gina was more than cordial, and from what he could see Cricket was fitting right in with the other women in his life, a huge relief since he loved them all._

******************************************************************************/

**Castle's Loft**

**Later Same Evening**

Rick had enjoyed being with his little girl, who in spite of herself couldn't stop the tears when she told her Dad about being selected for first chair for the Violin in the All City Orchestra, how she had rushed home to tell him about it, and it was only when she opened his office, she remembered he wasn't there. Rick held her as she cried, fighting his own tears, then she stopped and pulled back, then "Daddy, I realized why you got that look on your face every time I would mention a college far away from New York, I understand now Dad."

"Well Baby, I had to let go, it's by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do so far, I'm not looking forward to walking you down the aisle so don't hurry that, but I realized you need to be an adult while I'm here on this earth. Even if I'm across the ocean, you can still reach me when you need me, I'm never too busy for my pumpkin", as he pulled her in so she could hide her tears, and kissed her head just as he did 14 years ago.

"Alexis, did you know that I played the cello many many moons ago while I was at University, I wasn't that good but I enjoyed playing with the string section in the orchestra for plays and pageants."

"Really you played the cello, WOW Dad, Pretty, and smart you outdid yourself with your Assistant" she laughed

"Well as much as I would love to take credit for hiring her, I can't actually she's why I have an office that reminds me so much of here, I can really get in the zone easily."

Cricket knew Rick wanted to spend some adult time with Gina, they needed to finalize the last book for Heat, and it was a totally separate matter she did not need to hear about.

"Alexis, would you mind showing me your award winning performance, I think Gina and your Dad need to work out some final details for the last Heat Book, so let's give them some privacy,"

"Duh, Gina, I'm so sorry, I've been hogging Dad all night, I'm sorry,"

"Hey Baby, it's all right, you and Cricket come back in a bit, this shouldn't take too long, I'm sure your Dad will be happy with some edits I made"

"OK, we'll be back as they headed up the stairs", as Gina leads Rick to his office area, as soon as the door was closed she kissed him so his toes curled and almost lost his shoes.

"I know it's not the time or place Rick, but I needed that, it's been a long time, and I missed you more than I ever thought I could. This time hurts more than the divorce because I couldn't substitute anger for pain, I'm sorry Rick, this isn't helping you, but I have to be honest with you."

Rick smiled, then to Gina's surprise he returned the kiss as deeply and passionately as she had, "You're not the only one who missed it" he smiled.

"But you have Cricket. I mean she's beautiful and just li*"

"Just like the models you fixed me up with for parties, but Gina, she's my Assistant, we work together spend a lot of time together, and no matter what you think I have not, nor has she, she would, but my heart needs time to heal. I have two women, one that would die for me, the other almost killed me that I have to get straight. Cricket is beautiful, but no Gina, not for me, I even told her I love you,"

"Rick, I know you love me, is there any chance that you'll ever be in love with me."

"Gina, please don't ask me a question I don't know the answer to, I'm taking it one day at a time and trying, to be open and honest with you, Cricket, hell I even told Paula to go find someone else. Sweetie, I'm working on getting over a heartbreak, but I don't know what the future holds, I'm sorry, I know you want to hear something else, I just can't lie and say it now"

Gina locks onto his eyes, and she smiles through her tears, "Rick, Baby you've honest, that's all anyone could ask for, you never lied to me, and you are still true to that. Just know whatever that makes you happy, I'll be here for you."

She kisses him once again, but any hopes or thoughts of some private time are dashed as they hear noises of Alexis and Cricket returning down the stairs. Gina couldn't resist, and stole one deeper long kiss, then headed to the desk where she surprised Rick with a mock up of what the final Heat Book would look like.

"**Extinguished Heat"** was the title, one that Gina had coached Rick into using something less bold than he had suggested. The book and series would conclude not with Heat dying, or Rook leaving her, Gina talked Rick into letting them simply retire, and go their own way, him to Europe and her to Africa to meet up with a doctor serving with a relief effort there.

Gina had a huge sign and posters made, End of an Era, Good luck Nikki, Jameson and tons of other sayings running through the pattern that the title page was printed on. She had planned the launch party to be like a Farewell Themed party. The dedication was the only thing Rick needed to approve, and Gina was nervous about it. He had professed his devotion and how he felt about the extraordinary KB in an earlier book.

Rick reviewed the book and was blown away, never had Black Pawn invested this type of promotion on one of his books, "Gina, you're going to get fired using this much budget for my book"

"Rick, I don't care, this is truly the end of an era, this was your most successful series and the only thing we need to do now before going to press is finalize the dedication."

"I knew that was holding you up so I worked on it on the trip over, I'm not sure how good it is, I'm so used to first you then Cricket correcting and enhancing, hell sometimes I think you're the real writers." As he hand a slip of paper to Gina,

"_As we reach this milestone, this book, and series is dedicated not to any police officer living, but to __**all those who gave their **__**all**__, their families left behind, as well as all the friends touched by such sacrifice, "No Greater Love does a man have than to lay down his for others" . The total proceeds for this book will be donated to the New York Police Department Widows and Orphans fund in gratitude for those officers, and for you the fans who have supported this series, it's characters and me. My Deepest Thanks to all, God Bless, Rick Castle"_

"What do you think Gina, too mushy, too dramatic?"

She turns and Rick sees her face streaked with tears, "It's perfect, Rick. Don't change a word. We can go to press tonight and start early distribution next week.

"We better get out there you know, before they think we're in here do*"

"Fighting, or making Love, that's what we did best in this room Rick, I loved this place, every time I come here, I take a piece of my heart with me that was left when I was so stupid. Alexis has been a God Send to me Rick, I'm so thankful you allowed me to stay in her life."

Rick opened the door and Alexis could tell that Gina had been crying, "Hey is everything OK Gina, Dad what did you do?"

"Baby these are happy tears", as she handed the dedication to Alexis to read,

"Dad, that's beautiful, can I show Cricket?"

"Of course, she's probably seen some of the manuscript I left lying around, so yes please let Cricket read it."

Cricket reads, walks over kisses Rick on the cheek and goes to Gina and draws her into a huge hug. "This is absolutely beautiful, and one of the most generous gifts I have ever heard of, absolutely brilliant"

Gina made a few calls and promised Rick, Copy One as always would be delivered to the loft within three days. Then she surprised him again,

"Here is it's environmentally controlled case Rick, no need to worry about the pages with this. Hell all the tears I shed, the fights, and all the calls, God the calls I had to make to get this series printed," she started laughing, which soon turned to tears as it dawned on her, Rick was now a free agent, no longer under contract to Black Pawn.

"Hey you OK Gina,"

"Yeah, I just realized that your contract with Black Pawn is now done, 12 years as your editor and publisher and now, you're gone."

"Hey, we don't know what the future holds, think about all the free time you're gonna have not having to chase me for missed deadlines. Rick laughs, but Gina still cries, and Cricket is the first to her side.

"Gina, I know I just met you, but I don't think from what I have seen, you'll ever not be part of Rick's life, or Alexis as well. I had to close a publishing house and I haven't heard from many friends, well I thought they were friends, but you have the family here Gina, that won't go away no matter what."

The remainder of the evening was spent with telling horror stories that Rick had subjected Gina to while she was his editor. A lot of laughter, a few tears but through it all, Rick held her hand and told her no matter what working arrangement came, she was part of the family just as Cricket said.

**Castle's Loft**

**Three Days Later**

Rick had enjoyed the taste and cuisine of the foods he hadn't be able to get for the last 6 weeks, he bought 24 hot dogs from Nathans just to prove to Cricket that it was the best hot dog on the planet.

Cricket had spent two days with her friend from University as she would say, affording Rick and Gina some time alone, Cricket had faced the fact that she was never going to have Rick, well his heart, that was going to either Gina or this Detective Beckett she had heard about in passing. From what she knew, she certainly hoped for Gina, who honestly loved him, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Rick had been totally surprised with the support and love that Gina had put into the plans for the launch party, it would be held two nights before he had to leave for England and back to his new role. As they were sitting on the couch working out some final details of the launch, there was a knock on the door, as well as the buzzer ringing.

Rick stepped into his office as Gina answered the door to find a special delivery from the Publishing house, it was Copy One of the FINAL Heat novel. As they opened the parcel and carefully removed the book using gloves that were provided, Rick couldn't help but see the tears in Gina's eyes. Once the book was safely put away, in it's new case, and proudly displayed in the Trophy Case, Rick took her hand, and led her back to the couch.

"Sweetie, it's the end of a book series, not us, I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but I won't lie to you, and I'm sorry you're hurting. I wouldn't blame you if you told me to go to England and stay there, I really don't want to see you cry, knowing it's me that's causing those tears."

"When you say things like that I could kill you Richard Castle, don't you get it, these tears are not sad, they're just happy for the last 12 years, God we both were fools so often. Can I ask you one favor, before you have to go back, can we all go to the Hamptons, even for a night. I'd like Cricket to see it, and between you and I, once your deal is over, I'm going after her, I want to hire her away."

"Not surprised about that, and of course we can go to the Hamptons, how about day after tomorrow, Alexis is out of school and the staff will have time to get the house ready."

"Thanks Rick, that's perfect."

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Same Time Frame**

Kate was adjusting, it only took a few times for Roz to stare her down before she got the hint and fell in line with the worker bees, although she could tell that Roy and the leads were getting a ton of pressure from 1PP. Rumor had it the closure rate had dropped a full 4 percentage points since Castle left, and Mr. Mayor was out for blood. He was feeling the heat from City Council, who were hearing from the victims. No one was happy it seemed.

She had just gotten home from work, popped one of the dinners from the deli down the street into the microwave and put on the tea pot, a switch since Rick left, she just couldn't take coffee when the door buzzer sounded.

It was her advanced VIP Copy of the latest Nikki Heat Book. Oh my God, this is the final book it dawned on her. Along with the book was an embossed invitation for the launch party for Next Saturday at the Carlyle Club. She thought for a moment, Maybe Rick will be there, but reading the invite closer, she saw "special appearance remotely from Richard Castle", so he wouldn't be there after all.

It wasn't like Castle to miss a book launch, especially one that would be this momentous. Something was definitely up, still no hit on his phone, financials or even tracing Gina's and Alexis Cell phones proved fruitless. She wondered just where could he have disappeared to, God she had so much to say if she could only see him one more time.

She opened the package to see the title**, Extinguished Heat **she broke down in tears just thinking how the hell did he end the series, how did he picture she and him ending. After a few minutes she composed herself to get to the dedication, expecting the worse, once again she broke down in tears as she read the sweetest dedication he had ever written. Gina had outdone herself with the cover art, and publicity that this was the ending of an era, surely increasing sales and revenue for the Widows fund.

She placed the book in a book case, in a special place where she used to hide her love of Castle books, but today this one joined the ranks of EVERY BOOK EVER PUBLISHED by the writer, yeah, she had them all and wouldn't be ashamed to tell anyone, now, IF Only she hadn't been so many things, she thought, till she cried herself to sleep on the couch.


	18. Chapter 18

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**A/N Thanks to all who review, especially the guests I can't reply to, Greatly Appreciated**

**Chapter 18**

**Previously**

_She opened the package to see the title__**, Extinguished Heat **__she broke down in tears just thinking how the hell did he end the series, how did he picture she and him ending. After a few minutes she composed herself to get to the dedication, expecting the worse, once again she broke down in tears as she read the sweetest dedication he had ever written. Gina had outdone herself with the cover art, and publicity that this was the ending of an era, surely increasing sales and revenue for the Widows fund_.

*************************************************************************/

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Later same Evening**

Kate awoke to a damp throw cushion from the couch, her dinner still in the microwave and the tea kettle on the stove, thank God she had turned the burner off, before she crashed. She rose, checked her phone, and then saw the exterior packaging from the special delivery, and it came rushing back to her. All she had read was the title, and the dedication, she still had no clue how Rick had chosen to end the series, effectively ending them as well.

It was almost like a moth drawn to a flame, she had to know what happened, how did he end them. After re-heating, the dinner and making a cup of very strong black tea, she ate her meal hurriedly, no way was she dropping food or spilling anything on this prize book. Once she had inhaled her dinner, she washed all the grease from her hands and carefully retrieved the book from it's place on the bookshelf.

Her heart was in her throat as she began, Rook and Heat indeed had an argument, which caused their separation. Rook took on a new project to keep him busy, and Heat began to see a Doctor she had met while on a ride on her Harley. Nothing serious just attending rally's together, she liked it because for once the man had just about as crazy a schedule as she did.

The serial killer based on three X K Killer in real life returned, forcing their partnership to be reformed, but things were different, even as Kate read the pages, the dialogue was different, and gone were any flirty innuendos from Rook, it was strictly business, with Rook flying back and forth to some undisclosed location where his new project was located to assist with the investigation.

It was he who found the clue that broke the case open, but she was in the middle of a date with the Doctor at some Bike Rally in upstate New York, and didn't want to be bothered with his theories. He passed the clue along to the Captain and other Detectives with a number they alone could use to contact him and left. Nikki felt the rejection, anger and hurt and lashed out, causing her issues with the brass, the tipping point coming when she tried to call Rook and got the message his number had been changed to an unlisted number. She hurled her phone across the room, earning her a disciplinary hearing and a suspension. To rub salt into the wound during her forced suspension the junior members of her team had captured the killer, who wouldn't be taken alive and the threat was extinguished as the official report read.

She tried to reach Rook for months, seeking help from his only living relative, a sister, who finally relayed a message to him out of sympathy or just to keep her from coming around anymore. Rook returned for a week, paid a visit to the station, and announced he had retired from the Investigative Side of business, had a new project he wouldn't talk about, and avoided Nikki as much as possible.

She finally caught up with him outside the club he liked to frequent after staking it out for hours and then surprising him as he came out. They talked for hours, but nothing was gained, they had finally reached an impasse that no matter how hard each tried, could not conquer.

They said their goodbyes, leaving in a civil tone, to allow the other to pursue their happiness in other areas. Nikki hooked up with the Doctor and left the force to follow him to his Doctors Without Borders, and Rook left to pursue his project, never revealing what it was or where it was at. The end left a bitter taste in Nikki's mouth, she loved Rook, and knew he loved, or at least at one time loved her. The opportunity came with the Doctor, and without thinking she had accepted, a decision she now regretted, but it was too late, Rook was gone, and gone for good. As for Rook, he was as mysterious as to his location and new project in fiction as Rick was in real life, no one heard from him again.

Kate cried as she read the book cover to cover, amazed at how eloquently Rick could capture the raw emotions each felt, and put it on paper through the form of two fictional characters. The pain was magnified when she thought about her most recent attempt to forget him, the Doctor she had met, but how the hell did he know about that. It surely must look to him that he meant nothing to her, which was so far from the truth.

She placed the book carefully back onto the shelf, took out her phone and called a number.

"Yeah, Hi Josh, look I know we just met and everything, but I can't see you anymore, it wouldn't be fair, so I appreciate the good time at the rally, but please, don't contact me again."

"Kate, if that's what you want, I thought it was too good to be true, you're still in love with someone else, but thanks for not stringing me along, just to have someone. Good Luck Kate, I hope you find what you're looking for,"

Well that ended the saga with the Doctor in real life, but she was afraid that the damage was done. It was far too coincidental that Rick wrote the ending the way he did, so it must have bothered him more than he would say or portray in the book. She glanced at the clock, only 7:40 PM. She dialed another number and heard,

"Hey Becks, I was just going to call you, how you doing? I'm off tonight if you want to talk or go out?"

"Maddie, do you mind if you come over here and we just talk, I just read the last Heat novel and well, I*"

"Give me 30 minutes and I'll be right over, and Kate, don't start drinking please."

**The Hamptons **

**Two Days Later**

Rick didn't want to risk blowing his cover taking one of his cars, or even the car service, so Gina rented a large helicopter to fly Rick, Gina, Alexis, her friend Paige, Cricket, and her friend Brenda out to the Hampton's Beach house. As they looked down on the highway, they were glad they were not stuck in the long line of traffic that seemed to stretch for miles.

Cricket looked out the window, on her side, and commented to Brenda, "I'll bet they'll be a bloody lot of narky blokes in those cars, thank goodness Gina has us traveling in style."

Everyone in the chopper looked at her, except Rick, who just said as a matter of fact

"She's right, they will be a lot of pissed off folks travelling in that procession." And laughed

"My God my Dad has become a blooming Limey" as Alexis poured on the fake accent, and everyone laughed.

Gina used a different car service than Rick so the ride to the home was without incident, and everyone was quiet till they pulled into the drive, and then came the oohs, and the aahhs from Brenda and Cricket.

"You have to be bloody well rich to own such a beautiful place Rick, you never said a word"

"Rich, no James Patterson is rich, but I do OK. I'm not like him I think he writes a new book while he's in the shower" as they laugh

"Thank you for bringing us Gina, Rick, I know it was Gina's idea and it's such a brilliant way to relax and get away. We so needed this after the shey ule we've been keeping the last fortnight. "Cricket stated as her eyes were taking in the beauty of the home.

"She means we've been busy with a tight schedule the last two weeks" Rick smiled

"Don't be an ARSE Rick, I'm sure they knew what I meant," as Gina busts up laughing,

"I've called you a lot of things but never that, I'm stealing it Cricket"

The young lady smiles, things had been relaxed between everyone the moment she realized that Rick was true to his word. He definitely loved Gina, but why on earth would he ever fall for the Detective. From all the stories she had heard, his love had never been even appreciated much less reciprocated. Gina was beautiful, sensuous and not afraid to show the world she loved Rick, with all of her heart, to Cricket, Rick was risking the love of a woman by chasing after this elusive prize.

Rick loved the ocean, especially under the moonlight, so when Gina slipped into his room later that night and invited him for a walk, he couldn't say no.

He kept a cap on, and had his sunglasses perched on his head in case they saw a neighbor, as he and Gina strolled down the beach and memory lane. Holding hands, stopping to kiss at certain landmarks that were special to only them for reasons known by only then, they missed the neighbor walking his dog coming up from the beach.

"Good evening Ms. Cowell, Sir, lovely evening isn't it?

"It is a lovely evening isn't it Bart, excuse Edgar, he doesn't speak English, but understands some", as Rick looked at the neighbor, completely fooled with the beard and chiseled abs and body.

"How's Rick, we haven't seen him in a while well I hope,"

"He's well, you know staying busy, the new book will be out next week so I'm sure Missy will want a copy. When I see him, I'll try to get some autographed copies"

"Thanks Ms. Cowell, you all enjoy your evening, Good night, and good night to you Edgar," Rick bows slightly to acknowledge the wishes.

"Well Rick, if Bart didn't recognize you, I think the disguise is working, I mean he and his wife are at every party, aren't they?"

Rick smiled, "Yes they are, and thanks for remembering so fast, Edgar, not bad for a middle name but I wouldn't want you to have to scream that out in a night of passion"

His eyes twinkle, as Gina leads him to a place secure from the beach or houses, still on Rick's property, that they had christened when she was Mrs. Castle, maybe it was the water, maybe it was the memories, but whatever it was Gina who was as satisfied at the end of their session as she was on their honeymoon.

"I know I keep telling you and you don't have to say anything Rick but that was better than when we were married, you're always so gentle and loving, and I love you, guess I always will"

"I love you too Gina, I'm working hard to be what you need, so please be patient with me, OK?"

"Of course, when you're ready for me or someone else just do me one favor please?"

"What's that?"

"Please don't just call or text me promise me you'll see me regardless so I can at least prepare my heart, please?"

"Gina, I promise, we better take a quick swim and head back, Alexis is much wiser now than when she was younger"

They laugh and run into the ocean still holding hands, a sight not lost on Cricket who has become one of Gina's biggest supporters through the trip. She was going to try to influence Rick to come to his senses, what he was chasing was in fact chasing him, someone who would love him forever, what more did anyone want.


	19. Chapter 19

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 19**

**Previously**

_Kate cried as she read the book cover to cover, amazed at how eloquently Rick could capture the raw emotions each felt, and put it on paper through the form of two fictional characters. The pain was magnified when she thought about her most recent attempt to forget him, the Doctor she had met, but how the hell did he know about that. It surely must look to him that he meant nothing to her, which was so far from the truth._

_She placed the book carefully back onto the shelf, took out her phone and called a number. _

"_Yeah, Hi Josh, look I know we just met and everything, but I can't see you anymore, it wouldn't be fair, so I appreciate the good time at the rally, but please, don't contact me again."_

**********************************************************************************/

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Next Evening **

Maddie had taken the evening off to come over again, Kate was torn about attending the Launch Party in 4 days, until she went to work today. It seems that the Book Launch event was being considered a big deal to the Brass at 1PP, and she had been summoned to Captain Montgomery's office, shortly before she left for the day.

**Flashback Montgomery's Office 4:45 PM**

"You wanted to see me Sir" as she stuck her head into Roy's office.

"Yes Detective, Come in and close the door" as Kate braced herself for what was about to come, she and Roz had been getting along and as far as she knew there were no complaints about her work.

"You're on the VIP List for Black Pawn so I know you've received your advanced copy of the last Nikki Heat book, as well as your invitation to the Launch Party at the Carlyle Club, have you decided what you're going to wear?"

"Actually sir, I wasn't going, I mean given that all that has happened, I just won't feel comfortable, and Castle won't even be there."

"Well, listen carefully Detective, the **advance sales** of the book have already surpassed $500,000 in revenues being donated to the Widows and Orphans fund, so there's no option for you or me, We are required to attend the party, by order of Mr. Mayor and Commissioner Boyle.

There's a special award being presented to the NYPD for their cooperation and raising awareness of the careers available to not only woman but to minorities as well through Rick's books."

"Sir, begging your pardon, but you can't force me to attend the party, what I do on my personal time is just that, personal."

"That's correct Detective, I can't, but I can assure you this, if you take that stand, be prepared for the blow back, right or wrong, this is very political and if you embarrass Mr. Mayor by not showing up, well let's say that he will find his retribution. It's not fair, but it's the way the game of politics is played. So what's your answer, will you attend, or should I advise Mr. Mayor you are exercising your rights as a private citizen not to attend, **THINK** before you answer Detective, this isn't the same friendly battlefield you once enjoyed."

"Sir, this is blackmail, either I go, or the Mayor is going to hound me for every typo on reports until they find cause to fire me? It's not fair Sir, and you know it, especially since I was the cause of the end of the series to begin with."

"When you get off your pity party Detective I need an answer, no one cares if it's right or wrong, and you can file a lawsuit, but you're fighting one of the most powerful men in New York who is still pissed at you about his friend.

He can drag your lawsuit out so long you will have exhausted your trust fund and all of your savings, and believe me, you will never work in law enforcement again if he puts the word out on you."

"So I don't have a choice is what you're saying, I have to go or face punitive actions brought on by the Mayor?"

"I never said that Detective, I gave you your options, and asked you for an answer, one I am still waiting on?"

Roy had never treated her this way, he would have least extended an olive branch and told her he knew wasn't fair in the past, but today, it's by the book, he must have gotten some severe punishment from the Mayor as well the way he's acted since she returned.

"I have no idea what I'm wearing I 'll go shopping and pick out an outfit tonight since I have no choice."

"Very good Detective, I'll tell Mr. Mayor you're happy to support the fund-raising event. Dismissed "

Kate left furious how dare that SOB, first he had allowed his buddy access to her, just when she had fell in love with him, he disappeared, and now she has to go to the gala celebrating the demise of Rook and Heat, which in reality meant the demise of Rick and Kate, Great just Fucking Great."

**PRESENT TIME**

"You ready Becks, I have Patsy staying over so she can fit us, for dresses but we have to get there soon."

"Thanks Maddie, I know this in a pain in the ass for you, but I really do appreciate your help, and for going with me as my plus one. I assure you the minute it's safe we'll get out of there, I promise."

"No Problem Becks, who knows you might get a sighting of Rick, regardless of what they are saying. I just can't see him missing this for anything, it's just not him"

"I know Maddie, I know he's been angry, hurt, and ready to send me packing before, but God this time, he just disappeared, and no help at all from Alexis, or Gina."

"Becks, really do you expect his daughter who has seen you sucker and lead her Dad around by the nose for two years or his ex-wife who by all accounts would take him back in a heartbeat to help you try to convince the man they love to give you one more chance? Seriously? Would you if you were in their position?"

"No, I mean I didn, No I wouldn't, I messed up big time Maddie"

"Well you can't undo what's done, come on maybe a new dress will make you feel better, it always does me."

**Fast Forward **

**Saturday Following Week, **

**Book Launch Party Night**

Rick couldn't believe he was down to just two days after tonight, where did the time go. He had enjoyed every minute, and Gina had been correct, the Hamptons gave Cricket something to look forward to seeing again.

Rick was not going to the actual Launch Party but had Gina's townhouse setup with huge screens connected to cameras with live feed and sounds so he could see and hear everything real time. As much as Gina wanted to stay with him, she knew she had responsibilities at the party and had to be away from him. Cricket was staying, since she wasn't all impressed with parties, and knew Rick would need someone to talk him down if Kate happened to show up, as she had responded.

Gina pulled her aside, "Cricket, I know you know about Rick and Kate, well he goes a bit crazy when he's under her spell, never thinking about anyone or thing but her, I need you to calm him if he gets antsy, call me please if it starts to get out of control, OK?"

"I got it Gina, I know how he feels about you both, and believe me you're both lucky women, I tried, I have to tell you the truth, but got shot down even with my best moves"

"I know" Gina replied softly,

"You knew and you still welcomed me into your life? Why Gina?"

"Because I know there's only one woman, I can lose him to, and as long as she's in New York and he's there nothing is going to happen with anyone. He would never lie to me, never did all through our relationship."

"He does love you Gina, very much"

"I know, and I love him too, if I can only get him to fall in love with me, then life will be great. Please watch him, I have to leave soon, OK"

She returned to the living room looking absolutely stunning, and was greeted with a wolf whistle from Rick,

"Wow, that looks so much better on you than that model, God you are beautiful tonight"

"Thanks Rick, I have to go, I'm glad that Cricket is here with you, call me, or text me if you think of anything please?"

"I will, or rather we will, I'm sure you've given her the orders," as he laughs,

"Gina, I do love you, and I'll miss you tonight, don't forget about me, OK?"

She pulls him into a deep long kiss, "I could never forget you, never, besides a room full of cardboard Rick's minus the beard and casual look, no way could I forget you if I tried, I love you Richard Castle, I'll be back as soon as I can,"

Gina arrived at the Carlyle and immediately set about with the details, reviewing the program, and making sure her speech was ready, plus the surprise for Rick, an honorary Badge and Plague to be displayed at the Hall of Fame for fallen NYPD Officers. She had double checked the feeds back to Rick before she left but did one final check at each monitoring station. All systems were a go and they had almost reached the top of the hour when Paula would give the introduction, then hand it off to Gina, who would introduce each special guest.

Just as she made one last check of the live feeds, she noticed Kate Beckett, accompanied by a very attractive petite blond, she recognized as the owner of The Q restaurant. Well she was counting on Cricket, it was show time,

Paula took center stage and with her nasal tone, asked everyone to find a seat, the program would begin in three minutes,

Three Minutes Exactly, and once again Paula was at the microphone,

"OK, it's time so let me have your attention or your checkbooks," silence fell over the crowd,

"Works every time, one thing you people love more than talking is your money", as a laugh spreads through the crowd.

"Good Evening All, for those who don't know me I'm Paula Haas, and I've been privileged to be the publicist and personal manger of Rick Castle for the last 12 years. For those of you looking, Rick unfortunately couldn't be with us tonight, he is on location at his newest project which I am not privy to any details, so before you ask, the answer is I don't know.

In all sincerity, Rick has not only been my boss, but my friend, my mentor, and my family. I can honestly tell you, he's the real deal, the Rick you see playing cards in a poker game is the Rick you will see at the negotiating table, and our first guest knows that part of his life all too well, Ladies and Gentlemen, please help me in welcoming Ms. Gina Cowell, Managing Editor and Vice President of Black Pawn Publishing, responsible for all of Rick's work for the last 12 years." The applause lasts long after Gina has climbed the few stairs to the stage.

"Thank You all, and Paula thank you for that great intro, As Paula said Rick is not here in person, but we have established a feed to his location, where we hope to get at least audio response. First of all, Thank You, from Rick, his family, me, Paula and everyone who has made this series of books the most popular of his works.

The only author who can boast that 5 out of 5 hit the Best Seller List, two still remaining, and from looks of things this will be his longest running book. I just got the call before coming up here, the advanced sales were enough to place it on the list, the first time that has ever happened. So, on behalf of Rick, his daughter Alexis, Paula, and myself along with everyone who touched this book Thank You. Take that Patterson, as a laugh erupts,

Seriously this is the end of the series, and to be honest I'm here with mixed feelings, Rick regained his passion for writing when this story was born, he grew as an author, and if you ask him also as a man," as Gina is talking candid pics of Rick at the police station, with Javi , Kev, and Captain Montgomery are being flashed across a screen behind her.

"Rick asked me to personally thank the woman who inspired this body of work, so can we get Detective Katherine Beckett to the stage along with her Captain Roy Montgomery."

Once again long applause till finally Gina holds her hand up,

"Detective Beckett, this is read from a note from Rick, "I know there were many days where you wanted to make good on your promise to shoot me, I don't blame you, but I wanted to let you know that you did more than solve murders when you allowed me to shadow, then become your partner, you put my soul back together and made writing fun again. For that there are no words, but you will have my eternal thanks, Always," Another round of applause, lasted for a full three minutes

Kate was doing pretty good till the word Always, then she really had to fight back tears. At least they were read by Gina, she didn't have to hear that rich baritone voice utter it as she locked on his deep blue eyes.

Gina continued "Captain Montgomery, I know it was with a lot of reservation, and pressure from sources not named that made you take a chance on me to begin with. As the cases begin to come in, you also begin to trust that I offered something unique, and I would like to thank you for recognizing my efforts to make the 12th precinct the highest in case closure rates not only in New York City, not only in New York, but for the entire eastern Seaboard states.

Congrats Captain, and thank you for your leadership, I learned a great deal about how to turn defeats into victories from you, and your saying There are no victories only the battles resonates with me as I close this series out."

In honor of the work the NYPD has done we would like to make the following announcements, First, RCE, or Rick Castle Enterprise has developed a Johanna Beckett Memorial Scholarship to be awarded to a worthy New York Student who will take on the underdog, the ones needing representation the most,

Next, Black Pawn in alliance with RCE has established the Roy Montgomery Scholarship, and the Kate Beckett Scholarship for one male, one female deserving candidate who will seek any degree in Criminal Justice.

Tears fall from Roy's eyes as he hold his head and just shakes it back and forth, Kate has destroyed a tissue, and Gina has discreetly provided her with more.

Gina steps forward to the microphone,

"It is with deep appreciation and pride we present you with this advance check in the amount of $500,000, which is the first installment of the royalties from the last Nikki Heat Book to be published, Extinguished Heat, which we predict will top the two million dollar mark easily.

Roy goes to the microphone and stands for a few minutes to gain his composure, finally he says, "There were a lot of times I wanted to make you hurt Rick, but if you were here tonight I could only hope to convey just how much you are loved and respected by every single cop at the 12th. You didn't wait for procedures which often caused me grief with the paperwork, but you went for the solutions to those hurting, and for that thank you, many lives were touched by your generosity, the go fund me pages that suddenly were totally funded at some of the deli's and restaurants we visited, more than one Cop whose family's medical bills were paid, all anonymously of course, but you didn't fool anyone Rick, and for that we say Thank You. I'm sure I speak for Detective Beckett when we say the scholarships were gifts, we never saw coming, but have touched us both deeply. Thanks Rick, if you ever find your way back to where we are, the door's always open, we wish you happiness and love,

Tears are falling from his eyes as he steps away from the microphone. Gina wasn't sure if Kate would speak or not, but it took only a second before she stood at the podium.

"Rick, I don't know where you are, or what your project is, I do know that wherever you are the people around you are blessed. You made my life so much easier, even though I never told you, your leads closed more cases than I could ever have on my own, and your humility to take on burdens you should never have had to do, is remarkable, so to me you'll always be my partner, I thank you for such a generous gift, on behalf of all the NYPD, but especially for me, you know how much I need closure, and I think tonight I have it, thank you and if you ever need me, I'm here, Always"

Then she steps from the podium and the next voice you hear is Rick's.

"Hello New York, How's the party, make sure they serve you the good stuff, they bill me for it," as a laugh goes through the crowd.

The big screens are flashing Stock Pictures of Rick, since he has the feed disabled, he can receive but not transmit pictures,

"I'm not sure of what you're seeing on your end, but I see all of you, you do clean up nice Captain, (Again a small laugh) I just wanted to stop by and say what an honor and privilege it's been, and to say Thank You one last time, so Thank You !"

"Rick you said you could see us correct?"

"Yes Gina, you look lovely in Red", the crowd laughs again,

"Well hang tight for our last surprise guest.

Mayor Bob Weldon walks out with two assistants pushing a tray.

"Hi Rick, hope you can see this"

"I can see you Bob, you really need to get some new suits" as the crowd roars,

"OK OK but Rick, on behalf of the city of New York, we would like to present you with your own honorary badge, not for you too wear, I know you far too well for that, but to be attached and displayed with this plague in the NYPD Wall of Fame located at 1PP.

The plague reads

"_**In sincere appreciation to Richard E Castle, who has contributed to more lives and touched more people than he will ever know, we bestow the honorary rank of Captain, NYPD with our deepest gratitude and the thanks of a city whose citizens have remained safe because of your actions, often silently – Commissioner R. T Boyle and the Honorable Robert W. Weldon.**_

Rick comes on the system but is touched, "I really don't know what to say but, Thank You, this means more than you will ever know. Can I get a carry permit now?" Once again laughs ring out as both Commissioner and Mayor shout NO!

"Can't blame me for trying, OK Folks they are signaling me I need to wrap this up, so God Bless you all, drink eat, and remember to call for a ride if you party, I'll see you on the flip side, Castle Out"

Cricket is crying, and comforting Rick as they watch and hear the conversations going on,

"Yeah if he only knew, God I don't know what drove him away but if we could only make it right, our closures are down 6 % the new team structure is not working and that's before we bring back Esposito, I'll be lucky to make it through this year," Montgomery says

"I can't believe he would do such a wonderful thing for me, even after the bitch I was too him, Why?"

Gina walked up behind her, "You're a detective follow the clues" as she turned to leave

"Gina, can you do me a favor, I mean if you hear from him, can you mail him this, I've been working with my shrink and I need to make things right, so if you hear from him can you send this please?

Gina took the envelope, and just said "Sure"


	20. Chapter 20

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 20**

**Previously**

"_Yeah if he only knew, God I don't know what drove him away but if we could only make it right, our closures are down 6 % the new team structure is not working and that's before we bring back Esposito, I'll be lucky to make it through this year," Montgomery says_

"_I can't believe he would do such a wonderful thing for me, even after the bitch I was too him, Why?"_

_Gina walked up behind her, "You're a detective follow the clues" as she turned to leave_

"_Gina, can you do me a favor, I mean if you hear from him, can you mail him this, I've been working with my shrink and I need to make things right, so if you hear from him can you send this please?_

_Gina took the envelope, and just said "Sure"_

_******************************************************************************/_

**Castle's Loft**

**2 Hours Later**

Rick and Cricket took a car service from Gina's pool to arrive back at the Loft, allowing two hours just in case Gina had been followed by paparazzi or even someone from the 12th. It proved to be a good plan, since Gina spotted Detective Ryan and Beckett trying to follow discreetly. She followed the script, got out of the town car, and met Alexis downstairs by the front Desk, and walked into the dark loft together.

She turned on the light that would allow their silhouettes to be seen from the street and activated the cameras that provided clear views of where they had parked. After about 30 minutes she turned the light off, but left the cameras, Beckett and Ryan stayed about 20 more minutes before leaving.

The car service bringing Rick and Cricket entered from the back side of the garage, one that Kate didn't even know existed, it only worked for VIP guests who wanted to avoid the traffic from the main entrance. Rick texted when they arrived at the Garage, and the blocking shades for all windows were lowered. Part of the security Rick had installed after the bomber took out Beckett's apartment, along with Bullet Proof glass for all windows.

**FLASHBACK TO IMMEDIATELY AFTER CEREMONY**

The candid conversations that the live feed captured proved both good and bad, for Rick. He was concerned for Roy's future and disturbed that the closures had taken such a hit. Some of the comments by the attendees had really touched him, as well as Cricket. Ryan shared with a group, when one commented "I knew Rick from the station and thought he was generous but this, tonight just blew me away".

"You want to know what kind of friend Rick Castle was? My family was going through a hard time, suddenly we weren't a simple card, that read Congrats, proud of you, and this was AFTER he left. How the hell he found out about my problem, I don't know but I can tell you this, without his support, I'm not sure Ginny would be just a few weeks away from delivering a healthy child."

Cricket looked up at Rick, saw the tears that pooled, she didn't need to ask to confirm that it was her writer who had made a difference again. Other comments like "What the Hell was Beckett thinking," and "He could park his shoes under my bed anytime" from two of the female cops in Vice, got Crickets blood pressure up so Rick just killed the feed.

"We've heard all we need to hear, they were just talking Cricket, don't worry about it"

"I'm sorry Rick, I'm just protective by nature and now that I've got to meet Gina, that type of behavior isn't happening when I'm around."

Rick smiled, "So you're good, I mean we're good and you understand why*"

"Are you asking me do I understand why you stopped me from making a fool out of myself and sounding like one of those chipies. Yes Rick, and I thank you for letting me down easy, most guys would have taken the sex, knowing full well that's all it would have ever been. You're a gentleman, and I can see why you are hurting so much, with Gina loving you, you loving Kate, and well tonight it sounded like she had regrets, but I have never met her"

"Well, I've fell for those I'm sorry before, it's time to see the world through my eyes not living it for what I think she would want."

"What about Gina Rick?"

"What do you mean What about Gina? I've been honest with her, she knows, where I'm at."

"Well just don't wait too long Rick, it could be you playing the Kate role and her Rick moving on, I mean she's a brilliant catch for any man."

The words struck a note in Rick's mind, was he treating Gina like Kate had him?

**PRESENT TIME**

As soon as they walked into the loft Gina crossed the room and pulled Rick into a huge, long kiss, tears streaming down her face.

"You know how hard that was Rick, to know you were getting such a prestigious award and not be able to tell you, and even worse, you not able to accept it in person"

Rick pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry Genes, so, so sorry, I wish it could be different, and maybe it will soon, patience please?

"You haven't called me Genes since our honeymoon, are you OK,"

"Yeah, just thinking that I only have two more nights before I have to head back, leaving you and Alexis is going to be even harder now"

"I know Rick, did you see Kate, I mean she apologized somewhat in her speech and it was a huge surprise about the scholarships, something that really touched them both, still trying to figure out why she and that other Detective followed me, and how you knew to be on the lookout for it?"

"Beckett doesn't trust anyone but herself, so it wasn't a stretch to know her habits, Ryan will try to help anyone, and I think he does miss me."

"What did you think of her speech? Sincere?"

"Yeah, I think as much as she knows how to be, this is all new to her, usually she just does what she wants and Roy and the boys cover for her, but now she's seeing a different side of things."

"Rick, she asked me to mail this to you, once I could, so I told her sure," I'm sorry but maybe you should read it while you have a few days to still act*"

Gina can't finish her sentence because Rick has her in a lip lock, "I know how I want to spend my time, and it's not with her, OK?" as he tossed the letter to the table, to read later, if at all.

Tears come to Gina's eyes, as she says quietly "OK" and kisses him sweetly back, tears falling in relief.

Gina takes his hand and leads him to his office, but doesn't close the door, there hanging on his wall is a duplicate of the plaque that will be hung at 1PP.

"I didn't think it was fair, you had to go to the precinct or a police headquarters to see what you worked so hard for."

Rick now is fighting hard to keep the tears back "Gina, this is beautiful, when, how, I mean Thank You, it means more to me that you brought it home."

She leaned up and pulled him into another kiss, forgetting the door was left open and they broke apart when they heard,

"Hey Dad, Oh I'm sorry Gina, I didn't know"

"Hey that's OK come here, I want to show you your Dad's award. This is just a copy, the real one is hanging or will be in 1PP along with all the other heroes of our city"

"Dad, this is beautiful, I'm so proud of you, but can I confess something too? I'm really glad you're not in the field every day, I worried so much, so did Gina that we would get a call that you had been hurt, or" tears come into her eyes as she tries to look away,

Rick pulls his little girl and Gina into a hug, "No More field work, the most danger I'm in is if I miss a deadline with Cricket, oooh Gina you can take lessons from her" as he laughs, giving his ladies time to dry the tears they both had shed.

"Dad did you and Cricket get around to eating, or did you get caught up in the live feed?"

"We talked Alexis, imagine that, he brings me thousands of miles from my home and won't even feed me" as she feigned hurt as Alexis and the others laugh.

"To tell you the truth, I was running around so much I don't think I ate either" Gina said, just as her stomach grumbled.

"Well that's confirmation, how about Remy's for a Cheeseburger and shake, I'm sure none of us will be ready to sleep anytime soon"

"Sounds Perfect Dad, come on Cricket, I'll give you the lowdown on what to order, don't order what Dad does or you'll be in the hospital before you travel back"

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Same Time Frame**

Kate and Maddie had existed the party right after the letter was given to Gina for Rick, leaving Kate a wreck.

"Come on Becks, we're gonna go to your place, change, and then go get something to eat. The food was great, but I kept getting hit on every time I went near the buffet by a cop no less."

"Tell me about it, horny bastards aren't they." Kate laughed.

They changed and were at Remy's in less than a half hour, and the closer they got to the restaurant, the more nervous Kate became.

"Come on Becks, you can't stop going everyplace you two were ever at together, hell I know couples that split who aren't as sad as you and you never even had a date with the man."

"I guess you're right Maddie, it's just I get a feeling, it's almost like Rick is nearby, and don't say it's weird, but we were connected in a lot of ways, we could have been more if I hadn't fucked it up" again the tears come to her eyes,

"Becks, no tears, I swear you do this in the restaurant, I'm going to eat your fries, every one of them" as she laughs, and Kate smiles.

"OK, but I just can't shake that feeling, guess it's just because of tonight. I can't believe how generous he was, Roy was a puddle, he never expected it either, but he set up not only one for me, but the most touching was for my Mom.

Like I said, perhaps this will bring me closure with him, and the chase for justice. I've apologized in the letter, followed Doctor Burke's recommendation and finally letting go of everything. I'm finally realizing it was my actions that brought this whole shit train into the station.

I just hope we can enjoy our burger in peace tonight, I've fought enough memories for one night."


	21. Chapter 21

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 21**

**Previously**

"_Dad did you and Cricket get around to eating, or did you get caught up in the live feed?"_

"_We talked Alexis, imagine that, he brings me thousands of miles from my home and won't even feed me" as she feigned hurt as Alexis and the others laugh._

"_To tell you the truth, I was running around so much I don't think I ate either" Gina said, just as her stomach grumbled._

"_Well that's confirmation, how about Remy's for a Cheeseburger and shake, I'm sure none of us will be ready to sleep anytime soon"_

"_Sounds Perfect Dad, come on Cricket, I'll give you the lowdown on what to order, don't order what Dad does or you'll be in the hospital before you travel back"_

_**************************************************************************************/_

**REMY'S **

**45 Minutes Later**

Gina was the first through the door to Remy's followed by Rick, then Alexis and Cricket, she refused the first booth offered, knowing the significance of it, It was _**THEIR **_booth, (Castle and Beckett) one they spent many nights, in working cases, sometimes personal issues but a great deal of time together and Gina didn't need to be reminded of her now.

She had managed to be civil and even sincere when the awards were given out, but now, that part was over and she had just two days left with Rick and she wasn't going to let some memory ruin it for her. She was going to try to pack as many memories into this these last hours as she could, God she missed him so much.

Shortly after they were seated at a secluded booth in the rear of the restaurant, the door opened and in walked one Detective Kate Beckett, and Maddie. Once again, they chose to wait ten minutes rather than take the booth first offered to them, Maddie looked puzzled when Kate refused but didn't say a word.

"Becks, what's with not taking that booth, I know I'm hungry and ten minutes isn't a lifetime, it seems like when you stomach is making noises"

"I'm sorry Maddie, I just couldn't that's Our Booth, Rick and I, we always sat there working on cases and in one instance we had been setup on dates, that went terribly wrong, both at the same restaurant and we wound up coming here together after working a case. Thinking back that was one of my best nights ever with him."

"Sorry Becks, I didn't know, I understand."

They were shown to a smaller booth off to the side, where the only view they had was the window or the entrance to the restaurant, so they chatted and waited for their burgers, never knowing who was less than 300 feet away.

At the Castle table everyone is was enjoying their food, although Cricket agreed with Alexis and Gina, dipping French Fries into a strawberry milkshake was gross, as they all laughed. The food was great, Rick had missed this, Gina sat close to him, squeezing his leg gently,

"You OK Sweetie, I know this was a place that you and Kate spent a lot of time in, I wasn't thinking when I agreed, I'm sorry."

He turned to look her in the eyes, and asked, "You always say you're sorry no matter if it were your fault or not, if I remember I suggested it, and please believe me, I'm with who I want to be. We can't undo the past, I'm just working to get over it so when I am ready, I'll be the version of Rick you deserve, not a broken mess you see now."

He fed her a fry, and they shared the remainder of her milkshake, like an episode of Happy Days, but Alexis and Cricket were happy things were moving so smoothly. The check was paid by Gina, Rick keeping his charges in a locked box, and only using those of the publishing company when necessary, and they started to make their way out of the restaurant, when Alexis spotted Kate.

"Gina, can I talk to you a second", she asked as they began to get ready to leave,

"Gina, I don't want to make a scene but Kate is in the booth by the window with a blond lady, maybe we want to use the back door, or have a plan just in case she reaches out."

"Good Idea sweetie, I know your Dad would never go for the back door, he hates alleys, so front door it is, let's get a plan."

They sit back down in the booth, just as Rick had started to rise,

"Something wrong?" as he looked on their faces,

"Dad don't panic. But Kate and some blond lady are in a booth we have to pass by unless we go out the alley, so what do you want to do."

"No Alley, the rats back there could carry us on their shoulders, so between that and the table, you said blond?"

"Yeah Dad,"

"That's probably Maddie she took to the Book Launch, guess Lanie is still barely speaking to her since the Javi deal, oh well."

"Rick when you don't speak English worked well with the neighbor, what do you think with her?"

"Yeah let's play that card if we have to, but we can't use Edgar, she knows all about the names, so we need to use a different one,"

Cricket steps up and puts her arm through his, this is my Boy Friend from Germany, Hugo, he doesn't speak English, and I'm an author Gina is interviewing about a possible deal with Black Pawn."

Gina smiled, "God she's good and fast Rick, that's the story, ONLY if she stops us. Rick, not one sound understand, and if you need to kiss your Girl Friend, on the CHEEK only buster," as she laughs, Cricket smiles and blushes, remembering her conversation with Gina where she admitted going for Rick.

"OK, then let's get out of here, and back home." As he stood and extended his arm to Cricket who immediately hooked it and was in character as they started towards the door.

Gina was the first to pass Kate's booth, followed by Alexis, then Cricket with "Hugo" in his hat and sunglasses, as they pass by the table.

It took Kate a moment or so to recognize that the beautiful blonde was indeed Gina, there was no mistaking Alexis, her hair as bright and shinning as always, but who was the beautiful model type, younger and a bit taller, and who was she wrapped arms with, **OH MY GOD Kate thought that's Rick. **

He could disguise himself if he wanted to, but she knew that walk, his gait, was special, one she observed as she checked him out for years without getting caught. She knew that Ass, and that walk every third step his right foot turned inward just slightly, then on the next step it went back to perfectly normal.

Kate would bet her life's savings the man was Rick, his beard and clothes were fooling and almost fooled her had she not seen that toush, one she had fantasied about often. She hurried after Gina and her crowd after a quick "I'll be right back" to Maddie.

"Gina, GINA, Hey I thought it was you, I wanted to say Thank you again, for the invitation and the great surprise this evening, the scholarships were far more that I could ever expect"

"Oh, Hi Detective, you're welcome but it wasn't anything I did it was all arranged by Rick from his remote location."

Hi Alexis, I'm sorry about all the trouble, I hope you've forgiven me by now,"

"Good Evening Detective, all is well" is the only thing she would say.

"Nice to see you Detective, we must go now" as Gina started to walk again"

"I'm sorry but your friends look a like someone I used to know,"

Cricket stepped in and said, "WE don't know you, please don't be obtuse and block our way, my fiancé Hugo doesn't feel well and we are going to see the doctor, not good night"

Gina picked the pace up, followed by the group leaving a speechless Kate standing outside Remy's with her mouth open, watching that man's posterior walk away knowing Rick was so close but chose not to even speak to her, she fought back the tears and returned inside to Remy's.

"OK Becks, you've been crying for ten minutes, you want to tell me what the hell is going on so we can get out of here, people are beginning to stare."

"I'm sorry Maddie, let's go and I'll tell you when we get to my place"

**Castle's Loft**

**30 minutes Later**

"Thanks Cricket, great performance, but I know her, she won't give up till she or the object are either dead or captured. I think it's wise if we spend the last two days away from any place, she is familiar with, I just don't want to waste time on that this trip. I'm not in a position where I want to see or hear anything she has to say. Sorry Gina, Alexis"

"What are you sorry for Rick, where you go, we're going as well. I agree, she'll stake out the loft, the Old Haunt, my place possibly even the Hamptons and the Four Season Hotel so anyone have a suggestion where we can spend the last two days with Rick and Cricket?"

"That about covers all of Dad's spots Gina, anyplace you can think of Dad?"

"Well, we could go to the Cabin, I mean it's up to Gina, but we haven't been there since*"

"Since I was the fool and told you I wanted the Divorce, and you're right Rick, she doesn't know about that. How do you feel about going back there, I mean the last trip didn't leave either of us too well emotionally."

"Are you going to ask me that again Gina?"

"What are you talking about Rick, I'd trying to prove to you that I want us back, that the divorce was more my fault than yours and I never stopped loving you, why would I ask you anything like that"

"Then I'm fine, in fact better than fine because we can change the last and worst memory I have of that place"

"We have a Cabin Dad?" Alexis asked with a puzzled look on her face,

Gina responded, "No Baby, I was a B during the divorce. Let me explain, your Dad and I were taking a weekend trip when we were married, and had car trouble, long story we rented a cabin while they towed the Mercedes, and we really connected.

You Dad bought it for me for our first anniversary, and we would go there to celebrate, or whenever things got tough. It was a special place for your Dad, and me but during the Divorce I hurt him by trying to force him to sell it. Thank God I lost, when he won it, he quick claimed the deed to me and sent it in beautiful card, one I have till this day," as tears fall from her eyes, as she sees Rick's astonished face.

"So yeah, let me call to get it setup, and I'll have the Chopper fly us to the Pennsylvania landing spot Rick, and car service from there, we'll have to get you both back to the Airport on Tuesday, so I'll set it up the same way. Kate may be a great detective but I doubt she can trace a private chopper registered in my Dads name so your cover should be good.

"Dad, she still has the card. I never knew about the cabin and when you guys had trouble, you always seemed so happy and in love in front of me. I guess that's why the divorce really floored me"

"I'm sorry pumpkin, some things you were still too young for back then, and we needed our space, especially after your Grams moved in."

"Oh, now I understand, I'm sorry Dad"

Gina walked back into the room, we leave in an hour so get packed, and Rick, this has to be it for this trip at the loft, I'm so sorry Sweetie, but please come back again as soon as you can, I miss you, more than you will ever know." She doesn't even attempt to hide the tears running down her face.

"Gina, I'll ride him hard to keep on schedule so we can come back again, or meet somewhere, more private, perhaps the Hamptons again?" she smiled.

Within the hour, the loft was empty, except for the lights that were set to come on timers, at different intervals, anything to mess with someone trying to track them.

**Kate Beckett's Apartment**

**Same Time Frame**

It was all Maddie could do to get Kate into a cab and head to her apartment she was crying so hard, and to be honest, Maddie wasn't schooled in the art of Girl Cry, she usually left that for Becks. They finally made it to her apartment, and got the door open, just as Kate regained her composure some.

"What the hell Becks? Mind telling me what the hell is going on? You tell me the dude with the beard and 40 pounds lighter than the last time I saw him is Rick, how can you be so sure. I mean he didn't say a word and his eyes were brown. I mean he had a chiseled bod, but he was with the foreign chick, you could totally tell they were into each other."

"Mattie, remember I told you that Rick stared, and I'd yell it was creepy, well he wasn't the only one who stared. I checked him out for two years, I just never got caught. I agree he's worked out and is more muscled than the last time I saw, but he has that special gait when he walks, I know it was him Maddie."

"Kate, I know you're really torn up by this, but why would Rick come back to New York during the book launch and never show? Why wouldn't they show pictures of where he was, I mean they had audio, so it wouldn't been that hard to feed the video, IF they wanted to. Rick may not be the only one with that gait, who knows how many others walk like that, just that you haven't seen. You have to snap out of this, You'll get yourself in trouble"

"Maddie, I know that ass, I stared at it, fantasied over it, thought what it would be like in bed with me, I know Rick's body and I'm telling you that was him. I'm not crazy, I swear."

"Come on Maddie, we're going to cruise by the Loft to see if I'm right"

"Becks you're gonna kill me someday"

They get to the loft and see only the lights no shadows , Kate uses her badge and goes in to ask the status of the Castle Loft, Eduardo tells her politely without a warrant she is to leave, she is trespassing, she can't afford another incident so she goes back to the cruiser

"Well, what did they say" Maddie asked

"Nothing, the doorman told me to come back with a warrant and to leave or he would call my supervisor."

"Becks, what does that tell you?"

"I'm looking at the wrong house", as she turns the cherry on and makes a U turn to arrive at Gina's townhouse. Once again nothing from the outside so she tried the doorman,

" Miss Gina left this for you, the doorman told her when she identified herself as Detective Beckett"

Kate took the note and returned to the cruiser, with Maddie waiting,

"What Now, she asked?"

"Gina left me a note", as she quickly opened the folded paper,

**_"Detective,_**

**_I'm sorry that things went bad for you and Rick, if anyone knows how you feel it's me. BUT I can't let you come and accuse prospective clients of being someone they are not. I may have lost the deal tonight, a very lucrative one, so please, I don't want to call your Captain any more than you want me to, let it go, I promised to send your letter to Rick when I could, I will IF you stop this bullshit, Am I clear Kate?"_**

**_Gina_**

"Well what did it say Kate," as Maddie saw the tears come into her friends eyes, as she sadly took one last look and turned the car around and headed home as Maddie read the note.

"Let's go home Becks," Enough of this. Maddie said firmly as Kate's tears fell harder. It was going to be a long night, and not a good one for sure.


	22. Chapter 22

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 22**

**Previously**

"_Gina left me a note", as she quickly opened the folded paper, _

"_**Detective,**_

_**I'm sorry that things went bad for you and Rick, if anyone knows how you feel it's me. BUT I can't let you come and accuse prospective clients of being someone they are not. I may have lost the deal tonight, a very lucrative one, so please, I don't want to call your Captain any more than you want me to, let it go, I promised to send your letter to Rick when I could, I will IF you stop this bullshit, Am I clear Kate?"**_

_**Gina**_

"_Well what did it say Kate," as Maddie saw the tears come into her friends eyes, as she sadly took one last look and turned the car around and headed home as Maddie read the note. _

_**********************************************************************************/_

**Cabin New York**

**3 hours Later**

Once again Gina had called in her contacts, a chopper had taken the family, Rick, Gina, Alexis, and Cricket to a remote landing strip, could have been a small airport, no one had time to check it out as the car was there and waiting to take them to their final destination. Gina sat next to Rick, head on his shoulder just holding his hand and trying to keep the tears from falling. She was missing him, and he hadn't left yet, God she had it bad.

Alexis and Cricket stayed quiet, letting the couple have their moment in peace, both dreading the moment when they had to say goodbye for real. The car pulled down a remote road, and there it was, described as a Cabin, it was more a log house, huge with the same security features the Hampton house had.

"Wow, Gina, this is a cabin?"

"Well you know your Dad honey; this is as close to roughing it as he was going to come." She smiled a sad smile,

"You really want to stick to that story Genes? I can tell then them the truth if you won't"" as the grin on his face broke into a laugh.

"OK, the truth is that he bought it for me to work remotely, it has its own power supply with generators and we have the state of the art internet service so I could work here for weeks if I wanted to, well sometimes **we **did.

Some of those book tours your Dad went on Alexis, well, they weren't, they were our time together. I love Martha, I really do, but there's only so many times you can take her walking into closed rooms without knocking," Gina blushed

"I understand Gina, I'm sure her moving in didn't help things between you and Dad, I'm sorry about that, I really am"

"Alexis, what happened between your Dad and I is ours, we own it Baby, it's no one's fault but our own, so never think that you or your Grams had anything to do with it., please" she smiled a sad smile.

"Pumpkin, Gina is taking far too much blame, but she's right, what happened was our fault no one else. I was a stubborn Ass, and well, let's just leave it at you know how I can get wh*"

"Gina, I'm so sorry, I tried to raise him better" Alexis joked to lighten the mood which had gotten far too serious too quickly.

"You did great Sweetie, you really did" as Gina pulled her into a hug and Rick faked a hurt look.

This side of Rick, his love of family and devotion to do anything to make them happy and keep them safe was a side to Rick that Cricket hadn't seen before, but it made her love him even more. She was definitely Team Gina and would do what she could to insure he was back with the woman who loved him more than life.

After Gina had showed the girls the grand tour, they decided to turn in, it had been quite the night. Rick turned on the large screen TV in the Sitting Room, and was nursing a glass of wine, as Gina came back, in a beautiful white ensemble of sleep wear. She took a glass of wine and sat down as close to Rick as she could get, snuggling her head in against his shoulder as his arm went around her to pull her close.

Out of the blue, Rick turned and kissed Gina, sweetly, passionately,

"I'd almost forgotten about the history of this place; you really still have the card I sent you?"

"Yes, I tried, I mean I really did, but Rick I couldn't throw any of it away, our pictures, our wedding invitations we sent out, the cards you sent me, the last one was the card with the deed to this place, it's in my forever drawer. I visited it often when I first lost you, I mean it was all I had"

"Gina, I'm sorry I could have been a much better husband, a better listener, and really I'm so sorry for all the hurt I see you've gone through. What did the card say?"

"It was blank, but you wrote;

_"Gina, the key to the cabin is with you as is the key to my heart. I could never go back there without you, it was the only place where it was just us, no one else in the world mattered. I want you to have it and if you return, remember the love we shared not the last few months of lawyers and courts. You own a piece of my heart, I guess you always will, I'm sorry that wasn't enough"_

_Rick_

Rick locked onto her eyes and saw the tears, "You remembered every word, so did I. This is the only place that was us, there's so many things we should have, I should have done, I'm so*"

His lips are crushed with Gina's before he can finish his words.

"Rick, you talk too much sometimes, just hold me, even if you don't feel like you used to, let me pretend for two more nights."

There were no more words spoken.

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Next Morning**

Maddie awoke from the couch to the smell of coffee, as she raised herself, she saw Kate hunched over the computer, deep in thought

"Good Morning Becks, how long you been up and what the hell are you doing.?"

Kate jumped, "I'm sorry Maddie, I'm working on all the aliases Rick has used checking against flight manifests for the last month. I'm sorry if I disturbed you, there's fresh coffee, I killed the first pot about 30 minutes ago."

"How long have you been up to go through a pot of coffee and how the hell are you doing what you are doing, don't tell me you are miss using Police resources Becks, you're gonna get yourself fired for sure."

"OK that's more than one question so in order, I couldn't sleep so once you were out, I got up, 3:00 AM I guess it was, I've logged in remotely to the same resources I use while I'm in the precinct, don't worry, no one checks remote logs, even if they do they don't know what case or files I access. I'm not gonna get fired, I have to find out where Rick is, after last night, I'm not sure he'll even know of much less see the letter I gave to Gina to get to him."

"Kate, listen to yourself, you know what you sound like, I mean God you've seen this so many times before in your line of work."

"What do you mean Maddie? I'm a desperate woman grabbing at straws to get in contact with someone is that what you're saying? So, what if I am, I mean tell me you've never been this crazy about someone you wouldn't do anything to get him back?"

"Kate, Honey this is going to hurt, I know so I'm sorry before I say it, but Sweetie you blew it, if Rick wanted you to know anything about him, he would have reached out. What the hell was up with the ending of the book, you and some Doctor, where the hell did that come from?"

"Oh Maddie I dated a Doctor I met at one of the bike rallies, we went out twice, but Rick knew about it, how I don't know and the way he wrote the book he took it as my one and done, I've got to fix this Maddie, I do, because I, I mean,"

"Because you love him Becks, you're the only one who hasn't seen it before this."

"I don't Lo, Hell who am I kidding, of course I love him, and I have to tell him, I know he loves, or loved me too"

"Becks, his ex-wife is practically living in his house, watching over his kid, has the contact to reach him, Face it Kate, he's not into you anymore, he was I agree. When I first met you two, I thought I would give anything to have a man look at me the way he looked at you. The little things, the coffee's the stationary, the signed picture of your Mom's favorite show, My God Becks the man practically screamed I love you and what did you do,"

"You're right Maddie, but what do I do, I mean it hurts so bad,"

"I know, believe me I know, but Becks, you have to keep your head high, just like you did with Brent Edwards, now look at him," they both laugh, their high school hearth throb was now a candidate for the biggest looser weight loss program on TV, on his third marriage, and just filed bankruptcy for the second time, yeah a real catch.

Reluctantly Kate picks up the notes of paper, throws them in the trash, signs off the computer, and turns it off. "You're right Maddie, even if I found him, I couldn't make him change his mind, just by saying I'm sorry, he has no reason to believe I mean it. As hard as it' going to be, I'm going to follow Doctor Burke's instructions, and just put them into my journal. At least they can't fire me for that" she laughed but it was a sad laugh.

**The Cabin**

**Next Night, Last Night in New York.**

Rick, Kate, Alexis and Cricket had spent the day carefully avoiding the fact or saying what everyone was thinking. Alexis and Cricket had kept busy by watching all the early episodes of a series that Cricket had missed when she had gone through her move to London. Gina and Rick, lounged on the couch, half watching Entertainment Tonight's coverage of the book launch, they both agreed outside of their speculation where Rick was the coverage was good and fair. Rick saw a closeup of Roy, who was still visibly shaken by the surprise, then they panned to Kate who looked thinner, and even through her heavy makeup the sleepless nights had left their mark on her eyes.

Gina handed Rick the letter, "I know you said you weren't sure if you wanted to read it, and Rick, if I'm being honest, I was happy to hear that, BUT you need to at least read what she wrote. I mean she's in therapy, so give her some credit regardless of the reason. I'll be back when you're finished," she starts to rise, only to be pulled back by Rick.

"You want me to read this? OK I will,** ONLY** if you're here with me Gina. I have to leave soon, we both know it, and I don't want to leave you with any doubts of what I'm working for, OK?"

"Rick, it's a personal letter to you, I mean are you sure, this could be painful for you"

"Yeah, I know, that's why I want you next to me, please?"

She kissed him gently and settled back under his arm as he began to open the envelope. Neither knew how this was going to impact them, only that it could change the dynamics of their relationship forever.


	23. Chapter 23

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

A/N I have received more Kate bashing reviews, when you read what happened in the Demming Arc, be it Canon or by any other FIC writer you'll see that this is not BASHING any character, just one party having enough, and walking away. It has nothing to do with Dating Others, it is the treatment while with others. BTW Guest RC never had Cricket, go back and read it again.

**Chapter 23**

**Previously**

_Rick, if I'm being honest, I was happy to hear that, BUT you need to at least read what she wrote. I mean she's in therapy, so give her some credit regardless of the reason. I'll be back when you're finished," she starts to rise, only to be pulled back by Rick._

"_You want me to read this? OK I will, ONLY if you're here with me Gina. I have to leave soon, we both know it, and I don't want to leave you with any doubts of what I'm working for, OK?"_

"_Rick, it's a personal letter to you, I mean are you sure, this could be painful for you"_

"_Yeah, I know, that's why I want you next to me, please?"_

_She kissed him gently and settled back under his arm as he began to open the envelope. Neither knew how this was going to impact them, only that it could change the dynamics of their relationship forever._

************************************************************************************/

**Cabin New York**

**Same Time Frame**

Rick and Gina had retired to one Master bedroom located on the opposite side of the other bedrooms of the cabin, they needed privacy and both Alexis and Cricket seemed to understand without a word being said. They had made themselves scarce, after the evening meal, as Rick and Gina spoke quietly between them, sometimes just a look would bring back a memory between the two, and it truly was a sin to see good love go bad.

Rick was nervous as he opened the rather thick envelope addressed to him in handwriting, he knew all too well. Even if she hadn't put a return address on it, he could have identified her letter from over a hundred feet away. How he had longed to receive something written to him personally, for so long, but now that it was here, and the circumstances that brought it about, it felt more like he was opening a letter from Readers Digest telling him to enter to win the sweepstakes than something he would hold near and dear to his heart.

Gina settled between his legs with her back leaning in on his chest. It seemed the closer the time to leave the more she was feeling such sadness that it was all she could do to keep from crying. She told herself to buck up, be strong for Rick, but more often than not a tear would fall from her eye,

As Rick opened the letter, he noticed Beckett had followed her normal pattern and used the stationary he had purchased her for a gift, also the watermarks on the pages he was sure were made from her tears, but he wasn't going to cave over one letter and some tears. She had done what few had been forgiven for, she had hurt Alexis by hurting him and that was a sin that was hard to come back from in his eyes.

Finally, he had the pages, (rough count he thought he counted 11, but at this point he really didn't care), spread out on the bed, ironing the fold and wrinkle marks with his hands. He thought he would read the same drabble she always offered as an excuse, so as he began to read, he was surprised.

_Dear Rick,_

_I know you've heard about the mess I've made of not only your life, but also of my team, well they were my team, but I failed you, them, and myself terribly. I won't say I'm sorry, that's what you're used to hearing, the few times I was mature enough to apologize. Rather I am asking you to keep an open mind until I walk through the irrational thinking, not as an excuse, but to give you the reason or the story as you call it, that is always so important to you._

_Please treat this as a Murder Board, the victim was my chance of any relationship with you, including a friendship, also killed in this case was potentially the career of Esposito, and Captain Montgomery and Ryan both suffered at least flesh wounds. I have not been able to asses your damage, but judging by the actions and your disappearance, I would put it as my destruction of the Rick that I knew who loved me. _

_You have gone to great lengths to sever ties with me, even at a cost of missing your daughter and other friends who do love you, so to give that up, the hurt must be indescribable. I have no right, but I ask you, to please listen to my heart through the remainder of this letter, and judge if I deserve at least an opportunity to say these things to you in person._

_The real victim I didn't see until it was too late was you, your feelings, and your devotion to be the best you could be each day. I stole the light from you, as you did very important work, and you did it damn well Rick, better than most Real Cops I have ever worked with. _

_I know you have heard me make fun, or ridicule your thoughts, only to be proved you were right and I was wrong, but to your credit, I never hear I told you so. In fact, rather than Thank You, I humiliated, and allowed others to throw barbs at you that were not only hurtful, but also untrue. For this I ask you to Forgive Me, I know I don't deserve it, but yet I ask knowing how your heart has been so gentle in the past, and pray you can send that forgiveness to me._

_You might know part of my punishment was to visit the NYPD Psychologist, Dr. Carter Burke, and if I know you, you're probably thinking I fought this like hell, you're right, you do know me better than I know myself. I fought it but was told to go or find a job in another field, so I went. _

_Thanks to Maddie, I was open and honest with him, it was a Bitch to admit I screwed up so badly, but once I did, we began to work through other issues, including why I returned everything good you ever did for me with something hurtful. We also discussed the lies, they seem to only occur when I am discussing issues with you, but a lie is a lie regardless and I know how badly you have been hurt by them in the past, by me and others and for that I ask you to forgive me. _

_I'll get to the reason Dr. Burke thinks I employ them in a bit, but I want you to know that I agreed on my own to continue sessions with the doctor, to help me become first a better Human, then a better Cop, Boss, and if at all possible friend to those I have wronged._

_Not that you will, but I wouldn't blame you if you did join in, I was the laughing stock of the precinct when it was discovered that former detective Tom Demming, had lied about Sexual Abuse charges pending at the 54, and transferred to the 12__th__ to avoid the charges. It seems I fell for the charms of a professional badge bunny magnet and became the subject for much ridicule and shame._

_The shame of my personal life was nothing compared to the shame I felt when I thought of you and your kindness, asking nothing in return, and him and his ploys to get what he wanted, or thought he could. Not that you care, or should but it never happened with him Rick, regardless of what he said._

_Please know I don't blame you for leaving, I only wish I had the opportunity to at least say some of these things to you face to face. We both know I had two years to get my act together, and repeated second chances with you, so why would this be any different, and you're right, If I were the same me I probably would have taken the same coward's way out, to hide my feelings for you through smart comments, or trying to hurt you before you hurt me._

_Dr. Burke helped me see WHY I treated you like Shit, the way I did. You were the ONLY man that frightened me that could make me feel inside again. I always knew I was in control of all the others, but with you, I felt something deep, and I didn't want to ever hurt like I did when my decision to become a Cop was made. I'm not blaming the loss of a loved one, or trying to excuse my behavior, I was a Bitch, I was Wrong, I hurt you, I lied to you, and I fell in love with you which scared me to death._

_OK, I'll repeat it, just in case you missed it, I know you read fast, but I fell totally and madly in love with you and I couldn't handle it. I know you and Gina have been seeing each other once again, and when I see her with Alexis, I don't see the blood thirsty ex, I see a Mom who loves her daughter and you more than anything in the world. _

_I know I probably missed any opportunity to even being your friend, much less for you to return to be my partner, If I were in Gina's shoes I'd say Hell No, since she knows, all women do, that I was in love with you. I thought for sure she would throw my letter in the first garbage receptacle she saw, after I asked her to get it to you, but I know she wouldn't because she saw it long before I did. _

_She wants you to be happy Rick, whether that's with me, her or someone to be determined, she is willing to step aside to make you happy. I learned that part of love from her, so please thank her for me. I finally understood what true love is, it's putting your mate before you and all others. Gina does love you, and if you are happy with her, please know that I finally get it, and I wish you both the best, Always._

_If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, it would go a long way to letting me regain the inner peace I once enjoyed. I wasn't always the cold hearted bitch, I am capable of love as well, now that I know that no matter what happens, we all love, we all lose, and we all get our hearts broken, but the joy of being in love overshadows any pain that comes when you are alone. I've been lonely far too long and so have Rick, you putting your life on hold chasing some fool like me. _

_It's time Rick, live your life, and love with all your heart, and if you could think of me every once in a while, well I'll be OK. Remember I love you, and if I could undo the past I would, but I ask now is for you to forgive me, since no one gets a second chance to live life the right way._

_Always _

_Kate,_

Gina had tears falling down her cheeks when they finished the letter, it was written from the heart and Kate had left nothing out.

Rick was quiet, as he pondered sections of the letter, going back and re-reading certain sections, but not saying a word. Finally, he cleared his throat, pulled her up to him and locked eyes on her.

"So, what did you think?"

"Honestly, Rick?"

"Of Course,"

"I think I may be loosing you no matter how much love I have for you, but she did get something right, if she makes you happy, I'll leave tonight Love."

"Gina, Please know that this letter is a good first step for me to acknowledge Katherine Beckett exists, but for rebuilding the love, No, that's not happening in one letter or one meeting with her. I love you, and I'm going back with the same goal I left with, to be able to move us back to the next level as soon as possible"

He doesn't get to say another word the rest of the evening, but Gina expressed herself in other ways, which made it clear where and who she wanted to spend he life with.


	24. Chapter 24

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 24**

**Previously**

"_So, what did you think?"_

"_Honestly, Rick?"_

"_Of Course,"_

"_I think I may be losing you no matter how much love I have for you, but she did get something right, if she makes you happy, I'll leave tonight Love."_

"_Gina, Please know that this letter is a good first step for me to acknowledge Katherine Beckett exists, but for rebuilding the love, No, that's not happening in one letter or one meeting with her. I love you, and I'm going back with the same goal I left with, to be able to move us back to the next level as soon as possible"_

_*********************************************************************************/_

**JFK Airport**

**Two Days Later**

Gina had the Car Service and Chopper repeat the trip in reverse, two days later to take Rick and Cricket back to the airport. Their plane was to depart at 5:15 AM New York Local Time, arriving in London at 8:20 PM London time, or 3:20 PM New York time. Leaving Alexis and Gina was perhaps the toughest thing Rick had to do, both ladies were strong and although tears filled their eyes, they refused to let them drip down their face. Alexis hugged her Dad first, the hug was long and tight as he whispered in her ear just like the first day of school, slowly her arms relaxed, she kissed him on the cheek, and turned to hug Cricket who gathered her into a tight hug.

"I'll take care of him Alexis, I promise, and it won't be long till either we're back or you and Gina are over to visit. Knowing your Dad, he'll haul ass to get the book done so he can get you to the book launch there." Cricket said quietly,

Gina fought hard, but tears streamed, as she hugged then kissed, then hugged again, finally Rick pulled her face up, and kissed her, as Cricket described, in a way every woman wants to be kissed at least one in their life, and held her oh so tight. Once again, he whispered words that only she could hear, she nodded a few times, then finally composed herself, kissed him once again then quickly turned to hug Cricket.

"Please watch over him Cricket, I think he's gotten the message, but remind him if you must I love him more than anything in this world."

"I'll take care of him Gina, and I promise, no more attempts, I'm truly sorry, your family now"

Gina hugged her tightly, "Everything will be fine just watch over my love, please"

Rick and Cricket quickly boarded the chopper, leaving Alexis and Gina to finish out the week at the cabin, they would both need some time before they went back to their daily grind.

**JFK Airport**

**4:30 AM Tuesday Departure Day**

Cricket once again held Rick's hand during takeoff, and her head bobbed on to his shoulder a few hours later, bringing a smile to his face. He had sat emotionless staring out the window just reliving every moment he had experienced the last ten days, till he felt her slide over.

He was really happy that Alexis and Gina had accepted this young lady, she had become a part of his family, regardless of how it started, he would never consider her for anything more than company for a meal.

He wasn't sure but he could sense that she had confessed to Gina her original intentions, and had received forgiveness, now he could concentrate on "No Time to Mourn" and nothing would make him happier than to have his loves with him when the book launched, even if he never got credit in print, he was writing his dream.

He thought of the letter from Beckett, Gina had packed it, even over his objection, and told him;

"Rick if this works out between us, there can't be any skeletons in either of our closets, Kate is there now. Till she is gone, I know you love me, but will never fall in love with me. You need to be able to look at her, forgive her, and not feel the emotions you felt that drove you to England. If you can't then you need to go after her and start your new life and let me go. I love you, but I won't be second fiddle any longer, and I don't want to have to wonder who is it you're making love to when we are in bed, I don't think you would either. Take the time love, but please, please be honest with yourself, me and Kate."

The words hurt first, but after thinking about it, Gina was right. Cricket had even warned him, not to take forever, since Gina and Kate would need to know what direction he wanted to go. He owed them both honesty, and he didn't want to string them along like he had been, being rejected hurt, but not knowing was even worse.

As he was deep in his thoughts, a scene flashed before his eyes, Alexis had been rejected for something, not sure anymore but his baby took it hard for days. Then suddenly she received the news that she was indeed accepted, BUT the first taste of rejection still lingered. She came to Dad, her hero who she thought could fix any and everything, and the words he said to her came rushing back,

"Do you want it bad enough to get over the hurt, Follow your heart, if you follow your heart you won't go wrong."

Easy advise to give, It's hell when your emotions are torn between one woman who loves you and has proved it even when you were at your very worse, and the other woman who hasn't even acknowledged anything until you left and now professes her love to you, God why is love so Fucking hard.

They touched down at Heathrow 12 minutes early, as Rick pulled his phone out and group texted Alexis and Gina,

"Just touched down, missed you both all the way here. Call when I can, Cricket sends her love as well I love you both, so very much Love Rick/Dad"

Gina is the first to answer, "the cabin is so empty without you, but thank you, it did turn a terrible memory into one I will treasure, remember you carry my heart, please be gentle, I love you, Genes followed by several kiss emojis,

Rick remembered the day he first called her Genes, it was on their honeymoon, just as he had carried her over the threshold, and laid her on the huge heart shaped bed, he could barely speak and when he did it came out I love you Genes instead of Gina. She loved it, her pet name, and he very rarely used it, so when she heard it her heart melted. He hadn't recalled that until just now, he knew Gina remembered, by the kiss she gave him when he called her by it.

Alexis text was next, "Daddy, we both miss you so much, so hurry and come home for good. I know when you get in the mood you crank the books out, Give Cricket a hug, Love you daddy" and again kiss and heart emojis.

Cricket had ordered a car service who gathered the bags and took two very tired travelers back to the Palace as Rick had nicknamed it. When they entered the room, Cricket checked the security video quickly and once all clear, she reached up and kissed Rick on the cheek,

"Good Night Rick, thank you for including me in your family, I had such a great time, Sleep well, we're not due to report till tomorrow afternoon"

"Good night Cricket, Thank you, for everything, but mostly for being my co-worker who is also my best friend. Sleep well" as Cricket blushed and smiled.

**Fast Forward 6 Weeks**

**GREYBROOK HOUSE **

**London England **

**Monday 8:00 AM Local Time**

Rick had indeed put the medal to the pedal to get the first book done, so he could once again return to his Alexis and Gina. He had thought about Beckett, but only in regards to her letter, softening the hurt towards her, and beginning to wish her well, the spark and quiver of his heart he used to feel when he thought of her was now gone.

Today they were preparing for Lord Barrow's first Press Conference, to announce the next book in the James Bond series would be released in one week, for both domestic and international markets. Sir Ian Fleming had died years before, but to the followers of the series, the books that were published after met the strict standards and could have easily been penned by Sir Ian himself. Rick was hoping this book would receive the same reviews and reverence.

Cricket had assured him that Lord Barrow was the toughest critic he would ever face, and if he reacted in the manner he did, Rick was sure to have another best seller, although no one would know it. The notoriety and fame didn't interest Rick when it came to this body of work, it was almost like he was asked to write another chapter to be added to the Holy Bible, that's how revered he felt about his work.

Rick and Cricket sat off to one side where they could see but not easily be seen, and since Rick kept his beard and modest style of dress, it was highly unlikely that anyone would recognize him anyway. The Press from not only Great Britain, but also international as well as the United States were on hand including TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, and all of the big three. Lord Barrow handled each question with his direct and honest way, some questions he just ignored, and the press conference was over in twenty-five minutes.

Rick and Cricket mingled with the crowd, once again Rick playing his Edgar role who didn't speak English, some of the reporters from the US were keen on finding anything to give them a leg up, so they stayed clear of the "Vulture Squad" as Rick had described them to Lord B and Cricket. They discreetly made their way to the main office then to Lord Barrows floor and sat in an attached conference room to await the man himself. He appeared 10 minutes later and appeared to be a bit upset.

"I see why you named them the Vulture Squad Rick, they just won't let go and try to twist everything. They finally backed off when I reminded them they were her courtesy of her majesty, and if they continued to act aggressively, I would have their equipment seized and held for forty five days, which is English Law, the settled down after that."

"Sir on behalf of the good and polite journalists from my country, I apologize for their behavior."

"Rick no need for you to apologize, we have our share of rogues and rascals here do we not Katherine?"

"Most definitely Sir"

"I wanted to let you both know that the Distribution Channels have already received advance copy orders tripling our estimates, so the presses are running as you say Rick 24/7 or around the clock. The United States has been one of our biggest users and they have ordered 4 times the number that is normal. At this rate it will reach the Best Seller list the week it is released. Smashing Job, Congratulations. Now Rick, I think you would love to take some down time before you start this process all over would you not?"

"Most definitely Sir,"

"And Katherine would there be any problem with you accompanying Rick as you did before, this time for Six Weeks, any special considerations we need to make?"

"No Sir, no cats, no pets, and I look forward to visiting the United States once again"

"Very well, Please make the arrangements beginning next week if that is with your approval Rick,"

"Thank You, that's great I 'll call home and let them know that we will be on our way soon."

Rick and Cricket returned to the Palace and waited till it was 7:00 AM New York Time then called Alexis and Gina.

A sleepy Gina answered her phone "Hello Rick, please tell me you and Cricket are OK? You never call this early, what's the matter?"

"No problems Gina, is Alexis near you?"

"Yeah, she's just finishing breakfast before school, this is her last week as a Junior,"

"Can you put the call on Speaker Genes?"

"Rick, sure Sweetie, hang on, Alexis can you come here please it's your Dad and Cricket."

"Hi Dad, Hi Cricket," Alexis sounding wide awake and happy,

Cricket took the lead this time, "Guess who's coming to home for Six Weeks next week, YEP US, that is if you want to see us"

Rick held the phone back as the shrieking, and yelling was going on till finally Gina, came on,

"Cricket get you and my man's Ass on a plane home to me as soon as you can, God this is the best news ever. How did you work out such a long vacation Rick"

"Well I did what pumpkin told me to do, I put the medal to the pedal and finished the book, we just returned from the press conference, and although my name wasn't mentioned, they think it will be on the Best Seller's list before I get home."

"Dad, I'm so proud of you, and I'm so happy that we get to spend all this time together, can I make a suggestion?"

"Sure Baby, What are you thinking?"

"Well, it's my last day of school so why don't we spend the time in the Hamptons, that way you will be able to shave your beard and be Dad, my real dad now for a while"

Gina added "Rick, that's a great idea, and I'm sure we can arrange to bring our Cricket's friend when she can get time off, if it sounds good to you"

"Gina, you know you would have to break my arm to make me go back to that bloody spot" Cricket tries but can't stay serious, "Of course I love the Hamptons plus as Alexis said Rick can be Rick with no one but the locals knowing he is there"

Gina has heard from everyone but Rick, "Sweetie don't you want to go to the Hamptons, I mean we can do anything you want"

"Genes, I would love to spend my time with my family at the Hamptons, but I won't shave the beard till we get there, you know the paparazzi, and can't afford that."

"I understand, believe I'll take care of it, I've added security to the house anyway since we are entering tourist season, so that'll work out fine, I'll text the details for the Car or Chopper once I get the flight information from Cricket."

"Gina, I just booked the flights we depart London on Sunday at 11:15 PM our time, 6:15 PM NY Time, and arrive 10:45 PM British Airways Flight 345"

"Got it Cricket, let me make the arrangements, and Rick, I love you, God I missed you so badly."

"I missed you too Daddy, but you have to do something nice for Gina, she cried the first week you were gone, hurry home we can't wait."

See you Sunday night Cricket and Rick say together as they end the call.


	25. Chapter 25

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**A/N I'm sure the letter is going to generate a variety of responses, I wrote it from a man's POV that he finally manned up and called Kate out for things that had hurt him like he never did in Canon. IMO it will take a hell of a lot more than one letter, one I've changed, and I love you, for a man, any man to venture back to that environment. Your opinion may differ, and you're welcome to state such, AS LONG as they are respectful to me, other readers and our characters. Trolls will be deleted as always. Thx Tim**

**Chapter 25**

**Previously**

"_Rick if this works out between us, there can't be any skeletons in either of our closets, Kate is there now. Till she is gone, I know you love me, but will never fall in love with me. You need to be able to look at her, forgive her, and not feel the emotions you felt that drove you to England. If you can't then you need to go after her and start your new life and let me go. I love you, but I won't be second fiddle any longer, and I don't want to have to wonder who is it you're making love to when we are in bed, I don't think you would either. Take the time love, but please, please be honest with yourself, me and Kate."_

*****************************************************************************/

**Heathrow Airport**

**Sunday at 11:15 PM**

Rick and Cricket boarded the plane looking forward to six whole weeks, at the Hamptons, sun surf and relaxation with his family and those Cricket had adopted as her own. Cricket assumed her position, grabbed Rick's hand and held on tight till the Jet leveled off at 40,000 feet, and the Flight Attendant offered her a drink to calm her nerves. Rick took a club soda, he knew something was weighing on Gina's mind, and he wanted to put an end to it as soon as he saw her.

Alexis had let it slip out that Gina was still afraid of losing Rick to Kate, because of the letter, and the lack of response left her in limbo, did he still love her, did he want to try to make a go of it with her, should she pack her bags and find a lonely hearts club to join. He had been so totally consumed by the book, first finishing it, then the edits first from Cricket, then the critical ones from LB and he definitely felt passion about some scenes. LB and he disagreed on one crucial point, until Rick explained the other points it supported subtly, and the edit was tossed, keeping it the way Rick wrote it.

Rick took out his laptop along with the letter that Kate had written, perhaps he could respond to it by the time he landed in a way that would prove to Gina, he wasn't running back to the Detective to be at her beck and call, those days were over. He didn't want to be cruel either, it wasn't his style to return hurt with hurt, but he wanted to point out the points that did hurt him more than others. Well, here goes the draft, he would have Gina edit it when she read it with him, it was what she needed, what They needed.

_Dear Kate,_

_I was forwarded your letter by Gina, Yes, I heard and am aware of all that transpired since I departed, and all I can say is I'm sorry it had to happen. As for failure, I would agree there was plenty of that for you to share with others, rather than taking full ownership. You do own the fact you allowed conduct that I never thought I would see directed at the worst of the criminals we interviewed to flow my way, not only by your Boyfriend Demming, but you got in some pretty good shots yourself and Espo, well he took the sucker punch when he could. _

_You mentioned many things in the letter that Gina went the extra mile to insure I received, it took her a while but she was able to deliver, not an easy feat but that's all I'm going to say about that. You're right, I almost threw the letter in the trash, fully expecting it to be full of I'm sorry and it wasn't my fault, but you surprised me. You took ownership, perhaps too much in some areas, but it was a welcome change_

_I'm always looking for the story Detective, as you know, but this one is pretty self-telling, unless you surprise me again. I liked your visual reference to your Murder Board; it was a nice touch and an easy way to keep track of events that happened. _

_I think your timeline is off though, you started with Demming, your animosity, resentment, call it what you like for me started much earlier. I felt the disdain when I first worked the first few cases with you and "Your Boys". I had hoped that a skilled Detective such as yourself could separate your personal feelings from professional and measure my contributions rather than my behavioral patterns that had you paint me as a "Nine year old on a sugar rush" with the "Attention span of a Cocker Spaniel". It's funny that in all my business dealings and managing multiple books through concept to publication I had never been referred to in such glowing terms._

_The murder of Esposito's career is not really a murder but more of a suicide. You can only act like the Macho Man for so long till someone calls your bluff and either kicks your ass physically, or through strategic maneuvers such as done by Alexis that was able to take him apart easily. The sad part was you were there watching and did nothing to stop him from pulling the trigger so to speak, so for that you can share that guilt with Esposito. I don't feel sorry for him, he kept his job, but for how long will depend upon how he can adapt to a true team player under Ann Hastings, someone who will not excuse his every move, right or wrong as you did._

_I know Roy suffered not only professional embarrassment but also personal pain, but that's his story to tell, not mine. I felt truly sorry for Kevin, and I am glad he's getting a shot at Lead without you or Espo there to tell him how stupid his ideas are or as Espo referred to him as Castle Jr. Kevin will excel now that he's not trying to be the type of cop that you thought he should be, where the results justify the means. You tried this technique at my Loft with Gina, How did that workout for you?_

_One big correction Detective, **I didn't disappear, I chose who I wanted to be in contact with**, huge difference, I'm sure you would agree. As for the lengths I went to sever our connection, don't flatter yourself Detective to use one of your more often used comments. What I'm doing, where I am doing it at, has NOTHING to do with you. I'm touched that you think of Alexis and my friends now, but when I handed you the solution to the case you were too busy on a dinner date, to even listen. What was your parting comment, oh yes, "I think you're right Tom, but we can check it out IF the real leads go dry, and I agree it does sound like a plot from one of Castle's books as you both laughed long and loud." Isn't if funny now the suspect I pointed you too has confessed, and the detective who was your super cop, is now a patrol officer, midnight shift._

_I don't recall telling you I loved you, perhaps you do, but I don't. If you think the things not only myself but my family did for you were out of love, we do that for all our guests Detective, it was nothing special. You asked me to listen to your pleas with an open mind, so far, I haven't heard anything new Beckett, but I'm still listening. As for the Hurt I feel, don't forget how you described me once, the rich playboy without feelings, why do you worry if I am hurt or if I can feel at all now?_

_I was reminded by Esposito, Demming and you more often than I care to mention my status as "You're not a Cop Castle, you wouldn't understand Castle, It's a cop thing Castle" and this is true. I finally realized that playing cop had too big a price tag attached to it. I don't understand your assessment of now I do things better than Real Cops, it's a confusing message you send Detective._

_I read your letter several times trying to figure out WHY you even wrote it, it clicked when I got to the part with your Shrink. If this was a homework assignment, ask forgiveness from those you wronged, you can mark it off your list, it's done. I forgave you the minute I stepped outside the precinct, forgetting is going to take longer but you're clear, tell your shrink things are good between us._

_I know we differed on many things Detective, I never thought you didn't pursue justice for your victim, I often thought you proceeded with blinders on and refused to take input from anyone on your team, hell you even fought your superior officer, because why? Beckett knew Better. Part of that when I proved you wrong, I took no delight, I hoped with each time you would become more flexible for the next opportunity, yet you reverted back to the same old do it my way, so now I will say it for the first and last time, "I TOLD YOU SO"._

_I know you have a difficult job, but part of that job is to protect all, your team mates, the rights of the victims, suspects, hell even the scum bag attorneys still deserved to be treated with justice and dignity. The last weeks with Demming don't need to be repeated here on paper, you touched on some of what you did, but as always you glossed over the bigger ones, ones I'm not going to bring up, now or ever. I will tell you this, there were times when I wished I never created Nikki Heat, times which I truly wished I had never met you Detective._

_You're correct, I have the reputation of having a forgiving heart, when it comes to me being wronged, I can forgive almost anything. Detective, that wasn't the case the last several weeks I was with you, your actions were callous and cruel and caused pain to Alexis, and Gina both who had to watch me spiral down trying to figure out what I had done to deserve this type of treatment. _

_You left a mess of a man that Gina put back together and comforted my teenage daughter when she saw her Dad so sad, she was afraid he would harm himself. I think your threat of shooting me would have hurt them less that the emotional pain you inflicted. Words are like bullets; some pass-through causing flesh wounds others can cause massive internal hemorrhaging to the point of no return._

_Congratulations on continuing your treatment with Doctor Burke, perhaps he can help you find some of your triggers that cause the behaviors I have witnessed. You brought up the lies, I wasn't going to, but I don't buy that I'm the only one you lie to because I'm the one you fell in love with, common reasoning is just the opposite, at least it is for me, I would lie to protect the one I love, not hurt them._

_I'm sorry for the shame and you being the brunt of jokes after you found out the entire truth about Demming. I often wondered why you ran a complete background check on me, just to allow me to sit next to your desk, yet you begin encounters with men you take at face value without a second thought. What message would that send to you Detective if roles were reversed? Yeah, I thought so._

_As for your personal and or Sexual life Detective, as you made it clear repeatedly it's none of my business, and pardon the bluntness, but I don't care if you and Demming fucked each other's brains out all the time you were together, Not My Business, or my concern. As the old saying in the South, I don't have a dog in that race, so I really don't give a damn._

_You're correct Detective, I gave two years of my life, left my family, cheated my employer out of my best efforts, and spent every waking moment at the precinct trying to make a difference, trying to get you to see the real Rick Castle, you never did, and I doubt you ever will. Now I'm supposed to see that one disciplinary hearing, a few sessions with a shrink have opened your eyes to reality, and you love me? _

_Doctor Burke provided you with one reason you may have treated me as you did, I'll give you another. The only thing that you feel is the urge to find your mother's killer, to bring those responsible to justice and anyone or anything that gets in your way is collateral damage. I got in the way, and since I'm not a cop such as Sorenson or Demming, I could be treated like yesterday's trash. Harsh? Perhaps. Truth? Most Likely and until your action prove you have changed, I don't believe a word you have to say, especially about having feelings for me._

_I'm sure Gina will appreciate your appraisal of her relationship with her Stepdaughter, you see, She divorced me but never stopped being her mom. I have never referred to Gina as a blood thirsty ex, __**you are treading into a territory you really don't want to go**__, especially with thoughts and conjectures and nothing else for proof._

_I am thoroughly confused with your statement lost my chance to be my partner, all you have done is threaten to shoot me or wait in the car Castle, stay here Castle, once again Detective one incident and a few trips to the shrink doesn't change things. There is as much chance of me returning to the 12__th__ precinct to assist as there is in me running for Mayor to succeed Bob when he hits term limits, not very likely._

_You were **never my** **friend**, even when my family opened our doors to you to provide you a home, you never allowed anything to progress past working colleague. If we weren't friends before what makes you think our friendship, hell any friendship, could survive what I call the Demming Debacle?_

_The last few paragraphs of your letter dealt with my relationship with Gina, and how she feels, again I wonder how you garnered those thoughts, and reflections. I know Gina was polite and professional during the last book launch, but you certainly don't know her or me well enough to offer an opinion Dr. Phil as you used to call me._

_As I said earlier in this letter, I have forgiven you long ago, forgetting is the hard part and it will take time. Thank you for the letter, I know it was hard for you to write, to express your feelings, so it is appreciated. This response is not meant to be cold, or hurtful, I just removed all emotion, or at least I tried and responded with as many facts as I could._

_Enjoy your inner peace, we are good and there is no reason to talk, you apologized, I accepted, end of story. There is no reason I can think of to see you, so unless you can provide anything meaningful to this, then let's just say we are good and part ways the way we already have. No need for you to worry about me and my heart as is no need for me to worry about yours. After all, It's our lives, and we're both adults, so live your life Detective, I truly hope you find happiness, and forgive me I also truly hope I can forget I ever met you,_

_Castle_

Rick had just saved the document and shut his laptop down when he heard the ding of the pilot, meaning to stow all electronic devices away. He nudged Cricket awake and they prepared for final approach and a much-needed vacation. They would be met by a driver who would take them to a drop point to another driver and finally to the chopper and they should be home within the hour.

Gina wasn't taking any chances, and as they flew over the Hampton house, they could see the security in place a strategic locations. It was only a few minutes till they were pulling up the gate and being mobbed by a red head and a blond both with tears streaming down their cheeks

Welcome home, We missed you so very much and welcome back Cricket, as Alexis took her hand leading her to the house. Gina couldn't wait, she turned and laid a kiss on Rick, as they broke apart, a huge smile on his face, Guess you missed me a bit huh as the entered the house to spend the next six weeks together, alone away from distractions.


	26. Chapter 26

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 26**

**Previously**

"_In regards to Detective First Class Esposito, it is our recommendation a unpaid suspension of 90 days be imposed, with 30 days suspended, reduction in rank and pay from Detective First Class to Junior Detective once his 60 day suspension is served, and he is to return on a 6 month probationary period, not eligible for merit or cost of living increases until his probationary period is over. It is further recommended Detective Esposito, now Jr. Detective Esposito be reassigned and report to Detective Ann Hasting for his 6-month probation, final assignment to be determined after this time."_

************************************************************************************/

**12****th**** Precinct**

**60 Days from Suspension Day**

**Captain Montgomery's Office 7:00 AM**

Captain Roy Montgomery was reviewing the paperwork of Jr. Detective Javier Esposito, formerly Detective First Class, now reporting to Detective Ann Hasting, on his first day from serving his suspension.

"You know you will have to qualify on the range again, and present the signed certificate, as well as the target signed by the Range officer on duty, correct Esposito?"

"Yes Sir, I have those documents for the Captain Sir,"

He pulled out the range target and the signed certificate of qualification and presented it to the Captain to take out of his hands. It seemed as though he had started remembering some of his military training, and the courtesy to show officers.

"Very Good Detective, here is your piece, shield and ID Card, have Detective Hastings contact IT to reinstate them so your badge will work to get in and out of doors, as well as reinstating your pay and benefits."

"Yes Sir,"

"Any Questions Detective Esposito?"

"No Sir, may I be dismissed Sir"

Roy looked at him wondering what surprises lay ahead, but he had no choice but to reinstate him on probation,

"Dismissed" Roy barked

Kate had reclaimed her desk, even though she reported to Karpowski, she still was in the vicinity of Ryan and his new team, Detectives Haller and LT, who was finally getting his shot at a promotion and doing well.

Esposito walked out of the Captains office, straight by Ryan then Kate's desk without saying a word on his way to find Hastings.

"Javi, it's good to see you how have you been" Kate tried, as she started to approach him but stopped

"Fine, Excuse me I have to meet Detective Hastings now" as he continued walking never looking back or at Kevin's desk, where the Irish Detective sat with a sad look on his face.

"OK, Wouldn't want to hold you up," Kate muttered to his back as he continued walking past her, then turned to see Kevin, who simply shrugged his shoulders.

Ann had been waiting, actually dreading this day, she remembered the Hell this man put her through, almost making her quit more than once. Now she had the same power over him, but she didn't want revenge, she wanted an apology and a fresh start with and for him. She knew how passionate he was about being a cop, being single, no family the job was all he lived for and if that were taken from him, well it wouldn't be good.

"Detective Hastings, I've been cleared by the Captain who asked me to have you add me back into the active roster so my badge would open doors, and I could be returned to the active role for HR for pay and benefits."

"Welcome back Esposito, it's been done already, go check a door with the badge and see if IT has it activated yet"

"Yes Mam" as he turns and walks to an exterior door, performing the test, the click of the lock could be heard across the room.

"I guess it works Javi, now before we get into the routine, I want to talk with you privately, so meet me in the Conference Room A in 10 minutes, in the mean time get settled at that desk directly across from mine, Any questions?" She wasn't rude, but she let him know immediately that the roles had been switched and he was no longer top dog, and her his lackey.

"No Mam" as he turned and headed for the desk, he opened his backpack and began to settle in as Ann paid a quick visit to Kevin and the Captain.

"Well he's back and I think his plan is to play it straight by the book, including with his military background and his responses to my questions. Has he said anything to anyone other than respond to questions?"

"Beckett tried to engage him in conversation, all he said was he was fine when she asked how was he doing then blew her off by saying he needed to see you." Kevin had hurt and disappointment in his eyes. This man at one time was as close as a brother, now he acted like a stranger.

"Don't take it personally Kev, his pride has been hurt, and you know as well as I, that's the only way to bring Javi down, he'd fight to the death in a physical altercation, but wound his pride and he cowers like a kicked puppy." Ann replied

"I guess you're right Ann, I just hate that he thinks I took advantage of his downfall, I mean it wasn't like that at all"

"Kev, if he were your friend, your true friend, he wouldn't have thought that, it's his excuse to place blame anywhere but where it belonged, Kate overstepped but that didn't give him the right to take it 4 levels higher, he knew who he was dealing with. If Gina hadn't speared his Ass, Rick would have one way or another.

I'm trying not to be the dick he was to me, I will really try, but if he pisses me off, I will break the Son of a Bitch, just because of the nights I cried myself to sleep thinking I wasn't good enough for this job, when it was him, just him."

"I know you'll be fair Ann, Thanks for that, it's up to him now, nothing I or Kate can do."

Ann returned to see Javi sitting in the Conference room, so she grabbed her notes and a book from her drawer and proceeded to join him.

Immediately when he saw her enter her stood almost like attention as he would have in the Air Force,

"Sit your ass down Espo, the reason I called this meeting with you is I want it clear before you get off to the wrong start. You and I both know for the next six months any screw up, any failure to follow an order or any act of insubordination will cost you your career.

I'm sure you don't want that, and regardless of what you think, I don't either. You're a good cop, sometimes a great cop, as a man you're a DICK, not only to me but your coworkers which by the way extend to your old team members Ryan and Beckett. I won't have that Javi, plain and simple, I've paid that price once, and you WON'T ever repeat that treatment to anyone on this force, Is that clear?"

"Yes Mam" he barked out,

"While we're on the subject, do you know how many times I had to hear about your great service in the Air Force and your time in Special Forces, when you were my TO, every fucking day. What you didn't know, your rank was Sargent, I was a Captain in Special Forces as well, and no matter how hard you tried to break me, I kept going back to that training.

I thought at first you were being a good TO, making sure I was field ready, but you took it way too far, then I knew, you're just a DICK of a man, trying to belittle others. What I want to hear from your lips first is that you agree, and you apologize, not yet, when you've had time to think about it, and mean it. That will go a long way with me, if you fuck up, apologize and do what you can to make it right.

What I would like to ask you now, is your honest appraisal of your job as not just my Training Officer, but to all 4 of us, unfortunately 3 other women dropped out, was that because of you or was the job too tough Esposito?"

"Sir, begging your pardon Mam*"

"Cut the shit Javi, it's either Ann, Hastings or Detective, we're not back in basic training so grow the fuck up"

Javi has a shocked look on his face, he had faced tough superior officers before, but he truly had underestimated the soft spoken, fragile looking Ann Hastings, she was as tough as nails.

"Ann, I may have been a bit rough on you, but in my mind, you would have to be not only as good, but better than the men you worked with, if you had any chance at a career with the force. Perhaps there were times when I did take it too far, and for that I do apologize."

"Any particular instance stand out in your mind Javi where as you say you perhaps took it too far?"

"Well I know I made you carry all the equipment to and from Crime Scenes, which wasn't fair or served no purpose other than I resented having a woman assigned to me. I took it out on you, and thought if I washed enough minority candidates out, they would allow me to work with the w err well*"

"The white Male Cops Javi, is that the term you're searching for?"

"Yes, it is, and looking back I can see how wrong it was. I started at the 12th before Beckett, but when it came time to fill the Lead Detective spot, Montgomery picked her over me, and when I asked, he simply said she's a leader you're not."

"So, you took out your frustration on the other three female candidates and me, to get even?"

"I know it sounds stupid now, but at the time, I rationalized it."

"Well thanks for your honesty, at least I no longer think it was me personally that you hated, you hated any woman who could possibly pass you and become higher in the ranks than you, Fair Statement?"

"Yes, it's fair."

"What have you done to change your belief system if anything or do you still share the same beliefs now as you did then?"

"Working for Beckett, taught me that she was the better leader, she took chances for Ryan and me that no other lead would, and always considered us before herself. If it's any consolation Ann, I did attend two rounds of sensitivity training when it was pointed out to me by Beckett, that I had to learn to work with the people assigned to a case, not wish for those I wanted to work with. I can ask the Doctor to send you my progress notes if that helps"

"No Javi, I don't need to see them, what I needed was to understand the why, Did I do something that would hinder this working relationship, or were you like that with all female authority figures? I got my answer, and for what it's worth kudos for taking the training most guys would wait till it was mandated."

"Thanks Ann"

"Your first assignment is to apologize to Detectives Beckett and Ryan then return here and we'll talk about what was said, as well as your next steps. Javi for your own good swallow your pride, make it sincere, we both know the Jr. Detective title is far below where you belong so don't tie my hands trying to get your old level back by being a stubborn chauvinistic ass"

"Ann, I treated you like shit, why would you want to help me get back what I lost?"

"Because now your success is my success, your failure is my failure, and I worked to damn hard to get here to let it be taken away by some hardheaded asshole, Understand?"

"I understand Ann, and Thank You, I feel much better about working for you now, I'll do my best for you and I'll always have your Six"

"All I ask for Javi, Welcome Back"


	27. Chapter 27

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 27**

**Previously**

Gina wasn't taking any chances, and as they flew over the Hampton house, they could see the security in place a strategic locations. It was only a few minutes till they were pulling up the gate and being mobbed by a red head and a blond both with tears streaming down their cheeks

Welcome home, We missed you so very much and welcome back Cricket, as Alexis took her hand leading her to the house. Gina couldn't wait, she turned and laid a kiss on Rick, as they broke apart, a huge smile on his face, Guess you missed me a bit huh as the entered the house to spend the next six weeks together, alone away from distractions.

*********************************************************************************/

**Hamptons Beach House**

**Next Morning**

Rick was the first up, still trying to get his internal clock regulated, it was 4:00 AM in New York, meaning it was 9:00 AM in the U. K. and he would be sleeping in. Knowing it was far to early to make breakfast, he headed down to the beach to take a run, he still had his beard and a weird hat, with sunglasses and to anyone who knew the Rick Castle who owned the property, this guy was just a beach bum running up the beach.

He was just into the 2nd half of his first mile when he felt someone approaching from behind, so he casually turned and running backwards saw it was Cricket, apparently, she couldn't sleep either.

"Good Day Rick couldn't sleep any longer and I saw you come down to the beach, I hope it's OK that I joined you."

"Of course Cricket, I think we have about an hour or so before I'm betting Alexis will be up next, Gina didn't sleep well last night, she had some bad dreams, I had to wake her once to get her to understand that she was dreaming. I asked her what they were about, but she didn't want to talk about it, so I let her go back to sleep while I held her."

"You don't know what Gina's bad dreams are about Rick? Seriously?"

"No, why would I Cricket, you and I have been away for almost 7 weeks, how would I know?"

"Rick, think, the last night you were here you read Kate's letter, the one where she told you she loved you, what do you think Gina is dreaming about now, Lover Boy"

"No Cricket, she can't be worried about that, Could She? I mean I just drafted a response to her while we were flying last night, you know how busy we've been."

"Yeah Rick I know, but have you once told Gina you would answer Kate's letter and let her read it, that it changed nothing? Not knowing the man, you love more than life may leave you would cause any woman to have nightmares."

"Cricket, do you really think that's it? I mean she never had those before even when we were married and fighting, she wouldn't have them"

"That's because she substituted her anger for you for the hurt, it's a woman coping technique. When we finish breakfast Alexis and I will disappear, you need to get this situation straight with Gina, she deserves at least that."

"Thanks Cricket, you're right, Well we're at the 4-mile mark, I'm heading back now"

"Thank God, I thought I was going to have to run another 5 miles before we turned around, let's get back and get breakfast for them.

Rick was correct, when they got back, he put on a pot of coffee, and the tea pot for Cricket, took a quick shower, and dressed. It wasn't long before he felt two arms around his waist, hugging him,

"Good morning Daddy, sleep well?"

"Yes and No, Alexis do you know Gina is having nightmares honey? How long has this been going on?"

"Dad, she didn't want you to know, but it started about a week after you and Cricket left, I heard her one night screaming no, no don't leave me so I crawled in bed and held her, she woke up about 20 minutes later but Dad, I've never seen her so frightened or sad. She made me promise I wouldn't tell you with the pressure of the new book and everything else"

"Rick, Sweetie, they come and go, it's nothing for you to worry about Hun, I swear" neither had seen Gina standing in the doorway,

"I'm sorry Gina, I didn't tell, Dad asked, and I had to be truthful, I'm sorry"

"Hey, it's OK Baby, you always tell us the truth, about anything

Cricket spoke up, "Gina, how about some breakfast then when we're done, I'm counting on Alexis to show me the big town shopping here at the Hamptons" as she smiled.

"Yeah Cricket and I will be gone for at least four hours so you and Dad can talk you both need it, plus I know how much you missed him, and if he missed you near as much his kid shouldn't be anywhere near the house to hear the sounds you guys make" she laughed as Gina blushed,

"Hey little Brat, I'll get you for that, but Thank You, I would love a few hours with your Dad to as you say Talk"

Breakfast was over in a flash and Cricket and Alexis were out the door, being very specific when they said We'll text you when we start on our way back but it will be at least four hours, Bye"

Rick crossed the room pulled Gina into a deep kiss, "I'm sorry Gina, I should have done more to keep you from doubting, I've had nightmares before and well who am I telling, you're the one that got me through them. I love you, and I made you a promise, WHEN, or IF, anything came up I would talk to you in person, not via email or text. I've just been so damn busy finishing the book and edits I didn't take the time to reassure you like I should, forgive me?"

"Rick, I'm sorry, it's just I'm so afraid I know the grip she had on you, and forgive me I just can't shake the feeling than I'm losing you again."

"Hey, I want you to read something, let me print it off first, be right back, finish your eggs while I'm gone as he kissed her deeply, hopefully taking away any doubts of his love.

He returned about 4 minutes later with a stack of papers printed off, it looked like a letter from far away.

"I want to lie in bed with you, and let you edit my response to Beckett, you know every shred of communication between us love, I swear, and I will never hurt you again if I can help it," tears pool in his deep blue eyes

It's Gina's turn to take him into an embrace and kiss him, "I know Rick, deep down inside I know but when I sleep it starts off the same, we're out to dinner, she walks in, and walks up to our table and kisses you, you rise and leave with her without a goodbye, and then the tears come, It's a stupid dream, I'm sorry I worried Alexis, and now you."

"Gina, we both know you can't control what you dream, so let's go read the letter then we talk about the exercises the doctor gave me to do when I was going through them, OK?"

She grabs his hand and leads him to the bed, assuming he position in between his legs, leaning against his chest, before they start, she turns and steals one more deep kiss, that has him moaning, then breaks for air, and says, "OK I'm ready."

"Why don't you read it all the way through then ask me any questions you want or suggest any edits, OK? I'll be right here holding you"

Gina reads the letter, and tears come to her eyes while she's reading a few pages, she finally finishes the letter,

"Rick, the letter was a bit harsh, even if you did take the emotions out, are you sure you don't want her to hurt like you did, I mean it's normal but it's just not you."

"Give me an example will you, I mean I went over it a few times as I was writing it, but as usual, you're the best editor in the business."

"Well, that paragraph about not telling her you love her, really Rick that can all be cut, she knows what was said and wasn't. Also, the part about I told you so, Rick, that's so not you, I'd cut that, completely. I think you should cut out her sex life all together, She offered that to dispute the locker room talk guys usually brag about. Those were the major edits Rick. It's still a forceful reply, one I am sure that will rock her to the core, but I think those changes will ease it just a bit if you agree."

"As always, you're right when I read it back it sounded better in my head, then on paper. Thanks Genes, you're the best. I'll make the changes and I'm still trying out how to get it back to her without giving away my postal code."

"Why don't you write it out, address the envelope and then mail that envelope to Howard in New York and let him mail it to her, that way your letter will come with no post mark inside another larger one from your lawyers."

"Gina, you're brilliant, you know that"

She laughs as she takes his face between her hands and he places the letter on the night stand, he'll get back that later, Gina was now in control and he allowed her, such a great afternoon. He had missed her, and if things continue to progress, she would know it for sure, he just needed to be sure.

**5 Hours Later**

Rick was just completing transferring the revised letter to stationary, as generic as he could find at the Beach home and preparing the envelope to mail to his attorney.

_Dear Kate,_

_Yes, I heard and am aware of all that transpired since I departed, and all I can say is I'm sorry it had to happen. As for failure, I would agree there was plenty of that for you to share with others, rather than taking full ownership. You do own the fact you allowed conduct that I never thought I would see directed at the worst of the criminals we interviewed to flow my way, not only by your Boyfriend Demming, but you got in some pretty good shots yourself and Espo, well he took the sucker punch when he could. _

_You mentioned many things in the letter that Gina got to me, it took her a while but she was able to deliver, not an easy feat but that's all I'm going to say about that. You're right, I almost threw the letter in the trash, fully expecting it to be full of I'm sorry and it wasn't my fault, but you surprised me. You took ownership, perhaps too much in some areas, but it was a welcome change_

_I'm always looking for the story Detective, as you know, but this one is pretty self-telling, unless you surprise me again. I liked your visual reference to your Murder Board; it was a nice touch and an easy way to keep track of events that happened. _

_I think your timeline is off though, you started with Demming, your animosity, resentment, call it what you like for me started much earlier. I felt the disdain when I first worked the first few cases with you and "Your Boys". I had hoped that a skilled Detective such as yourself could separate your personal feelings from professional and measure my contributions rather than my behavioral patterns that had you paint me as a "Nine year old on a sugar rush" and the "Attention span of a Cocker Spaniel". It's funny that in all my business dealings and managing multiple books through concept to publication I had never been referred to in such glowing terms._

_The murder of Esposito's career is not really a murder but more of a suicide. You can only act like the Macho Man for so long till someone calls your bluff and either kicks your ass physically, or through strategic maneuvers which Alexis was able to take him apart easily. The sad part you were there watching and did nothing to stop him from pulling the trigger so to speak, so for that you can share that guilt with Esposito. I don't feel sorry for him, he kept his job, but for how long will depend upon how he can adapt to a true team player under Ann Hastings, someone who will not excuse his every move, right or wrong as you did._

_I know Roy suffered not only professional embarrassment but also personal pain, but that's his story to tell, not mine. I felt truly sorry for Kevin, and I am glad he's getting a shot at Lead without you or Espo there to tell him how stupid his ideas are or as Espo referred to him as Castle Jr. Kevin will excel now that he's not trying to be the type of cop that you thought he should be, where the results justify the means. You tried this technique at my Loft with Gina, How did that workout for you?_

_One big correction Detective, I didn't disappear, I choice who I wanted to be in contact with, huge difference, I'm sure you would agree. As for the lengths I went to sever our connection, don't flatter yourself Detective to use one of your more often used comments. What I'm doing, where I am doing it at, has NOTHING to do with you. I'm touched that you think of Alexis and my friends now, but when I handed you the solution to the case you were too busy on a dinner date, to even listen. What was your parting comment, oh yes, "I think you're right Tom, but we can check it out IF the real leads go dry, and I agree it does sound like a plot from one of Castle's books."_

_I was reminded by Esposito, Demming and you more often than I care to mention my status as "You're not a Cop Castle, you wouldn't understand Castle, It's a cop thing Castle" and this is true. I finally realized that playing cop had too big a price tag attached to it. I don't understand your assessment of now I do things better than Real Cops, it's a confusing message you send Detective._

_I read your letter several times trying to figure out WHY you even wrote it, it clicked when I got to the part with your Shrink. If this was a homework assignment, ask forgiveness from those you wronged, you can mark it off your list, it's done. I forgave you the minute I stepped outside the precinct, forgetting is going to take longer but you're clear, tell your shrink things are good between us._

_I know you have a difficult job, but part of that job is to protect all, your team mates, the rights of the victims, suspects, hell even the scum bag attorneys still deserved to be treated with justice and dignity. The last weeks with Demming don't need to be repeated here on paper, you touched on some of what you did, but as always you glossed over the bigger ones, ones I'm not going to bring up, now or ever. I will tell you this, there were times when I wished I never created Nikki Heat, times which I wished I never met you Detective._

_You're correct, I have the reputation of having a forgiving heart, when it comes to me being wronged, I can forgive almost anything. Detective, that wasn't the case the last several weeks I was with you, your actions were callous and cruel and caused pain to Alexis, and Gina both who had to watch me spiral down trying to figure out what I had done to deserve this type of treatment. _

_You left a mess of a man that Gina put back together and comforted my teenage daughter when she saw her Dad so sad, she was afraid he would harm himself. I think your threat of shooting me would have hurt them less that the emotional pain you inflicted. Words are like bullets; some pass-through causing flesh wounds others can cause massive internal hemorrhaging to the point of no return._

_Congratulations on continuing your treatment with Doctor Burke, perhaps he can help you find some of your triggers that cause the behaviors I have witnessed. You brought up the lies, I wasn't going to, but I don't buy that I'm the only one you lie to because I'm the one you fell in love with, common reasoning is just the opposite, at least it is for me, I would lie to protect the one I love, not hurt them._

_I'm sorry for the shame and you being the brunt of jokes after you found out the entire truth about Demming. I often wondered what would make you run a complete background check on me, just to allow me to sit next to your desk, yet you begin encounters with men you take at face value without a second thought. What message would that send to you Detective if roles were reversed? Yeah, I thought so._

_You're correct Detective, I gave two years of my life, left my family, cheated my employer out of my best efforts, and spent every waking moment at the precinct trying to make a difference, trying to get you to see the real Rick Castle, you never did, and I doubt you ever will. Now I'm supposed to see that one disciplinary hearing, a few sessions with a shrink have opened your eyes to reality, and you love me? _

_Doctor Burke provided you with one reason you may have treated me as you did, I'll give you another. The only thing that you feel is the urge to find your mother's killer, to bring those responsible to justice and anyone or anything that gets in your way is collateral damage. I got in the way, and since I'm not a cop such as Sorenson or Demming, I could be treated like yesterday's trash. Harsh? Perhaps. Truth? Most Likely and until your action prove you have changed, I don't believe a word you have to say, especially about having feelings for me._

_I'm sure Gina will appreciate your appraisal of her relationship with her Stepdaughter, you see, She divorced me but never stopped being her mom. I have never referred to Gina as a blood thirsty ex, __**you are treading into a territory you really don't want to go**__, especially with thoughts and conjectures and nothing else for proof._

_I am thoroughly confused with your statement lost my chance to be my partner, all you have done is threaten to shoot me or wait in the car Castle, stay here Castle, once again Detective one incident and a few trips to the shrink doesn't change things. There is as much chance of me returning to the 12__th__ precinct to assist as there is in me running for Mayor to succeed Bob when he hits term limits, not very likely._

_You were never my friend, even when my family opened our doors to you to provide you a home, you never allowed anything to progress past working colleague. If we weren't friends before what makes you think our friendship, hell any friendship, could survive what I call the Demming Debacle?_

_The last few paragraphs of your letter dealt with my relationship with Gina, and how she feels, again I wonder how you garnered those thoughts, and reflections. I know Gina was polite and professional during the last book launch, but you certainly don't know her or me well enough to offer an opinion Dr. Phil as you used to call me._

_As I said earlier in this letter, I have forgiven you long ago, forgetting is the hard part and it will take time. Thank you for the letter, I know it was hard for you to write, to express your feelings, so it is appreciated. This response is not meant to be cold, or hurtful, I just removed all emotion, or at least I tried and responded with as many facts as I could._

_Enjoy your inner peace, we are good and there is no reason to talk, you apologized, I accepted, end of story. There is no reason I can think of to see you, so unless you can provide anything meaningful to this, then let's just say we are good and part ways the way we already have. No need for you to worry about me and my heart as is no need for me to worry about yours. After all, It's our lives, and we're both adults, so live your life Detective, I truly hope you find happiness, and forgive me I also truly hope I can forget I ever met you,_

_Castle_

Rick sent it to Howard Weizmann via courier with instructions to place his envelope in side a large mailing envelope, under no circumstance was any postal marks, or identifying markers be left on the package, and he was to send it to her in care of the NYPD, 12th precinct, marked Private and Confidential.

The evening was spent with the four of them debating about which restaurant to go to, finally deciding on Cricket and Alexis going to The Crab Shack, and Gina and Rick to Solomon's for a drink and more formal menu, it had been a Great First Day Home.


	28. Chapter 28

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 28**

**Previously**

_Rick sent it to Howard Weisman, via courier with instructions to place his envelope inside a large mailing envelope, under no circumstance was any postal marks, or identifying markers be left on the package, and he was to send it to her in care of the NYPD, 12__th__ precinct, marked Private and Confidential._

_The evening was spent with the four of them debating about which restaurant to go to, finally deciding on Cricket and Alexis going to The Crab Shack, and Gina and Rick to Solomon's for a drink and more formal menu, it had been a Great First Day Home._

******************************************************************************/

**Kate Beckett's Apartment**

**Same Evening**

Kate had a wonderful evening, Javi had apologized to both her and Kevin, and they decided to go out to dinner to celebrate the rekindling of the friendships. Lanie was now off the fence and could also talk to her friend without being disloyal to her lover, boyfriend, Bootie Call Man, whatever they were defining their relationship this week. Maddie was very accommodating and had picked up the tab for the meal for Keven and Jenny, Javi and Lanie, and Kate and herself, making sure the friends could relax and reconnect.

She was filled with some relief once she got home, at least the work situation was on it's way to repair, and to tell the truth, she didn't envy the meetings that Roz and Kevin got called into almost daily to discuss huge drops in closure rates. She turned on the TV as she perused her mail, separating the junk from valid to review and open later when she caught a sound bite coming from the entertainment news.

She turned to view the TV and turned the volume up when she heard Breaking News from London, a reporter was standing waiting his directors cue before speaking,

"Good Evening, we have just left a press conference with Lord Barrow, Managing Director of Harper Collins Publishing Company, where it was announced that a new James Bond Book would be released next week.

As we all know Sir Ian Fleming penned the original books, and only 4 have been released since his death, all by unidentified ghost writers. Lord Barrow announced that "**No Time to Mourn**" would be the first of three books to be released over the next 18 months, and of all the work that has been presented, "I think Sir Ian would be proud of this author, and the work that was turned out. If you read it as carefully as we did here in editing and in our management circle, you can almost feel Sir Ian's spirit as the pages are read aloud.

The book will be available in both the UK and United States beginning a week from Monday, and advance orders have been daff, we are very excited to share the legacy with all Sir Ian and James Bond fans worldwide."

"That's the big news from here, now back to New York"

"That was our London Bureau Chief Entertainment reporter, Jason Heller, reporting earlier from our London office. Speculation continues to grow as to who the mystery author could be, one rumor mentioned New York's own Richard Castle, but it was quickly dismissed given he has just published two books, in the last 5 months, far greater than his normal pace, It's doubtful that Mr. Castle would have the time to devote to such a project. When asked about it, his Publicist replied with the official "NO Comment" but added under her breath, "When the hell do you think he would have time to do that and close out the Heat Series, you people are lunatics"

Kate had a thought, no, there's no way Castle would be in England writing under a ghost name for another famous series, no matter how angry or upset he was with her, then she thought then Where is he?" She went online to Barnes and Noble and ordered the advanced copy, since she was a preferred customer. She always loved the series, no matter who wrote it, but she would know his style if in fact he was the author.

**Hampton's Beach House**

**Same Time **

Rick and Gina had returned to the house shortly after dinner, Alexis and Cricket had opted to see a movie, so Rick left the car with Alexis, and the car service took he and Gina home. As they relaxed on the sofa, looking at mostly each other, Rick turned the TV on for noise.

They heard the same broadcast that Kate was hearing in her apartment. Well it was now official, the Press would be hounding and watching everyone now trying to figure out who the ghost writer was. Rick was glad he had Six Weeks to build an alibi, and perhaps it was time for the beard to go.

"Hey Genes, want to do something for me"

"When you call me Genes, it has to be something dirty, usually in bed and I'll remind you the girls will be home soon" she smiles as she leans in and kisses him long.

"Well great thought, but we can delay that for now, I thought you'd like to help me get rid of the beard, now that it's out about the new Bond book, guess it would be wise to be seen on my own home turf to keep them thrown off the trail."

"You know I kinda like the beard, BUT you're right they are going to be checking which author is not where he's supposed to be, and I'll be glad to help you. You sure you want your EX Wife with a straight razor against your neck?" she laughs as Rick make a mock panic look.

"Of course, I do, I trust her with my life, and I know she'd die before she hurt me." He reached up and nibbled on her neck, working his way down to her breasts

"Hey, stop that, or we'll never get this beard off, and I could wind up hurting you, if you distract me like that"

They retire to the Bathroom and in about 20 minutes, Gina has returned Rick's face to it's original condition, not one nick, or cut. They decide to risk it, and shower together to get all of the beard off of Rick. Gina, who had bent over Rick taking great care, not realizing that Little Rick was growing with anticipation as she provided a perfect shot of two beautiful and perky breasts. She had barely stepped into the shower when she noticed, and smiled, it took a long time to get clean, but thankfully they made it out before the girls got home.

"Rick, that's the first for us, since I don't know when, Shower Sex"

"Vail Colorado, the first year we were married, we went to ski, but the winds kept us off the slopes so we played indoor games" as he waggled his eyebrows at her, making her fall deeper in love with him. What man remembers such nostalgic memories as that."

Just as they reclaim their spots on the couch with the TV still playing, Alexis and Cricket come through the door. Gina is sitting closer to them, and at first, they didn't notice the change in Rick till Alexis, screamed

"Daddy, you're back no more beard" as she ran to him.

Cricket smiled and said quietly to Gina, "I like him better without it as well, it makes him look younger"

Gina smiled, "Well he's still not that young so don't get any ideas" as she watched Cricket's face get a look of horror on it before she burst out laughing,

"Oh, Jolly good Gina, you got me on that one, BUT I will get even my friend."

The TV is repeating the same broadcast as earlier, but Cricket takes a special note and listens intently. She gasps at the comment form LB that this author would make Sir Ian proud,

"Rick, Lord Barrow NEVER praises anyone, he doesn't even mention their name in the same breath as Sir Ian, they were very close and he has held such high standards for any work, that's why there's been so few. This is quite the compliment"

"We thought the press would be out in full force for the next month or so trying to figure out which author is writing the book, so by shaving I'm back to me and they can see I'm at home in New York not off in London writing about a certain British Secret Agent", he smiled.

"I think it's a smashing idea Rick, will anyone see you out here to make the news?"

Gina smiled, "I already called Paula to let her drop a few crumbs, nothing that would cause a full fledged assault on the beach house, it is your vacation, but just enough to throw the major players off the trail."

"Well Rick, our return trip is going to get a bit harder to keep under wraps, I mean I'm unknown but I'm sure they will all be looking for you for flights, so we need to get creative in planning to go back."

"You're right Cricket, but what do you think about you flying to Toronto and I'll have a private plane take me there, then we board the flight to London. Not many Cops or reporters will think to expand their searches to outside the US, and since TSA is only in the states, they would need to coordinate between the two countries, too much work for most who will be looking for us. Gina, what do you think about that?"

"Well, I certainly wouldn't be looking for you in Toronto if I were trying to track you down, so I think it's a solid plan. Plus the only contacts and jurisdiction that the cops at the 12th are in the US, by going international, it would cut down on them tracking it, PROVIDED that the Paparazzi can be fooled there."

"Dad, Gina raises a good point, remember when we did go skiing we had to go to Arizona and travel by Helicopter to Reno, to get to the slopes, I thought it was exciting but I remember you and Gina fought the whole trip"

"Oh don't remind me Baby, I was out of my head with jealousy about this article this reporter did, she had a habit of well just say she had a body and she wasn't shy about using it to get information, I thought you Dad had cracked, but as usual, I was wrong, it was Paula's old secretary that sold us out for a few hundred bucks"

Rick is looking at her with that I'm innocent look, and as Gina spots it throws a cushion at him, "Don't be so smug, I said I was insanely jealous" as she laughed and a full blown pillow fight erupted.

The fight ended with one pillow busting open to spew feathers on the floor and Rick's head somehow in Gina's lap with his arms over his face to cover him. She brought his guard down quickly by tickling him, and then their eyes locked and what stared out as a playful prank, ended with a deep kiss, with both never looking away.

"I think that's our cue Alexis" Cricket said as she turned and headed to her room, with Alexis behind her,

Rick and Gina barely heard the Good Nights, lost in each other's eyes once again.


	29. Chapter 29

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

_**A/N This chapter is going to be EXTREMELY Difficult for Caskett Shippers, I'm sure I will get Hate regardless of what I say but Examine Becketts Actions described in her letter and Ricks response. Respectful reviews welcome, PM me with sensitive questions TROLLS will be deleted.**_

**Chapter 29**

**Previously**

"_Rick, Lord Barrow NEVER praises anyone, he doesn't even mention their name in the same breath as Sir Ian, they were very close and he has held such high standards for any work, that's why there's been so few. This is quite the compliment"_

"_We thought the press would be out in full force for the next month or so trying to figure out which author is writing the book, so by shaving I'm back to me and they can see I'm at home in New York not off in London writing about a certain British Secret Agent", he smiled._

************************************************************************************/

**NYPD 12****th**** Precinct**

**Monday 9:00 AM**

Kate had enjoyed the remainder of her weekend, getting caught up on the household chores, and only thinking about Rick for a few hours, oh hell, why lie he was in her thoughts all the time. She was curious, Did Gina even attempt to get her letter to him, did he read it or trash it like some piece of junk mail. Her thoughts turned to him more now that the new 007 book was coming out, she knew how much he idolized the author and the series.

Could it possibly be? The press was right, he had completed two Heat Books, including the heartbreaking finale to the series in less than 5 months. No one knew Rick like she did and when he got "in the moment" as he called it, he could write for days without stopping, so it could be possible. She chastised herself for even thinking that, and was just about to go for a coffee when a messenger strode up to her,

"Detective Katherine Beckett?"

"Yes, that's me"

"Begging your pardon Mam, but I need to see your ID, either Police or Driver's license."

Kate presents her Police Credentials and signs the clipboard the courier was carrying.

"Thank you, Detective," and the courier is gone.

She looks at a rather large envelope, that obviously contains another letter or package inside and her eyes go immediately to the return address, it's from Rick's Lawyers here in New York, what on earth?

Her hands are trembling as she finally succeeds in getting the outside envelope open, using the scissors instead of that damn pull string which never works. Inside was another envelope and she immediately recognized the handwriting on the outside. Neatly addressed was her name,

**Detective Katherine Beckett**

**c/o NYPD 12****th**** Precinct**

**230 East 21 Street**

**New York, New York 10010**

**Personal and Confidential **

There was no return address, meaning Rick had used his Attorney as a clearing house to forward her something, perhaps it was the answer to her letter. As much as she was dying to rip it open and read his words, no matter how bad they could be, she had prepared herself for that, she thought better. She was at work, and as Roy had spelled out once before, she did not enjoy the same status as she once did.

She carefully folded the letter and placed it in her purse, she only had to wait three hours for lunch, or another 6 hours if she worked through lunch and went home early. Deciding this was the safer plan, she requested permission from Roz, begging off that the building super just called and needed her there for a home repair this afternoon. Roz approved her working through lunch and leaving early but it wasn't lost on her that Kate had just received a courier delivered letter.

**Hamptons Beach House**

**Same Morning**

Rick had once again been the first to rise with Cricket following in less than 15 minutes, although they did manage to sleep till 7:00 EST. They set about making coffee for everyone but Cricket, she had her teapot boiling and was enjoying her tea as they prepared breakfast for Alexis and Gina. Everyone had a good breakfast as they discussed their plans for the day.

Rick offered, "Well now that Hugo, AKA Edgar, is retired, I thought I would hang around the beach and get my face as tan as the rest of my body so I don't look like someone just painted me the wrong color" as everyone laughs.

"It'll be good Rick if we could walk up and down a bit, Genny Boyle is in town, and that's all we need is for her to spot you and all of Paula's work will be done" as they laugh.

Cricket asked, "so this Mrs. Boyle is a bit of a gossip I take it, just exactly where does she stay when she's here Gina."

Alexis replied, "You mean when she's not sneaking out of some man's bedroom, car, or boat?"

"Oh My, a bit on the tart side I take it, we need to keep Rick a safe distance away from that chipie that's for sure"

"Well she is a bit on the permissive side, putting it politely, and I agree Cricket, keep her away from Rick, she can look but no touching which she always does to every man. We won't have to worry about finding her, she has a built-in radar when it comes to men" Gina laughed, but it wasn't one that was meant to be funny.

Rick could sense the tension, "So what do you girls have in store?"

"Alexis is going to take me on a long Bike Ride around the Island, then we thought we would grab some lunch before we came home to shower and get ready for a party tonight" Cricket smiled

"Marcy's throwing her welcome to summer party Daddy, so I thought I would stop for a while and introduce Cricket, we are using her alias as a young Graduate looking to join a publishing firm and Gina is combining work with pleasure on this trip."

"That sounds like a great plan, and unfortunately, anyone who knows me would believe it since I took work here far too often and I'm sure dampened if not ruined some vacations. I'm sorry for that Alexis, Rick I see how much I really missed with the last few trips here."

"Gina, we talked about this, no going back, just make the most of everyday going forward right?" Alexis has taken one of Gina's hand in hers

"Yeah Baby, you're right, but I wasted so much, time, and fun with you both"

"So, we just party more, simple solution Genes" Rick kisses her gently on the cheek and wipes a tear away with his thumb.

**Two hours later**

Rick swore the papers had taken out an Advertisement announcing his arrival, he had spent the better part of the last few hours greeting neighbors he hadn't seen in several summers. Gina was the ultimate in hosts as always fixing up pitchers of ice-cold lemonade as they sat in the beach chairs under the umbrella, enjoying each other between the frequent visitors stopping by.

They took a stroll down the beach, hand in hand each holding their beach shoes in their free hand as they trailed the waves coming just kissing their lower legs. It was romantic and also provided perfect shots for the few paparazzi who had dared scale the security fences. The occasional stop to kiss, added the perfect touch to their collection, and made the scrapes from scaling the fence more than worth it.

Gina was enjoying every minute of this relaxed, and open Rick, they knew that some paparazzi were around, neither cared as long as they didn't trespass on the actual property.

"Well who do you think will print the biggest spread, Times, Post or one of the Rags" Gina asked

"My money is on the Times, how about you?"

"Well it's a tossup, the Rags have been coming on strong lately, but I would have to agree if it's not them it will be the Times. Does it bother you, Rick, seriously, I mean would you rather be spotted alone rather than with me?"

He stopped, turned, dropped his beach shoes and took her face gently as he looked deep into her eyes, "When I have the choice to be with you or be alone, it's you, every time, and I don't give a damn who knows or sees it," then he kisses her with the passion she hadn't felt in a long time. The cameras clicked away, and this would make a great spread soon on TV as well as paper.

Gina was weak in the knees but managed wrap her arm around Rick, leaning into him and walk back to their umbrella where she sat,

"Gosh Rick, you haven't kissed me like that since, well since the first time you wanted to get into my pants, what's come over you Love?"

"Maybe I remember the same thing you do, and wanted to see if I could succeed like I did that night"

"That night? Hell, we never left the bed for almost a full day Rick, is that what you want?"

"Yes, but I want it when we both know it's going to last forever, don't get me wrong, that night was the best sex I have ever had but when we do it again, I want it to be making Love, not just having sex, does that make sense?"

Gina has a tear run down her face, "You just don't understand how special you are do you Rick, only you would give the perfect answer, and yes, I want what you want. I still don't think it would hurt to practice, would you?" as she gets an evil smile and pulls him toward the house.

**Beckett's Apartment**

**4:45 PM Same Day**

Kate thought the day would never end, and when she tried to get out a few minutes early Roy called an All Hands meeting, Damn couldn't catch a break today. Finally, she closed the door to her apartment, and took the letter from her purse, God what did he say, as she reminded herself to expect the worst.

She kicked off her shoes, silenced her phone when she put it on the charger, got a tall glass of the Good wine, and went to the couch to prepare herself. A few sips of wine, and then she began to trace the address on the outside of the envelope, knowing he had touched this, it had been the closest she had been to him in almost 4 months. Her fingers gently slipped under the seal, and she slowly opened what appeared to be Rick's response to her letter. At least he responded, God forgive me Gina, I should have never thought you would just throw it away.

She took the neatly folded pages out, noticing it's on his stationary, with the RCE Embossed at the top of each page, meaning he had written it at one of his properties, or had the stationary with him for whatever reason. Enough stalling, it was time to read what he wrote, once again, she reminded herself to expect the worst.

She read the first paragraph, as tears flowed, she focused on the words,

_You do own the fact you allowed conduct that I never thought I would see directed at the worst of the criminals we interviewed to flow my way, not only by your Boyfriend Demming, but you got in some pretty good shots yourself and Espo, well he took the sucker punch when he could. _

She couldn't argue, he was totally correct, she had allowed Demming and Espo to take shots that were totally inappropriate, what was worse, was not only didn't she stop it, she added to it with her own smart comments. Rick was correct, she never had spoken to the lowest of low criminals, yet she spewed the vile language towards him.

She gained a little confidence in the next few paragraphs, Rick was being honest, he did almost throw the letter away, but when he said she surprised him with the content and _"perhaps too much ownership_" and the Murder Board being a nice touch comment touched her, even as hurt as he was he still found some golden thread.

She cringed a bit reading about her timeline, once again he only stated what she had done, no sugar coating it, and her words describing him as a _nine year old on a sugar rush, and attention span of a cocker spaniel_ read more hurtful to her than she could have ever thought when she said them.

The next paragraph brought her to tears, flowing which she couldn't stop,

_The murder of Esposito's career is not really a murder but more of a suicide. You can only act like the Macho Man for so long till someone calls your bluff and either kicks your ass physically, or through strategic maneuvers which Alexis was able to take him apart easily. The sad part __**you were there watching and did nothing to stop**__ him from pulling the trigger so to speak, so for that you can share that guilt with Esposito._

This was perhaps one of the things she was most ashamed and sorry for, allowing others on her watch to behave in such a fashion. Rick wasn't holding back; he was letting all of the hurt loose and he was right.

He mentioned Roy and Kevin next and as he said, she had brought embarrassment upon him, and also placed Kevin in a very precarious situation. To his credit, he would not agree with her and Javi, probably why he's in the lead position now rather than her, and also that he thought Kevin would excel without her, that she had been a bad leader for him. It wasn't written spitefully, but it hit home, perhaps he was correct.

As she read the next line she could hear her own words coming back to bite her in the ass, **Don't flatter yourself Castle** had been said how many times, and now she regretted each time. He was adamant about him not disappearing, only that he kept in contact with those he wanted to. It hurt, really hurt to see herself on the outside looking in as he must have done for so long. She read the line replying her words, word for word about who the killer was, what a fool she was, he was right all along.

Detective Haller broke the case in less than 24 hours after getting the lead from Castle. She thought how he must have felt to remember in such vivid details, including her laugh, people only remember really good or really hurtful events in such detail. This almost broke her, she had to take a break and go blow her nose, the tissue box was almost empty as well.

After a few minutes, another shot of wine, and a fresh box of tissues she was ready to continue. She read all of the not a cop put downs and could hear not only Espo's, Tom's but her voice as well vocalizing these thoughts, Damn it, he may not be a cop but was as smart or smarter than most of them. If she had only told him the truth instead of joining in with the gang.

This hit another nerve when she remembered one conversation they had earlier about his childhood and how he had always been the oddball, made fun of, and never fit in. Damn it Beckett, you wonder why he left, it's right here for you to read. YOU knew him, he was YOUR partner, HE protected YOU at all cost, and all YOU did was ridicule and make him feel like that child being bullied all over again. Once again, the tears start with a steady stream and she did little to stop them this time.

She continued through watery eyes and when Rick mentioned that she was writing the letter as part of an assignment from her shrink, she felt ashamed, it was, and probably the only reason she wrote the damn thing to begin with. His very forgiving answer,_ I forgave you the minute I stepped outside the precinct, forgetting is going to take longer but you're clear, tell your shrink things are good between us._

Apparently she wasn't the only one who had to seek professional help, Rick was very astute and either had researched the subject, but it appeared he knew how the process worked far too well, Hell why wouldn't he need to see someone. No matter how happy he always seemed to be, he had tragedies occur in his life, he just didn't wear them on his sleeve for everyone to feel sorry for him.

If she thought she had hit bottom with shame and guilt before she was about to get a platter of it, all true, all facts but the last line almost broke her;

_The last weeks with Demming don't need to be repeated here on paper, you touched on some of what you did, but as always you glossed over the bigger ones, ones I'm not going to bring up, now or ever. I will tell you this, __**there were times when I wished I never created Nikki Heat, times which I wished I never met you Detective.**_

She immediately felt sick; did he really mean he wished he had never met her? God, she remembered that feeling when she was so hurt in High School, Damn Brent Edwards

It only got worse with the next two paragraphs, so much for forgiveness and knowing how protective he is of Alexis, if this much pain had been caused she would never have a chance until Alexis forgave her, good luck with that.

_You're correct, I have the reputation of having a forgiving heart, when it comes to me being wronged, I can forgive almost anything. Detective, that wasn't the case the last several weeks I was with you, your actions were callous and cruel and caused pain to Alexis, and Gina both who had to watch me spiral down trying to figure out what I had done to deserve this type of treatment. _

_You left a mess of a man that Gina put back together and comforted my teenage daughter when she saw her Dad so sad, she was afraid he would harm himself. I think your threat of shooting me would have hurt them less that the emotional pain you inflicted. Words are like bullets; some pass-through causing flesh wounds others can cause massive internal hemorrhaging to the point of no return._

He congratulated on things she did right, and also called her on her bullshit excuse for the lies, truth was she didn't know why she lied to him, to keep him chasing her, or perhaps it was because she was afraid he wouldn't.

_Congratulations on continuing your treatment with Doctor Burke, perhaps he can help you find some of your triggers that cause the behaviors I have witnessed. You brought up the lies, I wasn't going to, but I don't buy that I'm the only one you lie to because I'm the one you fell in love with, common reasoning is just the opposite, at least it is for me, I would lie to protect the one I love, not hurt them._

Once again, he expressed sorrow for her shame even though he had nothing to do with it, that was just him. He did ask a good question

_I often wondered what would make you run a complete background check on me, just to allow me to sit next to your desk, yet you begin encounters with men you take at face value without a second thought. _

He openly admitted to cheating other commitments out of his attention as he tried to get her to see the real him. He also called her on the Instant Cure she was professing, he was correct, she was fucked up and a few counseling sessions were not going to cure all and make it all better as if nothing happened.

_Now I'm supposed to see that one disciplinary hearing, a few sessions with a shrink have opened your eyes to reality, and you love me? _

One of the hardest truths for her to accept, she had cried herself till no more tears would fall, yet she still felt like they should, was when he described her mission, her reason for living and why it was so easy for her to treat him the way she did.

_The only thing that you feel is the urge to find your mother's killer, to bring those responsible to justice and anyone or anything that gets in your way is collateral damage. I got in the way, and since I'm not a cop such as Sorenson or Demming, I could be treated like yesterday's trash. Harsh? Perhaps. Truth? Most Likely and until your action prove you have changed, I don't believe a word you have to say, especially about having feelings for me._

She had tried to be complimentary of Gina and Alexis relationship, but apparently, she had succeeded in totally pissing him off. She needed to go back and see what she had said that had struck such a response. The last thing she wanted to do was to make him angry, or hurt him, or anyone he loved.

_I'm sure Gina will appreciate your appraisal of her relationship with her Stepdaughter, you see, She divorced me but never stopped being her mom. I have never referred to Gina as a blood thirsty ex, __**you are treading into a territory you really don't want to go**__, especially with thoughts and conjectures and nothing else for proof._

Once again he used her own words to cut her to the bone, She had tried to get him to return to be her partner, yet he was correct this things had been said, without regard to how hurtful they could be.

_all you have done is threaten to shoot me or wait in the car Castle, stay here Castle, once again Detective one incident and a few trips to the shrink doesn't change things. There is as much chance of me returning to the 12__th__ precinct to assist as there is in me running for Mayor to succeed Bob when he hits term limits, not very likely._

It was apparent that Rick had invested time in his response to her, following her letter paragraph by paragraph, and she thought she had felt as deep a hurt has she could feel, but when she read the next line, she was destroyed. Not that it wasn't truthful, but she did consider him a friend, if only she had shown it, to him and his family who did so much for her to make her feel at home when she had none.

_You were __**never my friend**__, even when my family opened our doors to you to provide you a home, you never allowed anything to progress past working colleague. If we weren't friends before what makes you think our friendship, hell any friendship, could survive what I call the Demming Debacle?_

Reading the next paragraph, her own smart-ass mouth had once again born fruit, Rick remembered, God did he remember every fucking thing?

_The last few paragraphs of your letter dealt with my relationship with Gina, and how she feels, again I wonder how you garnered those thoughts, and reflections. I know Gina was polite and professional during the last book launch, but you certainly don't know her or me well enough to offer an opinion __**Dr. Phil as you used to call me**__._

She thought she had hit bottom and the last few paragraphs thanked her for writing, acknowledging how hard it was, and even explaining how he wasn't trying to hurt her, God it had but thinking it was her words and her actions that caused the pain.

He asked her to move on, he had forgiven her, to find her inner peace she was longing for. It wasn't a surprise when he declined the invite to see her face to face, really what was left to say? His comment about not worrying about his heart did hurt, she loved him, more now than she even knew when she sent the letter.

_As I said earlier in this letter, I have forgiven you long ago, forgetting is the hard part and it will take time. Thank you for the letter, I know it was hard for you to write, to express your feelings, so it is appreciated. This response is not meant to be cold, or hurtful, I just removed all emotion, or at least I tried and responded with as many facts as I could._

He asked her to live her life, and let him live his, since they were both adults and without saying it, he was tired of the childish games she had played. The standard I truly wish you happiness, but then, **No, No, No he can't mean it, he just can't** as the words **I truly hope I can forget I ever met you resonated deep within her soul.**

She just took the letter with her to her bed, didn't bother to change or even turn the covers, she just laid down and cried until she hurt like she never had before. Loosing her Mom was the hardest thing in the world, until she lost Rick, and she knew he was gone.


	30. Chapter 30

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

_**A/N This story is now Complete Not what I planned but that's how it goes**_

**Chapter 29**

**Previously**

_He stopped, turned, dropped his beach shoes and took her face gently as he looked deep into her eyes, "When I have the choice to be with you or be alone, it's you, every time, and I don't give a damn who knows or sees it," then he kisses her with the passion she hadn't felt in a long time. The cameras clicked away, and this would make a great spread soon on TV as well as paper._

_Gina was weak in the knees but managed wrap her arm around Rick, leaning into him and walk back to their umbrella where she sat,_

"_Gosh Rick, you haven't kissed me like that since, well since the first time you wanted to get into my pants, what's come over you Love?"_

"_Maybe I remember the same thing you do, and wanted to see if I could succeed like I did that night"_

************************************************************************/

**Beckett's Apartment **

**5:45 AM Next Morning**

Kate sat at her small kitchen table with the letters in front of her, the one she had copied and sent to Rick, and his response to her she just received. She had been awake most of the night, after crying herself to sleep. She heard the thud of the paper hit her door earlier but hadn't had the motivation to get up to retrieve it. Her coffee cup was empty, so might as well get it as she grabbed a refill of coffee.

She placed the letters carefully away in her Castle Box, a Box she had secretly started that contained everything he had given her, starting with her first coffee lid with her name, she had told him never use her name again, so afterwards all coffees came with the name Rook on the lid. She had smuggled the lid out after hours, she didn't want to inflate his ego anymore than it was.

Thinking back, he had always been thoughtful, bringing her anything and everything he thought would brighten her day. She even kept the post it notes he had scribbled on, and the paper clip chain, all without his or anyone's knowledge.

She opened the paper to the Entertainment section as usual, the announcement of the new Bond Book had captured a full quarter page, with an article listing why it was and why it couldn't be New York's own Rick Castle. One final note on why it couldn't be Castle was added as a postscript, "See Article next page" intrigued her.

The title of the Article was "**Why Richard Castle DID NOT write No Time to Mourn, James Bond thriller"**

She turned the page to see the full page taken up with Rick and Gina's pictures in various forms of embrace and kissing. The series of them walking with their arms wrapped around each other's waist carrying their beach shoes seemed to culminate in the picture where Rick can be seen holding Gina's face looking into her eyes, and the next few frames were of a kiss, far more than a kiss in Kate's opinion.

The article had went on to say that Rick had taken some personal time away after completing the Nikki Heat series, even insinuating that he had been more than professionally involved with the subject of the book, NYPD Katherine Beckett. As you can see, he's back in New York, and at his Hamptons estate, with whom, well the pictures speak for themselves.

The article quoted an unnamed reliable source that Rick had left for personal business but denied any connection to Detective Beckett. Proof being there had been no public sighting of the two in public except on official police business. Detective Beckett was his muse, nothing more and now that the series has ended it makes sense that there hasn't been any contact between the two.

It went on to say that according to the source Rick had been on a worldwide tour, visiting several continents, joined sometimes by the ex-Mrs. Castle, Gina Cowell his editor and publisher, and by the pictures possibly posed to resume her role as wife as well.

The last line in the paper was what sent a bolt of lightening down Kate's spine, "This is not only proof that Mr. Castle has been far too busy with his professional career, recently ending the Heat series, as well as renewing his relationship with his ex-wife number 2, who has been quoted on record as saying, "I would take him back at any time, under any circumstance, he's had a great deal of hurt in his life so when his heart knows what he wants, I will be here for him, Always." This author stands by the facts, the ghost writer is NOT Richard Castle.

Ms. Cowell refused to expand on her statement when asked details of the hurt, but denied the ending of Nikki Heat was her idea, "If you think that you really don't know Richard Castle at all. His work, his characters become almost real to him, that's what makes him such a fantastic author, the passion for each."

There were more lines written but Kate couldn't make out the words for her eyes had suddenly filled with tears. The letter last night, and now Gina and he in the Hamptons, along with Gina going on record, well Kate this ship has sailed for you, Congratulations.

Her phone rang just as she started to refill her coffee cup, since she was on call this weekend, she had to answer it.

"Beckett" she got out as professionally as she could.

"Kate, this is Roz,"

"Yeah Roz, text me the address and I'll be right there"

"No Kate, we don't have a body, unless we want to count the one, I'm talking to. Look I knew you didn't need to meet your Super yesterday, I also know you got a letter from Rick, I saw it in your purse and I know his handwriting as well.

Look, after seeing the paper this morning I was just wondering, well you and I have never been that close, but I wanted to let you know I understand how you feel. I'm here if you need me, and for the record Kate, that man would have died for you a few months ago, it was so clear to everyone but you. Call me if you need me"

"Thanks Roz, I appreciate the call, it means more than you know."

Kate ended the call with a new appreciation for Roz and her kindness, she knew Maddie had just gotten in bed and she wouldn't bother her, and Lanie had been different ever since Javi's suspension. She had to think what should she do now, write another letter, or let it go, good thing she had an appointment with Dr. Burke Monday.

**Hampton's Beach House**

**Same Day 7:30 AM**

The house was already buzzing with the daily activities, Gina and Rick had gone for a walk along the beach before the sun got too warm, and then returned to enjoy their coffee on the screened Summer Room. Rick had gone the extra and had retractable windows installed so the room was useful most of the year, except for when the snow flew. This was perhaps Gina's favorite room in the whole house, she loved to feel the breeze and hear the sounds of the ocean, without getting bit up or sunburned. Rick was always there to insure she had her sunscreen on, but she would rather be touched in other ways.

Cricket's friend from New York arrived last evening to spend a week with them. Alexis and Cricket were preparing to take her shopping as soon as they wolfed down some breakfast. As they prepared to leave Alexis brought the paper to Gina,

"Looks like the new delivery person missed again, it was in the middle of the drive, See you in a few hours" as she hugged her quickly and was off.

"What section do you want, or do you want to look at it together Rick? I'm betting they outdid themselves with this issue"

"Together, Sweetie, I'll be right there, Can I warm your coffee while I'm getting mine?"

"Thanks Sweetie, that would be great."

Rick returns and sets the hot beverages down, then nibbles on Gina's ear, and kisses her neck.

"You look beautiful today, I just wanted to tell you that"

"Rick, we're already sleeping together, I don't expect the compliments every day"

"Well you should, maybe that's where I started going wrong the first time, I looked at you and saw my wife, I didn't see the beautiful women with a heart of gold, the fact her body was killer didn't hurt either"

Gina looked at him, "That's sweet Rick, I really mean it, and maybe I took you for granted as well. I mean I have put a little extra effort to look nice for you, maybe if I had payed more attention to what turned you on, I wouldn't have lost you"

"Genes, you and I both know it wasn't you, I wouldn't let you all the way in, and then we did things to hurt each other like little kids, I never want a repeat of that."

She walked over and sat in his lap and for the next hour or so, they were two 16 years old in a hot make out session, the only sounds heard were groans and kisses. She was so happy her tears formed and fell as he pulled back, wiped away her tears, then kissed her eyes,

"I'm home Genes, I would like for you to go back with me when I go back, if you can, I know it's short notice but I really need you to get the next one right,"

"Do you mean it Rick; I mean have you thought this through?"

"Yes, Hun, every night away from you seems like forever, and I want you with me, I mean if you want to come."

This time she doesn't even try to hold back her tears, as she wraps her arms around his neck and sobbed "I want to be where you are, wherever it is, for as long as you want me to be there. I'm not sure how long I can stay, but I've got a month of vacation if you want me there that long"

"As long as you want"


	31. Chapter 30A

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 30A**

**Previously**

**A/N This story began as a happy Caskett ending, along the way I saw so many reviews split some for Caskett, some for Gina to win her love back I decided to write it with two endings. Unfortunately some of the reviews, especially those from fellow writers, crossed the line and I decided to step away for a while and call it complete with what was written but as I recuperated from surgery I read the reviews, and Private Messages from many of you, encouraging me to complete my story. Thanks to each who sent encouraging notes and reviews, especially to my fellow author Pen To Paper who spelled out the what's and why I should continue.**

**In the next few chapters I will attempt to complete one of the original endings, as planned, I will take the course of action P2P has advised for those intent of spewing hate. I often get accused of being rude to guests when I don't post their review, it's my choice and if I felt it added any value to the story I would, but to try to direct how the story will go is not a review, so it is deleted. If you think that is rude, then guilty as charged and it won't change.**

**As always, the trolls and personal attacks will be deleted by Guests, if you signed in and attack such as one did earlier, you will be blocked. I'm not that good of a writer to think it hurts your feelings one iota, BUT it will prevent me from reading it again or seeing it attached to a story I put a lot of time and effort into.**

**If all of the facts and timelines are not 100% Correct in your mind, as one reviewer wrote remember it is AU, Alternative Universe where anything written is possible. Don't compare facts of the story to actual requirements, for example I got Heat from two individuals about the fact Ann Hastings was in Special Forces before woman actually served, one even asking Research Much, a total slam and from a fellow writer, I DON'T CARE UCS**** it's AU Deal with it, move on, or write one of your own stories.**

**I write these stories for my enjoyment, and this one in particular to fill a request by one of my followers. If the fellow writer who sent me the flaming PM would have read the first chapter, the prompt is there, yet they went off on why I was out to destroy Caskett. The show has been over for three years and if your mind still thinks Rick and Kate are together somewhere other than in this fandom, perhaps you need a better hobby, since all I am trying to do as many writers are is to keep the flickering memories of our show alive the only way we can.**

**I expect a certain amount of hate, it's natural when you write about something near to someone's heart, I don't expect or will I tolerate long rants or personal attacks. Many have stated, if the story is not for you, move on, no comments are needed since the writer is writing what they envision, it doesn't have to agree with the entire fandom, that's why so many stories have been written by so many people.**

**To the many readers who try the story, then say this is not for me and move on, Thank You. To those who stick with me, trust where I am taking the characters, again Thank You and to my fellow writer and friend P2P and the many positive notes I received from so many, Thank you. Trying it one more time, Tim**


	32. Chapter 31

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 31**

**Previously**

The last line in the paper was what sent a bolt of lightning down Kate's spine, "This is not only proof that Mr. Castle has been far too busy with his professional career, recently ending the Heat series, as well as renewing his relationship with his ex-wife number 2, who has been quoted on record as saying, "I would take him back at any time, under any circumstance, he's had a great deal of hurt in his life so when his heart knows what he wants, I will be here for him, Always." This author stands by the facts, the ghost writer is NOT Richard Castle.

*************************************************************************************\**

**Hamptons Beach House**

**Following Monday **

Rick and Gina had discussed with Cricket and Alexis the plan for everyone to return to England for at least three weeks, and both young ladies were thrilled. Alexis pointed out that she could get Cricket to sign off the form and by spending three weeks abroad would relieve her of taking one of her required Literary classes. So it was decided, all four would return to England, via the private plane to Toronto, then Commercial Jet to Heathrow, and Alexis and Gina would repeat the trip when they returned to the US. Cricket was as efficient as she was pretty and had the arrangements made within a day, leaving the remainder of the 5 weeks to enjoy the sun and surf.

The television talk shows were all buzzing with anticipation since today would be the release day for **"No Time to Mourn"**, the next in the 007 thrillers and everyone had speculation about who the author could be. Rick's presence in the Hampton's had gone a long way to throw the press off his trail, and early reviews were very impressive. Lord Barrow was correct, it had reached the New York Times Best Seller list prior to commercial release, making history for the series of novels.

As they were just finishing up breakfast Cricket's cell phone rang with a very distinctive ring tone,

"That's L. B. Rick, excuse me I have to take this call"

A round of pleasantries were exchanged but the phone was muted so only Cricket could hear, till she yelled out,

"Lord Barrow wants to speak to us all, please gather around, Go ahead Lord, you are on speaker now"

"Thank you Katherine, I apologize for interrupting your holiday, but I wanted to congratulate you Rick, the official Best Seller List came out this morning and your work made it before it was commercially released. We'll discuss the additional bonus for that when you return, I just wanted to call and say Congratulations, Jolly well done, and we eagerly await the second book. I would caution you Rick, the Directors are already making waves to me about how we can extend the contract, but I told them to allow you to enjoy this success, and holiday so you could come back with as you say your batteries loaded?"

Rick laughed, "That's Batteries Charged" Lord Barrow, but thank you, and you're right. This time will allow me to charge up for the next book. I do want to tell you that the major reason this book is successful is Cri, eh Katherine's help and willingness to work as many hours as I. I thank her and hope part of any bonus would be directed her way, I really don't think the book would be successful without her"

Cricket smiles and blushes, mindful of Rick's slip using her nick name, but very appreciative of such high praise from her boss.

"Very Well Rick, tell Cricket as he laughs for a second, Yes, I do know my employees, even their nick names that she shall be included in the bonus package as well. You should be receiving a special courier any moment now, with the First Book off the press in the US, of course we must maintain the first published in Sir Ian's library here, but I also included a few extra copies for your family and friends. I hope that meets with your approval."

"Thank you, Lord Barrow, very kind and it is appreciated very much. I'm sure my family will treasure their copies. Can you have two copies placed in our apartment in London please? I don't want to travel with them since the press is playing a guessing game of who the ghost writer is."

"It's done and please forgive the intrusion, we will see you in 5 weeks, please enjoy a well-deserved holiday, Good Day" and the line goes dead.

The doorbell rings just as the call ends, and true to his word, L. B. had sent the first copy off the press from New York, in specially designed container, resistant to moisture and other atmospheric elements. The larger box contained 20 copies of the book, and as they were unpacked Rick spotted Gina with a tear in her eye.

"Hey everything OK?" he asked gently

"Yeah, it's fine, it's stupid, but oh never mind it's nothing" Gina replied sadly

"Genes, if it brought you to tears, it's something, come on now, we promised, honesty always right?"

"It's just that this is the first book you have written since you were published that all I am is a reader, I didn't contribute on bit to it."

Cricket steps forward, "I wouldn't bet on it Gina, Rick is clever but there is one chapter that is entirely you and him, it's very well disguised, but now that I've spent time with you, I know his inspiration now."

Gina looks up at Rick through her tears, "Rick?"

"You have to read it Genes, I'm sure it's not as clever as Cricket described, but you'll know it when you read it. I was missing you so much when I wrote it, I decided to include it the emotion in the chapter, sorry, but when I read it back I felt closer to you than the ocean that separated us."

"Give me my book, I want to read it now" Gina smiles through her tears, "I missed you so much as well, "

The remainder of the day was spent with Rick and the girls playing in the ocean, and Gina, reluctantly putting her book down for a few minutes to join them. Finally, it was time for the girls to leave for a party, and they could be alone. Gina had already found the chapter where she knew was hers, it was some of the best work Rick had ever written. They retired to their bedroom, for some additional editing by his original editor.

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Same Day **

Kate had started the day off with an early session with Dr. Burke, after receiving Rick's response she left a voice mail and the kind Doctor called her to set up a 6:30 AM appointment. She had paraphrased each letter to him, he sat listened intently, making notes from time to time. She had started with her letter, then Rick's response, and to her credit had managed to get through them both without tears.

"What were your intentions when you wrote the letter to Rick, Kate? Were you looking for forgiveness, a rekindling or your partnership, or as Mr. Castle pointed out in his response, was it merely a completion of an assignment for our sessions?"

Kate looks down, knowing she had to be honest, "Well it started out to complete the assignment, but as I wrote it, I felt like I could understand and see where Rick had been hurt. I re-wrote the entire letter and took each incident as I remembered it and tried to explain to Rick why it happened and how sorry I was."

"How did you feel when you read Mr. Castle's response, do you think it was cruel, or written with malice?"

"No, even though I cried, throughout the entire letter not because Rick tried to be cruel, he only used my own words to let me know how it felt. I don't think Rick would deliberately hurt anyone, but I could feel his hurt through his words."

"Was that a new revelation to you Kate, surely you must have known Mr. Castle was uncomfortable to say the least, if not hurt?"

"You're right Doctor Burke, I guess it just didn't register at the time, I was all infatuated with the new Detective, that I allowed others to be cruel to Rick, in fact worse than that I didn't stop it, but I also joined in which I know now hurt him more than the words from the others"

"So, the response from Mr. Castle shouldn't have surprised you, yet you act like it did, why is that Kate?"

"I guess all the other times he would just shrug it off, and continue to be Castle, bringing my coffee and doing all the little things he did. I guess I took him as well as his feelings for granted, I never knew I hurt him this much, I swear" as her tears she had been fighting finally broke loose.

Dr. Burke didn't break stride, simply handing a box of tissues to her, as he marked some more notes.

"What part of the response surprised you Kate? It seems like you had grown accustomed to treating Mr. Castle in a certain way, was it because he chose to walk away or was it his response that has you this upset?"

"I'm upset because he left and I didn't have the opportunity to apologize, and his response surprised me by it's use of my own behavior to explain how he felt. Rick mentioned things that I hardly remembered, but they must have been very hurtful to him to recall conversations word for word."

"Kate how long have you worked with Mr. Castle? Has yours or his behavior changed from your first meeting"

Kate hung her head, knowing that she had only intensified her insults, between periods of actually getting to know him as a person, "I'm ashamed to admit this Doctor, but there were periods of time were Rick and I grew closer, then I would encounter something or someone and I would push him away through the verbal insults, I guess this time I went too far and I understand now why he hates me,"

"First Kate, from what you described to me, Mr. Castle doesn't hate you, he may hate your actions and those of your colleagues, but he wouldn't have taken the time to craft such a lengthy response to someone he hated. I'm curious, what signal do you think you sent him, first pulling him towards your inner circle, only to be pushed back when someone else came along?"

Kate looked up, almost like hit by a lightning rod, it finally dawned on her that it was worse than a flat out rejection, she had sent such mixed signals no wonder he was so hurt. "I see what you mean Doctor, but what can I do now, he's with his ex-wife in the Hamptons, when he's not out of the state or country, he won't take my calls, so what do I do?"

Doctor Burke shot her a WTH look over his glasses, "It seems your letter worked the first time Kate, and since you know where he is now, they do deliver mail in the Hamptons, or so I've heard"

Kate flushes with embarrassment, knowing the Doctor had just admonished her for her oh poor me pity party moment, "But what else can I say Doctor, I apologized for everything already, what else can I do"

The Doctor peered over his glasses, and just asked "How much did you tell Mr. Castle that your actions were yours, you owned this, and that the letter may have started off as an assignment but as you told me grew when you discovered you had truly hurt someone you consider a good friend, regardless if he returns the friendship."

"I should write another letter and tell Rick the things I discussed today, then ask him to forgive me? I don't want to sound like a desperate housewife, and I really don't want to interfere with his relationship with Gina,"

"Kate from what you have described, you haven't a chance to regain anything more than perhaps his friendship at best, but right now target for forgiveness, true forgiveness that will allow him to remember you without all the pain. That's your assignment for now, and I see we are over our time"

Kate left the Doctor's office feeling completely drained and very reluctant to attempt another letter, God the hurt this one had brought her, but then it was only her own words for the most part thrown back at her. This was going to take some time, and it was not going to be easy. To make it worse, she needed to get to work, and put this away till later tonight, God this was so painful, she only could imagine the pain of waiting, hoping, being pulled in, then a door slammed in his face. She needed to let Rick know that she would do anything for him to forgive her.


	33. Chapter 32

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 32**

**Previously**

Kate looked up, almost like hit by a lightning rod, it finally dawned on her that it was worse than a flat out rejection, she had sent such mixed signals no wonder he was so hurt. "I see what you mean Doctor, but what can I do now, he's with his ex-wife in the Hamptons, when he's not out of the state or country, he won't take my calls, so what do I do?"

Doctor Burke shot her a WTH look over his glasses, "It seems your letter worked the first time Kate, and since you know where he is now, they do deliver mail in the Hamptons, or so I've heard"

****************************************************************************************/

**12****th**** Precinct**

**8:00 AM Same Day**

Kate had arrived at the precinct a little later and much more tired than usual, the sessions with Doctor Burke proved to be exhausting. Roz walked by and noticed Kate making some notes, looking a bit distracted,

"Beckett, Everything OK?"

"Fine Roz, why wouldn't it be?"

"Because I had to say Good Morning 4 times before you responded, if you have something distracting you, we need to get it out, I can't risk anyone's life if you aren't in this 100% physically and mentally, Now I'm going to ask you again, is everything OK?"

"I got a response from Rick, and I saw my Doctor this morning, so yeah, I have some things weighing heavy on my mind. I'm sorry Roz, I'll be OK, just give me a few minutes."

"Kate, I wish I could, I really do, but you don't know the short leash we are all on since 1PP got involved with this crap, take the rest of the day off, and Kate, get with him or get over him one way or the other before they take your badge." Roz just shakes her head as Kate sits in amazement, her mouth open.

What the hell just happened, did she get sent home for thinking about, oh Hell, everyone knew what she was thinking about. She gathered her purse, keys and a file and then headed for the stairs, hoping to avoid Ryan and Espo, even though things were better, it still wasn't back to what it was, God only knew if it ever would be.

As she was walking down the stairs her phone pinged with an incoming text, glancing down it was an alert from Barnes and Noble that the new James Bond book she had reserved was available for pickup, at least she would have a distraction as she tried to get herself together today. She walked the two blocks and entered the VIP Line, even with her status she still was in a line that took 20 minutes to pick up her copy of the new thriller.

Stopping to get another coffee before heading home she decided to read one chapter just to satisfy her curiosity about who the author really was. She had read every book of Rick's and she was pretty sure she could pick up his tone, if it by a long shot was truly him. After seeing the pics of the Hamptons she tended to agree with the reporter, he wouldn't have had time to crank out a book that was already getting rave reviews and hit the NY Times Best Seller list before it was released to the general public.

She finished her coffee and the first chapter, she couldn't say it was, but there was something about the style, the phrasing some of the lines, well it could be. She shook it off as she headed home, chastising herself for chasing ghosts, besides she had work to do when she got home, so maybe it was a good thing Roz sent her home.

**Hamptons Beach House**

**Next Morning.**

Gina had indeed discovered the chapter that Rick had cleverly disguised for her, an Easter Egg so to speak since very few readers would even be aware of the message, and importance of the incident. Rick didn't want to paint the occurrence as just a cheap tawdry sexual encounter for Bond, so he had him meet someone special during his mourning period, someone who got through the tough spy exterior to reach his heart.

In the book Bond had just lost a loved one to a car bomb meant for him, in reality Rick had just settled in from his divorce from Meredith, and life as a single Dad. The common thread was a heart shattered, one by someone taken from them, one by someone who didn't value the relationship as much as he. Both very different, but both shaped how each man addressed things in life.

Rick painted Bond as more careful with his emotions, putting the Kingdom and his allegiance to protect Church and State far higher than his own personal regard for life. Nothing could penetrate the spy's heart or so it seemed, till on one part of the operation he saw her, his soul mate that he was drawn to. She was an Asset as well but far down in rank, but smart and very strong in her opinions.

Rick had written that she argued with Bond about the validity of one lead, she knew it was a trap, set for him, although he couldn't see it, he agreed and sent a decoy. It turned out, she was right and saved the operation, it was the beginning of Mara and Bond's adventures together. They posed as a married couple out for a ski holiday in the alps, and gathered the Intel needed to complete the operation.

Gina, shook her head, tears in her eyes,

"How did you get this past the editors, I'm sure they pushed back on this honest, heart on his sleeve Bond for Mara?"

"Oh, they did, Lord B and I went round and round for about a week till I sat him down and explained how I saw not only the rest of the scene, or the book, but the series, he finally relinquished and approved it as written."

"Our honeymoon in Vail, God the first time you let me hold you as you wept, thinking you had failed in love and as a father. Truth couldn't have been farther from it; your daughter was who I fell in love with first if you must know" as tears came to her eyes.

"I don't think I have ever opened up to anyone, like I did to you that night, picked a hell of a night to do it didn't I, you held me for hours, just rubbing my back and reassuring me. I think it was then I was willing to admit I needed to see someone for the panic attacks. I'll always remember how patient, and kind you were. I'm sure you were expecting anything but a crying mess of a husband on our honeymoon."

"Rick, if I'm honest, that's when I knew you truly loved me, you let me into something so deep, so personal, and trusted me. I fell in love with you even more because of it, and Sweetie, no matter what happens in this life, I will be here for you. You thought it made you less of a man, but to me it made you even more of one, the one I wanted to spend my life with, one I still do but I won't say anything more. I love you and I know you love me, that's enough for now."

Rick looks over at the beautiful lady lying next to him, more beautiful than she ever was, even without makeup. He spots a tear in the corner of her eye, and gently wipes away the tears.

"You're something else you know that; I can't tell you what having you with me when we leave means to me. Thank you for putting your life on hold to support me, just like you always do and did. I never really said Thank You before, I'm sorry for that.

Hell I'm sorry for so many things, but perhaps the biggest one is causing you hurt, I never knew what it felt like, and Genes, please forgive me, I would do anything to have that time to live over. So many things I would do differently, say things I should have said, God I was such an Ass."

This time it was Gina who gently kissed Rick's tears away.

"You know what they say in the movies don't you?"

"No, not sure which movie or who says what Genes, please tell me"

"Love means never having to say you're sorry, I love you, you love me, so enough of the I'm sorry. We have 5 weeks to live it up, let's start now,"

"Any suggestions how we do that my love"

"Thought you'd never ask" as Gina took control and showed him multiple times just exactly what she meant.

**Kate Beckett Apartment**

**Previous Evening**

Kate barely took time to eat a TV Dinner, changed into old comfy lounge clothes and prepared to read Bond's latest **"No Time to Mourn"**. She had read the first chapter, but she wasn't convinced so she began from the beginning again. As she got farther into the book, she thought she caught little nuances that were always present with Rick's books, then again, she was afraid she was desperate, and grasping at straws.

Kate became so engrossed with the book, the twists, and the kinder, gentler Bond, she couldn't put the book down, till finally she was forced to turn on a light to finish the last three chapters. She found the small quirks that she had associated with Rick, but nothing concrete that would prove he was indeed the writer.

Regardless of the who the writer was, it was evident he had suffered tremendous heartbreak, and had the talent to transfer it to his Bond character so eloquently. Kate found herself crying in some of the chapters before she even realized it. This was a fantastic book and deserved the accolades and sales it had received.

Stretching her legs, she realized she had read the entire book in just under 3 hours, so it was time to get something to drink, and start the task for Dr. Burke, although she had less hope than she did when she wrote the first letter.

She opened the paper she swore she wouldn't look at again, and couldn't help but stare at him, wondering IF Only, she had all the chances in the world, what the hell made her act the way she did. Tears formed in her eyes as she looked at both Rick and Gina's faces, as they stared into each other's eyes, God his blue eyes could pierce steel, but she saw for the first time a look of calmness, even happiness if she was being completely honest.

IF she lost him, and it was pretty apparent to everyone that she had, at least it was to someone who truly loved him. She didn't want to think if he were with one of those Hollywood Bimbo's, that she couldn't take. She wiped a tear from her eye and perhaps for the first time, she did something she had never done before, in any relationship, she chose happiness for Rick even if it meant without her.

"She makes you happy Rick, just as you tried to do for me. That's really all I want for you, be happy, and never forget I will always love you, I'm just so sorry it took me so long to see it," she whispers as she folds the paper carefully and adds it to her Castle Forever and Always box.

She turned the stereo on with the remote, already queued up is her broken heart song, Somewhere in my Broken Heart by Billy Dean, as she sits looking at the box, tears fall, for Rick, for her, for life itself. She knew heartbreak was part of life, but she never knew she could feel this much physical pain, it was just words in a sad song, only now, they are her life. She fell across the bed and wept till she fell asleep, the song playing on a loop, the words echoing in her ears. God Love is tough!

_You made up your mind it was over_  
_After we had come so far._  
_But I think there's enough pieces of forgiveness._  
_Somewhere in my broken heart._

_I would not have chosen the road you have taken._  
_It has left us miles apart._  
_But I think I can still find the will to keep going._  
_Somewhere in my broken heart._

_So, fly, go ahead and fly until you find out who you are._  
_I will keep my love unspoken._  
_Somewhere in my broken heart._

_I hope that in time you will find what you long for love that's_  
_Written in the stars and when you finally do._  
_I think you'll see it's somewhere in my broken heart._  
_Girl, I will keep my love unspoken somewhere in my broken_  
_Heart._

_I hope that in time you will find what you long for._  
_Love that's written in the stars._  
_And when you finally do._  
_I think you will see it's somewhere in my broken heart._


	34. Chapter 33

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 33**

**Previously**

"She makes you happy Rick, just as you tried to do for me. That's really all I want for you, be happy, and never forget I will always love you, I'm just so sorry it took me so long to see it," she whispers as she folds the paper carefully and adds it to her Castle Forever and Always box.

****************************************************************************************/

**Kate Beckett's Apartment**

**4:00 AM Next Morning**

Kate awoke still dressed and her pillow damp from her tears, confused for a moment until reality came rushing back all too clearly. She reached for her phone, and quickly sent a text to Karpowski, why embarrass herself by going in just to get sent home, so she took a vacation day for personal reasons. Grabbing her running outfit, she changed quickly and grabbed her phone and gun and headed out to work off some of the tension, long runs usually worked well for her.

Kate usually ran in a direction opposite the direction of Castle's Loft, but today she needed something, anything that would bring her back some normalcy. Even a glance at the window she stared out of for so long periods of time when she was a guest, would let her hang on to one small piece of his memory and the "Good Times".

Almost as soon as it popped into her mind the argument jumped back, _"Good Times, for who? Maybe You, but when did you allow Rick to enjoy much of anything, it was always the mystery, and on your terms and time_. She ran on, and just silently cried as she acknowledged, she had controlled every aspect of the relationship, good and bad.

She looked up as she slowed her pace slightly to stare at the window in the loft, a spot where she often took in the view of her city when she was so fragmented from the bombing, surrounded by not only Rick but his family as well. All wanting the best for her, and even some nights, Rick would appear from his office to talk, offer warm milk or a glass of wine to get her through the mental anguish of almost dying. He and his family had been so welcoming, and kind, some way to repay the kindness she chastised herself and picked the pace up again.

She had stretched her run an extra two miles trying to gain some sense of comfort, without luck. She returned to her apartment with the coffee she stopped to get and after a quick shower decided that it was time to write the damn letter, again.

She hated that the Doctor could read her so well, in some ways like Rick, but no one could match him. He knew her every tell, so no wonder he called her on her BS answers in her first letter. She only hoped he would take the time to read a reply, it was a gamble but one she had to take.

Gathering her materials, and carefully retrieving both letters from her Always box, she settled on the couch with her coffee and legal pad, she would transfer the final version to stationary when it was completed. Well no time like the present,

_Dear Rick,_

_First Thank You for responding to my letter, I know you took a great deal of time and thought in your response. Please thank Gina for getting it to you, I'm not sure I could have been the bigger person had roles been reversed. _

_I understand and felt your hurt through your responses, none of which were wrong or cruel, it was just tough to hear my own words come back to me and realize the hurt you must have felt. I own that Rick, I accept total responsibility, I was cruel, and sometimes childish in my responses and for that I ask for forgiveness._

_I won't go into the gory details again, but as I read your response, I could see clearly how you must have felt. The Demming Debacle as you named it was perhaps the worst behavior of my life, I truly am ashamed and sorry. I know you said you forgave me, but Rick, for what it's worth my memories with you are one of my bright spots, I just want you to be able to look back someday at the time you spent with me and at the 12th, and not despise even my memory._

_I have worked with my Doctor and you were right, the original letter started out as an assignment, BUT I went back and re-wrote every line once I saw how much I had hurt you, it was much more than the assignment, Please believe me. I picked up quickly that your life has dealt you a lot more grief than you would ever admit, and for not being the friend you were to me I'm sorry, please forgive me. _

_It was easy to dismiss your life as all peaches and cream, never knowing heartbreak or sorrow but as I got to know you better I understood you just didn't wear your hurt on your sleeves, but you had suffered as much or perhaps more than I. For that, Please forgive me._

_You raised a point that I callously had missed altogether, that by me hurting you, others like Alexis, Gina, Martha and all those who love you were hurt as well. You were totally correct, and for that I ask each of your loved ones for forgiveness. I've seen the pictures in the paper and on TV recently, hard not to right, not that you should or do care about my opinion, but Gina loves you, truly loves you. For anytime I said, did, or portrayed her or anyone in your life in a negative manner, please forgive me, and I hope I can also be forgiven by them as well._

_You were correct with not only the murder in the last case, but also about Kevin and his career with me as his mentor. He has grown into the Lead role and is flourishing, gone are the barbs about Castle Jr. but he still reminds me of you and how you dissect the facts, you would be proud of him, I am. I know I cost a friendship between you and him, and for that please forgive me. I asked Kevin for forgiveness, you know how soft hearted he is, so we are in a good place now._

_Javi is back, after a bit of a rough start, once again your assessment was spot on, Ann had to set him straight once and he is doing some of his best work now. We all did go out to dinner Once to bury the ax so to speak, and although things are better, just like with us, they will never ever be as they were. _

_I have accepted that now, as much as it hurts, knowing I caused, or was a major player in the events that caused all of the upheaval, working with Doctor Burke I have taken ownership of that as well. I know now why I accused you of never growing up, truth is being a true adult SUCKS but even slow learners like I do learn eventually. _

_I understand how you feel about leaving, and I apologize for stating you disappeared, you were correct, it just hurts going from the inner circle of your life to reduced to a spectator who can't even contact you to beg forgiveness. My first letter held out hope that my old Castle would bounce right back into my life, just as he had done so many times before, but that was presumptuous of me. _

_I have had multiple opportunities to let you know that you matter to many, to the precinct, and most of all to me, but after several counseling sessions it has dawned on me that the old Castle is gone. He didn't leave on his own, I gave him more than enough reasons to run away from the hurt and cruel behavior. How you tolerated it as long as you did, Rick PLEASE Forgive me and know if I could turn back time it would be so different._

_If we're being honest, I know your eyebrows just went up with that and I deserve it, I lulled myself into a false sense of security, that you would Always be by my side, regardless of how I treated you. Dr. Burke gave a clinical name for it, but it comes down to the fact I wanted the benefits of having you near me without investing any of the work, or consideration for your feelings. _

_Stupid, I know but it explains some things, doesn't excuse or forgive them, but at least lets me know I wasn't a raving Bitch for no reason. It really doesn't matter, the end results are the same, I lost someone I love, worse than that I hurt many people who tried to help when I was at my lowest, and for that I ask forgiveness from not only you, but everyone I have hurt._

_I know why, and if I were you I would have felt the same, but when you wrote, **"I was never your friend"**, I felt something die inside of me. Rick, I want you to know that you were my friend, my best friend and someone who I didn't deserve. You're right I did nothing to show, much less prove to you how high I regarded our friendship, always playing it so close, God Forbid you get past one of those invisible walls I have up, I'm sure that some days I wasn't even a good colleague, much less a friend as my mind pictured us._

_I guess by now you are wondering why the hell is she even writing back, I made myself clear, and yes Rick, you did, but I didn't. I told you I loved you, well I'm telling you now that I still love you, in fact I love you enough to walk away to allow you and Gina to grow your relationship without the Detective in the background, lurking, waiting to screw both your lives up. _

_I have watched Gina react to you, and I finally got it, SHE does love you enough to leave if that would make you happy, I never could get past my selfish wants till now. Rick, I understand now why you stepped aside rather than try to fight for me, you only wanted me to be happy, and in your mind that was with someone else because that's the signals I always sent. _

_That was my fault, totally, and as much as it hurts to say, If Gina is your Happiness, I wish you both Love and All the Best, I have only one request before I bow out of your lives completely. I don't deserve it, but Rick, **PLEASE** try not to forget me, when you said you will do your best to forget you ever met me in your response I felt physical pain knowing the extent of hurt you felt. I love you and I guess I always will, so please try to think of me once in while without the hurt or anger I earned. _

_I will always be grateful for everything you did for me, even though I never said it, I do Thank You, and I'll hold on to the memories, remembering that at one time I had it all right on the tips of my fingers. If you ever find you need me, please remember I will be here for you, Always,_

_Love and Luck to you both,_

_Kate_

Taking a few moments to read, write over the spots where her tears had smudged the ink, and correct some wording she took the box of stationary Rick had given her as a gift. Horror overtook her when she realized she was near the end of the box, so she carefully placed it under the Always Box and chose a generic stationary she had purchased, she would never deplete any thing Rick gave her.

The Always box was full of the trinkets and silly little things he had given her, no one knew it existed, but it was her strength many lonely nights. She opened it for a moment and touched the very first item she ever placed in it, the coffee lid from their first coffee. It had Beckett on it, and she remembered she chastised him for giving her name out very loudly and had to wait to fish the cup out of her trash when he was in the Men's room to save the lid.

She had added several little doo dads to it since then including a paperclip chain, and doodles from him of them, he never knew just how precious she considered each of the items, no matter how insignificant. The irony now, how insignificant he thought her love for him was, love and life can be cruel.

She wiped a tear from her eye and quickly arranged for a courier service to deliver the letter to his Beach home in the Hamptons, signature required by Mr. Castle or Ms. Cowell, RUSH Delivery, she wanted to show Gina she knew she was there and she was respecting her territory.

They both loved the same man, unfortunately Gina knew it and showed Rick long before Kate would admit it, even to herself. As Doctor Burke said, she was striving now to save a friendship, she refused to hope for anything more. The hurt and disappointment would destroy her if she lost him completely.


	35. Chapter 34

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 34**

**Previously**

_"You know what they say in the movies don't you?"_

_"No, not sure which movie or who says what Genes, please tell me"_

_"Love means never having to say you're sorry, I love you, you love me, so enough of the I'm sorry. We have 5 weeks to live it up, let's start now,"_

_**************************_*****************************************************/

**Hamptons Beach House**

**Next Morning.**

Gina was the first to rise, and she showed off a side few knew she was capable of, cooking. She laid out a complete spread of Eggs, Waffles, French Toast, Sausage, Bacon, and had the omelet station setup if someone cared for that. Alexis was the next up, perhaps lured from her room with the smell of breakfast cooking, thinking it was her Dad, she sleepily said,

"Good Morning Daddy, it sure smells good in here" as she rubbed her eyes,

"Well Sweetie, I agree your Dad is a Beautiful Man, but I'm going to have to book another session at the spa if you think I'm him" Gina laughed as Alexis turned red

"I'm sorry Gina, it's just that, I mean, I, well you kno*"

"You never saw me in the kitchen much less cooking before, right? Is that what you're stumbling over you little stinker?" Gina said finally taking Alexis out of her misery.

"It's OK, I could always cook, but who can compete with your Dad, I mean who else can create the Smorlete?" as both laughed,

Rick appeared just at that moment, "Hey, don't make fun of creative genius" as he slipped behind her, arms around her waist, and kissed her up her neck and then sweetly when she turned her face to meet his.

"Genes this all looks so delicious, what time did you get up? I didn't feel you leave the bed as I usually do"

"Well, I pulled a trick I use when you're gone, I placed my pillow between us first, then as you took in a breath and breathed my sent, you hugged the pillow tight as I slipped out. I wanted to read my chapter again, it was really so sweet. Of every gift you have ever given me, this was the sweetest one. Thank You again, I love it, and I love you"

"You use that trick when I leave, you take my pillow and hug it Genes?"

"What can I say, it's the only way I can get any sleep, especially after, well the dreams"

"I'm so sorry Genes, we are going to work on getting rid of those, I'm all yours and not going anywhere, when I do, you're going too," he smiled then gently turned her to accept a full deep kiss, as she moaned into his mouth.

They heard the "Ah Hem, Ah HEM, KID in the room" finally breaking their embrace and looking over at not only a smiling Alexis, but Cricket as well.

"Sorry" they both mumble, but everyone knew they weren't, the only thing they were was lost in each other's love.

"Gina, Dad, Cricket and I would like to go exploring today on the opposite side of the island, can I borrow the car please?"

Gina watched as panic, then sweat beads popped out on his forehead, but she gave him credit, his voice was as sweet as always as he replied,

"Of course, just be careful, take the Mercedes, I'm not sure the Escalade is up to date with its maintenance."

"Gina, wasn't that cute dress shop located over there next to the Ice Cream Parlor or am I thinking of the wrong store?"

"Nope, you're absolutely correct, and from what I heard it just received it's new shipment so happy hunting Sweetie" she smiles at her,

"Alexis is going to show me the fashion trends here and I'll return the favor when we are back in the UK, that is if my mean old boss will let me off for a few hours"

Rick smiled and deadpanned, "I wouldn't let LB. hear you call him mean" then laughed,

"I meant you Rick, you're my boss" Cricket responded

"Maybe on paper, but when we are working, we're partners, so enjoy your shopping and of course you can take time to show Alexis around the UK."

"Well we're off Dad, I promise, I'll drive safe and we should be home this evening for dinner, we want to make a day of it, so you kids can discuss the book or whatever it you were calling it earlier" she ducts as Gina has thrown a dishtowel at her and smiled.

'OK Pumpkin we'll see you late, Cricket, be sure you buy something nice; you do have a sizable bonus coming when we return"

"Thanks Rick, I shall, See you soon" then they bounded out the door and to the car.

"Do you think she is finding things to do to allow us privacy or being nice to Cricket, Rick?"

"Both, she loves you Gina, and she's worried about the dreams, so we want to assure you and take away any insecurities causing them, I'm trying I really am"

"If you mean Sex Therapy, yes you are, and Sweetie, it's working, I think I'm due for another dose any minute now" as she smiles and pulls him into a deep kiss, tender, yet sensuous and no mistaking what she desired.

They had just began making their way down the hall still locked in a deep kiss, when the doorbell rang,

"Damn" they both said at once,

"Hope the girls didn't change their mind" Rick said as he headed for the door. When he opened it there stood a courier on his bicycle, he knew from the parties he had hosted.

"Sorry to bother you Mr. Castle, Miss Gina, but the boss called and told me to get this to you today, special delivery and signature required. Can you sign here please, and if I may I need to see your Driver's License for the record."

Rick fumbled for his wallet, as the package was handed to Gina, as soon as the Courier had recorded the information, he excused himself and was off on his bicycle.

Gina looked a little shocked, and perhaps frightened, as Rick reached over to pull her into a hug.

"What is it Genes? It's nothing to worry about regardless of what or who sent it, please believe me, OK."

She looked up with a tear in her eye, "It's from Kate Rick, she must have saw the pictures and decided to send you a package here."

"Gina, please don't worry, OK, you read the letter I sent back, I have no idea of what she is replying for, I thought it was a done deal"

"I know Rick, I'm sorry, I just have to push this away, I've lived in her shadow and it hurt so bad, I just can't do it again, not after how close we've become."

"PLEASE, come with me, let's read it together, then we'll decide, OK? Genes I'm not going back there, I swear, what more can I do to convince you?"

"I'm so sorry Rick, this is totally unfair to you, me and my insecurities, you read the letter the*"

Rick's lips are on hers before she finishes her sentence, "Come with me, we read it together or I throw it in the trash, no other option, OK?"

"Rick, you can't just toss it, I mean you're not that cruel, so OK Damn you, you always knew how to get to me, but before we do, just know, if you want to change anything, I love you enough to go back to *"

Rick just kissed her again, "Enough, now let's read the letter together,"

She climbed onto their bed, in the V of Rick's legs his back against the headboard, and her leaning back against his chest, his heart was beating so hard she could feel it through her clothes, God when would this end.

Rick opened the letter and smoothed the sheets out, as he held them in a position for her and him to read together,

As it started, she was shocked, the tone of this letter was completely different, more mellow, humbler than the one Kate had sent several weeks ago. As they read silently, one would comment, then the other as they read a passage.

"It seems like she's a different Kate writing this letter Rick, who would have thought she would have thanked me for anything."

"Don't feel bad Gina, it's just Beckett, I don't think she has said Thank You or Forgive Me more than once in her life, just her style"

Rick read the part about how she agreed with his responses, expecting another slew of excuses, but was surprised when she wrote _it was just tough to hear my own words come back to me and realize how you must have felt._

"I don't think I have heard you say that Kate accepted ownership of something like this ever before, and this is truly a different person than the old Kate." Gina still has the tears pooled in her eyes.

"That may be true Gina, but what would I gain by going back there, I have everything I want right here, right now"

She turns and kisses him sweetly, somewhat relieved but still so afraid of what could happen.

"Rick, I know you did forgive her, but are you holding on to just a little hatred, or hurt, is that the reason you want to forget you ever knew her?" Gina asked quietly

"Truthfully, this is one reason I wish I had never met her; you and I wouldn't have to worry about her and how she creeps into your dreams at night. Genes, I gave you Panic Attacks for God's Sake, what husband or lover does that to his mate?

"Rick, what if I didn't have those attacks could you remember her without the hurt and hate? I know you have the right, but you have always forgiven even the biggest blights on this planet, and no not only Meredith, but Sheila Blaine as well. That woman was a Bitch on steroids."

Rick laughs and pulls Gina tight into a hug, "You're right Sweetie, it's funny after all these years you still remember not Kyra, but her mother and the hell she put me through, I didn't even know you yet but you have a hatred for that woman."

Gina laughs quietly, "I still remember you baring your soul on our Honeymoon about how you were a failure, half of what you said were Sheila's words, it hurt me Rick, I saw you hurting and knew someone had did this to the man I loved and I wasn't there to protect you."

"Thank You Genes, I love you and I know you would never let anyone hurt me again,"

"Back to the question Rick, can you let go of the hate or hurt, don't hang on to it for me, it will only hurt you and eventually me or us. I want you to be able to talk about your past, all of it without having to censor a period of time, Sweetie, let it go, for me, if no one else, please?"

"I'll try, and I promise it will be a genuine effort. She said that I was a person who usually forgave fast, but I think this time when I saw Alexis worry, that caused you to worry about us both, it made me angry more than hurt. Maybe I'll call Dr. Schwartz to have a session or two before we go back, will you go with me please?"

"Rick, Of Course I will, and I'm so proud of you. I'm sure Dr. Schwartz can give you some advice on how to let go, it's best for us both."

"Looks like I surprised her when I called her on her letter as an assignment, I still remember how much I hated to do mine, but it was therapeutic."

"Rick, you said things in your letter to me, you never would have if we were face to face, again I am so very proud of you, your strength never surprises me. I know I could never carry the load you have."

"In Kate's defense, no one knows how troubled a life you have had, by looking at you, things have always been easy. If they only knew the struggles you had to overcome, but your smile, God that smile and those eyes had me at our first Hello. I told Erika I was in love and she thought I was nuts." Finally, Gina laughs as she holds Ricks hand, looking into his eyes,

"Genes, could I ask you a question, and if it's too personal you can tell me to buzz off, OK?"

"Rick, you know you can ask me anything, I mean we were married, I have nothing I need to hide from you Love."

"Well if this hits too close, I still want you to shut it down, OK?"

"OK, I don't know where this is going, but I promise you I will" she leans up to kiss him sweetly.

"Well, we talked at length about my heart breaks, Kyra, in length, the one I thought I would never get over, but we never, make that I never asked you, Was there someone who broke your heart, and what was he like?"

Gina grows quiet for a few minutes, "I'm sorry Genes, that was stupid of me to ask, I ha*"

"Bob Pitney was his name, we dated from ninth grade to Junior year of college, and I thought he was the one that got away till I met you."

"I'm sorry Genes, that's a long time to spend with just one person, may I ask what happened?"

Gina's tears fall just a bit, then she collects herself and replies, "It was almost like he woke up one morning and had been invaded by a foreign body. I was going through the name change from Griffin to Cowell, and somehow, he found out how much I stood to inherit from my Grandfather, and he broke up with me.

Remember I told you about how one day a lawyer showed up on my Mom's doorstep with a check and proceeds from a Grandfather I never knew about. Mom always said he was dead when I asked as a kid. The one stipulation was I had to take the family name of Cowell; Mom had named me Griffin when I was born after my biological father just to piss them all off.

Bob had plans on being a Doctor but had to work for every semester in college, even with student loans he barely made it through school. I guess it was the opposite reason of why Sheila broke you and Kyra up, she wanted more for her daughter, I just wanted Bob, but he was gone the next day. I never heard from him again. I cried my entire Senior year of school and transferred back to Stanford to get away from it all, I almost had a nervous breakdown."

"Oh God Genes, I'm so sorry I asked and brought that memory back, I know how bad they can hurt." Rick caressed her hair gently as he tried to make up.

She looked up at him and smiled through watery eyes, "Hey Pain and hurt doesn't discriminate"

"Is that why you are so adamant about me forgiving Kate? So, I can find the peace to let it all go and be free to let my love grow?"

"Figured that all out by yourself eh Mr. Castle? It's not that I love her, I just don't want her to pay for the sins of Sheila Blaine, and I think sometimes that hurt spills over. Your daughter and I talked and she wants you to forgive her as well, don't hold back forgiveness because Alexis and I were hurt, we're fine as long as you are Rick."

"You know how special you are, I mean you have night terrors and still push for me to forgive the woman who I know hurt you by hurting me. If you and Alexis had forgiven her, I can as well."

Gina settles back in her position, once again stealing a kiss that started off to be just a quick peck but turned into a long sensuous, I love you more than ever type quickly.

"Kevin is the one you liked best isn't he Rick? I'm glad he's doing well, and who called him Castle Jr.?"

"His partner Esposito and even sometime Kate would, especially when the Demming Debacle was occurring. He's a good man, and a good cop. I'm glad he's doing well."

Gina continues to read, not interested enough to make a comment concerning Javi, she had met him and instantly disliked him for his cocky ways. They were both reading the comment about growing up, when Gina laughed,

"I know and love the fact that in some ways you will never grow up, I've known since I met you and that boyish charm also made me fall in love with you. I dated enough stick in the mud men before I met you," His eyebrows waggle as she looks up into those loving blue eyes wondering why the hell would anyone want to change this man.

"Well she's admitting she understood why I left, finally, it took her long enough."

"Rick, I'm not siding with her, but as a woman the worst hurt, we can feel is when someone or something we count on is pulled out from under us without warning. I know Sweetie, I know she hurt you so badly that Alexis and I were also so hurt, BUT she still is entitled to feel like she does. I know that hurt as she phrased _it just hurts going from the inner circle of your life to a spectator who can't even contact you to beg forgiveness. _

"Well if you read the next line, if I hadn't left it would have been business as usual for her, the old Castle coming back to get kicked again and again. I understand better now that you confided in me about Bob, but she had to be aware of her behavior, I mean she's not a teenager and this isn't her first rodeo."

"Rick, I never said it was right, just that I understand and you're right there's a difference from what she did to just being blindly rude, she knew better but had her sights set for the badge bunny magnet as you call him. It sound like she got paid back in spades from the ridicule and shame she brought on herself.

I'm glad you left, and I hope to God you never set foot in the precinct ever again, BUT that has to be your decision Love, and for the right reasons, not running away from hurt, but to a better opportunity"

"How did you get so damn smart Gina, I see what you mean she has no idea of what I ran to, and now isn't the time to tell her, but she, as well as others I guess think I ran away. How do we overcome that without spilling the secret?"

"Well I think we are off to a good start, I cheated I read ahead, it seems she knows you're happy, or in her estimate you are, and now I ask you for the truth Rick. Do I really make you this happy or is it for the press?"

"You know the old Rick would have all kinds of smart ass answers for that, but you've been through too much to even toy for a moment with your heart, Genes, I'm the happiest I've been since the last time we first got together and started playing house. This time, we both are going in with our eyes wide open and we know the baggage each brings."

This opens the flood gates, Gina turns and mounts him kissing him sweetly, deeply and expressing her love with tiny caresses he loved.

"Baby, it's OK, I told you Hun, we're in this together, but like you told me over and over again. IF there ever comes a time when you find a greater happiness, PLEASE, and I'm begging you, PLEASE come to me first, and I'll step aside. I just don't think I could take one more episode of cheating or being played a fool, OK?"

"OK Rick, I don't think that will ever happen, but I promise, and I'm so sorry this has brought back all the bad memories,"

They finish reading the letter, together and as Rick holds her, asks gently,

"What do you think, it doesn't sound or read like the same person wrote this letter to me? I appreciate how hard it was for her, and I'm surprised that the comment about not being my friend seemed like such a new revelation to her."

"I think she got very good at compartmentalizing things, and as long as you were there bringing her coffee, and building theory, she had no reason to work for your friendship, in her mind you were. I don't know her that well but I'm betting she has only a handful of friends, and most of those are from her work"

"Well the only friend I know of is an old High School friend, Maddy who owns Q3 Restaurant, other than that I never heard her mention anyone other than Lannie."

"Well it makes sense that she thought you were her best friend; I mean who else would put up with her episodes other than a true friend. I'm not saying it was right, just that it explains, at least in my mind, why she thought you were her bestie."

"Gina, something in your eye tells me you're not telling me everything, what is it?"

"The last part where she said she loved you Rick, of course I'm jealous but you're right she has grown to now I think she does want you happy. I should be glad, but it makes me worry even more that you might find her more*"

She doesn't get to finish the sentence, before Rick assures her without a word, she's his one and only and he has no interest in the lady that has held him captive, well at least his emotions over the last two years. After a comforting, make out, and I love you session Rick finally breaks the silence,

"Well that leaves one thing to decide, do I respond and if so how?

"Are you asking me what I think you should do Rick?"

"Well, yes but I wasn't so direct, I'll do what you think is best Genes, I want you to be happy and know exactly where we are in this relationship, OK?"

She turned to look deep into his eyes, "For the first time in I can't remember when, I feel comfortable telling you this, Call her Rick, talk to her and tell her she's forgiven. If she discovered she truly loved you too late, she has a big enough heart ache to carry around without adding your and our hurt and anger.

Hell, if need be go see her, BUT only in a public place and no touching, no hugs, no kisses on the cheek, just kind gentle talk, does that make me sound like a Bitch? I'm sorry but I love you and I would fight anyone that tries to take you"

"It makes you sound like a woman who loves me with all of her heart, and would do anything to see me at peace, I love you Gina, Thanks I don't know when I will but I agree, letters can only do so much and I need to be clear headed when we return to work."

"Rick, please do me a favor when you call her, if you will?"

"Sure Genes, anything, just name it."

"Just be sure you're wearing and looking at this please" as she slips his original wedding band that she had reworked into a beautiful birthstone ring on his right ring finger.

"Is this my we*"

"Yes, I know I told you I threw it in the Hudson, but I couldn't I hope you like it now, I mean I hope it wasn't too bold"

His reply came quickly and left no doubt that this had truly touched him. Kate may get a call, but they have each other.


	36. Chapter 35A

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 35**

**Previously**

_She turned to look deep into his eyes, "For the first time in I can't remember when, I feel comfortable telling you this, Call her Rick, talk to her and tell her she's forgiven. If she discovered she truly loved you too late, she has a big enough heart ache to carry around without adding your and our hurt and anger._

_Hell, if need be go see her, BUT only in a public place and no touching, no hugs, no kisses on the cheek, just kind gentle talk, does that make me sound like a Bitch? I'm sorry but I love you and I would fight anyone that tries to take you"_

"_It makes you sound like a woman who loves me with all of her heart, and would do anything to see me at peace, I love you Gina, Thanks I don't know when I will but I agree, letters can only do so much and I need to be clear headed when we return to work."_

******************************************************************************/**

**Hamptons Beach House**

**Three Hours Later**

Rick and Gina managed to get in some meaningful conversation as well as him reassuring her that she was his ONE, and she shouldn't worry. The gift of his new birthstone ring brought tears to his eye; he thought the ring was somewhere at the bottom of the Hudson River. He recalled one of their worst fights shortly after she served Divorce Papers, to say it was ugly was putting it mildly.

**FLASHBACK **

"Gina, What the hell are these? Divorce Papers, you want a divorce? Why, aren't you getting enough of the credit for Richard Castle's success now that we're married? I just don't know what else I can give you, if this is how you feel, then get out, I never want to see you again."

"Rick, it has nothing to do with our work, we just happen to work together but I can't take it any longer, you won't let me in to your inner world. It's you and Alexis and will always be, I'll always be just the woman you married, not your wife who you share your deepest thoughts with."

"Gina, you've read too many soap opera scripts, how dare you bring my daughter into this"

"You see Rick, you just did it again, when we got married, I accepted your daughter and hoped to be more than just a woman living in her Dad's house. You let me get so close then you slam the door, it hurts, and I can't do it anymore."

Rick took his ring off and tossed it in the direction of her,

"Here, consider it done, I'll have Gregg file the papers to get your freedom today."

"Really Rick, your ring? What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Throw the damn thing into the Hudson for all I care,"

"Rick, please don't be that way, I wanted to try counseling, you flat out refused. Please let me step away for a few days so both of us can rethink this."

"What's to think, you want out, you're out. I guess I'll see you at Black Pawn. Text me when you're out of here as he slams the door and exits the loft and the marriage.

**PRESENT DAY**

Gina spots the tear in his eye, and quickly shuts it down,

"Hey, there was enough blame for us both, don't be going back there with your what ifs, I had plenty as well" she reaches up and kisses him gently below his tear-filled eye.

"It's hard not to, God, some of the things I said, even worse some of the tactics I allowed the Lawyer to pull on you, there was no excuse for it, and I'm so sorry I*"

"No More, remember Love means never having to say you're sorry," as she kissed him sweetly and took his hand and led him to the porch.

I was thinking Rick, and this is just me talking, but I need to visit the office soon to pick up some work, and if you want maybe we could drive in to the city together, give you time to have lunch or coffee with Kate, and have your discussion. I mean if you want to it's up to you Sweetie."

"No I like that idea, I was trying to think how could I see her but not be so far away from you, I mean I hope it stays like the last letter but you never know how things will go till you talk face to face. I'm not looking for a bunch of tears, or any more apologies, I just want to tell her to move on, I'm happy go find her happiness and let us be."

"Rick, are you sure? I mean that's a huge step and as much as I love to hear it, I don't want anything that isn't right for or with you and your inner voice."

"I'm sure Genes, even though she hurt me more than anyone ever did, I have no desire to hurt her, so I'm going to offer her what you and Dr. Schwartz have suggested, closure. Thanks again for coming with me yesterday, the session went well, and Dr. said I was handling this stress very well, so Thank You, you're the reason for that."

"Rick don't credit someone else for YOUR hard work, I am so very proud of you, I haven't seen you take a drink since you and Cricket have come home. I was so worried, and I'm sorry Sweetie, Alexis was as well that she would find you dead slumped over your desk one evening."

Rick hung his head and his reaction was all that Gina needed to reassure him,

"Oh Sweetie, I'm sorry, I was so afraid, and I tried to be strong for Alexis, it was all I could do to stay away and not smother you, I'm sorry."

"For what Genes, telling the truth? For loving me enough to care about me this much even after I was an Ass to you? For loving our daughter enough to hide her fears by taking them on yourself. God, I'm such a lucky fool, Thank You as tears pool in his eyes.

"Hey, we're a pair of lucky fools, OK?" she kissed him quickly and flashed her smile that made him smile as well.

"I think I'll call her and see if she would like to meet for coffee, I don't want to wait for a meal or visit one of her memories, so it will be at the Java Hut down from the precinct if she's even free. I'll make it for 1:00 PM to give us plenty of time to take care of Black Pawn business first, I don't want to rush you but I do want to get back here before too late in the evening"

"Well I think we have about an hour before the girls get home and you and I head out for dinner so I'm going for a quick dip in the pool, I'm here if you need me, but Rick, you'll be fine, just call her."

**Kate Beckett's Apartment**

**5:45 PM Same Day**

Kate had made it through the day without tipping anyone off that she was still a mess. Writing the letter, reading and finally accepting the outcome had perhaps been therapeutic after all. She still felt like someone had ripped her heart out and stomped on it, and tears appeared at some of the secret remnants of Rick that appeared during the day.

A post it note, his chair, the start of a paper clip chain, small things, but items that were all that remained of perhaps the best thing that had ever happened to her, and possibly the biggest fuck up she would ever commit in her time on earth. She thought just for a moment, what had been Rick and Gina's reaction to her letter, she received acknowledgment yesterday that Rick himself signed for it.

Rick is fumbling with the burner cell phone, trying to get Kate's contact information entered, he wasn't about to give out his new cell number to anyone new just yet. He finally got it all setup except a picture, he uploaded a logo for the NYPD in place of a picture he would normally add. Contact information entered, now all he needed was some nerve, so taking a deep breath, he dialed the number.

In her apartment Kate is filled with a feeling of anticipation, she can't explain it, but definitely something was about to happen. Her cell phone rang as she jumped nearly knocking the end table over. She only had time to glance at the number, one she didn't recognize,

"Beckett" came her normal professional greeting.

"Kate, hi, it's Rick I hope I caught you at a good time, if not I can call back"

"**NO, NOOOO, it's fine Rick**, I'm just getting into the apartment from work, it's good to hear your voice" as she reached for he bottle of water and took a sip, then splashed a few drops on her forehead, hardly believing her ears.

"Well, I got your letter, and I think we need to talk, I don't think either of us can put what needs to be said in a letter, without causing someone more pain, that's not or ever was my intent"

"I agree, I understand Rick, so what do you want to do?" she breathed, hardly able to contain herself,

"Are you free for coffee tomorrow say at 1:00 PM at the Java Hut a few stores down from Remy's, We have to come into the city for business and I thought you and I could talk before we had to head back out, well if you have time or even want to"

"We?" she asked, forgetting momentarily that Gina and he were now a couple. God she was so stupid, of course Gina was coming, what the hell did you think he was running back to you, she chastised herself mentally.

"Yeah, Gina needs to visit her office for a few hours, Look if you can't make it or would rather not its o*"

"**NO",** comes out more forcibly than she intended, "I mean I can make it Rick, and I agree we do need to talk, I'm glad that Gina doesn't feel threatened."

"Why would she feel threatened? We're just going to talk like two adults who were at one time friendly, which by the way I do want to tell you that there are some ground rules for the meeting, if you don't agree, we don't meet" Rick said, not cruel but his voice lacked that enthusiasm, the little boy excitement she was accustomed to. Then it dawned on her, he's not looking forward to this, he's trying to resolve the issue, so I go away and leave them alone.

"OK Rick, what are the ground rules?" she asked quietly, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that this was the proof she had succeeded in chasing him away for good.

"Well, and forgive me, again this isn't meant to hurt you, I just don't want anything implied as so often happened between the two of us. We lived in a world of subtext and I more often than not misunderstood the message that was being sent. The easiest way to avoid misunderstanding, by you or I is just to come out and say what needs to be said.

No touching, no hugs, no kisses even on the cheek, just kind, respectful conversation, AND if you ask or bring up what my new project is the meeting is over. My hope is that we both leave with the same results. I know things have been very tough between us, but this is not meant to add to your pain, if anything I'm hoping it will bring closure to us both for that period of time in our lives."

"OK Rick, I understand, for the record, I'm sor*"

"Kate, that's what tomorrow is for, I'm sorry but I have to go, I'll see you at one o'clock tomorrow" and the line goes dead.

Kate sat down and lowered her head, he was right, they had lived in a world of subtext and suggestive thoughts and language, too often he understood exactly what she meant, then she had a change of heart. Just like always, Rick took the blame for the misunderstanding. The meeting was for "Closure", just thinking of the word, one she had used thousands of times in her profession, now brought the tears she had managed to hold back till now.

She glanced up at the clock, ticking away, it was a little past six o'clock meaning she had about nineteen more hours before "Closure" would begin, God she felt so weak, so sad and for the first time since her Mother was killed, she actually thought about how empty her life truly is, and now would be for the rest of her days.

She quietly took her Castle Always box, and laid down on the bed, weeping for the past, but now even more for the future she had to face without her partner. It was going to be a long painful night, as the tears fell even harder.


	37. Chapter 36

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 36**

**Previously**

_"Well, and forgive me, again this isn't meant to hurt you, I just don't want anything implied as so often happened between the two of us. We lived in a world of subtext and I more often than not misunderstood the message that was being sent. The easiest way to avoid misunderstanding, by you or I is just to come out and say what needs to be said._

_No touching, no hugs, no kisses even on the cheek, just kind, respectful conversation, __**AND**__ if you ask or bring up what my new project is the meeting is over. My hope is that we both leave with the same results. I know things have been very tough between us, but this is not meant to add to your pain, if anything I'm hoping it will bring closure to us both for that period of time in our lives."_

******************************************************************/

**Java Hut**

**Next Day 12:50 PM**

Rick had arrived early to choose a table or booth that would allow some privacy, yet not force them to sit practically in each other's laps as the small booths tended to do. He wondered if Kate was as nervous as he, it seemed only yesterday they could talk about anything, but so many things had happened since he left for the new assignment. The old saying about never being able to go back seemed to ring truer than ever as Rick paused to reflect.

He had just returned from his reflection to present day when he spotted her walking through the door. She looked tired, sad, gone was the confident bounce in her step as she approached the booth, it was a very different Kate Beckett than the one he last saw at the precinct, gosh how long had it been, he honestly couldn't remember.

She stepped to the booth and Rick stood, shook her hand and greeted her,

"Hi Kate, I'm glad you could make it today. I know there are things that need to be said by both of us, and since you worked so hard to get in touch with me, why don't you just say what's on your mind."

"Hi Rick, you look good, Thanks for setting this up, I know it's been hell for you as well and I know I have apologized in writing, but I know you, or at least I used to and you needed to know the story behind the case.

The story for this murder board is simple, I woke up too late and found I had lost the man who I love, and worse, I had hurt him so badly it killed the feelings I'm pretty sure he once had for me. There are no words to come back from that Rick, not enough I'm sorry' s in the world would change what I did. I did want to look you in the eyes and say if I could go back in time, it would be a completely different outcome"

The server came, and without thinking Rick ordered for her, the usual beverage he had brought to her each morning for the last two years. When he realized what he had done, he excused himself,

"I'm sorry Kate, perhaps you would like something different?"

She looked into his eyes, still with the longing, "No Rick, that's fine, you still know me so well after all this time"

"I'm sorry Kate, I really have lost touch of the days, how long has it been now since I left?"

Without batting an eye, or the slightest hesitation, she replied," 22 weeks, 4 days and 6 hours," then smiled as she continued, "But who's counting anyway."

"How are things now at the Precinct, settling down by now I hope for your sake"

"Well, Roy is giving me another shot at lead, Javi is rejoining me but Kevin is being promoted over to the 54th as a Lieutenant so I have to fill the third spot. I have to say working for Roz gave me the time I needed to take some of the weight off my shoulders, and she became a good friend. She's helped me through this with you a great deal"

"I'm sorry, what about this are you talking about Kate, I've been gone long enough for you to forgive yourself for what happened. Part of why I'm here is to tell you, no hard feelings, really. I have to admit it was a very dark time in my life at first, but I had some great support and I'm in a very good place now."

"I'm happy for you Rick, I wish I could say I was for Gina too, but I won't lie. I am sorry for anything I ever did to, or said about her, as well as hurting Alexis and Martha, God I felt so terrible when I finally saw the entire picture."

"How long did it take you to realize the depth of the hurt Kate, not only to me but your co-workers by your reckless, do it my way mannerisms? **IF** it took my leaving to make you see that then it was worth it, and I'm glad you finally came around." his tone is very business like, not like the Rick of old.

"I'm still seeing Dr. Burke, I guess it was after I received your response, the one where you used my words, Don't flatter yourself Castle, who says that Dr. Phil and other cocky and unprofessional things I said that the light started to come on. Dr. Burke flat out told me, He's never coming back Kate, the best you can hope for now if forgiveness so you can live with yourself in peace.

Somehow, I thought you would be back, no matter how badly I treated you, you always came back, you always brought my coffee, you always lo, eh cared for me. As I told you in the letter Dr. Burke gave it a tittle, but all it meant to me was I went way over the line and finally hurt you so bad you hated me." Kate looked into the distance, perhaps recalling other times,

"I never hated you Kate, I hated the things you were doing, I hated the way your actions made not only me, but my family and Gina feel, and think what you want about her, she was the one holding me together as you and Demming almost destroyed my internal soul. She never asked for anything, in fact she still doesn't, and has always told me to follow my heart to happiness."

"Are you happy now Rick, I know I don't deserve an answer, but if you are, it will make my letting go easier, if that is even possible."

Rick looks down at his new ring, turns it slightly as he takes a deep breath,

"I take it that ring is special to you both, I could tell by the way you touched it just now. I remember when I stood in line as a Rookie cop to have a Desert Storm book autographed by you, when I finally got to you, you were so kind, and I remember your wedding band looked a lot like your birthstone ring now.

Looking into your eyes now I have my answer Rick, I think she's a lucky woman. She's getting a second chance; God knows I had a ton more than that to show you how I felt.

I'm sorry for a lot of things, but the one I struggle with more than even my Mother's death in therapy, is the Why. Why did I throw your love away when I know the entire world was right there for my taking, I'm so sorry Rick, I may never know but I do love you, that's never been a lie." Kate pauses as tears pool in her eyes, Rick ever the gentleman, hands her a handkerchief without a moment's hesitation.

"You asked me if I was Happy Kate, I can look you in the eye and tell you yes, much happier than I've ever been in my life, I may have gotten it right finally, but I don't want to jinx it. I never knew you came to a signing; I don't remember you, I should but I don't, but your detective skills are still sharp.

This was my wedding band I thought was gone forever but a thoughtful lady resurrected it, like she resurrected me and gave me something to live for when I thought I had nothing. I'm sure you picked up through the letter than I'm no stranger to therapy, and yes, I had to return to my shrink as well, the whole debacle almost destroyed me. Looking back there were always three smiling ladies to pick me up no matter how far I had fallen down the hole, Mother, Alexis, and Gina.

That wasn't said to hurt you, but you have to know how it feels when you are rejected, Sorenson left you for a job and you acted like he forgot to take out the garbage, you never dealt with it, OR it really didn't matter to you as much as others thought it should. It's different with me, but we're getting off track., what else do you want to ask me Kate?"

"How do you do it, I mean how do you forgive like you do? My God I put you back into therapy, I hurt Alexis and Gina as they watched you spiral down, and now we sit drinking coffee, and I can feel comfortable that you truly have forgiven me, How?"

"It's simple Kate, when Alexis and Gina told me they had forgiven you, that you had a lot to deal with at the time, then it was a no brainier, I forgave you. I won't hold on to toxic feelings, it will creep back into even the healthiest relationships and cause ruin, so I choose to let it go, and be me. It's a choice Kate, but you have to make it if you want to be forgiven as well"

"Do you think you will ever reach out to me as a friend, I mean, I understand where you're at in your personal life, but is there a chance to be friends Rick"

"Wow, that's a tough one, are you a friend, no not now, could you be one, possibly, but would it be healthy for me to establish a friendship with you now under these circumstances, I don't think so. That doesn't mean I won't remain friendly and say hi, or invite you to my table for coffee if we see you out, but to become friends, or even colleagues as we were, No Kate, it's not the right thing to do and would send the wrong message to Gina, and I'm afraid would give you a false sense of hope.

I want you to understand that what happened is yesterday and yesterday's gone. Today I have a new future, one without Nikki Heat, or the 12th Precinct, not that those days don't have some great memories, but the hurt is far more than the good so I moved on and so must you." Rick sees the tears fall harder from Kate, but he resists the old urge to reach to comfort her.

"Kate you are hurting now, but I'm not sure if you even know if it's because of me, or if you are afraid to start a new chapter. If it helps I know you'll be back at the top of the ratings for best cops in New York in no time, but this time Kate, take time for you, find happiness somewhere with someone.

Life's too short to live your life as you have, and regardless of what you think your Mother would never want you to live as you have. I'm sorry, old habits are hard to break, I don't have any right to offer you advise, all I offer you now is our wishes for your happiness, Be Well Kate, I have to go."

By the time she looked up still holding the handkerchief with his cologne smell on it he's gone, and the waitress is sending her such a sad look, she had to leave. She had taken the remainder of the day off so when she arrived home, she carefully packed the handkerchief in a sealed plastic bag and the Forever and Always chest gained a new memento, perhaps the last she would ever have.


	38. Chapter 38

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 37**

_**A/N This chapter will officially mark Gina and Rick together once again, if you are NOT a fan of Caskett, STOP at the end of this chapter. If you are a Caskett Shipper praying for a miracle continue reading, perhaps one is in the works for you.**_

**Previously**

"_Kate you are hurting now, but I'm not sure if you even know if it's because of me, or if you are afraid to start a new chapter. If it helps I know you'll be back at the top of the ratings for best cops in New York in no time, but this time Kate, take time for you, find happiness somewhere with someone. _

_Life's too short to live your life as you have, and regardless of what you think your Mother would never want you to live as you have. I'm sorry, old habits are hard to break, I don't have any right to offer you advise, all I offer you now is our wishes for your happiness, Be Well Kate, I have to go."_

_By the time she looked up still holding the handkerchief with his cologne smell on it he's gone, and the waitress is sending her such a sad look, she had to leave. She had taken the remainder of the day off so when she arrived home, she carefully packed the hanky in a sealed plastic bag and the Forever and Always chest gained a new memento, perhaps the last she would ever have._

**********************************************************************************/

**Castle's Car**

**In Route to the Hamptons **

**30 Minutes Later**

Rick had picked Gina up once he left the meeting with Kate; he was still struggling with his feelings. He was relieved that he could look Kate in the eye and tell her the truth, the old burn in his chest when he was in her presence was gone.

Kate looked like she was still searching for a solution to resurrect the past, from experience Rick knew she would have to hit bottom before she realized that yesterday's gone, no going back, no do overs in real life. In his heart he cared for her, but this was the first time since he had first met her he could actually wish her well and walk away with the freedom to give his love to someone else.

This was the breakthrough he had waited for and was sure that Gina had as well. Now when he thought about the Detective, she was someone he used to love and although he cares for her, he no longer loves or is in love with her. He feels a sense of freedom he couldn't explain, through all of his past relationships, he had never experienced such feelings.

Gina looked at him driving, deep in thought, she gently called his name,

"Rick, Sweetie, are you OK? I promised myself I wasn't going to ask, but I just need to know if you're OK. I'm sorry Rick, it's prying I know but I am worried, you haven't said two words since we left the city."

Rick looked over, his expression never changing till he pulled off the highway at the next exit which was a rest stop. Putting the car into park, he gently lifts his sunglasses then waggles his eyebrows,

"Genes, did you ever have Rest Stop Sex?" and begins to laugh

You could hear the breath Gina had been holding in leave her body for miles, she looked at the man she loved, and replied,

"No Rick, I haven't but after that you're lucky if you ever have sex **ANYWHERE** with me again" try as she might she couldn't hold her frown and burst into laughter.

"You Idiot, you scared me to death, so I take it things went OK with Kate, and only tell me what you wish to, I just want to be sure you're fine."

Her question was answered with a kiss that was as full of passion as she could ever remember, her toes curled and she moaned into his mouth before he pulled away, took a breath and repeated the kiss.

"Gosh Rick, you haven't kissed me like that since, well, I don't remember, you have me wanting to jump your bones right here" she breathed with a slight blush

"Well, you're too much of a lady to have Car Sex in a public place, BUT" he waggles his eyebrows and pulls out of the rest stop. The next exit had a sign for lodging and the car was headed to the Sheraton before she knew it.

The afternoon was both sensual, as well as satisfying, multiple times. She was thrilled that he had been able to face his Detective and come away from her to give her such a sweet and romantic confirmation of his love.

He held her as she laid on top of him, breathing gently, as he massaged her back, kissing her gently with small gentle kisses along her forehead. At this moment, there was no one else in the world but the two of them, totally and completely lost in the sea of love. He had been so attentive to her every need, every desire, she had been taken to heights she had never been before.

"You're thinking too hard Genes, yes it's over between Kate and I and yes I love you more than I ever thought I could. I hope I showed you Sweetie,"

Tears flood her eyes as she pulled her head up to look into his eyes, Locking on those blue orbits that she fantasied over for so long when they were apart. "Oh Rick, you showed me love, I don't ever remember it being this special, even in our younger days. I thought the sex was good before, but you took it to another level today, what got into you, not that I'm complaining" she smiled and kissed him gently

"It' simple Gina, I loved you all the other times we had sex, today was the first time I could say I made love to the woman I was in love with, I never knew the difference till now. Thank you love for hanging there with me, I know it hasn't been easy."

The tears flowed like rain from her eyes as Gina struggled to comprehend the words that had just come out of Rick's mouth. Did he really say he was in love with her, that they had made love, not had sex?

Rick held her tenderly, as he comforted her, "Don't cry Genes, I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you what I think I've know for a long time, I'm in love with you, more now than ever."

"I'm sorry Rick, you just don't know how long I waited to hear those words, how many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking I had lost you forever, and now, God my heart is ready to burst. You've made me so very happy, Love, please know, I meant what I said before, if your feelings change, all yo*"

She doesn't finish her sentence before Rick has her engulfed in another passionate kiss, "No more talk like that Genes, OK? I know what I want, I'm just sorry we can't act on it till the deal in the UK is completed. Part of the clauses were that I remained in the same marital status, something to do with the laws of the Commonwealth for providing for absentee spouses and Family Law there, I don't know, the attorneys just told me to wait so I'm sorry."

"Rick, do you think I am worried one bit about you putting a ring on it, seriously? I love you with or without the ring, piece of paper, or shared assets all I want is to be your one and only. I don't care what title is given, girlfriend, crazy ex-wife, live in, I just need to be yours."

"Well, you are mine, if fact maybe you would like this to remind you from time to time," as he dropped down and put her original engagement ring back on her ring finger, "that is if you say yes, I'm being presumptuous"

Tears rolled from her eyes all she was able to do was shake her head yes, over and over, then when her vision cleared she recognized the ring, it was the original one he proposed with.

"Rick, is this my ring? You told me you threw it off the roof of the Loft when I asked you"

"Genes, please forgive me, I lied so I could keep a small piece of what once was you, I knew that I had lost you, and it was my fault so I held on to something that reminded me of the happiest day in my life."

"You never fail to surprise me, why not just tell me that then, I would have left it with you Rick, and for the record, a cold Hot Air Balloon ride trying to put a ring on my finger was the happiest day of my life, **UNTIL** today." They both smile knowing that they were getting a second chance at love, both determined to make the most of it and get it right this time.

"Rick, did you tell Alexis about this? I know she's always been the number one in your life, it's OK if you did, I just need to know so I don't give the poor child heart failure when we get home"

Rick smiled at her, "Not anymore, it's time for Dad to start living his life, his little girl isn't little anymore, besides she has had a Mom looking after her for the last 7 years" acknowledging the four years they were married, and the three years since the divorce Gina never deserted her daughter.

A tear falls from her eye with Rick's acknowledgement of her role as the Mother, she loved his entire family but the last two years she and Alexis had grown closer. They both worried he would get hurt or worse, perhaps that's why she put so much pressure on him to meet deadlines, to try to keep him away from danger.

"I know now, you held me to the grindstone to try to keep me out of Danger, for you, and for Alexis, and I understand why now. I'm so sorry I was cruel in my responses, and the things I said, please forgive me" Rick said low, with a hint of a tear in his eye

"Hey, no more I'm sorry 's remember, that's what Love Is, and one thing I know now, is I have my love right here with me. Let's go tell Alexis, please, I want her to know before anyone else,"

They pulled into the drive but instead of putting the car into the garage Rick left it out, as Gina existed, she saw the flash of red hair coming towards her. She turned the ring quickly to her palm, so the Diamond won't reflect the sun,

Alexis hugged her and whispered, "How is he, how bad did she mess him up this time?"

"He's fine, really more than fine" she wraps her arm around Rick, as they start the walk up the walk to the house,

"There's one thing that happened, we want you to be aware of, I mean if you want*"

"Come on Gina, you know how I am, please let me know what went on, I knew he looked so happy, something is up, what did she do this time"

"Well actually it was your Dad who did it," taking her arm from Ricks waist and turning the ring to show Alexis,

Screams wails, hugs and tears were heard around the entire bay, as Alexis was so thrilled. Cricket came running out of the house to see who was being injured and joined in the celebration when she saw the ring, as Rick and Gina stood with arms around each other tight. It all accumulated in a group hug, and plans to go out to celebrate as Alexis put it, "Dad finally got his head out of his backside and realized what he has right in front of him."

You could debate which was brighter, the sun in the sky, or the smiles on Rick and his ladies, it would be a close contest as the look of love waved over them all.

**Dr. Carter Burke's Office**

**Same Time Frame**

Kate had called the good doctor and arranged an emergency meeting with him. She had left a voice mail the previous evening after speaking to Rick, so it wasn't a total surprise that she would need a session today. Dr. Burke called back and was so understanding he had slotted Kate for a 4:00 PM Appointment. It turned out to be perfect as once again she found herself pacing in front of Dr. Burke, explaining what Rick had said, she could remember the entire conversation almost word for word.

"Kate, you told Mr. Castle that if Gina was his happiness you loved him enough to step aside, is that correct?"

"Yes, but I never thought he would go back to her, I mean aren't ex's that for a reason or so I'm told."

"So, which is the truth, you DO love him enough to insure HE is happy, or you love him enough for YOUR own happiness, regardless of how he feels?"

"I thought I knew, I thought I loved him enough to let him go, but now that he's gone, I'm not sure if I wasn't just playing a role betting he would come back to me as he always has." Tears fall and once again Doctor passes a box of tissue as he continues to make notes.

"So, is it fair to say perhaps you were lying to him as well as yourself when you made that declaration?"

Kate's face flushes once again a lie, "Honestly Doctor when I wrote it, I was or at least I thought I was being honest, I really do want him to be happy, just as he wanted it for me."

"My observation Kate is that you were telling Mr. Castle the truth at the time, but when a possibility became a reality, it was a shock to you, and your reaction is normal, disbelief that this is happening to me"

"So what do I do, I mean I want to get over him and let him live his life, but I've never felt like this with anyone else, Hell Rick and I weren't even in a relationship and I feel worse than I did when my boyfriend dumped me and moved to Boston giving me only a few days' notice if I wanted to come with him"

"Well one thing you don't do is peruse the internet for help, that's why we talk, all breakups are different and the one size fits all check list to recover will do more harm than good. I do want you to start spending time doing something both productive as well as rewarding to you personally.

Have you considered teaching self defense classes to the Domestic Abuse victims that are treated and sent to counselling? It would be a good way to burn some energy as well as help to rebuild other's, and by doing so you are also rebuilding your own life."

Kate begins to think, not ready for the pity parties from her few friends, this would be a great alternative,

"I think I would like to try it, if it works it would keep me out of the pity party and sitting in an apartment drinking or doing something else unhealthy."

"Great Kate, I'll have the Director of the center contact you, I would like to resume our weekly sessions for a few weeks, and Kate, I'm proud of the way you handled this, you've made a lot of progress and I know things will get better, not tomorrow, but they will"

"Thanks Doctor Burke, I appreciate you seeing me on short notice, I'll make the appointments with Julie and I look forward to working with the women, I think it's a great way to spend some time as well as contribute to others, I'll talk to you next week"

**JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED IT AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAPTER PLEASE READ **

_**A/N This chapter will officially mark Gina and Rick together once again, if you are NOT a fan of Caskett, STOP at the end of this chapter. If you are a Caskett Shipper praying for a miracle continue reading, perhaps one is in the works for you.**_


	39. Chapter 38A

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 38A Corrected Chapter number Sorry **

_**A/N PLEASE SEE NOTE from PREVIOUS CHAPTER THIS **__**STARTS**__** THE RETURN OF CASKETT, IF YOU WANT TO REMEMBER HIM WITH GINA, STOP, DON'T READ ANY FURTHER, YOU HAVE YOUR ENDING, IF YOU ARE A CASKETT SHIPPER AND HAVE BEEN ROOTING FOR KATE AND RICK TO FINALLY GET IT TOGETHER READ ON.**_

**Previously**

"_So what do I do, I mean I want to get over him and let him live his life, but I've never felt like this with anyone else, Hell Rick and I weren't even in a relationship and I feel worse than I did when my boyfriend dumped me and moved to Boston giving me only a few days' notice if I wanted to come with him"_

"_Well one thing you don't do is peruse the internet for help, that's why we talk, all breakups are different and the one size fits all check list to recover will do more harm than good. I do want you to start spending time doing something both productive as well as rewarding to you personally. _

**************************************************************************************/

**NYPD Gym**

**The Following Week**

Kate had received a call from the Director of the center for the Domestic Abuse victims who was excited about the possibility of the women being taught basic self defense techniques by someone who had trained officers from the Police Academy. She was scheduled to teach her first class in one week and decided it was time to hone some of her skills, the only problem, she had trouble getting sparring partners.

More than one officer had limped off the mat, it seemed that Kate was channeling her frustration from the heartbreak of Rick into her martial arts. Even Javi now refused to spar with her, since she had zoned out, and kept a choke hold just a bit too long the last session they had together. She apologized but Javi had enough, and warned her,

"Kate, you can't go from one extreme to another, don't be the psycho bitch who is out to kill everyone because you got dumped for another woman. How many times do we see this in our line of work, you have to concentrate on what you're doing and why. Right now, all you want to do is smash Castle, anyone who steps on the mat with you becomes him in your mind, you gotta turn loose girl."

"I don't want to hurt Rick, Javi, that's ridiculous, I mean he's not at the precinct anymore but who said he dumped me, we never even dated." She bellowed at him,

"Kate, you said it your self he's not at the precinct, Why is that, and don't answer that we all know it was the Demming Debacle that chased him away, we all paid a price for our actions but he really was the one that got hurt the worst. Tom got what was coming to him, just like you and me. Kev, well he fell into a pile of crap and came out smelling like an Irish Rose, so Good for him.

"Do you really think I'm taking out my pent-up aggression on anyone that I see, I mean what the hell kind of instructor would that make me?" she whined.

"Well, if you use it to your advantage, a fantastic one, let your class know that regardless of how bad they were hurt, the techniques you are showing them will only work IF they don't lose their cools, you succeeded because you're a skilled veteran of the game and a bit of a bad ass. Even with that had this been competition you know losing your head would have meant losing your advantage. Teach them how to keep the acts of violence separate, this isn't for punishment, it's protection." He finally smiled as he saw the light come on,

"Thanks Espo, that's what I've been missing and you're right, so I'll work out the curriculum I want to teach now, I think my skills have been honed enough, besides I'm out of sparring partners" she laughed for the first time in what seemed forever.

**Three Weeks Later**

**Toronto Canada**

Cricket had suggested flying back to the UK, before the next release of **"No Time to Mourn"** to the general public in Latin American countries, every release proved to instigate more rumors, more speculation of who was the ghost writer and the intent was to stay off the radar as long as possible. It would also give them 2 weeks to adjust to the new home there, allow some time for personal events that Cricket could arrange to be press free, and to allow Gina and Rick some more time alone.

The private jet had gotten out of New York without even a paper boy paying any attention. Their flight to Heathrow would be leaving in about 45 minutes as they waited in the VIP Lounge, Alexis and Cricket were off planning God knew what, while Rick and Gina spent the time lost in love. Just sitting in the lounge, enjoying a glass of wine, listening to an old song and wondering what took them so long to get it together.

The attendant at the VIP club discreetly whispered to Rick that the flight would be boarding, and passengers should make their way to the gate. They all filed out as a group, figuring the press would be looking for a tall man with a teenager with red hair and would hardly give a group of four a second look.

It worked like a charm, Alexis with Cricket's help had donned a blond wig, and wore a baseball cap, Rick had his 3 weeks of beard grown and neatly trimmed and wore what he had affectionately named the Nerd Hat, Gina chose to wear minimum makeup without her signature smoked eyes, and to Rick looked more beautiful without the makeup. She certainly didn't look like the pictures that had been published recently.

As they took off, Gina grasped Rick's hand, whispered in his ear, "I love you, this is a dream come true for me, I still feel like a part of your work, just by being here, Thank You" as she kissed him gently on the lips, with a smile that no one could wipe off.

Cricket and Alexis looked at each other and smiled knowing that the love that both Gina and her Dad had waited for all their life appeared to be happening. Whatever they had, they were happy and that made the young ladies happy. Alexis fell asleep, and Cricket opened her iPad to make more notes in her journal, she had recorded all of her time in the US and now that it was coming to a close, she felt more like a family member than an employee.

Eventually the hum of the jet engines, and the darkness of the cabin lulled them all into a peaceful sleep. Gina's head was resting on Rick's chest with his arm around her pulled into him tightly, until the flight attendant woke them gently to announce they would be landing in 40 minutes and asked if they needed anything.

As they cleared baggage claim they spotted a driver with a sign, Ms. Spencer and party standing patiently waiting.

"That's us, come on Alexis, we'll let your Dad bring up the rear so less chance of the Papz here noticing him too. They were in the car and on their way in just a few minutes, all very tired from the travel and time difference.

Alexis asked, "hey why does my phone say it's 4:10 AM," and before she could take it back a chorus of voices echoed "Time Zones" as they all laughed. When they pulled into the entrance of the house, or English Castle Rick had called it, ooh and wow could be heard from both Gina,

"Well we're home" Cricket said in a matter of fact tone,

"What is this place Cricket, Rick? My God it can't be all for just you two is it"

It's the Greybrook House, and yes it was purchased for my residence as I complete the three books I am under contract for. I think LB. had a hint of the success which is why he is trying to lure me to sign on for more, but this is home as long as we are in London.

Rick picked up a pamphlet he had grabbed when he first saw the place and handed it to Gina, "we can take the tour tomorrow, or make that later today, let's just get some sleep for now"

Gina holds the pamphlet as they make their way to the elevator.? Who the hell has an elevator in their home, as she begins to glance at the features of the home;

_A five-bedroom duplex Penthouse of 4,599 sq. ft on fourth and fifth floors with two roof terraces featuring 360-degree roof-top views of central London. Exquisite Master Bedroom with In-Suite Bathroom and Walk-In Dressing Room. There are a further four Double Bedrooms, all with In-Suites. The apartment also benefits from a separate Staff Flat of 748 sq. ft and lift access to all floors. Greybrook House is a grade II listed, Art Deco building designed by Sir John Burnett and Partners. Redeveloped to an exceptionally high standard, the interior of Greybrook House reflects the Art Deco theme found on the exterior of the building and at Claridge's opposite. The interior architecture and interior design has been expertly crafted by the renowned Fenton Whelan Design team_

Gina noticed that Cricket has headed in a different direction, "Cricket aren't you going to your suite,"

"Yes, I am Gina, but my residence is totally separated from Ricks, my elevator is this way. I'll meet you for brunch in a few hours, Sleep well all, as she stepped into her elevator.

They made their way to Rick's Master Bedroom as he showed Alexis the larger double guest bedroom across from his suite and said good night.

Gina was as Cricket would put it totally Gobsmacked, out of her mind. She noticed his bed was very close to the Loft and as much as some could they had gone to great lengths to duplicate his home in the states, down to the paintings.

Rick just looked at her smiling, as they both said at the same time "Cricket" and laughed. She really went out of her way Genes; I mean I think you and she had a talk, but I promise you nothing even came close to happening." Then he notices Gina smiling,

"I know she told me she tried everything but nothing worked, so I wasn't worried, besides I didn't have an exclusive on you then, but NOW, better not touch buster" she laughed

Rick smiled, "I think I'm going to double the bonus she gets, she made it so easy to write here, with as many parts of home as she could find, as well as always talking me through scenarios to insure they worked for the British population. She put a great deal of work in, and I would like to reward her."

"How about my reward, that bed works the same here as it does at home, and what's stopping us from trying to prove it?" she smiles a tired smile but she has never seen her man too tired for this type of activity.

"Genes, just to let you know, the bedrooms are soundproof so give it your all", as he kissed her neck, and unclasped her bra,

It was hours later before either fell asleep, both completely spent and satisfied, guess the bed worked so he could keep it.

**A/N This is the START of a Caskett ending, but PLEASE be patient, I'm not going to get there in one or two chapters, keep the faith, good things happen. Thanks**


	40. Chapter 39

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. THIS IS THE CASKETT ENDING BE PREPARED FOR TEARS AND HEARTBREAK BEFORE WE GET THERE**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 39**

**Previously**

_Gina holds the pamphlet as they make their way to the elevator.? Who the hell has an elevator in their home, as she begins to glance at the features of the home;_

_**A five-bedroom duplex Penthouse of 4,599 sq. ft on fourth and fifth floors with two roof terraces featuring 360-degree roof-top views of central London. Exquisite Master Bedroom with In-Suite Bathroom and Walk-In Dressing Room. There are a further four Double Bedrooms, all with In-Suites. The apartment also benefits from a separate Staff Flat of 748 sq. ft and lift access to all floors. Greybrook House is a grade II listed, Art Deco building designed by Sir John Burnett and Partners. Redeveloped to an exceptionally high standard, the interior of Greybrook House reflects the Art Deco theme found on the exterior of the building and at Claridge's opposite. The interior architecture and interior design has been expertly crafted by the renowned Fenton Whelan Design team**_

_Gina noticed that Cricket has headed in a different direction, "Cricket aren't you going to your suite,"_

"_Yes, I am Gina, but my residence is totally separated from Ricks, my elevator is this way. I'll meet you for brunch in a few hours, Sleep well all, as she stepped into her elevator._

*****************************************************************************/

**Greybrook House**

**London 1 Week Later**

Gina and Alexis were still awe struck at the housing that had been arranged for Rick to use for the 3-book contract. Cricket informed them that Lord Barrow and his associates never dreamed the first book would have been completed in such a relatively short time frame, or receive not only the reviews and accolades but the sales were almost twice what had been forecasted on the Best Case Scenario.

The first thing they would have to do, once the holiday was over would be to select the next book, as they did the first, a very tough chore given at the first book's success. The mission for now and the next two weeks was to enjoy themselves as much as possible, before Alexis and Gina had to return to the states.

Rick and Gina were discrete with the sightseeing they did, always dressed in disguise, and never speaking in public, as the paparazzi were everywhere. Lord Barrow had employed additional security at the main offices to chase them away, and the few who were ignorant enough to try to breach the line payed a hefty price, broken bones, closed eyes, and broken noses sent a very clear message to the rest.

Alexis maintained her wig when she and Cricket went out, and visited the museums, each day returning with such excitement. Gina still marveled at the house, and how much Cricket had copied from New York's Loft. She was really impressed with the young lady's attention to detail, a great asset for their business, cementing the fact that she would try to lure her away once Rick's contract was completed.

Gina had been curious where Cricket slept, but almost as if she read her mind, she pulled Gina away for a private tour of her "flat" showing that it was inside the building, BUT not connected to Rick's quarters, except through the entrance doors. Gina walked through the small but impressive flat, and immediately felt at ease.

"How did you know I was worried Cricket?" Gina asked as her face flushed

"You're a woman, head over heels in love with a man who is working thousands of miles away, so who wouldn't be curious. There's no need for you to worry Gina, now that I met you, I know that Rick is a one-woman man, and a true gentleman. I'm ashamed to admit it but I came at him full bore offering everything, even before he sealed the deal with you, he didn't waver. He's a keeper Gina, take care of him, men like that are truly rare."

"Don't I know it, I lost him once, but if I can help it, never again, unless he falls out of love with me. I want him to be happy Cricket, I'm thrilled that it's with me, BUT if you ever see something changing, promise me, I mean this, promise me you'll tell me. If anyone on this planet deserves happiness it's Rick, such a beautiful soul, and man" Gina finishes with tears in her eyes.

"I don't see it happening Gina, but I promise you IF that ever happened, I would let you know. I've come to think of you all of the family that I never had, well lately any way"

"Good, Rick always makes people welcome, I am usually the one people love to hate, but I'm glad you saw the other side of me, and I think of you as family as well." Gina smiles

**Domestic Abuse Center**

**Women's Center, New York**

**The Following Week**

Kate had worked hard on her presentation to the women and was very nervous as she approached the front of a class of approximately 20 women ranging in age, size, figures and ethnicity. All were very different with one common thing, all had been abused, some for years from spouses, lovers, or just men in general.

Kate strode confidently to the front of the group, dressed as they in sweats and workout clothes to introduce herself.

"Good Evening Ladies, I'm Kate, I work at the 12th precinct and I'm here tonight, and for the next few weeks to demonstrate and attempt to teach you ladies some basic self defense techniques. The very first thing we are going to review is that this is for protection, not revenge, and to be successful you must use your calm mind as much as your bodies.

I know the normal human reaction when someone hurts you is to hurt them back, only worse. We're here to help show you how to spot an attack before it happens, and if it does how you can use your mind, and some techniques you learn to prevent you and your loved ones from harm, how does that sound?"

A rousing reply from the women was heard and for the next few hours Kate took her time walking through and demonstrating just a few techniques, then paired the women off, to practice. One woman did exactly as Kate had done with Javi and became too aggressive, never even realizing what she was doing. A quick thrust to her neck, caused her to release her grip on her partner, and ended the night for her. Kate sent her back for more counseling before she would be allowed to return.

At the end of the session Kate was tired but feeling good as she watched some of the women begin to regain some of their self-confidence. The lessons were as much to increase their self-worth as it was to help to perhaps show some basic defense maneuvers. The classes proved to be very popular and waiting lists were created for ladies wanting to receive the training.

Perhaps the greatest gratification came a few days later when Kate received a call from a Patrol Officer asking her if she could come to booking. When she got there, she recognized a lady from her class named Maria, but it didn't appear that she was the one being processed. An officer spotted Kate,

"Detective Beckett, over here."

Kate walked to the end of the bench where she saw a rather large man wincing in pain, and apparently hands bound in duct tape as well as cuffs.

"Thanks for coming down Detective, Maria said she learned the techniques she used against Romeo here from your class, and wanted you to see she used her head and the tricks you taught her"

Maria came from around the bench and Kate hugged her,

"Hey, are you OK Maria? He didn't hurt you or anyone did he?

"Not this time Miss Kate, I used the eye poke and the kick to the groin like you showed us when he tried to slap my son, he didn't expect it, so I taped his hands and called 9-1-1 when he was on the ground. I wanted to thank you, you saved me from taking another beating from this monster. This is his third strike, so we are going to be safe for a while, but I think he won't be back. Thank you, Miss Kate, "

Kate blushed as the Patrol Officer gave her a big thumbs up, "Great job Detective, all we did was put cuffs on him and put drops in his eyes, he was crying like a little boy on the ground"

"Thanks, I gotta get back, see you at the next class, and I would like for you to share what you did, OK?"

Maria nodded and Kate was back to Homicide, feeling a great deal better than she had been. She made a mental note to discuss this with Dr. Burke, she was sure he would also share in her joy of the success so quickly from the program.

**Greybrook House**

**London 2 Weeks Later**

The last two weeks seemed to just disappear, but it was time for Alexis and Gina to make their way to the airport and the trip back home. The three ladies had been good, trying to hide the tears from each other and especially Rick, knowing it would only make things worse for him. He and Gina spent the last two evenings in the private Lanai discussing their life, and what Rick wanted to happen in his absence.

Alexis already thought of Gina as her Mom, so there was no problem there, it was just the times when she would ask permission for something that Gina felt Rick would say no to, how would she react then? It was a concern, but as always Rick gave her the perfect answer, "Just tell her if you don't agree with my answer, text your Dad, see if he agrees". Gina laughs through her tears, "you think that would work,"

"Genes between you and I she would must rather ask you than me, you understand her, she's a young lady now, and well Dad's never take that well, we all try to keep them small, but she loves you, and that makes this easier."

Gina laid her head on his chest and as hard as she fought, she couldn't stop the flood of tears that came. Rick was quiet, just rubbing her back gently, whispering low," it won't be forever, only two more books then I'm home for good." No matter what was said the tears kept coming, and Rick knew sometimes the best thing to do was to stay quiet.

When she finally stopped, he took her into his lap, and the slow intimate kisses were more memorable than a night of sex. Two people trying valiantly to show how much the other meant without acknowledging that one had to leave, it was a long sad evening for them both.

A few hours later, a very difficult goodbye was said at the door as Gina, Alexis and Cricket prepared to leave for the airport. The paparazzi had been all over the area and it was decided not to take a chance with a spotting of Rick. After several attempts Gina turned and walked a few steps, then came running back for one final kiss goodbye, Alexis was comforted by Cricket, and kissed her Dad one last time,

"We love you Daddy, see you soon" she got out through her watery eyes, and although her hair sported the blond strands from the wig, Rick could see his little girl from so many years ago.

"Love you pumpkin, see you soon" then he had to turn before she saw his tears. The remaining trip to the airport was quiet and sad with Gina holding Alexis and stroking her hair as she would a little girl. Cricket was even crying, knowing it was just a few more minutes before the long nights would start for a daughter, and fiancé without their love in their life.

Quick hugs and goodbyes were exchanged, and Cricket was back in the limo on her way home as Gina and Alexis boarded their plane. They had just settled into their seats in First Class when Gina was bumped by an oncoming passenger, a tall Marine Colonel, who quickly apologized then gasped, Oh My God"


	41. Chapter 40

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. THIS IS THE CASKETT ENDING BE PREPARED FOR TEARS AND HEARTBREAK BEFORE WE GET THERE**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 40**

**Previously**

"_Love you pumpkin, see you soon" then he had to turn before she saw his tears. The remaining trip to the airport was quiet and sad with Gina holding Alexis and stroking her hair as she would a little girl. Cricket was even crying, knowing it was just a few more minutes before the long nights would start for a daughter, and fiancé without their love in their life._

_Quick hugs and goodbyes were exchanged, and Cricket was back in the limo on her way home as Gina and Alexis boarded their plane. They had just settled into their seats in First Class when Gina was bumped by an oncoming passenger, a tall Marine Colonel, who quickly apologized then gasped, Oh My God" _

****************************************************************************/

**British Airways Flight 4587**

**New York Bound**

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, and begging your pardon, but you couldn't be Gina Griffin, would you? Pardon my forwardness, I mean no disrespect"

Gina's worst nightmare had just came true, there stood Bob Pitney, in the flesh, his name plate displayed on his uniform confirmed what she knew without even looking, it was the Bob that had broken her heart so many years ago.

"It's Cowell Bob, you should have remembered that, if nothing else. This is my daughter Marie, and it was nice to see you again" sending a message to buzz off as she flashed the diamond on her ring finger almost in his face.

"I'll tell you later Sweetie, just go with it please" she whispered in Alexis ear.

"I'm so sorry Gina, maybe we could talk, later I mean I*"

"Sir you are going to have to find your seat we have passengers waiting behind you" a burly flight attendant said briskly as the Marine silently turned and walked down the aisle to his seat.

Once he was out of earshot, Gina whispered to Alexis, "My first Love, who walked out on me over twenty years ago, without rhyme or reason, I never saw him till just a few minutes ago. We can talk when we get home, sorry to call you Marie, but I don't want anyone to figure out you're Rick's daughter"

Alexis laid her head on Gina's shoulder, and gently took her hand, "No problem Mom, we'll get through this, just lean on me now" as she saw tears come to Gina's eyes.

The remainder of the flight was uneventful, with Gina in First Class, and Colonel Robert Pitney in coach, still trying to figure out how he could make things right with the love of his life all those years ago. Walking away had been the dumbest thing he ever did; close second was the 20 years he had accumulated in the service without contacting Gina or apologizing the few times he had seen her while on leave many years ago.

Alexis had fallen asleep, shortly after she was sure that Gina was OK. It had been like seeing a ghost to her, he had been gone for all those years then suddenly two feet away from each other with the void of twenty plus years of history between them.

She wanted to call Rick so badly it almost hurt, he would know what to do, plus, she wanted to tell him as soon as she could what happened. She saw firsthand what deceit and lies had done to Kate Beckett and him. She finally fell asleep when Alexis reached over patted her, whispered, "Dad will understand, stop worrying, he loves you Mom"

**Greybrook House**

**London Same Time Fame**

Cricket cried the entire way back to the flat, she had grown so very close to Alexis and she knew just how much Rick and Gina were missing each other. This book would be harder now knowing what was being sacrificed to tell the story as Rick put it. She tried to compose herself, the last thing Rick needed was another crying woman he needed to comfort.

As she entered his flat, she called out, "Rick, I'm back, sorry it took so long."

"It's OK, you're back before I expected to be honest," he replied as he appeared from his office with red eyes. "Did my girls get off on time?"

"Yes, they actually departed about 11 minutes early so hopefully it'll be a good flight for them. How are you doing Rick, really, I know I feel like rubbish, and I'm just new to the family"

He laughed as he gently hugged her, "What's my tell, to be honest I feel like my world just fell apart, the only good thing left is you. As long as you're here I'm that much closer to my pumpkin and Genes"

With that and the hug, Cricket lost it, the tears she had been fighting back for so long finally fell on Rick's shoulder. He gently comforted her, "Hey, it's incentive for us to knock this next book out of the park, right? The quicker we get it done the quicker we get back to our girls"

Rick knew that Cricket had fell in love with the family and felt like she was saying goodbye to her own, so he held her letting her cry for a little while, then when she pulled back he just kissed her on her head like she had seen him do to Alexis hundreds of times.

"I'm so sorry Rick, I'm supposed to be strong for you, and I fall apart, some help I turn out to be"

"Hey, it's OK, it just proved to me what I already knew, your part of the Castle family now. I know Alexis looks up to you like a big sister, and Gina has made no qualms about it, once I'm through here she is going to try to get you to work for her, that shouldn't surprise you."

"Are you joshing me Rick? Gina is a legend here for women in the business, she is so sweet it's a shame the reputation that jealous competitors put on her"

"Not joking, so what do you want to do, Officially we have the rest of today and tomorrow, but I'm ready to get back to at least reviewing the concept board if you are?"

"Let's get to work, I will go bonkers if I just sit here, God how do you do it, I mean you travelled for book signings and promotions, how did you ever do it Rick?"

"Well it was hard, I won't kid you, that's when Paula came up with the chest signing routine thought it would make me less lonesome, she still has trouble separating love from sexual urges, but I still love her, pain that she is so often"

"Well here's the follow up story concept board Rick, let's get to it,"

**Dr. Burkes Office**

**7:30 AM EST Next Day**

Kate arrives just as Doctor Burke is opening up the office and has her trusty cup of coffee clutched tightly in her hands.

"Good Morning Kate, how are you doing this morning"

"Good Morning Doctor Burke, better, well at least on some fronts, but better than I thought I would be."

"Honesty, I like that Kate, let me get setup and we'll get started, pardon me for just a few minutes."

A few minutes later the door opens, and Kate assumes her position on the couch, holding her coffee as she begins to speak.

"So, Kate have you started the sessions with the Domestic Abuse victims we spoke about last visit, if so, how did you find it."

"Yes, we started them last week, and it was much more rewarding than I imagined. I did have some issues with my preparation."

"Really, what types of problems" Dr. Burke prods

"Well, I guess I was a little too intense and it got to a point where no one would spar with me. Finally Javi, one of the Detectives that I got in trouble with me, finally sat me down and told me it was Protection, not Punishment we were supposed to teach, and as soon as they let anger in, they lost the mental edge we were teaching them"

"That's interesting that your friend would pick up on your behavior, unless of course he experienced it firsthand"

"Well, actually he did, I sorta zoned out when I had him in a choke and well, he refused to spar anymore and that's what initiated the conversation."

"Is your friend OK, I take it there were no permanent injuries, just a scare that someone you trust is trying to choke the life out of you would result in his response or even stronger."

"Yes, he was fine, but he let me have it verbally which is exactly what I needed, so I started a different approach to the class and we have had three successful sessions so far. One member, actually used the techniques taught the very same evening," Kate explains about the Patrol Officer, the visit the feeling she had walking away knowing she had helped someone still alive, and closure wasn't part of it.

"Great Kate, it's exactly what I had hoped for, although I must say it came much sooner in the process than I had expected. The feeling of helping that young woman is a feeling I would like for you to refer to when you have the lonely or undeserving thoughts we have spoken about, this is proof you are making a difference in this world."

Kate hung her head, almost ashamed now of the self-pity she had poured out in earlier sessions,

"Kate, once again what you felt was natural, feeling sorry for ourselves is not always bad, provided we don't dwell there, we experience the feeling then move on. That's what you've done, so be proud of your accomplishment."

"Thank you Doctor, it did feel great walking away knowing that young woman and her child was safe, at least for now, something by her own admission would not have happened without the classes, so Thank You for suggesting it."

"You're welcome Kate, changing subjects has there been any change in your relationship with Mr. Castle or his family since we last spoke?"

Ouch, that was Doctor Burke right to the point, as Kate squirmed uncomfortably.

"Well, I knew he was in the Hamptons, I think we reviewed the results of my meeting him for coffee during our last visit, and, well, I, sorta rode by the house a few times on my off days.

I just got in the car and drove up there, and drove past the house, never stopping but the last time I went, I saw a limo pulling out and it looked like the house had been closed again for the season."

"How did that make you feel Kate, knowing he was several hundred yards away from you, did you have the urge to try to contact him, perhaps convince him to change his mind?"

Once again Kate lowered her head, not wanting to admit she actually stalked him, and got close enough to hear Gina and Alexis talking about a wedding. Alexis was still in High School, so the only person it could be was Gina, and then she saw the sun reflect off the rock on her ring finger. Holding her tears she made a hasty retreat to her car where she drove to a park before she allowed her tears and screams of **NOOOOO** to bellow out.

"Kate, I can only help if I know what happened," Dr. Burke said gently

She explained the situation, and as always Dr. Burke's face filled with softness, almost sympathetic towards her as he made notes.

"Dr. Burke I know it was wrong, but I had to know if it was completely over, and when I heard Alexis and Gina talking of a wedding, I didn't want to believe it could be Rick, but when I saw the sun glimmer off her ring finger, nothing could sparkle like a diamond and it wasn't small, so it's true, I've lost him forever."

"Well Kate, we must allow ourselves time to grieve and then move on, whether it be death, the end of a relationship, or some other milestone in our lives, are you prepared to move on now that you have satisfied your need to know for yourself?"

"Actually, I think I am Doctor, I mean I cried and screamed then I refocused on the center, and my work. I also picked up my guitar and started to get back to writing some music, never wanting anyone else to see it, but it's therapeutic to me."

Doctor Burke actually smiled, for a very rare occasion,

"Kate, I'm very proud of your progress, have you listened to yourself, you have made great strides since we fist began. I would encourage you to continue the music and center activities, and once again I see we have gone over our time. Call me if you need me, but keep up the good work, and we'll talk next time."

**The Loft**

**3:40 AM New York Time, 9:40 AM London**

**Next Day **

Gina and Alexis had moved quickly to the limo, allowing the driver to retrieve the luggage, to avoid any possible further contact with the Marine. Alexis could tell that Gina was truly upset, more than she had ever seen her before, so she took charge and led them both straight the car.

"Gina, it'll be OK, really, just talk to Dad, he knows about him, so he'll understand, it's not like you put out an ad for him or tried to find him. Come on now, let's get home, I'll be here if you need me, but I think you need to call and talk to Dad, he's the only one that can calm you now."

Gina wrapped her arm around her daughter, "I don't know what I'd do without you, I mean I haven't always been in your life, but the time we've had together has been such a joy. Thank you and I will call your Dad, as soon as we get to the loft"

The ride home is quiet, both wondering what evil twist of fate had blown this man back into their lives. Just when Rick had gotten the Detective out of his system, the first love of Gina's had to appear. It seemed like the universe was trying to block them, even if not, it was just a cruel hand of fate.

Alexis hugged Gina and kissed her on the cheek, "Good night, now go call Dad, he'll tell you the same thing, we both love you. I'll be upstairs if you need me, Good night Mom."

Gina walked into Ricks office, closed the door and sat in the chair, his memories all around and pulled her phone out, hit the speed dial for the new cell phone, and took a deep breath

"Hey Gorgeous, I thought you were just going to send a text when you got home, is everything OK"

"Hi Rick, I'm just missing you so much, we're home, no problems with the flight at all, but something did happen and I have to talk to you or I'll die. Remember when we talked, and you asked about my first love?"

"Yeah, his name was Bob Pitney and he left you without so much as a note when he found out you were coming into money. Is this a test to see if I was paying attention Love, because I promise, when I'm with you, that's all I think about."

"I wish it were Rick, when we boarded the plane, Alexis and I were just seated when someone bumped me, he apologized and then looking up I knew it was him before he said a word. He's a Marine Colonel, and he asked me if I was Gina Griffin, I responded to him, It's Gina Cowell, you should have remembered that if nothing else. Then I said this is my Daughter, Marie, and flashed my ring in his face. The Flight Attendant chased him then, and I didn't hear or see him again. We went directly to the car, had Louis pick up the luggage, and Alexis told me to call you, you would understand, oh Rick, I'm so so sorry." As the tears begin as hard as she tried, she couldn't hold them back.

"Don't cry Genes, hey you didn't do anything but are you sure it was him; I mean could it be someone else?"

"No Rick, his name badge was on his uniform, with big letters spelling out his last name. I'm so sorry Love, I*"

"Genes listen to me, what would you say to me had it been me with Kyra doing the same thing as you just experienced? Would you be angry or hurt at me?"

"Of course, not you couldn't help a chance encounter*"

"My point exactly Love, you didn't seek him out it was a chance encounter, now calm down. Are you OK, I'm sure you had a rush of hundreds of emotions come rushing back, that's natural, the good and bad. It's memories Gina, no one can stop those sometimes even when we want to. It's OK."

Alexis had slipped down and into the office as she heard Gina crying, before Gina knew it, she was beside her in Rick's chair,

"Hi Daddy, I told Mom that you'd understand, she is so upset, and she didn't do anything."

"Hi Pumpkin, God I wish you both were still here with me now, I'd love to hold you both, and I told her it was fine, she didn't do anything wrong."

"Genes, is it because Kate lied to me so much, is that why you're worried, because if it is, this isn't a lie, it's the opposite. It's you making sure I know every detail, Honey I love you, and I trust you, just as you trust me."

"I'm sorry Rick, as soon as it happened, I could picture you walking away from me again, and I panicked I guess, I'm so sorry. Alexis told me it would be OK, but I had to hear your voice, God I miss you so much."

"OK, you two try to get some rest, and Genes, call me anytime you feel insecure, no matter what time it is, OK? Promise me or I'll have Mother come over and sing you both to sleep" as he laughs

Gina and Alexis both laugh, and a weight felt like it was lifted off her shoulder,

"OK Sweetie, we're gonna crash here in your office, at least for a few hours, I'll call you later, and Rick, (long pause -) I Love You.

"Goodnight Sweetie, I love you too," and the phone disconnects.

Rick had forgot that Cricket was working 3 feet away, when he turned around, she had tears in her eyes,

"Hey, it's OK Cricket, just a cruel trick of fate, we've all had them, now let's get back to work"


	42. Chapter 41

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. THIS IS THE CASKETT ENDING BE PREPARED FOR TEARS AND HEARTBREAK BEFORE WE GET THERE**_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 41**

**Previously**

"_Hi Rick, I'm just missing you so much, we're home, no problems with the flight at all, but something did happen and I have to talk to you or I'll die. Remember when we talked, and you asked about my first love?"_

"_Yeah, his name was Bob Pitney and he left you without so much as a note when he found out you were coming into money. Is this a test to see if I was paying attention Love, because I promise, when I'm with you, that's all I think about."_

"_I wish it were Love, when we boarded the plane, Alexis and I had just got seated when someone bumped me, he apologized and then looking up I knew it was him before he said a word. He's a Marine Colonel, and he asked me if I was Gina Griffin, I responded to him, It's Gina Cowell, you should have remembered that if nothing else. Then I said this is my Daughter, Marie, and flashed my ring in his face. The Flight Attendant chased him then, and I didn't hear or see him again. We went directly to the car, had Louis pick up the luggage, and Alexis told me to call you, you would understand, oh Rick, I'm so so sorry." As the tears begin as hard as she tried, she couldn't hold them back._

**********************************************************************************/

**Greybrook House**

**London Same Time Fame **

**Later Same Day**

Rick and Cricket started reviewing the possible topics and themes for the follow up to **"No Time to Mourn"**, Rick didn't want it to be a cookie cutter type of novel, just to get it out quickly, and Cricket agreed that LB. would never approve it anyway.

"So, what do you think Rick, I mean he met Mara and softened his approach, do we continue with her as part of his team, or do we make him suffer more heartbreak when she leaves, not Die, God LB. would never go for that"

"Well, we're brainstorming so let me get this out, what if we start them out together, but she finds love with an old acquaintance in the force that is assigned to the team, leaving Bond to complete the mission and protect her for another man.

The title that hit me out of the blue was "**Double Edged Justice**", meaning for Bond, it was both his duty and quite a bitter task to save Mara knowing she would be headed straight for another man's arms."

Cricket listened intently then rushed to Rick and jumped into his arms,

"That's bloody brilliant, everyone will be expecting Bond to go soft and romantic, and you have led them just the opposite, once again, who was it that sang that song, Alone Again, naturally" she laughs and hops out of his arms, realizing what she had done blushing slightly.

"Do you think Lord Barrow will approve, and like it, I mean it's not following the previous authors modus operandi, I mean I don't want to turn him into a Gibb Brother for God sakes he's James Bond, shaken not stirred" as they both laugh.

"Did you ever think that if they were so bloody good you wouldn't be here, this is exactly what LB. is looking for, sticking with the general theme but not making one story sound like the other, just substitute one character for another." Cricket says smiling like she had just won the lottery.

"Hey why are you smiling so much, it's just the concept and title we still have a book to write," Rick admonishes

"Yeah, but my dear Author, look at our schedule. We aren't even officially back to work yet and have completed the first 14 days of work scheduled, why not smile."

"Guess you have a point, When do you want to propose it to LB. now that we have the concept and title, I don't want to wait till the last minute just in case he says no, start over."

"I'm sure he won't but how about the end of next week, which will still put us a full week ahead of schedule." Cricket smiled.

"Well we might as well complete the case work, what should the world's peril be this time, I mean it has to be realistic" Rick sighed

"Well Diamonds, Drugs, Smuggling, all pretty standard, what could we come up as the crime, I'm not sure how you feel about this, but Human Trafficking is a serious issue, and doesn't get much awareness." Cricket said cautiously

"I like it, plus I think if I donated a small percentage to the private efforts, I'll leave you to vent those worthy of receiving funds, it would not only raise awareness, but also help a good cause financially. Lord Barrow doesn't have to match, it will come out of my proceeds from the book."

"That reminds me Mr. Castle, when were you going to tell me that you deposited twice the amount of the generous bonus that LB. gave me to my account? I mean Rick I love it, but I don't want to just take your money. I mean you're the genius behind this series" Cricket looks embarrassed

"Cricket, trust me, I don't give money where it isn't deserved, and I am nothing without you here as my partner, save it for a great vacation once the series or this book is done. I think we both will need some rest for a lot longer than just a few weeks." Rick sighed

"Well, I think we have it, the story concept, the character development plan, the title, and a great cause to bring awareness to, Once again I think Lord Barrow is going have his knickers knocked off" Cricket laughed,

Rick almost spit out the sip of water he had just taken and started laughing so hard he almost choked.

"Cricket, that's have his socks blown off, not knickers knocked off" as they both enjoy a deep laugh.

"Thanks Cricket, I know you do that on purpose sometimes to get me out of the serious moods, I appreciate it, I just feel so bad that Gina is so far away and feeling so badly about something she can't control."

"Hey she knows you love her, that will get her through, as well as Alexis, so we have to be strong to as you said knock it out of the park and get back to them." She smiles, knowing she has touched him, and made him feel at least a little better.

**12****th**** Precinct**

**New York**

**7:30 AM EST the following Monday**

Kate had arrived early even for her, it was only 6:00 AM when she ventured to the break room, and finally got the strength to use the coffee machine that Rick had purchased for them. Today was her first day back as Lead Detective, Javi was joining her but she had a very difficult choice to make for the third member, finally deciding on Detective Liam Nelson, another Irishman, who had been supported by Kevin Ryan before he departed last Friday for the 54th and his new responsibilities as Lieutenant.

It was going to be strange not hearing his laughter or the innocence he portrayed, somehow through narcotics and homicide divisions he still held on to the little boy afraid of the nuns in Catholic School. Who was she kidding, he got the title of Castle Jr. for a reason, many of the things he did, said, and even his mannerisms kept Rick in the forefront of her memories. She was going to miss Kevin, yes, but in truth she was going to miss the final tie to her former partner even more.

Roy arrived a few minutes after she had settled into her Desk, and the days outline, something she started doing when she began teaching the self defense classes, planning her work. It wasn't always feasible to stick to the plan, but at least it kept her grounded and focused.

"Kate, Can you bring your coffee, I'd like to go over the final plans with you,"

"Yes Sir, be right there"

"First Kate, Congratulations, you've worked your way back, and if I can say it, I think you're a better lead now than when you first left the position, so once again thanks for the work you put in."

"Thank you Sir, It was work, but like you said, I had more faults that even I was aware of, still working on some of them, but we're getting there Sir."

"What's your plan with Liam, I know Kevin was very high on him, and it wasn't a surprise when you chose him"

"Sir, I think I'm going to force Espo to step up, you know Sir, he was a Sargent in the Air Force, so I plan on making him step up to take more of a leadership role. I think it would be good for him and Liam both."

Roy smiles his genuine smile, "Totally agree Kate, seems like you have a plan that will work, any questions, your authorizations are all taken care of, any bugs see Tori and she'll take care of them."

"No sir, just ready to do it right this time Sir"

"Great, Dismissed, and Kate, take care of yourself this time as well, OK?"

"Yes Sir, it's on the plan Sir."

Kate didn't reveal to her Captain that she had altered he running pattern to head towards the Castle Loft, and often stopped by the coffee shop there in hopes of spotting Rick, if he were even still in New York. She had sightings of Gina, Martha, Alexis and many of their friends, but she had yet to see Rick one time, or anyone that resembled him at all.

She continued to teach the classes for the Domestic Abuse Center, and still took great satisfaction in doing so. They arranged for guest speakers and the first one was Maria the women that had been in the first class, she seemed to give the new participants added hope that this could work.

**Greybrook House**

**London Same Time Fame **

**SIX WEEKS LATER**

Rick, Cricket and Gina and Alexis had been faithful in their daily calls, each evening at 11:00 PM London time, 5:00 PM New York time, the skype call would be held, and all of the days events, challenges, any new or interesting news from either side were passed along. The calls always lasted at least 20 minutes, more often closer to 45 minutes and were the bright spot of everyone's day. The calls for everyone were only held Monday through Friday, weekend were reserved for just Rick and Gina and things were going very well.

Although they were engaged, Gina knew there could be no talk of the Big Day until Rick completed his London obligation, then they would decide as a couple how and when to proceed, Gina leaning towards a small private affair, they had already had the huge wedding.

Tonight, was a special night for Rick and Cricket, Lord Barrow had approved another 4-week Holiday to New York, since the book, "Double Edge Justice" was so far ahead of schedule. LB. had also agreed to match the contributions from Rick to a list of Domestic Abuse Programs around the world, to raise awareness and provide some basic care. Cricket was so very proud of their efforts, and the positive impact they were having.

Rick could hardly contain himself when the call began, and once again Cricket asked the question,

"Guess who's coming back to New York for 4 weeks, that is if anyone there is interested in seeing a certain author and his assistant" she was half laughing and half crying by the time she got it out

Gina burst into tears, "For real Rick, you're going to be here, How Soon Love?"

Alexis was still hooping and hollering she was so excited, "Yeah Dad how soon, do you still have your Hugo beard and hat, or another disguise this time? What should we be looking for?"

"Well I think the Costume Department is going to help us out, but not sure exactly how just yet, but don't be surprised, and please as much as I know you want to meet us, we'll sneak in the same way as last time. There's a ton of rumors going on now who the writer is, and when the next book is coming out. Get this someone leaked it was James Patterson, guess who the paparazzi is hounding now", he laughed as Cricket got a very guilty look on her face.

"Cricket, I know that face, were you the leak source" Alexis laughed,

"I shan't tell a lie, so I'll take the 4th" she laughed

"You do know it's the 5th amendment don't you, and it doesn't apply to you, since you are not a citizen", laughed Alexis

The final details were worked out, and they would be home this coming Friday, so they ended the call to get all of the final preparations worked out.

Gina sat and just cried, until Alexis slipped her arm around her, "Hey it's going to be OK, just wait and see"

"Yeah, I know Alexis, but even if the letter didn't come till today, don't you think I should have told him? Isn't that doing what Kate did"

"No Gina, you didn't even open it, you have no idea what's in it and since Dad will be home Friday, three more days won't hurt for it to sit, that's not lying, not like Kate did anyway"

Both of their eyes looked directly at the Brown Envelope addressed to Gina Cowell at the Loft Address, with a return address label of a Colonel Robert Pitney, USMC, sitting on the kitchen table, wondering what was in the package and how would Rick and Gina work this out.


	43. Chapter 42

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 42**

**Previously**

"_Yeah, I know Alexis, but even if the letter didn't come till today, don't you think I should have told him? Isn't that doing what Kate did"_

"_No Gina, you didn't even open it, you have no idea what's in it and since Dad will be home Friday, three more days won't hurt for it to sit, that's not lying, not like Kate did anyway"_

_Both of their eyes looked directly at the Brown Envelope addressed to Regina Cowell at the Loft Address, with a return address label of a Colonel Robert Pitney, USMC, sitting on the kitchen table, wondering what was in the package and how would Rick and Gina work this out._

******************************************************************************/

**Castle's Loft**

**Friday 11:12 PM EST **

Rick had called, the plane had landed early and the luggage was coming, Cricket had a car arranged under one of the names used for confidentiality by the Publishing House, and they would be home as soon as the luggage was gathered.

Rick hung up the phone, and had a trouble look on his face,

"Anything wrong Rick, I thought you would be out of your mind in anticipation to see Gina and Alexis"

"Oh, I am, maybe I'm just worrying too much, but Gina didn't sound right, almost like she was trying to hide something from me"

"Oh Rick, I'm sure that's not true, it's been a long trip, and I can understand you not liking your Gene Simmons hairstyle they did before we left, I'm sorry, but the glasses do help hide your cheek bones"

"Thanks Cricket, you're probably right, I guess the pressure will be even greater with the next book, God, I never thought of so many little nuances that you have caught to make it authentically British. The readers in the US would have glossed right over but all those little details, that's what makes the British public, and LB. get so excited.

The car pulled into the private entrance in the back, just as Kate Beckett came out of her coffee shop, preparing for her late evening run home. She noticed the flashing of lights in the garage and decided to wait to start her trip home, call it cop intuition. A few minutes later she saw silhouettes on the shade she knew that was Rick hugging what appeared to be Alexis, then a long hug and kiss, yeah, that had to be Gina.

Kate felt a little guilty staring up at the window, but just as she was debating the privacy screens were lowered on all windows and all you could see now was the light, very faintly, but nothing else. She grunted to herself, "That's for staring at me Rick," then started her run home feeling a little lighter. He was back in the city, maybe, just maybe she could see him again, and off she ran.

The loft door opened, and in a flash a Red-haired young lady was in her Dad's arms hugging his neck, and kissing his cheek as her tears flowed,

"Daddy, you're finally home, God we've missed you," never letting go of her Dad who seemed like he didn't want to break the hug either, "Hi Cricket, I'll hug you in just a minute" as Rick started to laugh.

Gina had grabbed the other side of Rick and was kissing his neck and cheek, as her tears flowed like Alexis, "God, I'm glad you're home, I missed you so much, so did Alexis"

One arm snagged Cricket as she was standing close by, Gina pulled her into a tight hug,

"Welcome home Cricket, it's good to see you again"

Cricket returned the hug with a tear in her eye,

"You know Gina, this is one of the few place I go to that does feel like home, thank you for making me feel so welcome, it's good to be home as well."

Finally it was Gina's turn, she wasted no time to show Rick "I love you so very much, no matter what happens you have to believe me, please say you will Rick, please?"

"Hey, Hey, it's OK, Of course I believe you, I love you too, what happened Love, I even told Cricket on the way over that something was going on, you just weren't yourself."

Alexis knew that Gina would not rest until she explained the letter, and what happened, on their flight home.

"Dad, I told Gina, to talk to you about that Marine that we ran into on the plane, well nothing more happened until Wednesday Gina got that package over there and she's worried to death you're going to be angry with her for not telling you before you left. I told her not to Daddy, so if you're gonna be mad, please be mad at me, Gina just did what I asked, OK?"

"OK, First, I'm not mad at either of you, second, could I get a glass of wine, and we sit on the couch so I can get these shoes off"

"Oh Rick, I'm so sorry, here I'm going on and on and I haven't even let you get in the door, I'm sorry"

Alexis pops her head around the corner with his slippers, and a cold beer.

"Here Dad, I'm sure you could use this," as she knelt down and took off his shoes replacing them with his slippers.

Cricket broke the ice, when she elbowed him and said "That bloody well better not be in my job description you keep threatening me with" as they all laugh easing the tension.

After a few more minutes of chit chat, Alexis and Cricket have disappeared, saying good night since it had been a long day.

"OK Genes, level with me, what's going on and why are you so afraid."

"Rick, I had a ring side seat to witness how Kate hurt you, I never want to come remotely close to that, like we discussed I bumped into him of all places on a frickin plane. I wish we were on a different flight; I wish I never had to hear his name again"

"Hey Sweetie, it's OK, you have a right to be angry, I'm right here, I'll hold you for as long as you want, but ignoring it will never work, I tried for years with Kyra and just when I thought I had it handled it jumped up and bit me in the ass, much like this has done to you."

"Rick, I don't want to do anything that will hurt us, no matter what, I just can't lose you again,"

"Hey, where's this coming from, the letter? How many letters from Kate have you read with me, two? You even made me tone one down, so it's a letter Genes, you didn't ask for it, and I'm sure when you read it, it will reveal something that must be very important for this Bob to get off his chest."

"Rick, would you read it with me, just like I did yours from Kate, I need to feel your arms on me, please?"

"Genes, you know I will, get the letter and I'll meet you in the bed, as soon as I've changed, OK?" as he steals a quick kiss, then kisses her nose.

A few minutes later Rick is sitting with his back against the headboard of the bed, and Gina, wiping tears from her eyes has joined him with a manila envelope unopened.

"Sweetie, why didn't you open it, I mean it's like you told me a personal letter between you and someone who at one time meant a great deal to you,"

"Like you told me Rick, key word is at one time, not now, so Please?"

She crawls between his legs as she has done with the previous letters, except this time it was her heart beating so fast Rick could see her sheer gown moving. She opened the envelope and took out 4-5 pages, smoothed them with her hands and then picked up page one.

"You ready Rick, promise me you'll still love me"

"I'm ready, and I promise, just take it slow Genes, this is going to bring back a rush of emotions, some very good, some not good so just know I understand, say what you need to say, OK?"

"OK" as she kissed him again, then held page one up for them to read together,

_Dear Gina,_

_Where do I start, how do I say I am so sorry for all the years, for the cowardly way I left, and for the heartbreak I know I caused. Perhaps that's why I haven't written to you sooner, or tried to find you, well after my first attempt that I'll explain a bit later. _

_They always say start with something positive, well, I am positive that the day I met you my life began, even way back in the 9__th__ grade, you were my world. Please forgive me for saying things to you that I know your fiancé will not appreciate, but I have held them in for so long I must at least tell you, then ask for your forgiveness. Please assure him, he is a lucky man and my intentions are honorable, but I have to lay my heart and soul open to beg you to show the same empathy you always did so long ago. _

_You were always the constant in my life, I never feared I would be looked down upon, or made to feel unworthy by you, or your Mom. You know my family background and how hard I had to work just to keep us afloat, I think that when you were going to inherit the money it slapped me with all of the inequalities I had felt with everyone but you. My one source, my anchor, my soulmate was changing, and I couldn't deal with it. I know you, and you're thinking, and you're right, I never gave you the chance to show me there wouldn't have been any change in your feelings for me. _

_You're right, just like you always were with us, I know it's stupid, and probably won't make a great deal of sense to you, but I had to find a new constant, a new anchor, Never another woman, God No, I just needed to replace the calmness, the sense of belonging and self-worth you always supplied to me._

_When I left you that night, the lawyer was waiting for you to come into the house and finalize the details about the conditions required, I left you with such a feeling of despair, one I had never felt before from the day I met you, and honestly haven't felt since. It was almost like someone was pulling my life down a hole in the earth and covering it as they sank into darkness. I have had counselling if you're thinking I need mental health care, I was, and am still receiving it but that day started my downward spiral movements eventually leading to out of control._

_When I reached home, the final straw came when my Stepfather hit my mother, I stepped in and he and I had a huge fight. When it was over, he called the police, so I left to avoid arrest and the next day signed for the Marine Corps. I have made excuses to myself for years, but the gloves are off now, complete truth, Yes I did have opportunities to call you, to tell you what was going on, to write to you, even to visit you on my first leave home from boot camp. _

_Mom had moved out by the time I got out of Boot and Advanced Training, so when I came home on leave I went to your house to ask your mother for your contact information. She smiled sadly and said "I don't think that's such a good idea, she just left for another state to get over you Bob, and with your Military Status, she would just be setting herself up for hurt all over again." Looking back at the time, she was right, I was shipping out, overseas the next week and it was best if I left you to heal. One thing Gina, I never forgot you or what we had, what I had destroyed, and no matter how many times I say I'm sorry it will never be enough._

_I did three tours, mostly because I had nothing to come home to, and when I did make it back to the states, I was stationed in California. I heard you had graduated from Princeton and moved back to New York to work with your Uncle in publishing. I rose through the ranks, and then finished my degree while in Singapore, once again trying to run from a memory._

_I read about your wedding to Richard Castle, and as happy as you looked, I couldn't feel anything but happiness for you, but my heart broke. I knew you had no idea even if I was alive or dead, nothing to hang on to, so it was ridiculous for me to think you would be hanging on like I was. Your Daughter Marie looked a lot like photos of Mr. Castle's daughter except for the hair, but I'm intruding into a place which is none of my business._

_I know I screwed up, well if there are stronger words such as Colossal Mistake, ruining my life and other terms feel free to add them. I'm not sure what to expect out of this letter, other than to say I'm so sorry for the Coward I was, for running, for letting you face the future with nothing to prepare you for the shock my behavior had to be. I've discussed this in therapy over and over and it's always the same I have to face you, to be honest, if I hadn't been so clumsy on the flight back from London I can't say I would have ever been brave enough to do so._

_You were more polite than I expected, but I know you or at least I did at one time, your eyes haven't changed, I know you were upset and for that I ask you to forgive me. I also want to apologize to your fiancé for writing such a personal letter that is more for me, than for you, but I hope it helps you just a little to know the story. The end of the mystery is Bob Pitney was a coward, over and over and through that you were hurt. _

_That will always be my biggest regret in life, not anything I have had to do in my career, or on foreign soils, but the fact I hurt the sweetest young lady that had ever breathed air, because I was a coward. I can never take it back, but please know, I never stopped thinking about you, even thru all these years, and I would do anything to turn back time. One thing you must remember Gina, you never did ANYTHING wrong, it was, is and always will be on me._

_I am sorry. I am sorry for what I did yesterday, I am sorry for what I did today and what I'll do tomorrow. I know I could apologize for days on end, but it won't eliminate your hurt and pain, something I must live with knowing that it was I who caused you that. _

_I have enclosed my business cards, **IF** in the slim possibility you ever wanted to contact me, to scream, curse me out, or vent your anger, I will be at this duty station for the next 16 months, then I am retiring from the Corp. I am sorry I deceived your staff, I told your secretary that Richard Castle requested some secret files, and asked to send them to you at your remote address, which was how I got the address of Mr. Castle. Again, I apologize, but I wanted to take advantage of perhaps my last opportunity to explain, and to apologize._

_If our paths never cross again in this world, I want you to know that for the time we were together, I was the happiest man on the face of the earth. I wish you well, but more than that I wish you Love, Luck and Happiness, Always,_

_Bob_

The business cards fluttered out of the last page and with the USMC embossed logo and address they read,

**Colonel Robert Pitney, USMC**

**Marine Aviation Training Support Group 33**

**Naval Air Station, Oceania**

**Virginal Beach, VA**

Rick had been quiet as they both read the confession and heartfelt message from a man who once held Gina's heart, and perhaps her future had he not panicked.

"Rick, please say something, please?

"I think Bob poured his heart out Genes, from what I read he did something stupid, very stupid and unfortunately you paid the greater price, but he is paying now that he recalls and wonders If Only"

"You aren't angry with me, or him?"

"How could I be, I mean you read what Kate wrote to me, My God you spent 6 years with this man in an exclusive relationship, it wasn't a fling. Remember what you told me when you first brought him up, if our relationship was going to make it this time there couldn't be any skeletons in the closet, we had to know about everything, no surprises.

Honey this wasn't a surprise that he existed, it was a hell of a surprise he surfaced after all these years. He even said the letter was more for him than you, BUT I want you to know, it's OK if you need to or want to respond.

Remember your compassion for Kate, from my vantage point, a young man panicked that his love was going to think less of him, bolted, and due to circumstances at home joined the Military. I can tell you this Gina, if he did three tours and is a Colonel, the man is no coward, he did a cowardly act, but he's not a coward.

"I'm sorry to spring this on you your first night home, can we enjoy some us time now that I put the stupid fears away again, or if you're really too tired,

The lights went out, but the fire was burning hot for quite a few hours.

Rick thought, they could talk about it once Gina was less emotional, but something inside ignited that old worry, this might be the beginning of no he wasn't thinking about that unless it happened,


	44. Chapter 43

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 43**

**Previously**

"_OK Genes, level with me, what's going on and why are you so afraid."_

"_Rick, I had a ring side seat to witness how Kate hurt you, I never want to come remotely close to that, like we discussed I bumped into him of all places on a frickin plane. I wish we were on a different flight; I wish I never had to hear his name again"_

"_Hey Sweetie, it's OK, you have a right to be angry, I'm right here, I'll hold you for as long as you want, but ignoring it will never work, I tried for years with Kyra and just when I thought I had it handled it jumped up and bit me in the ass, much like this has done to you."_

"_Rick, I don't want to do anything that will hurt us, no matter what, I just can't lose you again,"_

_******************************************************************************/_

**Castle's Loft**

**5:30 AM Next Morning EST**

Rick is up early, well if he was being truthful, he hadn't slept much the night before after reading the letter with Gina. She had done all she could do to prove she was true to him, that the letter meant nothing, but in his heart, he knew how he felt around Kyra. It was a feeling that never went away, it only got easier to hide once he knew she was happy with someone else.

He could only hope that Gina had truly lost those feelings, but six years in a relationship was almost twice as long as he had ever been with one partner, dating or marriage. That had to count for something, and yes they started in high school, but he also remembered his first love, how real it felt to him in 10th grade, she wasn't in to anyone without an athletic letter sweater she could wear around campus. He certainly didn't fit that bill, even though he did go out for one varsity sport trying to get her attention and was cut the very first day.

He grabbed his jacket and decided to run down to get a coffee at the shop across the street, since everyone else was still sleeping. Looking in the mirror, yeah, the Kiss hair style along with the beard and his nerd hat and sunglasses should provide cover for him. Scribbling a quick note where Alexis would know to look, he was out for a quick walk, the long way going out the service entrance and walking completely around the block to avoid Eduardo and his staff, at least for now.

He smelled the coffee, such a heavenly smell since he had been in the United Kingdom, he had garnered a new appreciation for certain things, especially good coffee. He placed his order, and stood back as the Barista did the magic, a few moments he was in a single booth sipping the heavenly liquid.

His thoughts turned to the letter, and how Gina was reacting, to say the feelings for someone could be killed wouldn't be impossible, improbable, but not impossible. Hell, he loved Kyra even when he was saying I do to Meredith, so it wasn't out of the realm of reality that Gina still loved Bob, but was so hurt she was reacting with anger.

It took Kyra's wedding to another man for him to put his memories away and keep them where they belonged, in the good memories of the past, not part of his life. As he allowed himself to slip back in time, he missed the tall brunette who entered the shop, wearing running apparel, with what appeared to be a badge and gun strategically hidden in her undergarments. He was deep in thought when her voice rattled him to the bone,

"Hello Rick, new look or are you going by Hugo now?"

Rick motioned her to sit in the booth across from him, and discretely said low, "please keep your voice low, and no personal questions now please,"

"Sure Hugo, can't say I am a fan of the beard, but I do like your hat, better than the Baseball cap I half expected you in. How are you doing, you look well"

"Why did you call me Hugo? Oh, now I remember that night in Remy's, how did you figure it out?

"Well, you have a small scar above your right eyebrow that you can only see if you look at your face at an angle, you can hide a lot of things but it's so small you probably never even noticed it yourself."

"But you did, I mean when, how?" Rick had a puzzled look on his face

"Sitting across a desk from someone for two years, you notice a lot of things, especially when you don't get caught staring. I knew it was you in Remy's, and Maddie told me I was crazy, but I knew it was, I know your walk, I know the little things about you that I wish I had told you about, but I'll stop, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go down memory lane like that."

Rick AKA Hugo, looked shocked, "I never knew you looked at me with anything but disdain, I never saw any other kind of look unless it was during the time at the loft when Alexis was around, but never at the precinct."

"Yeah, Like I said staring is creepy, but you have to get caught doing it to be considered staring. That's another story but I know more about you than you would ever guess, and that was our problem, you had to guess about everything with me, so I understand why things happened."

Rick is feeling more uncomfortable by the minute, here's here with Kate, after reading Gina's letter with her, he can't just jump back, it's not fair to either lady.

"I need to go it was good to see you Kate, take care of yourself"

Softly she said, "Rick, it was good to see you, I changed my running route just in hopes of a morning like this, thanks for being the friend you promised to be in our last meeting. I won't say the words, but know I miss you every minute of every day, and I just want you to be happy. If you ever need me, I'm a phone call away, Always," she hadn't realized it, but she had gently taken his hand in her two hands as she spoke

"Thanks, that means a lot, and you stay safe, till next time" and he turned quickly and left.

Kate sat in the booth, feeling a little lighter, she had been correct, and now she knew Rick knew it. She had an opportunity to talk to him when the wounds weren't so recent to where they seemed like pouring salt into an open wound. She knew him, and something was on his mind, something that was causing him to question himself and his worth again. She had opened the dialogue; all she could do now was hope he would call if he needed her.

Rick walked aimlessly back to the loft, retracing his route and using his security key to enter the bottom level, he was on the elevator before he was conscious of what he was doing. He was almost in a haze, until he reached the loft door, where he heard the sounds of Gina and Alexis in conversation.

"Don't worry Gina, Dad does this, he was up early didn't want to wake us so he took a walk down the block to the coffee shop, he starts people watching getting ideas for stories and loses track of time, he'll be back soon I promise."

"But Alexis we read the letter last night, I mean I know it shocked him and me, but he was very quiet, I feel like I hurt him. I don't want that ever, I just don't know what else I can do, I mean, I*"

The door opened and Gina was in Ricks arms before Alexis could start the sentence, she had started to interrupt her with,

"Rick, I'm sorry, so sorry, I know the letter upset you, I didn't ask for it, really, please believe me" as once again tears stream Gina's cheeks

"Hey, Hey, I couldn't sleep it was 11:30 in London, so I didn't want to wake the house, so I walked around the block the long way to get a cup of coffee at the Java Hut. I'm sorry if that upset you, but I left a note, to keep you from worrying"

"Yes, I know Alexis told me, you do this sometimes, but I mean I woke up, reached for you and you were gone, and I panicked, I'm sorry Rick, I keep over reacting, but I can't help it."

"Well, stop, I'm back but I'm glad everyone is up, Pumpkin get Cricket, we're having a family meeting in 5 minutes"

"OK Dad be right back. As the teen scampered up the steps returning a minute later with a confused looking Cricket.

"I'm sorry Rick, you called a family meeting, I'm not*"

"You're family as far as everyone in this room considers so grab a seat. Gina received a letter from someone in her past, a letter that she feared would upset me to a point where I would stop loving her. Well, that's not so Genes, BUT, like you made me, I think you should answer the letter, if you need help either I or Doctor Schwartz can help you. I know from experience, you can't just bury this in the sand and think the storm won't hit you in the Ass, it can, and it will, I know."

"Rick, that was different between you and Kate, I mean, I" as she looks on his face she changes to "I can see I'm not going to win this argument am I, and I guess you're right. Will you help me today?"

"Of course, but one more thing we all need to know, when I was sitting drinking my coffee, and as Alexis so correctly described People Watching, I missed someone on my side till she said,

"Hello Rick, or is it Hugo?" Yes, it was Beckett, and she knew it was me, regardless of my disguise.

She respected my request for privacy, and we did have a conversation for a few minutes, but I wanted you to know about it Gina, no secrets, no skeletons, in our relationship. It was nothing in my eyes, but if you ever hear of it from someone else, you'll know that I wasn't afraid to tell you the truth when it happened."

Rick looks at Gina as her faces loses color to an Ash, and the tears stream down,

"Rick, you know she still loves you, you have to know, that right?"

"Yes, I know, but it doesn't matter Gina, I love you, and you need to resolve old feelings that were much deeper than any Beckett and I ever had, so please just know I told you this to be as open and honest in our relationship as I can be, not to hold anything over your head or idle threats, I would never do that."

"Well Rick if there's no other business to address, I think I need to speak to our security team to see what steps they want to take, I'm sure we won't need it but LB. would blow a gasket if I didn't report this at least. After that Alexis and I will go the museum I asked her about last night"

Alexis looked shock but picked up right away, that Cricket was giving them an out to allow Rick and Gina privacy, "yeah, you know we were gonna see it last time but ran out of time so it's at the top of our list."

"I don't doubt you want to see the museum, but Pumpkin, your tells are still the same when you aren't being completely truthful, and Cricket you're an absolute rubbish excuse for a liar," as he laughed.

Gina and Alexis looked at each other and said together "Rubbish?"

Then Cricket laughed and "Slang for terrible in UK, and who's Rubbish in remembering what country he's in" as she and Alexis went out the door.

Rick walked over to Gina, held her tightly, and whispered, "OK, ask me what's on your mind, I know you're hurting, and we need to talk about whatever it is"

"Rick can we go back to our bedroom, and you help me with the letter, as we talk, I think it's all related, would that be OK?"

Rick leaned back, Kissed her sweetly, "I'll make the coffees you get the bed and letters ready, be right there"


	45. Chapter 44

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 44**

**Previously**

"_Hello Rick, or is it Hugo?" Yes, it was Beckett, and she knew it was me, regardless of my disguise. _

_She respected my request for privacy, and we did have a conversation for a few minutes, but I wanted you to know about it Gina, no secrets, no skeletons, in our relationship. It was nothing in my eyes, but if you ever hear of it from someone else, you'll know that I wasn't afraid to tell you the truth when it happened."_

_Rick looks at Gina as her faces loses color to an Ash, and the tears stream down, _

"_Rick, you know she still loves you, you have to know, that right?"_

"_Yes, I know, but it doesn't matter Gina, I love you, and you need to resolve old feelings that were much deeper than any Beckett and I ever had, so please just know I told you this to be as open and honest in our relationship as I can be, not to hold anything over your head or idle threats, I would never do that."_

******************************************************************************/

**Castle's Loft**

**20 minutes Later**

Rick had assumed his normal position, back against the headboard, and Gina crawled up to lean her back into him, taking his arms and wrapping them around her just for a minute, as she smiled. His touch always seemed to calm her fears, no matter how great they were.

"Can you just hold me for a little while before we start this Rick, please?"

"Sure Genes, you know I will" as his arms wrap her up tightly like a blanket,

She leaned into him and in less than five minutes Rick, as he relaxed, breathed in her scent, and let his body enjoy his lady and her presence against him, fell asleep. Gina knew how tired he was, so she worked on the letter as he slept still holding her tight. This is a feeling she could never get enough of, a sense of being secure, safe, loved and protected raced through her body.

Rick's quiet hum of breathing and his strong arms wrapped around her gave her strength she hadn't had before, her response was written from a strong woman's point of view, not a damaged young lady that she had always retreated into when he left. The more she wrote, the lighter she felt, almost like a weight she had been carrying around for over twenty years was being lifted off of her, finally.

_**Colonel Robert Pitney, USMC**_

_**Marine Aviation Training Support Group 33**_

_**Naval Air Station, Oceania**_

_**Virginal Beach, VA**_

_Dear Robert,_

_I received your letter, and even though I totally disapprove of using my staff to locate my address, I do appreciate the time and effort you put forth. You asked where to start, and how to apologize for all the years I was left to wonder __**WHY?**__ I will share this, the WHY drove me into therapy, I searched and searched for a reason, any reason I gave you to just vanish from my life. It wasn't like we had dated for a just few months, it was six years, six long __**years**__ Bob. If you recall we were beginning to discuss plans for life after college one day, the next you are gone. You're right, it was a cowardly way of leaving and after all the time we spent together, you had to know money meant nothing to me. _

_You mentioned to always start with something positive, well, I say start at the beginning be it positive or negative, just tell the truth. You mentioned that your life began in 9__th__ grade, and if that were true, I am positive that the young man who fell in love with me that day, could or would **NEVER** leave me the way you did. It wasn't only cowardly, it was cruel, perhaps the cruelest thing that has ever happened to me in my life. _

_You mentioned my fiancé in your letter, he is assisting me in composing this or I'm sure it would be much harsher, and closer to the reply you deserve. I don't think he needs you, nor do I to know how lucky we both are that we found each other. I was damaged goods, almost ready to be on the scrap heap, but he, along with therapy, time, and a worn out punching bag with your picture on it helped me try to forget the day I met you, or at least push it to the very most remote parts of my memory. _

_That is till, one damn flight, one stupid clumsy move by you, and my world was turned upside down. Twenty years of hurt, how do you measure that Bob? How much empathy would you be able to show me should the roles be reverse? To know you knew about me yet left me to wonder were you alive or dead, is even more cruel than when you left. I was a prisoner in my own body while you were a coward, and allowed me to think you were Missing, a victim of something terrible because my Bob would never do what you did , it would have been less painful to hear you had died, at least then I could have let go of that sliver of hope I held on to for so long. How much empathy do you deserve now Bob? _

_You're right, we were always the constant force in each other's lives, until you decided how I would act towards you without ever discussing it or giving me an opportunity to show you. I was the same Gina, the one that fell in love with you on our second date, the one who would have died rather than hurt you. Don't pull your family bull into the reason you left Bob, so you didn't have a poster boy childhood, newsflash, neither did I. The most accurate thing you wrote was that you never gave me the chance to show you there wouldn't have been any change in my feelings for you._

_I remember our last night together, perhaps even more vividly than you since it was all I had for so long, to replay over and over in my mind when I thought I was going to die, and often wished I had. The lawyer was there, but only for me to sign the document, the remainder of the time was spent with my mother, planning on how to defend the counter suit from her in-laws and how to setup estate planning for me._

_You mentioned your despair, you had one night, I had twenty years, of my life being sucked out of me, never feeling worthy of love. That is until Rick Castle loved me, truly loved me enough to put up with the Super Bitch who had become his editor. He saw the hurt, along with the anger. He tried his best to love them away, yet I chased him away because every time he would get too close, your face would appear with the lie, the one I can never forgive you for. Do you even remember what you promised that night, or was it all just a bunch of words?_

_You didn't mention it in your letter, so I am betting you forgot WHAT you promised, you swore to always talk to me, no matter how afraid either of us were. We were a couple but, we were one, I felt your pain just as you felt mine. The last words you said to me were, **"Don't worry little bit, I've got you and I'll never let anything or anyone hurt you, I promise you on my love for you"** Do you remember now Bob or were they just words a naive 20 year girl held on to for so long? The one who hurt me the worst, the one I needed defending from turned out to be you, and now twenty years later I still feel the same hurt, the same pain and I hate you for it._

_The fight with your Step-father was not a new occurrence, nor was a call to the Police, so please excuse me as I call you on your lie, perhaps that's the way you want to remember it. You signed up for the Marines and had two weeks before you had to report to Basic Training, you aren't the only one who knows how to research. IF you cared for me at all, HOW could you have let me wonder, even put up missing posters, making a fool out of myself until your cousin finally took mercy on me and told me, "He's where he wants to be Gina, he's safe so stop looking, he can call you anytime he wants, if he wants"_

_The only information I could get was that you possibly joined the Military, no branch, nothing concrete, I exhausted money and time bribing people, begging, for any scrap of information, but nothing, not a whisper till London England on an airplane twenty plus years later. You admitted you had opportunities to reach out to me, but didn't and when you finally approached my Mother who had paid a ransom in Psychiatrist bills it's no wonder she wouldn't give it out. I had just left for Princeton to clear my head of you and your memory._

_You know the two words I am so sick of hearing, not only from you, but others in both Rick's and my life, is I'm Sorry. Are you REALLY? Or are you sorry that your plans didn't work out the way you hoped and now you want a do over with the reliable one who was always there for you, the one who trusted you, worshiped the ground you walked on, only to have you kill my ability to fully love ever again without some hesitation, so that's what my memory will be Bob. You're right, no matter how many times you say I'm sorry it will never be enough._

_Congratulations on your upcoming retirement, thank you for your service and for your three tours since I was still here in the States and as you said you had **Nothing** to come home to, I guess I know where I rated in your book of worthiness. I guess the hurt is even more magnified now, knowing by your admission you could have picked up the phone, written a letter, sent a text or called at any time, yet you did nothing. You didn't run from a memory Bob, you ignored it, and me._

_If you read about Rick and my wedding, then you know it took over four years of working together, to reach that point, Thank You for instilling a sense of doubt that lives with me still, I woke several mornings with Rick, still thinking he would be gone just like you, but he never did, I screwed it up, probably because I compared him to you. _

_That wasn't fair to you or him, he's more of a man than you'll ever be regardless of how many medals you wear on your chest. He wore my heart in place of medals on his, and he protected me, like you promised until I drove him completely crazy with my insecurities. He stayed with me, through counselling, through it all, till he couldn't any longer. If anyone suffered more than me by your cowardly act, it was Rick, he paid the price for you, over and over, and that's __**my**__ biggest regret in life._

_If I could turn back time, Great words, poor excuses. You as a Marine, and an officer know, you are accountable for your actions good and bad, and I hope this will let you know the extent of the hurt you have caused. When you left, part of me died, I never have been able to fully recover, so thank you for your letter, your business cards, and for the apology. _

_I think you summed it all up, if circumstances hadn't put us on that flight from London I would have gone to my grave wondering what I did wrong, you to yours as the same coward you were twenty years ago. That was a very sweet closing, one it sounds like you have used more than once and I doubt if our paths will cross again, so go in peace, I forgive you, but it'll take a long time to stop hating you._

_Don't contact me again, or I will have a restraining order issued, and your CO notified, _

_Good Luck in retirement, when you do, retire our memories as well, I'm already working on trying to forget._

_Gina,_

Gina had just proofread it for the third time, not realizing her tears were falling on Rick's arm till he quietly said,

"I'm sorry Genes, I knew he hurt you but not this bad. I'm sorry I fell asleep on you, some support I turned out to be." He said sadly,

She turned to him, through her tear filled eyes replied, "You were right here when I needed you, like you always are, Never think you haven't provided me with all the support I could have ever asked for or needed." As she gently kissed his lips in a gentle kiss that let him know she wasn't upset, just full of love for him.

"You know a very smart, sexy, editor once told me that the true proof of anything written is when it's read aloud, did it capture the emotion the writer wanted, or was it a verse more suited for a greeting card." Rick smiled and gave her a little tighter squeeze,

"Read it to me Genes, please" maybe you'll get some value if you listen to your words as well. I know it'll be hard, but you need to cleanse this from you, just like you had me do when I replied to Kate"

"You're right Rick, I know that, give me just 5 minutes in your arms, don't move just hold me, then I'll read it, OK? Please know that nothing in this letter is meant to hurt you, if it does please tell me, you've got to promise me OK?"

"Of course," as Rick settled back, his arms firmly around Gina's waist as she laid her head on his shoulder and just breathed deeply.

It took her several tries, but Gina finally got through the letter completely, as Rick held her without saying a word. When she finished reading, she turned to him, took his face in her hands and whispered,

"Rick, I'm so sorry you paid the price for this, I'm so sorry, I hurt you, please forgive me," then broke completely down in tears as he held her. She cried for Rick, she cried for herself, hell she even cried for Bob, but mostly she cried because no matter how many times she said it, she could never believe it, she never could hate Bob. What hurt her the most was the fact she knew that not only she realized it, but she was pretty sure Rick knew it as well, God where do we go from here, as more tears fell.


	46. Chapter 45

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 45**

**Previously**

_It took her several tries, but Gina finally got through the letter completely, as Rick held her without saying a word. When she finished reading, she turned to him, took his face in her hands and whispered, _

"_Rick, I'm so sorry you paid the price for this, I'm so sorry, I hurt you, please forgive me," then broke completely down in tears as he held her. She cried for Rick, she cried for herself, hell she even cried for Bob, but mostly she cried because no matter how many times she said it, she could never believe it, she never could hate Bob. What hurt her the most was the fact she knew that not only she realized it, but she was pretty sure Rick knew it as well, God where do we go from here, as more tears fell._

**********************************************************************************/

**Castle's Loft**

**Two Hours Later**

The letter to Bob was the proof Rick had searched for, Gina still loved him, no matter what she said, the feelings of a long relationship can't be washed away that quickly. People hurt those they love, it was a fact, the deeper the feelings the deeper the hurt. Rick didn't need to do any research on this topic, he had earned his PhD in the subject with majors in Kyra, Meredith, Gina herself version one, then Kate, one thing he did know was how hurt felt.

He suddenly felt those old familiar pangs, the one he got when Kyra left him, the one when he walked in on Meredith, and if he was honest, the one that he felt when he first saw Kyra again, even though he had rekindled his relationship with Gina in an on again, off again type of status. One thing he knew, the relationship needed to be defined, and Gina needed to find out exactly how much if any love was left for her old beau.

They had been laying in the same spot since she completed reading, with Rick holding her as she wept, first almost uncontrollable, now down to whimpers, as she waited for what she knew was going to come.

"Gina, you and I both know that this changes things, we really do need to talk, and I don't think this is the place to do it. Let me grab a quick shower, and I'll meet you in the family room, OK?"

"Rick, you kno*"

"Gina, you know I'm right, look me in the eye and tell me I'm not"

She lowered her head again, and mumbled, "You're right, but I do love you Rick, I swear I do."

"I know Genes, and I love you, but let's talk in a few minutes," as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door as he showered.

**12****th**** Precinct**

**NYPD Same Time Frame**

Kate hadn't mentioned to anyone that she had ran into Rick, AKA Hugo, at the Coffee Shop, first they wouldn't believe her, and second she was still coming to terms as to what it meant for her and possibly him, he was still with Gina, that much was confirmed by the silhouettes on the shade a few nights ago.

She had turned all of her personal feeling off once she entered the precinct, she had to do so, or she would have never gotten past her performance evaluation period. Roz had truly been a friend, shielding her from hurtful events or memories, she owed her a great deal, friends come from where you least expect them.

"Beckett, got a Body Drop, Broome and Crosby, grab you team you're up." Montgomery yelled out of his office

"Yes Sir"

Javi had already grabbed Liam from the break room, and both were approaching in a trot,

"We're ready Boss, Let's hit it" Javi said

"Thanks, Espo, initial call tells us the body has been there for a while so let's not break any regs getting to the scene, OK?"

"Yes Mam, Let's go."

Kate had a very uneasy feeling as soon as she heard the address, Broome and Crosby was the location of Castle's Loft, God please no, don't let it be there she silently prayed.

When they arrived, she could see the Patrol officers had cordoned off a section of the block, just across the street from Rick's loft, and up two stores from the Java Hut she had frequented the last several weeks.

After talking to Lanie, walking the perimeter, as she always did, she sent Liam and Javi to canvass the stores across the street, she would talk to the owner of the coffee shop. The victim was a white male, mid 30's, dressed in an expensive suit, with a Java Hut cup laying near his body. Lanie determined initially he died from Blunt Force Trauma, a blow to behind his ear, and rendered him unconscious, yet his cash, wallet, and watch were left on the body. It appeared to be a mugging gone wrong, and the killer left before he or she could grab any valuables.

As Kate was conducting her investigation, she felt eyes upon her, she wasn't wrong, although she couldn't see him Rick watched her as she went through her process, still marveling at how focused she could be, and how many small details she picked up on.

She questioned the staff at the coffee shop, and found out that the man, a George Shelton had been in around 4:00 AM with a lady, and things got heated between them. Pulling the surveillance videos, she soon saw the fight erupt on the street, the mystery lady slapped Mr. Shelton, who swung at her with a closed fist, but missed.

He never saw her grab a rock used to hold the door open for the deli and crash on his head. She immediately kneeled down and tried to revive him but apparently panicked when she knew he was dead. She was quickly identified as his mistress, Carli DiFranco who he had been having an affair with for at least the six months as far as the workers in the Coffee Shop could remember.

Kate gathered Liam, Javi, and two patrol cars and sent them to pick up Ms. DiFranco, never losing the feeling she was being watched. There was no need for a canvass, so she had no excuse to talk to Rick again, it didn't make her feel any better about it but at least the case would be closed soon. Such a shame to lose your life, she thought.

**The Loft**

**2 hours Later**

Rick had slipped down to the Barber Shop on the first floor after he saw Kate pull away along with Espo and some new guy, had to be Ryan's replacement. He was home for 4 weeks and it was time to lose the beard and Gene Simmons hair style. Thirty minutes later Rick was returning to the loft, looking like the old Rick, same hairstyle, and now freshly shaven. As he entered the loft, he heard Gina and Alexis talking softly from the den, so he quietly made his way into the room.

"I don't know Alexis, I'm not sure what your Dad is going to do, I know he's upset,"

"Gina, you know Dad loves you, if that means you need to go see this guy or talk to him, Dad will understand, I mean look at how patient you were with him and Kate. He, well We all want you to be happy, and no matter what happens to you and Dad this time, well you're still Mom, and we love you."

"What would you do Alexis, I mean I was with him 6 years then it was like someone kidnapped him and I hurt for years afterward, not knowing. After finding out what happened, I am hurt, angry and feeling like maybe he wasn't as committed to the relationship as I was"

"You may be right, OR it could be because he's a MAN, and they do stupid stuff, never thinking how much it will hurt us. Even Dad has done it Gina, and I know he loves you, so you won't know till you talk to him, well that's my opinion. I know Dad, he won't be able to rest knowing there is one shred of doubt in your mind, that you're settling for him, and in reality, isn't that what you made him do, to be sure your weren't a substitute for Kate?"

"How did you get to be so smart, seriously, I guess that's it, I need to know, not just words on a paper, but I need to look him in the eye and judge if he is lying or if he is truly sorry and understands just how devastated I was, well in some ways still am."

"Gina, what are you afraid of, that Dad will get Angry when you tell him, things changed since you said yes, that you want to be 100% sure that the marriage this time will work, OR if you still have feelings for your first love? I mean I know it will be tough on you both, but as your Kid, I would rather you two put a halt on this, and be sure that the next time you say I do, you really will."

"I know you're right Alexis, and I'm dumping on my teenage daughter, but I don't want to hurt your Dad, God I did enough of that the first time,"

"Gina, trust me, it would hurt him more to continue on as if nothing has changed when he knows, I think you already know that, but Dad knows about first loves and he's not going to throw you out on the street because you want to be sure.

What did you tell him, you wanted him to be able to look Kate in the eye and feel love for, but not be in love with her, and he did because he knew you supported him. Why would you think he wouldn't do the same for you?

Bob was just a memory when you and Dad reconnected, so you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't cheat, you didn't look for another man, it just happened. God, I wish I knew, but as Dad would say The Universe controls these things."

"She's right Genes, the Universe is sending you a message, and you need to do what you think you have to do. I understand, I mean I love you, but I love you enough to say that if this man screwed up all those years ago and still loves you, I know in your heart you love him then you need to take the next step to see if there's enough there to build a relationship." Rick said gently surprising both ladies

Gina breaks down in tears as she walks across the room to hug Rick, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, what do we do now?"

"Well the first thing you need to do is re-write that letter, and be honest with him, about everything. **DON'T** start out on lies, and well you and I will just put things on hold till you know what your heart wants."

She slowly and sadly slips the engagement ring off her finger, her tears flowing harder, and gently puts it in Rick's hand. Alexis is crying gently, but holding her tongue, Rick has tears in his eyes but is even toned as he assured Gina things would be OK.

"Rick, it's not NO, it's just let me figure this out OK?" she got out through her tears

"Sure Gina, I understand" Rick whispered,

"Are you OK? Rick please don't lie tell me the truth, how are you?" Gina asked as she looked through her own tear-filled eyes into the dark blue eyes pooled with tears

"Well, sad, but glad that we had this conversation before the wedding. Like you said go find what your heart wants, we are here, we love you, and all we want is your happiness"

Gina tiptoes up and kisses him on the cheek, "I think it's better if I stay at my place for a while, we'll talk, I promise Rick"

She hugged Alexis still fighting tears, Cricket who had been listening from the kitchen, and walked into hug her, finally she kissed Rick gently,

"I do love you Rick, it's just that I, I mean, *"

"You have to be sure you're In Love with me, just like I was when we started back up. I understand, Call me if you need anything and we'll talk" as he walked into his office and Gina out the front door, perhaps for the last time.

Alexis walked over and hugged her Dad, "I'm so sorry Dad, I hope it wasn't anything I said, I mean I want you to find someone, but I want it to last. You've been broken hearted enough for two lifetimes."

"Hey, I'm OK, like I said, better now than after the wedding, that would have really killed me" he tried to smile.

Cricket in a rare show of affection was next to him, and gently pulled his head down for a gentle kiss, "Rick, you're the sweetest man I've ever met, I don't know why all this crap keeps happening, but I'm here, and will be for you"

For a moment Rick looked at her like he used to, then reality set in, she loved him like an Uncle or family member, besides he needed to relax now, not think of anything for a few days until he heard what he already knew about Gina's heart, it belonged to Bob and was never his to begin with.

Cricket, has been quietly weeping till she can no longer hold it in, and begins to cry openly,

"Hey, what about my two favorite girls get ready, let's get out of here and go to the Hamptons for a week or so, the beach always calms me."

"Sure Rick, that would be nice, I mean if it's not too much of a memory for you." Cricket hasn't realized it, but she has taken Rick's hand in between her two.

"Nope, that was and always will be Pumpkin and my memory spot, right?" as he looked towards Alexis,

"I'll show you the pictures Dad had taken the day we signed the papers for it, he insisted my name be on the deed, so of course I had to sign as minor child, but he captured it all. It'll always be one of my favorite memories and places to go."

"OK, What are we waiting for" Cricket smiled for the first time in a few hours.


	47. Chapter 46

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 46**

**Previously**

"_I do love you Rick, it's just that I, I mean, *"_

"_You have to be sure you're In Love with me, just like I was when we started back up. I understand, Call me if you need anything and we'll talk" as he walked into his office and Gina out the front door, perhaps for the last time._

_Alexis walked over and hugged her Dad, "I'm so sorry Dad, I hope it wasn't anything I said, I mean I want you to find someone, but I want it to last. You've been broken hearted enough for two lifetimes."_

"_Hey, I'm OK, like I said, better now than after the wedding, that would have really killed me" he tried to smile. _

**********************************************************************************/

**Hamptons**

**The Next Week **

It was hard to believe but a week had flown by and Rick and the girls had thoroughly enjoyed themselves, doing everything, anything and nothing at all. Rick had spoken to Gina a few times; she had made contact and would be meeting Bob. Although Rick had encouraged her to follow her heart, it still hurt knowing he was on the side Gina was when he was chasing the memory of Kate out of his mind. God she was so patient, could he be the same.

Cricket and he had talked about the situation with Alexis, since she would be out of school completely, including her extra credit college summer courses one week after they normally would return to England, Rick called LB. and asked for a week delay in returning, provided they remained on schedule. LB. was quick to agree and thought it would be a good idea to allow Alexis to spend the summer there, it would take some of the loneliness away, and inspire his writer to continue the work that was by any description far beyond what anyone had expected.

It wasn't said, but it was just assumed that the arrangement with Gina had gone by the wayside just as the engagement had, Rick wanted her to be totally free to pursue whatever she needed to with her first love, sad to say, but if he made her happy, Rick would be happy as well.

"Dad, I know the timing sucks, but do you know if Gina will be back at the Loft next week, I mean you and Cricket leave in 10 days for the United Kingdom, and even as mature as I am I know you won't let me live in the loft alone."

"I'm not sure Baby, and in reality, I think we need to give her the space she needs to work this out, just like she did with me, you know when I had Kate stuck on my brain" he tried to smile,

"Dad, it wasn't only your brain that she was stuck at, she had all of you for quite a while." Sorry Dad, but just had to say it, Alexis blushed

"It's OK Sweetie, you know we have an alternate plan, well if you're interested." Rick teased,

"What's that Daddy?" Alexis asked thinking he was going to come up with some lame house sitter,

"Well, we were wondering if you'd like to spend the summer with us in the UK, that is if you can complete everything for school in one additional week" Cricket is smiling as Alexis gets the shocked look on her face

"You're serious right? I mean don't kid if this isn't real, I get to go back with you for the entire summer?"

"Well, yeah, if you're done with school pumpkin, nothing comes before that." Rick said seriously.

"Well Daddy, I already completed the courses, I wasn't sure what was going on since, well now that Gina has other plans so I pulled extra hours and already completed the courses, so I can leave when you do,"

"Great, I already got a week extension from LB., BUT I'm sure you and Cricket could use the time to shop for some clothes for you, I mean you can't pack that many" as he laughed,

Cricket had already engulfed her into a hug, "I'll make the arrangements straight away Rick, do you have a preference when we leave, I mean is there any, well"

"It's OK Cricket, Gina knows I'm going back, it's fine but thanks for asking, and to answer your question anything that works for you and Pumpkin."

It was decided they would return to New York on Monday, and this time fly from there to London on Friday of the same week, the hell with the Paparazzi, who by now was convinced the writer was Patterson, who was having quite the time with them.

Rick called Gina and let her know that Alexis would be returning to London with them, so she had all the freedom she needed. She asked if she could go by the loft, there were a few things she left that she needed. She had such a sadness to her voice when she spoke,

"Hey Genes, it's OK, really. Go do your thing, and who knows if it doesn't work out, you can join us in London, just let me know" he said to reassure her, but they both knew that this was probably going to be their goodbye, and this time there would be no coming back from the friend zone. It took a long time to finally hang up the phone, both realizing how far they had come, how close it had been to being forever, and how cruel fate could be.

**Kate Beckett Apartment**

**8:30 PM Same Day**

Kate had a very long day; two double homicides and Roz was out for family emergency. That had left her and Ann Hastings scrambling to manage three squads of Detectives between the two of them. She finally got home to grab a bite and take a bath, but as she watched TV while she ate her Chinese Take Out for dinner, she saw Rick, Alexis and the young lady she recognized from Remy's. Odd that Gina wasn't in the picture till she turned the sound up.

"Rumor now has it that Rick Castle and Ms. Gina Cowell, the former Mrs. Castle number 2, and his editor have agreed to go their separate ways after it was first thought a permanent reconciliation was a done deal. Once again, Mr. Castle's publicist Paula Haas has issued a No Comment to the news. "You know I don't comment, nor does Mr. Castle live his personal life in your newspapers."

When asked about the possibility of Mr. Castle being the ghost writer for the new James Bond series, she commented, "I thought you guys were sure James Patterson was writing those, he's the one that can write a book in the time it takes most of you to shower" which again leads credence to the argument that Mr. Castle simply isn't accustomed to the fast pace of the books scheduled release.

We have exclusive information the second in the series, titled "**Double Edged Justice** will be released in the next 3-4 months. Stay tuned and we will be sure to bring you the latest breaking news on either development, Back to you in the studio"

Something wasn't adding up, Rick and Gina had been almost joined at the hip since they had reconciled, and to see him in pictures with Alexis and that well that Sexpot who could flaunt a Bikini and knew it, was not only odd but out of character, almost like Rick was trying to divert the press to the hot young lady and away from him.

She decided to take a run, just for curiosity sake not that she expected to see anything, the loft had been dark except for the lights she had recognized as those on timers from her time living there since last week. She changed quickly and set off on her run, as she neared the loft she slowed, she spotted what appeared to be Gina going into the Loft alone.

This was getting mysterious now, as she leaned against the building faking like she was checking her vitals with her watch, she watched as the lights went on in the Loft, and there was only one silhouette, Gina's.

The light went out almost as quick as it had been turned on, so Kate ducked into the coffee shop to enjoy her evening treat. As the barista was finishing her order, she had chosen a small booth where she could watch the street without being in the main glare of incoming customers. She missed the blonde who walked in just as she picked up her order and returned to her booth.

She was lost in her thoughts and people watching from the street when she was interrupted by a familiar voice,

"Mind if I join you Kate?" Gina looked anything like the put together here to the nines fashion model she normally did.

"Gina, what a surprise, please join me" Kate recovered to show at least manners

"What brings you to this part of the city Kate, and don't say your run, I've seen you jogging a lot, especially since Rick went AWOL. I don't know where he goes, even if I did, I couldn't tell you, I'm sorry."

"I was going to ask you the same thing Gina, the few times I have seen you, Rick's been at your side, but I heard on TMZ tonight you guys have called it quits again, if so I'm sorry."

"Thanks Kate, but you and I both know, neither of us would shed a tear if the other one were able to finally snag Rick, once and for all. I know you still love him, and probably are still in love with him if you're being honest, so don't get the wrong idea when I tell you this.

Rick and I are on a break, not a Friends Ross and Rachel Break, something has come up, we both have to decide if we can live with the relationship. Kate, if I'm out of the picture, do us both a favor, lose your fucking pride and go get him. He's running because of you, and the hurt, but your letters let him come to resolution with that, he's still hurt but his anger is gone."

"What do you mean Break Gina, I thought I saw the mini Hope Diamond on your ring finger less than two weeks ago, you didn't hurt him did you? I know I have no room to talk but you're right I do love him and I'm still in love with him, What's going on, woman to woman"

"OK, We'll talk but not here, do you want to come to my place, or would that be too weird for you?"

"How about we go to The Old Haunt and get Bryan to let us use the office, it's neutral ground. If the paparazzi is watching we'll put Rick in the middle of a mess being seen together, I'll meet you there in an hour. Gives me time to get home quick shower and change, see you in a few" as Kate headed for the door.

Gina hated to admit, but after her call with Bob, perhaps knowing that Kate would be there for Rick, even after all this would make her decision easier to live with. They had met, after the anger the tears, and the honesty from both, they settled into a routine that they always had.

Bob and she had seen each other every night this week except for tonight when she had to call Rick, then go retrieve her personal belongings and leave her key to the loft. That was the part she had left out in her call with him, that the key was on the counter next to where he kept his keys. She knew he would know exactly what it meant and couldn't bear to hear him try to cover the hurt in his voice anymore.

As she arrived at the Haunt, she noticed Bryan motion to her,

"Kate's downstairs Gina, you won't be disturbed, Tiny will see to that."

"Thanks Bryan, we appreciate it,"

"Gina, I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but just know that if either of you hurt Rick again, Tiny is going to make it her business to kick your ass clean out of this city, just so you understand, OK?"

"We got it Bryan, trust me, neither of us want to see him hurt, ever again."

Bryan nods not completely convinced.

"OK Kate, tell me what you know so far, I know your runs aren't only for your health, and I saw you at the Hamptons a few weeks ago, I'm sorry if you were hurt, I'm sure you heard Alexis and I talking."

Kate looked baffled as if how the as Gina dryly replied,

"You shouldn't wear the perfume my ex husband goes on and on about how good you smell like a bowl of cherries when you are undercover."

"OK, I was there, I'm sorry for intruding, but I had to see if he was OK with my own eyes, when I saw the reflection of your engagement ring, I ran to my car and drove to the rest area to scream and cry.

So, tell me Gina, I don't see your ring, and you're not with Rick, haven't been in two weeks, so what's going on with this break?"

Gina explained Bob, the incident of how they were reunited leaving out the details of the flight, how she hated to but had to tell Rick, how supportive he was of her, how she wrote a letter back and through it Rick picked up that she still loved Bob, and wanted her to go find what her heart wanted.

It seems as though he was right, after getting over the initial hurt, and shock, Gina had to decide did she love Bob enough to forgive him for doing something stupid, or was it so unforgivable she would let him walk away forever.

"Gina, if I'm hearing you right, you're gonna stay with Bob, and let Rick go free, is that correct? You know how much this is going to hurt him don't you?"

"Kate, I know, that's why I wanted to talk to you, you're the only other woman he has ever loved as much or more than he loved me, I know you still love him, but do you love him enough to give up everything, to go to him when he needs you the most? Think what I'm asking, I mean everything. Take a while and think about it."

"Gina, I love him with all my heart, but I'm not sure his love for me can ever come back, I hurt him far too much for too long"

"Well I guess you'll have to figure that out when the time comes won't you. I wish I could tell you more, but I will say this, he's safe and that sexy girl rocking the bikini is more like Alexis to him than a lover so don't read anything into the pics.

He won't be in town after Friday, for how long I don't know but Alexis is going with him on his tour, so he'll be safe, just watch the press. I'll let you know as much as I can, but I'm afraid after tomorrow, you will be held in higher regard than I, he's too much of a gentleman to admit it to me, but I know this is going to hurt him almost as much as you if not more. I wish to God there was a way for us all to be happy without someone hurting, it seems like Rick is always the one paying the price for something he never did."

"Gina, you can't mean that, seriously you were married, Rick and I never even had a date, how can the hurt from you, be less than how I hurt him?"

"Because he loved you when you did, he had already made his mind up that our relationship was over so he put up his shields, I think he knew I would always go to Bob given the chance, just like if Kyra had wanted him back, neither of us would have stood a chance, First Loves hurt the deepest, but they also remain the longest." Gina said sadly

"Gina please do me a favor, keep me posted how he's doing, I mean I don't have any right, but if Alexis is with him, at least he'll think of her before he does something stupid, I hope" Kate whispered, and Gina knew it was genuine concern,

"Kate, there was a time I couldn't stand to hear your name, but I see now, you do love him, if you ever hurt him again, I swear, it's not only Tiny we have to worry about, but I will personally kick your ass. Please think, How much are you willing to give up for him, I'm serious. He's already lost you to your cause and other law enforcement, think what you can do to prove he's your everything, if you mean what you say which I think you do."

"Why, Why are you helping me when you just admitted you couldn't stand to hear my name?" Kate asked totally mystified

"You don't get it do you, I love him, I love him so much, but I'm in love with Bob and I have been since I was 15 years old. I can't have them both, but I want to make sure Rick has someone who loves him as much as I, I think you do, don't prove me wrong. Now give me 10 minutes then leave out the back door, the paparazzi are camped in front" and she was up the stairs and out the front door, cameras flashing away.

Kate waited ten minutes then silently stole home, her head reeling, once again Rick was going to be hurt, and she didn't even know how to get in touch with him, God this Sucks, as she kicked a laundry basket to the end of the apartment, as tears started to fall.


	48. Chapter 47

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 47**

**Previously**

"_Kate, there was a time I couldn't stand to hear your name, but I see now, you do love him, if you ever hurt him again, I swear, it's not only Tiny we have to worry about, but I will personally kick your ass. Please think, How much are you willing to give up for him, I'm serious. He's already lost you to your cause and other law enforcement, think what you can do to prove he's your everything, if you mean what you say which I think you do."_

"_Why, Why are you helping me when you just admitted you couldn't stand to hear my name?" Kate asked totally mystified_

"_You don't get it do you, I love him, I love him so much, but I'm in love with Bob and I have been since I was 15 years old. I can't have them both, but I want to make sure Rick has someone who loves him as much as I, I think you do, don't prove me wrong. Now give me 10 minutes then leave out the back door, the paparazzi are camped in front" and she was up the stairs and out the front door, cameras flashing away. _

**Kate Becketts Apartment**

**One Hour Later**

Kate is still reeling from her conversation with Gina, not only that she knew of her not so secret rendezvous to the Hampton's, but also that she was going to leave Rick, for her first love. Kate knew that this blow might be the one to set him over the edge, regardless of how strong he seemed, or tried to appear to others. First Kyra, then Meredith, Gina version one, add herself, Gina version two, how much could anyone take?

Gina said that he would only be home till Friday, then gone for some undetermined amount of time, and tomorrow would be the lowest point in his life if Gina went through with her plans, God her heart began to break for Rick already. She racked her brain for how she could help, but if she were honest, perhaps her help would be the last Rick would want. Regardless, she had to do something.

If Gina was breaking it off tomorrow, Tuesday, that would leave Wednesday and Thursday, she had to let him know that she loved him more than life, and no matter how much he was hurting she would be there for him.

**Castle's Loft**

**Tuesday, 4:30 PM**

Gina had called and asked to meet with Alexis and Cricket first then Rick, just the two of them for a quiet dinner at Alfonzo's, a quiet spot that had meant so much to them both. Rick had anticipated the worst, and had talked to both Alexis alone, then along with Cricket, to prepare them for the news he was certain was coming. Cricket was in tears, and Alexis was doing a great job holding hers back.

"Alexis, Cricket, when you talk to Gina, please for me, as well as yourself treat her with the same love and kindness you always have. I'm sure this is just as hard or even worse for her as it is for us, and she deserves to be happy. She'll still be your Mom, and a great friend, someone we will always love, but we have to let her go."

When the girls stepped into the loft, one look on Gina's face confirmed Rick's fears, she had been crying, and struggling with the words to say. Alexis stepped forward, took her into a hug,

"It's OK Mom, Dad told us, and he's right, you deserve to be happy. Please don't forget about us, that's all I ask" Alexis got out between her tears,

Gina wrapped her arms around her daughter, "Oh Baby, never, never, and I want you to know it's not because your Dad doesn't make me happy, he does, and has for a long time, it's just I need to be honest with myself and him. I know deep inside he's still in love with Kate, so be good to her, please? For me?" as she saw the scowl on the red head's face soften.

"I talked with Kate, so if she does come to see your Dad, please don't treat her badly, she screwed up, but she loves your Dad, if there was one woman I had to pick for him, it would be her." Gina says through misty eyes,

Cricket and her embrace, and Gina whispered into her ear, "Watch him Cricket, God I don't know what I would do if something happened to him, so please watch him closely for me, for Alexis, please"

"You know I will Gina, we still have to finish this best seller then kick ass with the last one."

"Speaking of that, call me before you sign your next contract, please?"

"No Promises Gina, I'm loyal to Rick, so it depends on where he wants to hitch his wagon, but I'm flattered, truly I am."

Rick appeared at the doorway, and Alexis and Cricket made a hasty exit to another previous engagement.

"Hi Rick, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've seen you. I wanted to do this right, and leaving a note, or voicemail after what we've been through just seemed so cheap." Gina says softly, tears already beginning to pool in her eyes.

Rick walked towards her, and glanced at the counter, the key fob and the shiny key chain with GINA engraved on it jumped out at him almost like a slap in the face. Glancing at the counter then to her eyes that had followed his movement, he cleared his voice,

"So, I guess this is it, for good this time. I'm sorry Gina, for so many things but if you're happy then I'll be happy too, someday not today, not tomorrow but someday I promise you so you live your life, make up for all that lost time." Rick whispers through cracks in his voice

"Rick, it's so damn unfair, I know I can't have you both, but choosing wasn't an option, I mean it was almost like my other half came back. I finally understand when you used to say how you and Kate would complete each other's thoughts, I get it now, and I'm so sorry. I promised not to hurt you and I know by the look in your eyes, that's what I'm doing, God it's killing me" as she breaks into tears.

Rick crosses the few steps, takes her into his arms and wipes her tears with his handkerchief, "Hey, it's OK, like I said, I'll be happy for you someday, just not today or tomorrow, but I understand. For what it's worth, I think you're making the right decision," He comforts her,

"Rick, you know you talk in your sleep some nights, right? Well, I know you're still in love with Kate, and I know she's still in love with you,"

"I understand talking in my sleep but those could be of days before and how are you so sure that Beckett loves me, I mean I haven't seen or talked to her in months. She's probably moved on to the next law enforcement officer by now"

"I saw her yesterday, we talked woman to woman Rick, and she not only loves you, she's in love with you. I'd be willing to bet she would do anything you asked her to have a relationship with you. Did you know she was at the Hamptons checking us out, she saw the diamond and almost had a breakdown, but got to the park before she cried and screamed.

We met yesterday at the Haunt to discuss, well woman talk but she was ready to fight for you if that's what it took. When she found out about Bob, she began to cry, not for me, not for her, but the first words were, Gina, let him down easy, please, he hurts so deeply."

Rick lowered his head and found a piece of lint on the carpet intriguing enough to keep him from rising his head, till finally he had collected himself enough to say,

"Gina, would you be upset if we cancelled dinner tonight, I don't really have an appetite and in honesty I would like to keep the memories of Alfonzo's as they are, happy. I'm sorry to throw a wrench in the plans, but*"

"Hey, it's fine Rick, I understand. Is there anything I can do, anything I can say other than please believe me, I do love you, so very much, and I wish that I didn't have to make this decision. If you ever need me, call me, day or night, OK?"

"Same here, and don't be a stranger, you're still Alexis Mom, she still needs you." As he took her in his arms for the last time, a long hug, a sweet short kiss, and he started to release her.

She tightened the hug, kissed him deeply and said, "that's just to remind you, I'll always love you", then turned and bolted for the door before he could see her tears.

Rick turned as he heard the front door close and went to his office. Once again, so close to love, once again, failure.

**Beckett's Apartment**

**2:35 AM Tuesday**

Kate finally gave up on sleep, her heart breaking knowing what was coming for Rick. She should be happy, she should be throwing a party, but she finally realized that when you love someone as deeply as she loved Rick, it wasn't anything to celebrate when he felt hurt. It made no difference if it was from a rival of yours for his love, true love stepped aside to spare the loved one from feeling the pain. Rick had done it for her, when he thought she was in love or had a shot at love with someone else.

She had to get word to him that she was here for him, regardless of how much rejection she might feel. Her letters had worked when times were much worse, so perhaps she could get him to at least call her before he left, just to let him know she was as much in love with him as she had ever been,. It made no difference if he had ended a relationship one minute ago, one year ago, or one day ago, she was here wanting him, wanting to share her life with him.

She gathered her materials and this time she wrote from the heart, holding nothing back.

_Dear Rick, _

_It's the middle of the night, and after talking with Gina today, my heart is breaking for you. I'm sure you're astute enough to follow the signs, so no details need to be shared. I thought to myself the old Kate would be elated, would be trying to throw a party, her foe had left, BUT that's now how I feel Rick._

_I learned a great lesson from you, when you love someone, you take no pleasure in anything that hurts them, in fact you sacrifice your own self to insure their happiness. Perhaps I finally understand Rick, I get it, I love you and if I could take the hurt you are feeling from you, please believe me I would in a minute. I know this was what you did so many times for me when I was too selfish to see or understand the love in your heart and deeds._

_Rick, no matter what, PLEASE promise me, you'll call me if you need me. PLEASE. Please let me begin to prove to you just how deep my love is for you. Gina asked me a strange question when we talked, "How much are you willing to give up for him Kate, if it's not everything let him alone to find happiness somewhere else." _

_What do you need me to do? Where do you need me to be? Just say the word Rick, give me the opportunity to prove to you that you are the single most important thing in my life, I'm in love with you. Now when I say that I know exactly what it means, I want your happiness over mine, not just today but every day. NOTHING else is more important than you, if you don't believe me, just test me, please._

_I know this sounds like a desperate plea from a desperate woman, and perhaps it is, but this time the desperation is how can I keep you from hurting, or lessen the pain you are already feeling. I know you lost trust in me, I need to prove it to you, but I will never be able to do that unless you take a chance on me. Let me be there for you, as you have been for me, even if you don't love me, I don't care, just let me be there for you._

_Rick, I can only pray you get this and know I would do anything I can to stop one ounce of your pain. Even if you don't love me, or even like me, please let me be there for you, AND promise me you will take care of yourself for Alexis, for yourself, and for me, Call Me day or night, the number is the same and I'll be right by your side,_

_Love Always,_

_Kate_

She transferred it on to a special stationary, one that she had treasured since the Christmas he gave it to her. She was sure he would remember, the day, they almost, well another story. Once again, her tears watermarked the letter. When she completed it, she dressed in her running clothes and took off for her morning run, protecting the letter in a plastic bag to insure it arrived at Rick's building in good shape.

When she arrived at the Loft, it was only 6:30 AM and Eduardo was just coming on duty. She approached the counter knowing she was forbidden from the building,

"Eduardo, I know, I know, All I ask is that you give this to Mr. Castle TOMORROW, please don't give it to him before, please?"

"Ms. Kate, I don't know what's going on, or what happened, but we miss you, I'm so sorry I had to do what I did"

"Hey, it's fine I understand, please be sure Rick gets the envelope OK?" as she stared him down,

"Yes Mam" was the reply, as she turned and left the lobby.


	49. Chapter 48

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 48**

**Previously**

_When she arrived at the Loft, it was only 6:30 AM and Eduardo was just coming on duty. She approached the counter knowing she was forbidden from the building,_

"_Eduardo, I know, I know, All I ask is that you give this to Mr. Castle TOMORROW, please don't give it to him before, please?"_

"_Ms. Kate, I don't know what's going on, or what happened, but we miss you, I'm so sorry I had to do what I did"_

"_Hey, it's fine I understand, please be sure Rick gets the envelope OK?" as she stared him down, _

"_Yes Mam" was the reply, as she turned and left the lobby. _

**************************************************************************/

**12****th**** Precinct **

**Wednesday 8:00 AM **

Kate had been checking her phone for any missed calls or texts for the last hour, not unnoticed by Javi and Liam who finally approached her.

"Kate, are you expecting a call or text, I mean you've checked your phone at least a dozen times in the last half hour, I mean if there's something you need to do, Liam and I got you covered" Javi asked concerned

"Thanks Javi, I didn't know it was so obvious, I'm sorry, and thanks Guys I appreciate you having my back" she smiled, things weren't all the way back but they had certainly come a long way.

Kate suffered through the entire day, no texts, no calls, not a sign that Rick had read the letter or that he wanted her compassion and love. It was tough not to break apart, sitting looking at the damn chair that seemed to be mocking her, she couldn't stand it, but couldn't stand to part with it even more. It was one of the final pieces of Rick left and she wasn't about to let it go.

Rick had given her time and space, when she needed it, perhaps he needed to get over the breakup before he could talk to her, she clung to any sign that he was still in her life in some form desperately. By the end of the day she had resolved herself not to push him, God knows she had broken his heart, now Gina had finished the job. Why was it the good guys always got hurt, no matter how hard you tried not to. Love Sucks, she thought as she shut her computer down and headed out for another long evening.

**Castle's Loft**

**7:30 PM Same Day**

Cricket had observed the loft now resembled a morgue more than the happy home it was just a few short weeks ago, so she consulted with Rick to approve going back on Thursday rather than Friday, it was senseless to sit and mope and Rick was in desperate need of a change of scenery.

"You know Cricket you're right, the sooner we get back to the UK, the sooner you girls can shop for Alexis wardrobe, and I can start getting back in the groove, I have some ideas I jotted down and want to incorporate into the story. Go ahead and change the flights provided, they are still first class, OK?"

"Got it Rick, no other way to travel that long, I'll get on it straight away" she smiled, happy to be doing something to put miles between them and the sad memories that had just unfolded.

Alexis is happy to be out of the Loft as well, she is hurting, for Gina, for her Dad, and in some strange way even Kate. Gina had done everything she could to be sure Kate knew what was going on, if she really loved her Dad, she would at least try to get in touch with him.

Rick went downstairs to discuss the mail forwarding protocol, as well as what information he wanted released and to whom. His chief of security was staying in the guest suite, directly below the Loft, to handle any potential breaches of privacy.

"Mr. Castle, oh I almost forgot Sir, Detective Beckett was here very early and asked me to insure you got this envelope Sir, I'm sorry I almost forgot it. It's good you came down."

"Thanks Eduardo, I appreciate it, any questions about the information to give out and to whom, if anything comes up contact Mike in Suite 304, he will handle anything, and I mean anything that seems out of ordinary" Rick smiled sadly.

Mike had been with him since Alexis was a baby, he was almost part of the family and a damn good Security Chief, no paparazzi or anyone would get past him. He glanced at the letter from Kate, the stationary was appropriate, a sad Santa, with little blue snowflakes, he got it for her as a gag after hearing her sing Blue Christmas the first year he shadowed her, he placed it in his jacket pocket and returned to the loft.

"Rick, we have open seats for a departure tonight at 3:00 AM direct to London, shall I book it, if not we have to wait till our original flights."

"Book it Cricket, and we'll get ready quickly, what we don't pack we'll buy over there." Forgetting about the letter he had placed in his jacket pocket next to his passport.

It seemed like time just flew by, and before anyone realized the car service called to let them know they were 10 minutes out and would enter the private entrance for pickup. Rick grabbed his jacket, checking for his passport and finding the letter in the same pocket, no time for that now, time to get to the Airport and back to some sense of normalcy.

Kate had went for her evening run and panicked when she got to the intersection, she saw the limo pull into the back entrance, but she almost lost her stomach when she saw Alexis, the young lady from Remy's and finally Rick get in and the limo speed off. Why hadn't he called? Was he still that upset with her? Had Gina underestimate his hurt? What the Hell was going on, did he even get the damn letter?"

She crossed traffic and went to the lobby to see Eduardo just ready to leave when he came over to her. "I'm sorry Detective, I almost forgot, I just gave him the letter before he left, I'm so very sorry."

"Hey, he got it, that's the main thing, I guess I should be thankful to know that. Thanks for your effort Eduardo," as she turned and headed to the coffee shop to have her evening beverage, then abruptly changed her mind. Coffee suddenly became too bitter for her to stomach. She made her way back to her apartment to wait, what else could she do now?

**JFK Airport**

**1:30 AM**

Rick and the girls were in the VIP lounge waiting for their flight to be called, when Rick's phone buzzed with a text. Looking down it was a message from Gina,

"_**Tried calling the loft, got VM, called front desk told me you were out of town, are you OK?" Genes**_

"_**We're fine took an earlier flight back, no need to hang around and extra day so we're at the airport now" Rc**_

"_**Not being nosy Rick, did Kate try to contact you? I think the only way she could would be a letter" Gc**_

"_**Yeah she did, Eduardo forgot to give it to me till we were on our way out the door, I'll read it when I get to the UK, not really in the mood for dealing with any more drama today. Rc**_

"_**I'm sorry Genes, that wasn't meant at you, forgive me" Rc**_

"_**I understand but Rick, please do read it, she does love you as confusing as this whole mess sounds now" Gc**_

"_**Confusing? That's one word for it, sorry Genes, calling our flight, take care talk to you, well Alexis will text you when we land" Rc **_

He hadn't totally lied, the flight was being called for the flight crew, they would be boarding soon, but it would be at least another 25 minutes. He just didn't want to deal with the fact that he was a loser in the love department, yet again.

Gina hung her head and led the tears flow, she had done exactly what she promised she would never do, Hurt the one man that had always been honest with her, even when it put him in a bad light. God, what had she done, now there were three people hurting, Her, Rick and she's sure that Kate was at home wondering if Rick was ever going to read, much less respond to her letter, that had to hurt much worse than she was feeling.

It was too late for her to call Kate, but she could send her a text. Somehow, she felt that it would take a combined effort to keep Rick from going dark on them, something she couldn't live with. Pulling out her cell she typed a quick text to Kate.

"Just talked to Rick, at the Airport, acknowledged he got your letter, promised to read it when he reached his destination, if you're still awake, feel free to call" Gina

Across town Kate was once again inventorying her Castle Forever and Always chest when her phone pinged, with a text, she wasn't on call so could it be, she grabbed the phone surprised to see the called ID list Gina Cowell.

She read the text and immediate dialed Gina's number,

"Hi Kate, thought you wouldn't be asleep" Gina answered her phone.

"Hi Gina thanks for letting me know, God he wouldn't even read the letter, but at least he took it with him." Kate sighed, trying to hide the tears in her voice

"It wasn't all his fault Kate, Eduardo almost forgot to give it to him until just a few hours before the car service picked them up, so I think he doesn't want to read it till he has some privacy, he's expecting the worst, and that's my fault, not yours" Gina's voice cracked a few times.

"Gina, did you tell him how I felt about him, when you saw him? I mean I know it's a lot to ask but I ne*"

"Kate it was a tough conversation we had, he was hurting far more than he would let on, but when I mentioned your name and that I was sure you not only loved him, but was still in love with him, it was the only twinkle, you know the one I'm talking about I could get all night.

He had already briefed Alexis, and Cricket, that's the lady with the body you were worried about, she's his personal assistant, that I was leaving even before I told him. He knew and that's what hurts the most, we were so close to finally having it all, but then damn it this had to happen." Gina speaks through her tears

"I thought you were in love with Bob, I mean isn't that why you told Rick it was over?" Kate sounded shocked

"Yeah we are, but I'm not giving him as free of a pass as I let on, he's going to earn his way back,"

"Gina, why did you let Rick go if Bob isn't a sure thing, as you let on? I'm sorry that's personal and none of my business"

"Kate, something you don't know, Rick talks in his sleep, especially when he's either upset or very Romantic, and as much as he wanted to love me first, it was you that appeared in his dreams. You own a part of his heart no one will ever claim, the sweet words he said were so romantic till he ended it with I love you Kate, I've always loved you.

Regardless of what works out with Bob and I, which I think will, I don't want to be what he settles for, no more than you would. Believe me when I tell you, he loves you so do whatever it takes to get him back."

"Gina, I'm sorry, but thank you for telling me, I already made up my mind, you asked what I was willing to give up for Rick, my answer now is everything I have, or love, I'd give it all up just to be with him for the rest of my life. I'm sorry to say that so quickly after your breakup, but"

"Kate, I'll text you when they land, I can't tell you where they're at, but I will let you know they're safe." Gina's voice has more of a crack as she quickly said goodbye and the line went dead.

Two woman retreated to their respective bedrooms, both crying over the same man for different reasons, one for the hope of a second chance, the other the hope the second chance she had given her first love would be worth what she had just given up.


	50. Chapter 49

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 49**

**Previously**

"_Gina, why did you let Rick go if Bob isn't a sure thing, as you let on? I'm sorry that's personal and none of my business"_

"_Kate, something you don't know, Rick talks in his sleep, especially when he's either upset or very Romantic, and as much as he wanted to love me first, it was you that appeared in his dreams. You own a part of his heart no one will ever claim, the sweet words he said was so romantic till he ended it with I love you Kate, I've always loved you. _

_Regardless of what works out with Bob and I, which I think will, __**I don't want to be what he settles for**__,__** no more than you would**__. Believe me when I tell you, he loves you so do whatever it takes to get him back."_

*****************************************************************************/

**Greybrook House**

**London 1 Week Later **

Rick, Alexis and Cricket had arrived back in London a full week and two days ahead of the revised schedule LB. had approved, so Rick used some of the time to accompany his "girls" as he had started calling them on sightseeing trips.

The only drawback was he still needed to be in disguise, at least till the end of this book. He had gotten creative, even adding some temporary tattoos that would wash off with Alcohol and strong rubs or wear off within two weeks. The first time he appeared with one, a skull and crossbones on his bicep, Alexis freaked out.

"Dad, what the hell did you do, when did you do that, what the hell were you thinking?" She screamed, as Rick began to laugh and brought the packaging from behind his back.

"See Pumpkin, it's temporary, I was going to get a pumpkin but they had a limited supply so I thought who would look for Richard Castle with a tattoo?" he laughed,

Cricket and Alexis both smiled, it was one of the few times they had heard him laugh since returning, they both knew the letter from Kate was still sitting on his nightstand, he couldn't bring himself to read it yet, and any mention of either Gina or Kate would send him scurrying to his office and back to work.

Cricket brought out a fake piercing for Rick to wear in his ear, adding to the mystic of who this man really was. They were just returning from a great day viewing Kensington Palace, Cricket and LB. Connections had gotten them a much more complete tour than the normal public, when Rick shocked them both.

"I think I'm going to my office to read Kate's letter, after all we have to return to work for real Monday and I don't want that mystery hanging over my head any longer. Would you girls excuse me please."

Cricket whispered to Alexis than they were going to change plans and watch a movie in tonight, no way were they leaving Rick alone, especially with something as personal to this. To be honest, they were surprised how strong Rick had been, he had only let his emotions show once, when they first arrived and he saw a hairbrush of Gina's on her nightstand in the bedroom. He recovered quickly and made a joke then changed the subject.

Rick poured his three fingers of Scotch and gently took the envelope out of his top desk drawer, he had placed it there when he could no longer bear to look at it when he awoke each morning on the nightstand. Thinking to himself, well she's already dumped me for Deming once, sent two letters to apologize, and said she loved me in a letter, so how much worse could this be, a note of sympathy perhaps since Gina had told him she had spoken to Kate when they parted.

He opened the letter and as he began to read, his eyes filled with tears.

_Dear Rick, _

_It's the middle of the night, and after talking with Gina today, my heart is breaking for you. I'm sure you're astute enough to follow the signs, so no details need to be shared. I thought to myself the old Kate would be elated, would be trying to throw a party, her foe had left, BUT that's now how I feel Rick._

This was a side of Kate, he had never seen before, she got right to the point, and she didn't blame Gina, herself or him just let him know how badly she felt. The change in her personality to gloat when an enemy walked away was gone, and the new Kate sounded sincere.

_I learned a great lesson from you, when you love someone, you take no pleasure in anything that hurts them, in fact you sacrifice your own self to insure their happiness. Perhaps I finally understand Rick, I get it, I love you and if I could take the hurt you are feeling from you, please believe me I would in a minute. I know this was what you did many times for me when I was too selfish to see or understand the love in your heart and deeds._

As he read this paragraph the tears pooled in his eyes, God maybe she had changed from the old Beckett. This was the first time he remembered her acknowledging the sacrifices he had made in the name of love for her. The line _if I could take the hurt you are feeling from you, please believe me I would in a minute. I know this was what you did many times for me when I was too selfish to see or understand the love in your heart and deeds, _made the tears fall. He quietly thought back the times he had tried to protect her, often to the ridicule of her or her fellow officers but it never stopped him from trying.

_Rick, no matter what, PLEASE promise me, you'll call me if you need me. PLEASE. Please let me begin to prove to you just how deep my love is for you. Gina asked me a strange question when we talked, "How much are you willing to give up for him Kate, if it's not everything let him alone to find happiness somewhere else." _

_What do you need me to do? Where do you need me to be? Just say the word Rick, give me the opportunity to prove to you that you are the single most important thing in my life, I'm in love with you. Now when I say that I know exactly what it means, I want your happiness over mine, not just today but every day. **NOTHING** else is more important than **you**, if you don't believe me, just test me, please._

As he continued to read the letter, his heart was in his throat, she had openly told him not only that she loved him, BUT that nothing else was more important than him, God how he wished he could believe that. She had to mean outside of her Mom's case, he knew that it was the one solitary element that had kept her living, working so hard, not allowing anything or anyone to penetrate her defenses.

_I know this sounds like a desperate plea from a desperate woman, and perhaps it is, but this time the desperation is how can I keep you from hurting, or lessen the pain you are already feeling. I know you lost trust in me, I need to prove it to you, but I will never be able to do that unless you take a chance on me. Let me be there for you, as you have been for me, even if you don't love me, I don't care, just let me be there for you._

_Rick, I can only pray you get this and know I would do anything I can to stop one ounce of your pain. Even if you don't love me, or even like me, please let me be there for you, AND promise me you will take care of yourself for Alexis, for yourself, and for me, Call Me day or night, the number is the same and I'll be right by your side,_

_Love Always,_

_Kate _

He was quietly weeping as he finished the letter, her pleas to be near him sounded so genuine, but he had misunderstood her before. How easily it would be to pick up the phone and call her, if only half the things she wrote were true, it still would be like starting all over with a new woman. His problem, he needed to finish the books, and he knew that if she were here, his desire to write would be gone, at least for this certain British Agent.

He missed New York, He missed the Loft, Hell who was he kidding he missed Kate and had since he left. He tried, he really had to leave her memory in the ashes, and for a while with Gina it worked, well most times. He was sure sometimes Gina had heard his slips as he called her the wrong name, but if she did, she never called it out. She had even told him that Kate was still in love with him, maybe it wasn't just a ploy to make it easier for her to walk away.

He had to answer her, but he would need to use the clearing procedure he had with the earlier letters, his Attorney in New York. He opened his laptop to a blank Word document and began to type his thoughts, he would go back and form the letter when he was sure his inner feelings had all been heard and expressed. This was far too important to leave anything out, no matter how small.

**12****th**** Precinct**

**NYPD**

Kate had gone to work each day, putting in extra effort to solve cases, and working long hours again, to avoid the empty apartment and the loss of Rick. It had been almost a week, and she had heard nothing, even though he had promised Gina he would read her letter. He must have read it and tossed it, like she deserved, she thought to herself.

The days were long, but even after putting in 14-hour days, the nights seemed even longer, lonelier. She spent most evenings, with her Castle Always Box, on a few occasions allowing herself to open the sealed package and take a quick smell of the handkerchief Rick had last left her with when she was crying, although fading, his cologne smell could still be made out.

She welcomed the nights she taught at the Domestic Abuse Center, it was something meaningful and one of the few places she put the needs of others ahead of even her thoughts of Rick. She knew firsthand how dangerous the lives these women lived could be, and she took it very seriously.

The nights she didn't teach, she ran, she couldn't stop herself as she ran by the loft, even though she knew the results would be the same. She would stop, view the window while she fake checked her watch, then cry as she completed her run. By the time she had reached her apartment, she wasn't sure if her shirt was wet from her sweat, or her tears.

She had resisted the urge to call or text Gina, although it was harder each day that went by, God she loved him so much, if she only knew where he was she would just show up and show him how serious she was. She knew he probably thought she was just being dramatic when she wrote, _What do you need me to do? Where do you need me to be? Just say the word Rick, give me the opportunity to prove to you that you are the single most important thing in my life, I'm in love with you._

She could only hope something inside him still burned for her as her desire for him still did. It went far past physical, it was almost spiritual, the only time she had ever felt complete as a person, totally safe was when she was with Rick. Perhaps, just perhaps he felt some of the same things she did.

**Greybrook House**

**1 Hour Later Rick's Office**

Rick had tried to work on the novel, but finally he gave up, he knew he had to write to Kate before any words for his characters could flow through his mind. This letter was different, it was acknowledging what he had felt for almost two years, and if he was wrong it would surely mean he would need to rethink not only his life, but where could he go to escape the feelings that haunted him, or so it felt.

Opening the Word document that he had started with the raw feelings, he began to craft the letter, as he did he thought of a beautiful Brunette who had lured him into her web with just a smile, a laugh and how much he would give to hear that laugh, or see her smile one more time. Oh well, time to start,

Dear Kate

TBC


	51. Chapter 50

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 50**

**Previously**

_The nights she didn't teach, she ran, she couldn't stop herself as she ran by the loft, even though she knew the results would be the same. She would stop, view the window while she fake checked her watch, then cry as she completed her run. By the time she had reached her apartment, she wasn't sure if her shirt was wet from her sweat, or her tears._

_She had resisted the urge to call or text Gina, although it was harder each day that went by, God she loved him so much, if she only knew where he was she would just show up and show him how serious she was. She knew he probably thought she was just being dramatic when she wrote, __**What do you need me to do? Where do you need me to be? Just say the word Rick, give me the opportunity to prove to you that you are the single most important thing in my life, I'm in love with you.**_

_*****************************************************************************/_

**Greybrook House**

**1 Hour Later Rick's Office **

Rick had opened the Word Document, and began forming sentences from his thoughts, as he wrote he would recall a memory, some made him smile, others sent the pang of pain that only a true love can hurt a person, regardless if they meant to or not, the pain was very real.

_Dear Kate,_

_I would like to start by apologizing for the delay in responding to your letter, I could give you a million excuses, but you know me far too well to fall for any of them. The truth was, I was very fearful of what it would contain, and honestly, I'm not sure how much more hurt this heart can take. I know Gina and you talked, she told me the night, well when things ended, so Thank You for reaching out to me. I almost didn't get it; Eduardo gave it to me just before I had to leave._

_I could lie and say I have been too busy to open or respond, but that's not what we do, you've told me the truth, albeit in your letters since I left, and I have never lied to you and won't start now. I almost opened it on the flight but chickened out. It sat on my nightstand for almost 4 days till I couldn't stand it, and put it in my office drawer, out of my sight. The trouble with that, it was still very much in my thoughts and heart so tonight I garnered the courage to face whatever you had to say._

_When I read your words, my eyes filled with tears, you have never been this open and honest with anyone, well anyone that I know since I met you. I fought the urge to fall right back to my hopes for any kind of future with you, since I know you are writing to me because you love me, and do want to take away my pain, BUT I also know nothing will ever take a front seat to your Mother's case. _

_That's fine, I understand, I really do and Kate it never was a competition with your Mom or her memory, it was a fear that something would happen to you, to steal you away from me, and that I know I wouldn't survive. _

_Funny, when we open up you learn things you only could imagine, Yes Katherine Beckett, I love you, I have Loved you since the third time I saw you, and no matter how hard I fight it, I can't, and I won't ever stop feeling that way. _

_You have fears about me, and rightfully so, I mean I didn't exactly set the gold standard for potential mates when we met, and I'm sure my reputation has been called into play more than once. I make no excuses, I allowed you to think those thoughts, but in reality, you saw more of the real Richard Castle the few weeks you stayed with us after Scott Dunn. I wouldn't admit it then, but I sabotaged some apartments you found that I thought were too far from me, and if I am being truthful, I bought the building you're living in now to insure you would always have a home regardless of what life brings._

_Now I know that just pissed you off, and I'm sorry, but if you can't take care of the woman you love, what good is the money, it means nothing if I don't have my Love to share it with. You said in your letter you finally get it, that you wanted to take my hurt away, and I believe you. I ask you to apply that same reasoning to what I just confessed to, I mean when have I ever volunteered information that you could hold against me before, see that's Trust. _

_There are other inconsistencies in the person Richard Castle is, and the image I'm sure I pressed into your memory, and for that I am truly sorry. I'm sorry I was too weak to tell you how I felt, I'm sorry I allowed you to be swept off your feet by another man, because you wanted me to want you. The truth was and is Kate, I've never wanted or loved anyone more than I want and love you, even with all of the past history._

_You asked me to let you start proving your love to me, nothing would make me happier, but I am in a situation now where the strictest confidence is required. I apologize but I have to use the clearing house to even get this to you, but Kate, I will tell you everything, when I can, I promise you._

_I've read your letter at least a dozen times, and I have to ask, __**did you really mean**__ it when you wrote__**, What do you need me to do? Where do you need me to be? Just say the word Rick, give me the opportunity to prove to you that you are the single most important thing in my life, I'm in love with you. Now when I say that I know exactly what it means, I want your happiness over mine, not just today but every day. NOTHING else is more important than you, if you don't believe me, just test me, please**__._

_I need to know; I need to believe that my heart is finally going to find a home where it won't be broken. The words to me mean that you are willing to give up your quest for your Mother's killer, your job, your apartment, and follow me on my crazy adventures, even though you have no idea what they are. If I'm right, please tell me, but if I'm misreading or misunderstanding your intentions I need to know that as well, I can't be wrong on this Kate, it's far too important, I'm sorry._

_It was a great feeling to have you open your heart, pleading for me to take care of myself, but what touched my heart even more, was your statement to call you day or night and you would be right by my side. That made me feel what I hope is real, a true hope that you and I can start from scratch, with one caveat, we both know we are madly in love with only one person, the one we're with. _

_Kate, PLEASE don't be afraid to correct any of my thoughts or interpretations , I want to be on the same page so when I can finally see you, hold you, I know it's not me chasing a dream that will or can never come true, _

_Till we can talk, or I hear from you again, please know, I love you, I always have, and I always will, _

_Always, _

_Love_

_Rick,_

Rick started to transfer the letter to stationary, then realized it would give Kate the exact location, so he had a new pattern sent up from the hotel gift shop without any identifying markers. He noticed a very subtle heart pattern inlaid deep into the linen, perfect for this letter.

He called Harold in New York, explaining that he was sending a letter to him, that must be forward to Ms. Katherine Beckett as soon he received it and to send a courier, signature required., then arranged for a courier to get it to the Air mail going out at 2:00 AM local time, arriving in New York by 4:40 PM.

"Harold, this is Rick, I just arranged to have the letter in New York by 5:00 PM tomorrow your time, IF you value the huge retainer I pay you, Ms. Beckett will have the letter delivered to her no later than 7:00 PM EST, do I make myself clear?"

"I'm clear Rick, if you want we can try to deliver it to the 12th precinct first, since she's spent some long nights there, just keeping watch on her as a friend of a friend who cares about her"

"Thanks Harold, that's a great idea, It'll be late enough that all of the brass will have gone home, so if she's still there, she can sign for it without a ton of people watching. Let me know by cell when she get's it one place or the other please"

"Will do, and Rick, I'm glad you're finally getting your head out of your ass, professionally speaking of course," as he laughed and the line disconnected.

Rick turned to the novel, now pumped, ready to write. His fingers flew across the keyboard as he worked his hero in perilous circumstances, it wasn't so heartbreaking to write the scenes where Mara, once his love, but now in love with a new man was in trouble and needed saving.

Alexis and Cricket looked in several times before 1:00 AM and his fingers were still flying, and he was as Alexis explained, "In the Zone", a spot where he heard nothing but was so deeply involved with his story he couldn't stop. She looked to Cricket, and said,

"We might as well go to bed, whatever happened, it turned him into a writing mood and when he's like this the only thing that will stop him is when he gets it all down on paper. He typed for 22 hours straight once, so we'll check on him in the morning. Let's get some sleep"

"Thanks Alexis, I do worry about him, I know Kate owns his heart but I feel so badly for him since he always works so hard to make sure everyone else has their happiness, hopefully she will see the light soon."

"I know Cricket, we can keep our fingers crossed, Good Night, see you in a few hours."

**7:00 AM**

**Next Morning**

Alexis slipped out of her room, and down the hall to her Dad's office, she had heard typing for at least the first two hours after she laid down to sleep, but it was quiet now. As she was coming to the door, she bumped into Cricket who was trying to check on him from her quarters as well.

"Ohh, I'm sorry Alexis, I was just coming to check on Rick, he's been quiet for about an hour now, and I want to be sure he's OK?" Cricket whispered,

Alexis smiled, "Doing the same, come on let's see what's going on."

They quietly make their way into the office and see Rick asleep with his hands still near the keyboard, on the printer is 7 chapters of completed and edited work, almost a third of the book completed, except for the final publisher edits,

Cricket removed the sheets from the printer and began to read, smiling, then about 15 minutes later a tear trickled down her face.

"Cricket is everything all right?" Alexis asked quietly,

"Yes Alexis, the work is beautiful, he nailed the love scene, the heartbreak when she walked away reminded me so much, well of real life, I mean how does he transfer those awful feelings into such beautiful words, he's truly an artist."

"Well we better wake the Artist up and let him stretch out his back before he gets some real sleep, or he will be so stiff." Alexis said as she gently shook her Dad's arm.

"Daddy, time to go to bed, you've been up all night so stand and stretch and get some real sleep Please?"

Rick yawned, then put his hand to his back as they heard the cracks of the bones, and finally stood up and hugged both his girls and simply said "Nite, love you both" and stumbled to his bedroom,

"We'll let him sleep till noon, then I'll have the massage therapist into give him a good rub down, something tells me he's going to need it" Cricket smiled

**New York City**

**6:30 PM**

The courier service had just received the special delivery for Detective Katherine Beckett, instructions to attempt delivery at the 12th precinct, if not available, call for instructions.

**NYPD 12****th**** Precinct**

**Same Time**

Kate knew the time was getting late, but what did she have to go home to, an empty apartment, a chest of memories from someone she loved, but had chased away, and the longing that she needed to do more to find him. She stood in front of the Murder Board as she had done so often, thinking what would Rick see, what am I missing, God I miss him, in so many ways. Her desk phone rang and snapped her back to reality,

"Detective, this is Desk Sargent Oatley, there's a courier here with specific instructions to deliver a package to you, signature required. It's a local courier firm so shall I send them up?"

"Yes Sargent, please allow them up, I'll meet them at the elevator. Thank You"

"Sure, thing Detective, thank you" and the line went dead.

Kate was trying to figure out who would be sending her a special delivery via local courier, as she walked the length of the hall to reach the elevator as the courier arrived. One signature, and then he handed her an envelope, and was on his way. This was from Rick's attorney here in New York, and just like the first letter, he sent, there was another inside, she was praying from Rick as she ripped the outside envelope open.

There it was, the most beautiful thing she had seen in a long while, a letter addressed to Kate, not Detective, not Beckett, but Kate. She returned to her desk, shut her computer down and carefully held the letter close to her as she made her way out of the precinct. Whatever he said, good or bad, she wanted the freedom to react, she couldn't do that as Detective Beckett, she needed to get home, the sooner the better.

Hailing a cab, it seemed like the trip took twice as long as usual, but she was sure it was just her anticipation. Stopping only to grab her mail from the mailbox, she took the stairs to her floor, too excited to wait for the elevator. Once inside her door, she held the envelope close to her heart, traced the lettering of her name in his bold distinctive strokes. Finally, with trembling hands she slid the envelope open and removed the stationary and began to read.

She skimmed ahead looking for key words till he eyes saw it, _if you can't take care of the woman you love, what good is the money, _

She skimmed further just to be sure it wasn't another woman he loved, God that would kill her, please God don't let that be it. Her eyes caught the line,

_I'm sorry I was too weak to tell you how I felt, I'm sorry I allowed you to be swept off your feet by another man, because you wanted me to want you. __**The truth was and is Kate, I've never wanted or loved anyone more than I want and love you, even with all of the past history.**_

She fell to the floor crying in joy, Rick still loved her, he said it, even wrote in it. A weight of a thousand pounds left her shoulder as she cried for joy, careful not to smudge the letter, he Loved Her, Kate Beckett, just her, It took a while before she was composed to read the letter from the beginning, skipping to the parts she needed to hear made this something she was going to cherish, forever, surely a new addition in time to her Always Chest.


	52. Chapter 51

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 51**

**Previously**

_It was a great feeling to have you open your heart, pleading for me to take care of myself, but what touched my heart even more, was your statement to call you day or night and you would be right by my side. That made me feel what I hope is real, a true hope that you and I can start from scratch, with one caveat, we both know we are madly in love with only one person, the one we're with. _

_Kate, PLEASE don't be afraid to correct any of my thoughts or interpretations , I want to be on the same page so when I can finally see you, hold you, I know it's not me chasing a dream that will or can never come true, _

_Till we can talk, or I hear from you again, please know, I love you, I always have, and I always will, _

_Always, _

_Love_

_Rick, _

_*********************************************************************************/_

**Kate Beckett's Apartment **

**One hour Later**

Kate lay trembling, crying tears of joy, shaking with emotion realizing that Rick had responded but the true miracle was he loved her still, even after all they had done to hurt each other. She needed to reply, but her hands were still shaking so badly she couldn't grasp a pen. She fought to steady her nerves as her cell phone rang. Oh God, no, not now, please, let me have one hour to enjoy the wonder of love she silently prayed as she reached for her cell.

Not even looking at the number, she answered through tears and emotion,

"Beckett" as her voice cracked

At first there was silence, like a crank call then she heard the sweetest sound in the world, in his beautiful baritone tone, "Kate, it's Rick, I'm not disturbing you am I, I mean I could call back if y*

"Rick! You're not disturbing anything, other than me reading your letter for what seems like the 100th time, I love you, thank you for writing this, it gave me a reason to smile again"

"So you got the letter, that's one reason I was calling, I wanted to be sure you did, plus I guess we need to talk, really talk and I'm sorry it can't be in person."

"Rick, it's OK, I can wait till you get back to New York, as long as I can hear your voice I just close my eyes and I can see you as clear as if you were here. You're right we do need to talk, and I wanted to say that you were totally correct with your interpretation on my last letter. Tell me what I need to do Rick, I'll quit the force, I'll move to the Amazon jungle if that's where you want to live, I only want, no I have to be with you, as soon as I can, and Rick, you're the one, my one and done I know that now."

Kate hears Rick clear his voice, almost as if there were tears, "Kate, are you sure, I mean we've done so much to hurt each other, can you forgive me, I mean I only tr*"

"Rick I don't know how long you can talk, but I don't want to go back to what we have done, I want to talk about us, what we will be doing as us. I'm sorry to be so forward, but I laid it out in my letter, I'm in love with you and I want to be with you forever, as your girlfriend, mistress, or whatever you want me to be. No more games Rick, we have something to say, we say it, no subtext, Agreed?" The pleading in her voice can be heard as she is opening herself up completely.

"You're right Kate, we were both guilty, and I'm sorry for that as well, Agreed we say what needs to be said, BUT before we do, let's be sure we both know that we still love each other. I mean it's easy for me to fall back into my insecurities, I don't want to, make that I can't mess this up, it means too much."

"You too? I mean I thought it was just me afraid to say what was in my heart Rick, God both of us are so messed up" she breathed with a tear in her voice

"Correction Kate, we BOTH WERE messed up, now we are on the same page, God I wish I were there, I want to kiss you so badly, I mean I,"

"Rick, it's fine, I want to kiss you so badly too, but as soon as you get home I'll be here or there or wherever you want me to be, I promise. I love you, and Babe, I can't believe a few short weeks ago I was at the end of my world, today I started living again."

They talked for another 3 hours, till Kate's phone beeped with the low battery warning, finally realizing that the time had passed, Rick gave her his cell number, and promised to call her tomorrow, or she could call him anytime she felt afraid or insecure, he was in this for good. It was difficult for both to finally hang up, both acting like it was a final goodbye, finally when Kate had said I love you with all of my heart for perhaps the 50th time the battery disconnected the call when it finally emptied, completely drained of energy.

Kate plugged her phone in to charge but moved it to right by her ear on her bed, just in case. She now had the phone number of Rick, no more letters, unless she wanted too, she could pick up the phone and call him, anytime she wanted to. She smiled to herself, and to the world, and cried with joy. She fell asleep but awoke when she heard her phone chirp with an incoming text. Grabbing the phone, she quickly opened it to see a text from Rick from two hours ago,

"_Hey Babe, guess the phone hung up for us both. If it was that low you won't get this for a few hours, hope you slept while it was charging. I wanted to say, Thanks for sticking with me, for loving me, and for understanding. I wish I could be there holding you so tightly, but I promise when I get home, we'll make up for lost time you and me. I love and miss you so very much and I will ALWAYS Rick "_

She glanced at the power settings and she was only at 47%, smiling because he knew her so well, and he loved her, God she was ready to bust. Just before she thought about rolling over and getting a few hours more sleep before she had to get ready for work, she remembered, there was one more person she must thank. Pulling the phone down once again, she found the contact information and typed;

"Gina, Thank You, he read the letter and called me, I now have his new cell phone, so I owe you so much more than a Thank You, but please know I'm happy and will never let anyone or anything hurt Rick again. I know you will always love him too, and that's fine, I now know the difference between in love and love. Call me if I can help you, Thanks Kate,"

She hit send, and turned to catch an few more hours of sleep when the phone chirped again,

"Thanks for letting me know Kate, I know he loves me, but it's you he's been in love with for years, please let me know how he's doing, I feel guilty, but happy for you both, Gina"

WOW who would have believed it a few short weeks ago, not only was Rick back in her life, BUT with Gina's blessings and no angry ex or blood trail to try to work around. Rick summed it up best early on, _"the heart wants what the heart wants",_ true for Rick, Gina and herself, God he was so smart and now he was hers.

She finally fell back asleep for a few hours before the alarm went off, ending a perfect dream of her and Rick on a beach, well, just say they were getting reacquainted. She didn't hesitate, grabbed her change of clothes, showered, and as she drank her morning coffee, she dialed the number, waiting patiently to hear his voice.

"Good morning Beautiful, bet you're at your table drinking your morning coffee and wishing you were with me, just like me wishing I was with you,"

"God, I love you Richard Castle, I don't know what took me so damn long to recognize it, even longer to say it, but please remember, I've loved you for a long, long time" as tears creep into her voice.

"Hey, it's OK, we'll be together soon, I promise. Please promise me to keep you head on straight, be careful and stay safe for me, Please?"

"I promise Rick, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about you every moment I can. I just can't believe it, and to be open and honest, I sent Gina a text last night, thanking her and letting her know we were now talking."

"Thanks Babe, I'm glad you did, she's not the monster people make her out to be, I mean she can be in the publishing room, but as a person she does have a good heart and I'm glad you two got things settled."

"Well, I told her I knew she loved you, and I was fine with that, now that I figured out the difference between loving and being in love like I am with you. The more people who love you the better, I know I'm yours and you're mine." She almost giggled in the phone.

"What, was that a giggle, Kate Beckett actually giggling, now I know for sure you're really happy. That's all I want for you, all I ever wanted was to see you happy som*"

"Rick, no more, you've made me the happiest girl in the world right now" as her door buzzer rings, "Rick can you hang on Babe, someone must have the wrong apartment, be right back."

Kate held her gun behind her back as she peered out the peep hole to see a big bouquet of flowers, she opened the door slowly not unchaining it,

"May I help you?" she said cautiously

"Yes Mam, delivery for Detective Kate Beckett, if you could just sign here please,"

She closed the door, removed the chain, and was greeted with the largest bouquet of flowers she had ever seen, all her favorites, including her Mom's as well. Her tears welled up as she signed and closed the door, taking the flowers to her kitchen counter picking up the phone"

"Rick, the flowers just came, they're beautiful, Thank You Babe"

"You're welcome, did you read the card? I hope they didn't screw it up"

"Not yet, I mean My God Rick this must have cost a fortune, you even remembered Mom's favorite" and she could no longer hide her tears as she wept softly. "Thank You Love, I love you, I just can't wait to hold you to show you how much"

Kate opened the card, and started to read as Rick said, "I heard a song, I copied the words as fast as I could, it said all the feelings I felt towards you Babe, I love you too.

Kate began to read, her eyes misting up, then the tears fell, she finally got out, "You're lucky I didn't do my makeup yet, you sweet man, I have so many things to show you, just how much I meant what I said. Thank You Rick, I love the flowers, the card is so very special, but I love you more than I ever thought I could, Can I call you on my lunch, I'm going to be late if I don't get going soon" she cried, not wanting this moment to end,

**_"When You Love A Woman"_**

**_In my life I see where I've been_**

**_I said that I'd never fall again_**

**_Within myself I was wrong_**

**_My searching' is over_**

**_I know that_**

**_When you love a woman_**

**_You see your world inside her eyes_**

**_When you love a woman_**

**_You know she's standing' by your side_**

**_A joy that lasts forever_**

**_There's a band of gold that shines waiting somewhere...oh yeah_**

**_If I can't believe that someone is true_**

**_To fall in love is so hard to do_**

**_I hope and pray tonight_**

**_Somewhere you're thinking' of me girl_**

**_Yes, I know...I know that_**

**_When you love a woman_**

**_You see your world inside her eyes_**

**_When you love a woman_**

**_You know she's standing' by your side_**

**_A joy that lasts forever_**

**_There's a band of gold that shines waiting somewhere...oh yeah_**

"Of course, Kate, hey Babe, I'll be here, not going anywhere till I come home to you, OK? Call me on your lunch, I'm glad you liked the flowers and card, but most of all, I'm glad you're my woman."

"Yes, Yes I am Mr. Castle, so no one better come near my man, I carry a gun and will use it" she laughed, half kidding but very much serious about protecting her love.

Reluctantly they disconnected the call, and Kate hurriedly finished her prep for work, walking on air. She arrived at work on time and feeling better than she had since her partner left. She couldn't stop smiling, till Javi noticed and asked her,

"OK Kate, care to share with the class? Last week you were like a cat on a hot tin roof, and this morning you can't stop smiling, so what gives?"

"Yeah boss, Javi wouldn't even go out last week, we were watching out for you to be sure you were OK," Liam slipped before Javi smacks him, and gives him the Espo look.

"Guys I knew you were hanging around because you were worried, but no need now, Rick and talked, things are good and that's all you're getting. Javi unless you want to do paperwork for the next year, Lanie will hear of this from me, got it?"

"Damn, you used to be more fun" he smiles, "Yeah I got it boss.

**A/N Song is When You Love A Woman, Steve Perry and Journey.**


	53. Chapter 52

**Dinner Date**

**by Castlefan6 **

Authors Note**: **Thisis my **AU version** to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. _Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. __**There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for. **_

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

**Chapter 52**

**Previously**

"_Rick, the flowers just came, they're beautiful, Thank You Babe"_

"_You're welcome, did you read the card? I hope they didn't screw it up"_

"_Not yet, I mean My God Rick this must have cost a fortune, you even remembered Mom's favorite" and she could no longer hide her tears as she wept softly. "Thank You Love, I love you, I just can't wait to hold you to show you how much" _

_Kate opens the card, and starts to read as Rick said, "I heard a song, I copied the words as fast as I could, it said all the feelings I felt towards you Babe, I love you too._

_Kate begins to read, and her eyes mist up, then the tears fall, she finally gets out, "You're lucky I didn't do my makeup yet, you sweet man, I have so many things to show you, just how much I meant what I said. Thank You Rick, I love the flowers, the card is so very special, but I love you more than I ever thought I could, Can I call you on my lunch, I'm going to be late if I don't get going soon" she cries, not wanting this moment to end,_

**Greybrook House**

**Six Weeks Later **

Rick and Kate had not gone one day or night without spending marathon telephone sessions, Skype calls, and a few long letters from Kate to Rick. She had opened up completely to him, shared her every fear, every weakness, and every concern she ever had about their relationship and why she fought it.

She reluctantly told him during one long phone session about her Therapist, Dr. Carter Burke and how he had helped her stop the compulsion of chasing her Mom's case once before. Kate Beckett of old would never have opened up or volunteered such personal information, but this was not the old Kate. She shared this to help prove to him that she was serious about walking away from her life, no matter what he requested, HE was her most important and precious person in the world, being with him and protecting him, nothing else mattered.

She tried every day in every way to send him messages of love, and how much she missed him. She never tired of little surprises showing up at her door, or at work. Perhaps the most precious was a small stuffed animal, with a personal message from Rick. It was a cute little elephant with a tear drop in its eye and a placard around its neck that read "I miss You, and I will Never Forget".

Rick had added on the card, I do miss you and please know I do Love you, anytime you need to hear it, press the trunk, "I love you, Always" came out in Rick's voice. Kate cried, as she held the little stuffed animal to her heart. That sweet, sweet man, always knew how to touch her very soul. The little guy became her bed fellow, as the nights were long missing and longing for the touch of her man, even if they had only kissed once, she knew she wanted him beside her and the ache from deep within could only be cured by a certain writer.

Rick used this as energy to devote to his writing, and the second book was nearing completion. It had been submitted for final edits, and LB. executive's review, a full four weeks ahead of the initial schedule. Rick had really outdone himself on this book, the love scenes were poignant, and heartbreaking, and the realization that Bond would never regain the love lost, was perhaps the chapter that a box of tissues were used when reading.

Alexis and Cricket both had read the story, it wasn't hard to pick out Rick's love and hurt in the Real World, but he kept Bond with a positive attitude, one line demonstrated his philosophy towards love and life. Bond was speaking to another Agent after he returned,

"You know James, there's a lot worse things than seeing the woman you love walk away with another man, but I'll be damned if I can name one, sorry ole boy"

"No sorrow needed mate, here in the real world, the good guy is never guaranteed of getting the girl, you've been watching too much Yank TV. If she's happy, that's all I ever wanted, so no need for sorrow" as he dismissed perhaps the most hurtful event of the entire life of the British Agent.

The case was crisp., clean and had carefully dealt with the horrible world of human trafficking in a dignified and honorable fashion. Rick had interviewed a survivor and included some of her quotes in his introduction, as well as announcing the contribution to the cause, along with the matching contributions of Lord Barrow. It was done in his usual classy way, honoring the victims not exploiting for additional sales.

Alexis had enjoyed her trip, but by now was getting homesick, or Ashley sick, she needed to see her boyfriend as much as Rick needed to see Kate. Cricket decided to stay in the UK this trip, to handle any last-minute details required to get the book to press the following week.

"So, are you going to miss me Rick? I mean it's one-year next Monday that you and I started working together," Cricket said sadly, clearly not wanting to see Rick leave. She wasn't convinced that if he would come back, especially now that he and Kate had connected.

"Of course, Cricket, I can't believe it's been a year already, you've made this job so much more fun. Are you sure you won't come with us to the states, I mean you know we have plenty of room"

"I know Rick, but you need to concentrate on getting to know, really know Kate. I don't want you to have to worry, and don't say it, you would, it's just you to always take care of everyone. Go, I have some family here, I think it's been long enough, so I'll make the first move." She had a small tear in her eye.

He moved in to hug her, then his phone rang, with the distinctive ring assigned to the man, Lord Barrow,

"You better get that Rick" Cricket whispered as she broke the hug with a quick kiss on his cheek

"Rick, LB. here, I just wanted to congratulate you, we thought the first book would be a hurdle your next work couldn't meet, but this book captured your passion and drive for helping others.

I just wanted to let you know it is going to press, later today, advance copies will be with you as always. Copy One England will go to Sir Ian's library, Copy One from New York will go to you, identical to your first book. I'll be announcing a press conference later today."

"Thank You Lord Barrow, that's great news, and high praise Sir, I enjoyed writing this book, knowing it would help a lot of the very same people some of our characters were based off of. Thank you for your generosity as well."

"I certainly hope your lovely daughter enjoyed her stay, but I'm sure she is anxious to get home as well"

Rick laughed, "As you would say that would be Spot On. Cricket is making the arrangements now for us to fly back to New York tomorrow, I know I have some extra time so I would like her to join us in a month or so for her holiday as well. We can work out the schedule for the final book in about 3 months, if that's acceptable sir"

"I agree Rick, and Cricket I know you are listening, so I fully expect you to join Rick and Alexis in New York in one month, are we clear?"

"Yes, Lord Barrow, crystal clear sir" as she shoots Rick a look like I'll get you for that. In reality, she's so happy that she will be back in the US and her adopted family, she's missed Gina, and can't wait to meet Kate. She is holding judgment, but she better be good to her boss, or else.

"Great, well let me know if you need anything, and once again, Congratulations Rick, we fully expect this book to top your first, Jolley good show, Good Day", and the line went dead.

"I'm sorry Cricket, it was the only way I could convince you to join us, you know you want to, and besides, this book again would not be possible without you." Rick flashed his little boy puppy dog eyes at her.

"Rick, stop that, you know I can't stay angry with you when you make your eyes do that, it's not fair for you to be so damn charming" she's laughing then turns serious for a moment, "Really Thank You, I do want to be there, but I want you to have some privacy. You and Kate have been through a lot, and you have a lot to make up for."

**JFK Airport**

**1:45 AM EST **

**Two Days Later**

Cricket had booked two tickets first class for Rick and Alexis and accompanied them to the airport, tearful hugs goodbye, then promises of seeing each other in a month and they were at the gate. The flight was smooth and arrived at the gate a few minutes early. As they approached baggage claim, they saw a driver holding a sign that read Mr. Rogers Party. The driver looked a little familiar, but it wasn't until they were right on top of her they realized it was Kate Beckett in disguise.

"Welcome home" she smiled, remaining professional as someone grabbed the bags and accompanied her outside with Rick and Alexis in a state of confusion. Finally, it dawned on them, she had borrowed the driver's hat and he was waiting in the car. Liam her partner detective was acting as the luggage agent, and once he loaded the luggage, simply said good night and left.

As soon as they were in the car and safely away from the airport and cameras Kate pulled Rick into her and hugged him like she would never see him again. Their kisses were sweet, yet passionate, knowing his daughter was in the car. "I love you' s" were exchanged as the car made its way to the Loft.

"Alexis, I want to say Thank You, I know you and your Mom are very close, and I really do appreciate you allowing me to come into your Dad's and your life. I'm so sorry I hurt him, and you, your Grams, and Gina with my stupid selfish behavior. Gina and I spoke since you've been gone, and she's happy. I know all she wants is for you and your Dad to be happy as well, so I promise you, I will do anything to earn your trust again"

Alexis was sitting across from her Dad and Kate, she didn't say a word, but simply moved over and pulled Kate into a hug, whispering "Just love him Kate, make him as happy as he's been for the last six weeks, and we're good. I talked to Mom and really what happened isn't any of my business."

Kate is shocked with the young lady's gesture of love and forgiveness, her tears began to fall, as Alexis continued,

"It was a tough time for everyone, especially you Kate, it's over and if you keep your promises to Dad, we are good, for real" as tears come to her eyes as well.

"Alexis, nothing is ever going to come between your Dad and I again, I already told him, where he goes, so do I. I don't need the job, the crazy drive for vengeance, not when it almost cost me the love of my life. No more, I promise you, Never Again."

"Do you mind if I ask for a favor, Kate, Dad?" Alexis said shyly

"What is it Alexis, what do you need Sweetie?"

"Can we call Remy's for a takeout order and have the limo pick it up, I'm dying for a decent Cheeseburger"

Kate and Rick both burst into laughter so hard tears were coming down their cheeks,

"Of course, we can, I missed them as well" Rick replied

The first night home with his love is starting out so much better than either Kate or Rick could have hoped for. It got better when Ashley came by early the next morning to take Alexis out for the day, the loft was empty and their opportunity to finally hold each other and catch up for lost time. Kate pulled out her little elephant and pressed his trunk, "Now show me Rick, I've thought of this moment for so long" Show her he did, it was even better than he could have dreamed, and she was right, he had no idea.

A/N This story took on a life of it's own, I'm marking it complete at this chapter BUT, will be following up with a Sequel, **I'll Still Be Loving You**, where Caskett begin their own life with a dinner date, the Remy's mentioned here will be used to set the stage for Rick and Kate. It's also where the results of the second book, Double Edge Justice and where Kate discovered where her famous writer has been over the last year.


End file.
